8. Marco

CHAPTER 8

MARCO

I had maybe a second to react when it happened.

We were down to our last stretch, six laps to go, and some dick inside-tracked me coming up on the curve. I didn't see how he lost control, but he swung ahead of me and just kept swinging. He spun, skidded sidewise, right in my face. My options played out all at once in my head: scrape down the barrier. Get slammed from behind. Wait a split second, almost too late, and squirt through the space opened up by his spin.

The barrier was the safe choice, but I clenched my jaw. Waited. His tail swung aside and I shot through the gap, his grill nearly hitting me as he spun back around. I heard tearing steel, tortured tires squealing, a bang, then another bang, and none of it touched me. I was clear. I was safe, burning clean down the track.

I glimpsed chaos in my rearview, fire, a collision, and slowed for the yellow flag, breathing hard through my nose. My head was still sorting through what had just happened, two or three seconds that felt like an hour. An hour going hard on the weights at the gym, sweat down my back and pooled in my kneepits. I was drenched in it, grip white on the wheel. My body felt drained, my head full of mush, a weird, piercing note ringing high in my ears.

We ran through a slow lap while they cleared the track, no passing, no speeding, just holding in place. I didn't try to check out the fallout. Knowing how bad it was would mess with my head. My mind tried to wander to what Eve must be thinking, but I couldn't go there. Not on the track. Distraction meant death out here, wrecks, twisted metal. I focused instead on the tide of my breathing, in and out slow. In. Out. In. Out. The sweat cooled on my back and I got the shakes. I tensed at first, then relaxed through them.

Then we were off again, into our last stretch. I dropped into drive mode, running on instinct, and the laps streamed by, and then we were done. I had to sit for a moment in the cave of my car, till I was sure my legs would support me. I knew from experience shock could hit late, lying in wait in the back of your head. Then, out of nowhere, bam, there it was. Your knees went out from under you and down you went. I wouldn't have minded, just for myself. My ego wasn't so fragile it'd crack from the strain. But I couldn't let Eve see me that way. So I sat breathing a little while longer, then I got out. I pulled off my helmet and fresh air rushed in. It hit me I didn't know, had I won?

I got through the next part in sort of a daze — I had won, and cameras flashed in my face. Microphones crowded in, and I said… something. I smiled and I waved for no one at all, for some unseen public, for my mamma back home. Then Eve came running and broke through the press, and climbed up beside me, and fell into my arms. I could feel her trembling, and I held her close. She was patting me down like a cop at a road stop, touching me all over. Checking for damage.

"I'm fine," I said, but she didn't hear me. The crowd was too loud, the fans, the reporters. She groped around under my tight driving jacket. Jerked her hands out to examine her palms. I flung out my arm to push the cameras off us.

"I'm just sweating," I said. "It's fine. It's not blood."

She stared at her hands like she couldn't believe it. I put my arms around her to shield her from the crowd.

"I couldn't see if he hit you." She pressed her cheek to my chest. "It was so fast, so violent, I couldn't see…"

"Shh." I pulled off one glove to run my hand through her hair. "He'd never have hit me. Nobody would. What you've got to realize is, I'm psychic out there. I see everything happening before it does. Everything that's about to?—"

A bouquet came flying straight at Eve's head. I caught it one-handed and held it up, grinning.

"See, what'd I tell you? Godly reflexes."

She laughed, thin and shaky. "Well, your ego's intact."

"And so's the rest of me. Like I said, psychic."

Eve slapped me lightly, across my chest. "Fine, Madame Mushka. What's on my mind now?"

"I'm not that kind of psychic, but let me see." I made a show of rubbing one temple, my other arm still protectively around her. She was still shaking, still pale with shock. I rubbed her arms to get her blood flowing.

"You're thinking this sucks," I said. "This racket, this noise. You're thinking we need to go somewhere quiet, somewhere they might serve us dinner and drinks."

She snorted. "Okay. Maybe you are psychic."

"I told you I am. Come on. Let's go." I hustled her out of there quick as I could, not even stopping to shower or get changed. We drove around, aimless, while she caught her breath. Eve never took her hand off my knee, and slowly, I felt her trembling subside.

"There's a Lebanese place just up ahead. At least, there was, last time I raced here. They have the best comfort food, if you want to try there."

Eve nodded, jerky. "Yeah. That sounds good."

I parked on the street outside the restaurant. We headed inside and found a quiet table, and I ordered kibbeh. Eve got the falafel platter and a glass of white wine. She drained half her wine as soon as it arrived, then sat and poked at her pickled veggies.

