Chapter One

Dallas

Now

Not again! I ran to the bathroom, relieving myself for the fifth time today. I knew what this was. I knew it. I'd deal with it later. I was late for rounds and was already so far behind. Damn it, this would not look good. I waved to Beatrice—my favorite nurse on staff—and she ushered me toward the rest of my group.

"Dr. Whitaker, good to see you again. Will you be joining us for the rest of rounds?"

"Sorry, Dr. Pierce," I said, avoiding eye contact.

This was bad, not that I couldn't deal with getting called out in front of the other doctors. I just knew what frequent pee breaks meant. I had dirty dick disease! Damn it, of all the times to get a bladder infection! Josh would never hear the end of this, for sure. If only he would stop sexing me every day and give me a damn break. I couldn't hide my smile and knew he wasn't really to blame. Still, I was irritated, and I already felt the tugging of my bladder. Only fifteen more patients and I could go attempt to pee. I felt a small pang of guilt when I thought of last night in bed when Josh had practically begged me to move in with him. He had been trying so hard with me .

"Dally, please," he rasped out while lying on his side, sliding his manipulative fingers down my shoulder.

"My name is D-a-l-l-a-s. You know, like the city we live in? Find a new pet name. I hate that one," I barked, my hands clasped under my pillow.

"How about Lucifer?" he said without any humor in his voice, but I could hear the smile on his lips.

"Sounds much better than Dally," I said, adjusting my pillow and folding it in half just right so I felt supported. When I couldn't get comfortable, I gave it an all-out fit, pulling it out from under me and punching it a few good times. It was a peeve of mine.

"I love you, Dallas. Please talk to me. Why won't you move in?" He wrapped his arm around me, stroking my skin underneath my T-shirt.

"We've only been dating a year," I noted, my back still to him in a vain attempt to keep the conversation at bay.

"A year is long enough. I already know what a pain in the ass you are. Why won't you go all in with me?"

The hurt in his voice tugged on my heartstrings. As long as I stood my ground, I knew I would have a good chance at keeping the inevitable conversation away for just a bit longer.

"I'm not ready for it, Josh. Now hush. I need my sleep."

He pulled my arm around and flipped me so I was straddling him. His fearless blue eyes let me know he was intent on having this conversation.

"I'm going to die of sleep depravity," I bitched as he leaned up, grabbed my bottom lip with his teeth, and sucked it gently.

"And I know what a demon you can be. Look, Dally…Lucifer…" He grinned, and I returned it. "I love you. Please just move in. You already stay here practically every day, anyway." He gave me a hopeful look.

"Josh, I have this illusion of a grand gesture, and you're totally fucking it up for me." I sighed as he kept me planted where I was with his hands on my hips.

"Grand gesture?" he said, squeezing my hips as he ground his against me.

"Something over the top, you know?" I said, feeling the pull of what he was doing. "Never mind, I think I heard that in some movie." He paused, looking totally lost. I couldn't blame him. I had no idea what I was looking for, either. But what I did know is that my last few months with Josh have been a struggle. The connection was lacking, and I was fighting the loss of it. "Forget it. Look, it's a good idea in theory and would save us both some money. We get along well, and I am over here all the time. I gave you monogamy. Let it be enough for now, okay?"

His sexy smile told me I was off the hook, for now, but only with the conversation. "Okay, well, can I at least have a kiss goodnight?"

"Yep." I pecked his lips, and he quickly moved in, capturing my mouth, his intention clear.

"You've really got to stop this, Josh. You're a sick, sick man." I moaned and tilted my head back, enjoying the feel of him.

"I want you every minute of the day." His blue eyes bore into mine, and I was defenseless against them. I let him do whatever he wanted when he looked at me that way. It was the eyes that got me every time. He had the most beautiful dark blue eyes and long thick black lashes. It was incredible what they could do. His skin was porcelain perfection, and I couldn't help but touch every inch of his broad chest in appreciation. Josh was beautiful. I was a tall, leggy, longhaired brunette with green eyes and a nice smile. While I had my fair share of compliments, I was never really sure why I had his attention.

