22. Marina

CHAPTER 22

MARINA

TEN DAYS LATER

H onestly, I'm kind of bored by not having to work. I mean, it's incredible knowing I can order food and get a cleaner and a babysitter, and treat myself to daily little snacks in the grocery store that I usually save for special occasions. But now I don't have to worry, it's like a huge space in my mind has opened up — one that was being filled with spreadsheets and expenses, daycare costs and bills, and all of that stuff.

For the first time in a long time, I have everything I could possibly need. And yet somehow it still feels kind of empty.

It hasn't helped that Ellis has been ignoring me for weeks. I'm trying not to appear too pushy. But it was his idea to go out in the first place.

If he really does want to be done with me, I wish he would just say so. It would spare us both a lot of misery.

There's a small café next to his office, and finally yesterday he invited me for a coffee there. Apparently, he's been very busy lately, which is why he hasn't had time to come and meet me. I'm meeting up with him on his lunch break because that's the only time he could possibly come and see me, all things considered.

I think it's a bit rich for him to say that, considering he's spent three weeks ignoring me completely. But I've still made an effort to look nice and, despite myself, I'm quite excited to see him.

I have no doubt that he's been busy. I just wish he'd messaged me at least once about it. I almost gave up on him altogether.

We're supposed to be meeting at midday, and even though I arrive a couple of minutes late, he's still not here. Better that way, really. It gives me time to catch my breath.

I stand and linger near the door, wanting to wait for him before I let someone come over and hassle me into sitting down. It feels like I've been waiting forever, but it must only be a few minutes. It's still enough time to pick up my phone and put it away again half a dozen times.

Since the show started airing, I keep getting all these spam calls and messages, and I can't use social media at all anymore. Everyone wants a piece of me, and I'm not willing to give it.

Finally, Ellis rushes into the café, breaking into a smile when he sees me, dropping his act of total professionalism.

Despite myself, I feel a rush of relief on seeing him. Part of me wanted to be angry with him for being so cruel and ignoring me this whole time. But the fact is, whatever feelings I had for him during filming haven't gone anywhere.

"Hello, Marina," he says, approaching but staying at arm's length. "How are you?"

"Good," I smile. "I missed you."

"Yes," he says in that stifled way he always says things when he's faced with emotions. I hold my breath, waiting for an apology that isn't going to come, and still manage to find myself disappointed when it doesn't. "Let's get a table, yeah?"

I don't know why he's being so cold and businesslike, but I guess this is his CEO personality coming back to the fore.

"Okay," I say. A waitress comes over to give us some menus, and I start looking over mine. Ellis doesn't touch his. I give it a pointed glance, and say, "I thought we were here for lunch."

"Yes, lunch," he says absently. "To thank you for the show again."

"Right," I say. It's like a switch has been turned off and suddenly he's no longer the Ellis I had been working so hard to break through to. There's no smile, no warmth, no nothing. Just the cold asshole I met on that first day when I interviewed with him.

"Is this why you've been ignoring me?" I ask.

"What?" he says like he doesn't understand, and suddenly it infuriates me, this playing-dumb thing he does when he doesn't want to talk about something.

Everything I had found charming about him last month is like another reason he's riling me up now. It's like he's doing it on purpose to push me away.

"Is it? You've been ignoring me because it was always about the show? You haven't responded to a single one of my messages because I didn't mean that much to you in the first place?"

He blinks at me, dumbfounded. "No, of course not. I've been busy. Like I said. Do you know how much paperwork producing TV leaves you with?"

"No," I mumble, suddenly embarrassed for my outburst. If he didn't care, he wouldn't be here.

Right?

I take a deep breath and try to smile. "So, how have you been?"

"Busy," he says again.

"Happy with the show?"

"Very."

"They did a really good job, didn't they?"

"Yes."

Under the table, I clench my fists. This is what I'm reduced to? One-word answers in a meaningless conversation? I can't think of anything else to say, so I don't, and we sit in awkward silence for a while.

Eventually, he realizes we're meant to be here to eat, and says, "Get whatever you want. It's on me."

"You don't need to do that," I say.

"It's a thank-you lunch. I have to buy it."

I bite my tongue to stop myself saying, I don't want a thank-you or a pity meal. I want you .

"Actually," he says, seeming to perk up. I breathe out. Finally, maybe he's remembering what he's here for.

He seems to have a knack for this, for stringing me along, making me confused about what he really thinks or wants, but then revealing himself to be tender and caring after all. The fantasy I had been having about this lunch was never how it was going to go.

I had been imagining flowers, a kiss on the cheek, a compliment. All the things I would call romantic. And from anyone else, I'd probably have received all that, but by now I should know, Ellis isn't like that. Of course he was going to be dumb and awkward about this. He's barely a romantic at all.

It's part of his charm.

"Before I forget, I have something for you." He reaches for his bag, and my heart flips in my chest. Stupid me, making all this fuss. He does care. Enough to get me a gift, anyway.

Or at least that's what I think until he pulls out a thin piece of paper and slides it across the table.

I stare at it. "What's this?"

"A check," he says, like I'm stupid.

I stare at it for a long second. My face heats up as I try to comprehend what's going on.

A check? So much for romance, the Ellis way or not.

"I can see that!" I say. "What's it for?" The floor starts crumbling underneath me as my mind spirals, making me feel like I'm falling into a deep, dark abyss. Was all this about business after all?

"You. It's the last of what I owe you, for the show. It should cover any royalties we get for it, but if we get more I'm happy to spilt more profits with you?—"

I cut him off. "Really?"

"Yes, really."

"No, I mean, are you serious? This is what you're giving me? After three weeks of nothing?"

"I don't understand," he says with that once-endearing crinkle of confusion. "I'm giving you money."

"Oh, my God, Ellis!" I snap, unable to hold back the anger anymore. "You don't understand people at all, do you? I didn't want to come here for lunch or for money. I came here to see you . Because I thought we were building something together. I thought that finally I'd broken through to the human being inside you who could actually care about other people."

He gawps at me, his eyes wide in surprise, and I can feel my own stinging with bitter tears. He says nothing, so I continue, the words spilling out of me like lava.

"When we were filming, you made me feel so special. I thought we had a connection. I thought I meant something to you. But clearly, you haven't had a single thought of me in three weeks. Every day, I've been waiting for you, and you just don't want to know, do you? I'm sorry I ever got involved."

I jump to my feet, my chair scraping across the floor like it's about to fall, and I snatch up the check. If I was being really dramatic, I'd throw it back in his face, and it's not like I truly need it anymore, but I take it anyway. I don't want him to take anything else from me today.

"You know what?" I spit as I scramble to get my bag. "Screw you. Thanks for the money. You've given me and my daughter a great life, and I'm grateful for that. But don't think you're going to hear from me again. You will never see me or Lila again, I swear."

I'm certain that everyone's eyes are on us now, but I'm too upset to care. So what if they recognize me and think I'm Ellis's crazy wife? So what if they start throwing rumors around that he's paid me to be on the show? It's not like it's a lie.

And hey, it's just like he said — no publicity is bad publicity.

The worst part of all this is his face. I can cope with the rejection, but what I can't stand is how cold he's being.

He sits and stares dumbfounded at me, like he can't fully believe what he's hearing. I want to say something witty or cutting but I can't think of anything. I'm too angry and my mind is too blank. This isn't a show. I don't have a script.

All I have is my life, and whatever tatters I have left of my heart.

I glare at him one last time then turn on my heel and storm out, letting him sit there and stew as he watches me leave. I don't even glance back.