Prologue

Emma

Is he really going to kiss me? Right here on Michaela Dawson’s patio, while the party is still booming inside? All the signs are there, at least if I’m to believe the countless books I’ve read and the movies I’ve watched. His eyes light up with more intensity than usual, he moves in closer to me, and his gaze drops from my eyes to my lips.

Just when I begin to think I’m delusional, and there’s no way Auston Buckley would ever kiss me when he can have any girl at Kinston High, his face inches closer, and our lips connect. It’s a soft kiss, our mouths barely touching. Like a prologue kiss. And I’ve never wanted to skip to the end so badly.

Still, my first kiss far surpasses my expectations. I thought it would be awkward, and possibly even a little gross. But Auston Buckley doesn’t do gross. Or awkward.

He’s soft and strong, and as his lips brush against mine, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Because I am.

“Wow. I can’t believe you let me kiss you,” he says, pressing his lips together as he takes a step back. I almost moan at the loss of contact. He can’t just kiss me and then step away. That’s not fair.

“I can’t believe you wanted to,” I whisper.

“Emma, I’ve been wanting this since our first tutoring session.”

I frown, and his expression falls, stuck between a smile and a grimace. Then, I do something I never thought I was capable of. I take Auston’s hand and give him another kiss on the lips.

I, Emma Sterling, just kissed a guy—again. And not just any guy. Like in every teenage movie ever made, Auston and I don’t fit. He’s the handsome football jock with brown hair and chocolate eyes who everyone adores, and I’m the skinny, nerdy girl who spends most of her time alone. Not that I mind it. I thought this year would be hard with my best friend Jan moving away, but I’ve found a new friend—and possibly boyfriend. I never thought he’d see me as more than a study partner.

Auston’s phone rings in his pocket, and he checks the screen. “It’s my mom. I have to go. It’s already past my curfew, and you know how she is.”

I nod, trying to hide the needle of disappointment that’s stinging my heart. I wish this night would never end. But unlike my own parents, Auston’s mom is a huge worry wart, and I don’t want him to get in trouble. Plus, I can’t wait to get home and tell Mom he kissed me. Hopefully, she and Dad are back from their date already. She was so sure Auston was into me, but I couldn’t believe it—and didn’t want to jinx it.

“But we’re still on for our study session tomorrow at your house, right?” he asks, his enigmatic brown eyes trapping mine.

I offer a bright smile. “Of course.”

“Great.” He takes my hand, sending shivers through my entire body. “I’ll bring the KitKats.”

“And I’ll have the coffee ready,” I say as he draws me toward him. He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. Then, without warning, Auston Buckley kisses me again. This time, it’s a longer, deeper kiss. A proper goodbye kiss. And just like that, everything vanishes around me. I might as well be soaring above the clouds. I’ve never felt so light and happy in my sixteen years on this planet.

Though my parents aren’t back yet, I’m still on cloud nine when I slip through my front door. As I brush my teeth and get ready for bed, a myriad of possibilities flash before my eyes. How I’ll feel tomorrow when I see him again. The two of us holding hands at school. Heck, why not even prom? I’d definitely put aside all my preconceived notions about the infamous event if it meant going with Auston Buckley. We’ve known each other for a while, but we only really started interacting this year, when I was appointed his math tutor. I was already having to pinch myself a few times a day as our friendship blossomed. And now, this. Whatever this is. But definitely not just friends. It’s a lot better. A lot happier.

I slip into my bed, and the dream continues to play out vividly in my head. Auston picking me up for prom with a corsage, looking spectacular in a tuxedo. Me wearing a long dress—pink, maybe—my black hair styled in a fancy updo. So many feelings mingle in my chest, but the sensation of floating on air overrides them all, because that’s what Auston Buckley can do to you with a single look. And now, with a kiss, I’m not just floating. I’m flying high in the sky.

“Wake up. Wake up!”

My body shakes, and the vision of Auston and me dancing at prom threatens to rip away from me. I try my best to hang on, but within a matter of seconds, it’s gone.

“Emma,” Grandma blurts. She’s standing next to my bed, her hair disheveled, her coat still on.

“Grandma? What are you—”

Her face falls, and she sits on the edge of my bed. “Oh, Emma.”

My heart quickens as I bolt upright. What’s going on? Is she crying?

Grandma’s lips bobble as she clenches her eyes shut, tears rolling down her cheeks. “There’s been an accident.”

I’ve barely uttered a word today. What is there to say? Grandma has been on the phone all morning, making funeral arrangements, and I don’t know what to do with myself. How do you press forward after losing the most important people in your life? How do you go on when your entire world is collapsing around you, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it? My chest feels like it’s just been crushed under a ton of bricks, and I don’t know if I’ll ever breathe normally again.

Everywhere I look, I see reminders of my parents. Pictures we took together. My dad’s rain boots by the entrance for when he goes fishing. My mom’s perfume lingering in the air. It’s almost like they’re still here. Nothing has changed. But that’s the biggest lie ever told, because nothing will ever be the same again. I wish they had stayed home last night, that they hadn’t taken that taxi. My dad was a careful driver, but my parents always opted for cabs if they were planning to drink at dinner. Maybe Dad would have been able to swerve around the drunk driver who ran that red light.

The doorbell rings, and my chest tightens further. I’m praying it’s not another neighbor coming to offer their condolences and a casserole. What’s up with people bringing you food when someone dies? We already have enough meals for a week.

Bracing myself, I open the door. But it’s not a neighbor standing on my doorstep. It’s Auston. He must have heard the news. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him yet. It would have made it too real.

One look at him, and I’m crying my eyes out again. He wraps me in his strong arms, holding me tight.

“Emma,” he murmurs against my hair as he rubs a comforting hand over my back. “What’s wrong?”

Scrunching my eyebrows, I muster all my strength to pull back and face him. I guess he hasn’t heard. Suddenly, the clock in the entrance tolls. It’s two o’clock. He’s just here for our study session. “You really don’t know?”

His eyes widen in panic as he studies my face. Then, he shakes his head. “No, tell me. What happened?”

“My parents,” I say, but it comes out strangled. “They got in a car acc—”

I can’t bring myself to finish my thought and instead burst into tears, finding comfort in Auston’s embrace again.

“Oh, Emma,” he breathes, holding me tight. “I’m so sorry.”

I don’t know how long I stay in his arms, but it helps—a little. As I focus on the smell of his cologne and the strength of his arms around my shoulders, I don’t feel so lost and alone anymore.

“Will you come with me to the funeral?” I mumble against his chest, not ready to let go yet.

“Um,” he begins, and I can hear him swallowing hard. “Emma, I’m so sorry. I can’t.”

A few seconds tick by before his words register in my brain. I lean back, still secure in his arms as I stare at him.

“That’s actually why I came. I know it’s really bad timing.” He glances away, twisting his mouth. “Emma, I have to leave.”

Frowning, I break from his hold and take a step back. “Leave? Where are you going?”

He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I got the part in that sitcom I auditioned for last month. Their first choice didn’t work out. So we’re moving to LA. They want me there as soon as possible. My mom is in the car waiting.”

“What? No, you can’t leave me now,” I plead, my voice breaking.

“I’m so sorry. About this. And your parents.” He rubs his arm, his gaze falling. “I hope we can stay friends, but right now, I have to go. I have no choice. I’ll be just a phone call away, I promise.”

He looks genuinely sorry—I can see it in his eyes—but I still want to tear him apart. Who cares about some stupid career right now? My life is in shambles. I have no one left, and now Auston is leaving me too.

I guess what they say in books and movies is true. Pretty boys will break your heart worse than anyone else. And you should stay away from them at all costs.