12. Marina

CHAPTER 12

MARINA

W e show up nice and early the next day, and finally the crew gets some of the candid shots they wanted before — ones of Ellis and me going about our pretend daily business as if we really are in a long-term relationship.

It feels more comfortable than yesterday somehow, like we've finally understood the assignment and figured out how to act it.

I'm starting to think about lunch when the director comes up to us and says, "All right, so we want to go through the bedtime routine."

"But it's only midday," I say.

"Yes, it's called acting ," says Simon, patronizing me far more than I think he has any right to.

It makes me just grumpy enough to dig my heels in. "Lila will be confused for later if we do this now. I want her to be able to sleep tonight."

"Yes," sneers Simon, looking at me like I'm a speck of dust, "but the guys don't want to stay until seven. So we're going to do this now, all right?"

No amount of arguing is going to change anything, so I decide not to waste any more energy on it. "Fine. Whatever."

Beside me, Ellis bristles, squaring his shoulders and taking a deep breath. For a second, it looks like he's about to slap the director, but instead he lets his breath out, pursing his lips as he tries to calm himself down.

Would he really have jumped to my defense like that? Or am I just imagining a world where he cares about me?

I take Ellis to one side and run him through the bedtime routine. For the sake of the cameras, I want to do things properly, and if I have to confuse Lila like this, I want her to at least sleep well for a while. There's only so much going to bed in the middle of the day that I think she'll be able to handle.

He nods attentively as I tell him that we'll bathe her and then read her a story until she falls asleep. She refuses to settle without a story. Even at this age, she knows what the proper routine should be.

We all make our way into the bathroom, followed by the crew. Simon has that expressionless face again, the one that seems to always be telling us we're doing something wrong. I'm learning to just ignore it.

The second Lila sees Ellis's giant tub, she starts wiggling around in excitement. Fortunately for me, she loves bath time. At least that's one thing that makes my life easier. She's already difficult enough with her sleeping, without more complications.

But her wiggling is almost too excitable, and she starts trying to get free of my arms. I don't want to drop her, but I don't want her to crawl around on the bathroom floor either.

"Ellis, can you come entertain Lila for a second?" I ask, not expecting great things from him.

To my shock and relief, he swoops right over, takes her carefully from me and sits on the floor beside me, rocking back and forth to soothe her.

I lean over the bath, turning away from them for a second to run the water. The tub fills quickly, and I swirl in my hand in the water to make sure it doesn't get too hot.

Meanwhile, Ellis is bouncing Lila around and she's grinning like she's having the time of her life. "Now, Lila," he says. I still find it amusing how he has full conversations with a baby who can't say a single word. "What's your favorite bath toy? I'm sure you play with toys in the bath."

She holds out her arms in a way that doesn't mean anything, but Ellis decides to interpret it anyway. "Ah, airplanes. They're fun, but the thing about airplanes is they're not usually designed for baths. Airplanes go through the sky. Well, usually. They go in the sky except for the ones that go on water. They're called seaplanes."

I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. Lila stares up at Ellis, grinning, not understanding a single word.

"Your daddy used to own a seaplane, you know, but the maintenance was very expensive because the sea is made of salty water and that rusts all the things planes are made of very quickly. Meaning you have to spend lots and lots of money fixing it all the time. And Daddy didn't like that very much."

I swallow a lump in my throat at Ellis calling himself that. It's just for the cameras, whose shining lenses are staring at us every second, but it still aches to know she will never have a father.

He doesn't really mean it. But there's something so sweet about the way he's sitting here on the floor with her, monologuing and grinning.

The team was right about that. This show is going to give everyone a totally new side of Ellis.

"Okay," I say, turning off the tap. "It's ready."

Lila claps her hands as I lift her into the bath, and immediately she splashes bubbly water at Ellis. I wince, half expecting him to go crazy over it, but instead he chuckles.

"Do you want to wash her hair?" I ask him. He gives me what I can only describe as a panicked look, and I smile at him. "Just be gentle."

He shuffles over to kneel next to me, and as soon as he leans over the bath, Lila splashes him again. This clearly activates some sort of instinct in him, because he splashes gently back at her until they're both playing in the water, giggling and getting water all over the room.

I sit back and watch it happen. He even manages to do a decent job of washing her hair.

By the time we pull her out and start toweling her down, Lila is squealing with joy. If it was really bedtime, I'd be concerned about her being too excited to sleep, but as it is, for the first time in months, I feel a great weight start to loosen from my shoulders.

All this time, I've been completely on my own with her. Now, for the first time since she was born, I'm seeing what having someone else in her life could feel like.

Lila starts yawning as if she's ready for bed, and in fairness to her, she should be. She grabs at my shirt as I lift her into my arms. At least will this all look convincing, I guess. But it also means she's going to be up all night now, so I won't get any sleep.

I cuddle her close to me as I carry her through to the nursery and do my best to hold on to the reason why I'm doing all of this. It's not like getting no sleep is a new concept to me.

I do have a baby, after all.

Gently, I get Lila into her pajamas and lay her down in the crib. "Would you like your daddy to read your story?" I ask her, catching myself falling into our act.

Somehow, calling Ellis her father doesn't stick in my throat as much as it should.

Ellis looks over at me curiously, and I beckon him across, handing him one of Lila's books. "Just start at the beginning. It's not like she knows any difference."

He gives me a look as if he's trying to say well, she might , and what I want to say to him is, y ou really have no understanding of how little a baby knows about the world, do you? But I don't.

It's not worth a fight.

Ellis settles beside the crib and opens the book up to the first page. He clears his throat, takes a breath, and starts to read.

My mouth drops open in astonishment when he starts to do the voices of woodland creatures in the story. "Please, Mr. Toad," he squeaks as the little brown mouse. "Let us in. We're very hungry. Can we have some food?"

"No!" booms Mr. Toad. "You will not come in."

It's one of those cute little stories about animals in a forest with the moral ending of "be nice to people," and "share with others," and all those other things you need to teach small children. It's one of my favorites to read because it's not too gooey, but it is sweet.

And it's bringing out the side of Ellis that likes to do improv.

All I can do is watch in delight.

"The End," he says at last, closing the book, looking like he's about to yawn himself. "I hope you enjoyed it." He leans in and brushes his thumb over Lila's forehead. "Sleep well."

He tucks the blanket over her and stands up, so lost in his joy at looking after my child that he smiles broadly at me, his eyes warm and gentle and kind. He looks so caring that I could almost reach out and take his hand.

I could almost believe we really were lovers.

And as we leave the room, I have an uncomfortable weight in my stomach that's trying to tell me that I wish we were. Almost.