"I love you," he confessed, staring up at me as he slid my T-shirt over my head. "I love you," he repeated heavily beneath me as he stroked my face. I smiled at him as he came to meet my lips and whispered back, "I love you too, Josh. "

Still, as I said the words, I felt the same thing I'd always felt when I said the words back…guilt.

I walked into Mr. Carson's room and waited for his wife to end her phone conversation. I was making rounds with Dr. Pierce again this morning. Pierce was a grimy old bastard of a veteran who had horrible news for the Carsons. I stood and quietly watched Mrs. Carson fall apart at the diagnosis that her husband's cancer was back and inoperable. The light in her face went completely dark, and for the first time in years, I felt moisture on my cheeks.

What in the hell? I do not cry! I never cry!

I braved a glance at Dr. Pierce, who wasn't looking in my direction, as he explained the ins and outs of Mr. Carson's worsening condition. I quickly wiped the wetness from my face before excusing myself. I couldn't lose composure in front of patients! And I damn sure couldn't cry! What the hell was going on? I quickly walked to the nearest bathroom and washed my face. Having overslept again—something I rarely did—I'd not had time to put makeup on that morning, my exhaustion evident in the tiny bags under my eyes.

My my my, Dallas Whitaker, you look like shit . Okay, doc, what is going on? The flu? I have the flu!

I quickly walked to Dr. Pierce's side when he left the Carsons' room. I knew it was the worst possible time to approach him.

"Sir, I believe I'm sick."

"Oh, Dallas, what are your symptoms?"

"Fatigue, nausea, frequent urination, and I'm sleeping longer than normal."

"Better go get a urine test."

"Sir?"

"I can't believe I have to point this out to you, Dallas," he huffed in indignation as he walked away, his head down, his attention on his charts.

I stood in the middle of the hall and watched him, incredulous. He turned the corner and eyed me carefully in the hall, musing as the realization washed over me. My knees damn near buckled, and I felt sweat pool at the top of my head, then creep down my neck as fear swept through me.

Please, God, no!

"Just take the test, Dallas, but before you do, let's go see the rest of our patients." At the sound of his voice, I pulled myself together and quickly caught up to him to finish our rounds. He never once engaged me with prognosis questions. It was completely atypical of him, too. Usually, he would use this as an opportunity to really put his punishment skills to work. I still needed a constant chaperone starting as a second-year resident, but I had a hand in all departments until I decided my specialty. I would be starting a general practice in a few years and needed to get my feet wet anywhere and everywhere. I gave him a nod of thanks as we finished our day and quickly ran to my car. I had dinner with Mom and Dad tonight, and while normally I would be excited to see them, I was no longer looking forward to it. I buried my head in my hands, terrified at the possibility. No, no, no. This isn't how this is supposed to go. Josh was officially dead to me. I hated him and his dirty dick …

Bastard .

I would kill him if he ruined my career before it even started.

I could kiss my practice goodbye if I had to put my life on hold for a baby.

Baby.

Fear choked me, making it impossible not to think of how far I'd come. Against all odds, I had survived eight years of school, only to stifle my own career before it had even really begun .

I hadn't thought about the possibility of a family or anything related to some semblance of a personal life in years. I no longer had any desire to go that route at all. I closed my eyes, willing my waking nightmare away.

Baby.

More tears slipped from my face as I pushed them away with my fingers, willing my body to stop betraying me. I'd worked too hard to get to where I was. I tried in vain to shake off the blanket of dread that began to cover me and buckled my seat belt, both literally and figuratively.

Pulling up to my childhood home, I was thankful to see Rose's SUV. I hurried inside and saw Rose and my parents chatting at the kitchen table. I said a quick hello and ran upstairs to my old room, letting them know I would be right down. I grabbed the test and quickly emptied the two water bottles I'd just downed on the ride over onto the stick. I heard the bathroom door handle jiggle and then saw Rose before I had a chance to react.

"Rosie, get out!" Shrieking the words repeatedly didn't do a damn bit of good. True to her nature, my sister walked in and made herself at home against my protest.

"Oh, please. I've seen it all, and you—" She stopped, eyes wide as she picked up the test box and studied me.

"Dallas, why in the hell are you taking a pregnancy test?"

"Because I'm one hundred and fifty percent confident in my birth control, Rose. Why in the hell do you think I'm taking one?" I deadpanned.

"Oh, my God, Dallas, you're kidding me!"

I watched my sister hyperventilate as I grabbed the test and let out a long, loud breath. "Negative, thank God. No more sex, ever."

Rose, who was my favorite person on the earth, hugged me with her whole being while I was still on the toilet. Only Rose , I mused and hugged her back. She pulled away and crossed her arms. "Why would you do this at Mom and Dad's?"

"I was feeling sick earlier, and I thought maybe…I don't know. I had to know." Keeping my head down, I washed my hands as she eyed me. I didn't want to tell her how insanely terrified I was at the possibility of a baby.

"Would you have been happy if it had been positive?"

"No." I was quick with my answer. It came easily. "I don't even know if I want kids at all. That is so far away from now, as far as I'm concerned. We're so close to starting our practice. It would've been a disaster."

She glanced at me briefly as she tossed the test in the trash. "If it'd been positive, I would've started it. The practice will be ours, anyway," she said confidently.

I felt a pang of anger at the thought. "Rose, I want to be the one to start it, you know that. Besides, you have years before you'll be able to fully join me. It would delay everything."

"Did Josh know you were taking the test?"

"No, and I won't tell him. He has been pressuring me to move in, and now I'm even more convinced that I don't want to set up house." I sighed, holding my hands palms up in the air.

"Do you love him?" She looked up at me expectantly, and I couldn't help but notice the subtle changes in her features. Rose had gone from a tall, gangly ginger into a gorgeous, auburn, classic beauty. With a heart-shaped face and beautiful green eyes, she was by far the prettier of the two of us, at least in my opinion. I weighed her words about my affection for Josh.

"Not like that . I mean, not yet. We're good together. He's so worth it and treats me so well." It was the first time I'd actually admitted it to myself. "Rose, we are so close to our dream, and I almost screwed it up." I exhaled in relief.

"The hell you did. Listen, Dallas, I really like Josh and would've been thrilled to be an aunt. So, while I'm relieved for you, I'm also a bit disappointed. We've already given a ton of time and energy to our careers, and they'll be even more demanding when we open our practice. So, enjoy your personal life too, or before you know it, we'll be rich old maids with nothing to look forward to," she warned. I raised my brow in response. "Says the girl who hasn't dated in years."

"I'm still in med school. There's my excuse," she offered quickly, dropping the subject and turning to walk out of the bathroom.

"Oh, no you don't." I tugged her arm, stopping her retreat, so she was forced to face me. "You can't keep hiding behind your books or school, either, Rose. David doesn't deserve your faithfulness. It's time you broke the seal." David was Rose's first and only love. She had dated him all through her first four years of college. Personally, I couldn't stand him and told her every chance I got. It was no big surprise to me when he let her down in the worst way. Still, it was horrible watching her go through the breakup.

"Drop it, Dallas. I'm fine," she muttered, refusing to meet my eyes.

"He dates you for four years, doesn't bother to put a ring on it, and then cheats and marries six months later. Yeah, I'll drop it. I'm pretty sure your vagina's mourning period was over long ago."

"You are such a dude, Dallas," she said, shaking her head back and forth with a grin .

"No, I think like one. It's much easier, I promise," I reminded her. "Come on, let's quit this feelings fest. I'm starving."

We hurried downstairs to find my parents in their usual kitchen standoff. They were both in their sixties and acted absolutely nothing like the sexagenarians they were. I think that was what I loved about them most.

"Seth, stop it, damn you! This is a pan-seared fish, not flambé!" My mom shrieked as she shook her head at my dad, who was standing at the stove. She held out her hand for the spatula, which he refused to give. "Laura, I've got this! Go set the table or something."

She glared at his back as she continued. " I bought the shit to make it. I planned this dinner. Our babies probably desperately need a home-cooked meal, and you're burning it!"

"Baby, I love you, but would you please shut the hell up?" He chuckled, digging the spatula in the pan as he tried desperately to hide the fact that he couldn't separate the burnt fish from it enough to turn it over.

"Damn stubborn ass man, I swear I've never—" She spotted me at the foot of the stairs. "Dallas, come here, baby. Tell your dad the fish is burnt!"

"Hey, Daddy." I smiled at him as I walked over to glance over his shoulder at the fish he had so clearly burnt. "It's okay, really. I like my fish extra crispy."

"Hey, angel." He greeted me with his usual bear hug, then kissed my cheek. I had to rip myself out of his hug like always. My mom grabbed a couple of casserole dishes, set them on the table, and ushered for us to sit.

"Anything new going on with you two?" she questioned, looking between Rose and me.

"Five minutes ago, I thought I was pregnant with Josh's baby," I blurted out as my dad dropped the spatula on the kitchen floor, his mouth open in shock.

Great, Dallas, you have officially lost it.

My mom laughed loudly at my dad's reaction. "Seth, she's almost twenty-eight years old. I'm pretty sure that ship sailed years ago." My mom chuckled as she gave me the stink eye for being so forthcoming.

"Yeah, well, I thought you'd be more upset that I might've had a baby out of wedlock," I muttered carefully, still silently cursing my mouth.

It never failed. Whenever I was nervous about anything , I was instantly sarcastic about the situation. It had proved to be a nightmarish flaw over the years and was no less mortifying now. If all else failed, my brain was convinced sarcasm and denial were my best defense.

"When the hell did you or Rose ever do anything conventionally?" my dad pointed out as he picked the spatula up and walked to the sink to rinse it.

"So true," my mom said, eyeing me with a smile. "As a matter of fact, your dad and I placed a bet a year ago on which one of you would get pregnant first." My mom nodded at me, and my jaw dropped. "So you picked me, Mom?" I snapped, offended.

"And I was close, wasn't I?" she said with a wink and smiled at my dad.

"You chose me, Daddy!" Rose shrieked, now equally as irritated.

"Girls, please, you're both plenty old enough to have kids," my mom piped happily.

"What the hell is wrong with you people?" Rose said, eyeing us all. "That's not the way of things. It goes love, marriage, children," she huffed, scolding us all.

"Ah," my mom said, eyeing my dad. "So, you'll set the example for us all. Well, that's a relief," my mom added, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she added a few more casserole dishes to the table and gestured again for us to sit.

"Maybe I will," Rose said smartly, refusing to meet my mom's eyes. My mom was the complete definition of a liberal. She hated what the world considered ‘the norm'. She always encouraged us to live out loud and resist conformity when it was a bad idea. My dad, on the other hand, was a conservative man. They made for an interesting parenting combination, leaving Rose and I to muddle through their conflicting advice our entire lives. Still, somehow…it worked. I grinned between the two of them and could see the wheels turning at the idea of a grandchild. They would have been thrilled, both of them.

"Can we change the subject?" I begged, bored with the conversation. "Disaster averted."

"Babies are not a disaster. They're an absolute blessing," my mom said, grabbing my hand. Lowering my head as my mom said grace, I ignored the tugging feeling threatening me.

You have come too far, Dallas.

My mom spoke her following words with one eye open. "And Lord, if possible, I would love to be a grandmother sometime this century. Amen."

"I'm sure Dad will win the bet, Mom," I added, circling my fork around my burnt fish. "I have no interest in any of that."

"Don't you dare put that burden on me," Rose choked out through a sip of her water. "I don't need that right now, either."

"Lightning will strike for you one day, Dallas. You, too, Rose," my dad assured us.

"Lord, Dad, what are you harping on about now?" my brother Paul said, waltzing into the kitchen, all smiles with his wife Hilary by his side as he took turns hugging each of us. We all stood to exchange greetings with a shy Hilary, who gave us all warm smiles. She was 5'1" and one hundred pounds soaking wet with hazel eyes and classic features. She had worked hard to chip away at Paul's resolve to never settle down. But according to Paul, it took him ten minutes to fall in love with her.

"Your sisters just indirectly told us we would never be grandparents. For now, your bet is safe."

Paul smirked as he looked straight at me.

"Great, you too? Who did you bet on, Paul?" I asked, knowing I was the one he had wagered on.

"I had to weigh in, Dallas. I practically raised you with them." Paul was twelve years older than I was and fourteen older than Rose. He had done it all for us and with us. As far as big brothers went, Rose and I had been incredibly lucky. My brother was the spitting image of my dad with strawberry blond hair, striking jade green eyes, and fair skin. Their likeness was unmistakable.

"How's business, son?" My dad addressed my brother as he sat, eyeing the fish with distaste before loading his plate with sides.

"Great, Dad, but could you please come back a day this week and stomp Jose's ass? He won't listen to me again."

"It's all yours, my boy. He is the best foreman in the state of Texas, but he's a mean old bastard. You will just have to figure out a way."

"Seriously, Dad. I will fire him before I deal with him much longer," he said, forking some potatoes.

"No, you won't. You're too smart," my dad mused.

They gave each other a grin. My dad was immensely proud of his son for taking over his construction company. My dad had been the best architect in Dallas and still dabbled in designing buildings but had given his son the other half of the business when he retired. He now used all his free time to drive my mom insane. I watched my dad take my mom's hand, as he often did without noticing—but she did. She looked down at their hands and smiled at him while he surveyed the table.

"Why don't you harp on Paul about having kids?" I nudged my brother next to me. "He is old as dirt, married, and hasn't produced a Whitaker heir yet."

Hilary instantly froze, a wave of unease crossing her features. Paul gave me a weary look before spurting out, "All good things," and taking her hand to squeeze it tightly, then whispering softly into her ear. I seemed to be the only one to notice the exchange and made a point to ask him about it later.

"Mark my words. Lightning will strike you, dear daughters. There is no stopping it," my dad said confidently, eliciting a round of groans from me and my siblings.

After dinner, I watched my mom tie her hair up in her famous no-nonsense bun before clearing the table to start the dishes. Standing behind her, my dad plucked her perfectly tucked hair so it fell down around her shoulders. She looked back at him with annoyance until he swept her hair away from her neck and kissed it while he wrapped his arms around her, taking a dish from her hands and washing it for her. She smiled and leaned into him as he did the dishes with his arms around her. I heard him whisper to her, "I love you, baby."

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I heard Rose whisper next to me, just as mesmerized by my parents as I was.

"I can't even be sarcastic about them, Rose. How in the hell do you get it that good?"

"I don't know, Dallas, but I want it too," she whispered in a daze, watching them closely and with envy, the way she had her whole life. I knew that feeling because I had done the same.

I hugged my family goodbye with a promise to call my mom more often. I got in my car with a heavy heart—a familiar pain I'd grown used to. Long ago, there'd been a time that I was sure I'd found the same love my parents shared. A time when I was so na?ve that I believed that fairytale had a place in every person's life. A time when I would've welcomed a baby with open arms and coveted being a mom. It took years to finally convince myself that although what my parents had was genuine, they were the ones who were na?ve to think it could happen to everyone. I didn't have the heart to tell my baby sister it was a myth. I would just have to be there for her when she found out for herself.