"You don't have to come again."

She looked up. "What?"

"You don't have to come again to watch me race. Accidents happen, so if that upsets you?—"

"No. I'll still come." She speared a potato. "It was a shock today. I won't deny that. But you love it, don't you? Wreckage and all?"

"I wouldn't go that far. I don't love the wreckage. But there is, yeah, there's something…" I eyed the checked tablecloth, trying to find the words. My English was good — I'd learned it young — but it was a blunt language. Cool and hard-edged. It didn't go well with how I felt about racing. "I love that it's dangerous. I won't deny that. But I'm not out there, you know… courting death. I don't want to get hurt, or see anyone else hurt. It's just, there's a thrill when I'm riding that edge. Coming up on disaster and skating away. It's a high like no other, those critical seconds. Those moments in the balance, where it's all on the line." I stopped. Eve was staring. "Did that sound pretentious?"

She laughed. Shook her head. "No. Just honest. I wasn't expecting that kind of depth."

"It's not that deep," I said. "It's just a feeling. Powerful, you know? It's not even about winning when I'm in the zone. I mean, yeah, it's obviously — winning's important. The money's important, to save for the future. But in the thick of the race, it's more than that. It's this sense of being my personal best. The best I've ever been. There's nothing else like it."

Eve nodded slowly. "Powerful," she said. "Like you're doing what you're meant to do? What you were made for?"

I lit up. "You get it. Exactly right. It's this feeling like… like?—"

"Coming home, almost?"

"Coming home, yeah. Coming into myself." I leaned over the table, curiosity piqued. "The way you're talking, you must've felt it as well. You must have something, uh?—"

I broke off abruptly. Eve was staring past me. I twisted around to see what had caught her eye, and a camera flashed in my face through the window. Somehow, we'd been spotted. My car, most likely. Should've found a better parking spot. Somewhere discreet.

"Go on," I yelled. "We're trying to eat."

A boom mic bumped the window. Eve jerked away.

"Let's get out of here," I said. "We can take this to go."

I waved the waiter over. He bagged up our food. I asked if there was a back way he could let us sneak out, and he hustled us out through the kitchen. But the press had foreseen our back-door escape, and they were waiting when the fire door swung shut. We were locked out with them, trapped in the alley, cameras popping off all around. Eve was smiling a frozen smile on autopilot. I scowled. Threw some elbows.

"Back off, come on."

The sea of mics parted to let us pass through, but the questions kept coming, the lights in our eyes.

"Marco! How do you feel after today's race?"

"This is the fourth race you've been seen at together. Would you say you're an item now? An official couple?"

One of the news cams swung up in Eve's face. "How did you feel today, watching the crash? Did you know one of the drivers broke both his legs?"

Eve recoiled from the cameras, but they pressed in around her. She opened her mouth, closed it, and shook her head. I thrust my arm in front of her.

"Leave her alone."

"But the crash! Were you scared? Did you think it was Marco?"

Eve blinked like a rabbit in the headlights. I smacked a mic away and two more thrust in. Eve grabbed one of them and clutched it to her chest.

"Of course I was scared," she said. "Who wouldn't be?" Her eyes flicked to me, then back to the cameras. "Those race cars weigh, what? Fifteen hundred kilos? You get hit by that, you're in it when it rolls over…" She shuddered all over and looked away. "I worry about Marco. Of course I do. But this is his passion, and I admire that."

"So you won't try to stop him? Get him to quit?"

"Eve! Over here!"

"Will you be at his next race?"

She passed back the mic that she'd been clutching. "We're done here," she said. "But I'll say this: a lot of life's scary. It's a wild ride. But a thing can be scary and still be worth doing. It can be dangerous and still be great. Marco's the best driver I've seen. I'll support him in that as long as he wants to do it."

I liked Eve's answer, her fire, her conviction. But I didn't like the way her voice cracked and shook, the way she trembled against me when I pulled her close. When the cameras surged in again, I shoved them back.

"You heard the lady. We've answered your questions. Now, it's been a long day for us. We need to get back."

"Marco, wait!"

"Eve!"

I shouldered my way through the jostling crowd, shielding Eve with my body as best I could. I couldn't wait to be with her, just us alone. Couldn't wait to be holding her, soothing her fears. Then I was doing what I did best, driving us out of there. Peeling out fast. And Eve was laughing beside me, sweet, unrestrained. Laughing with relief and the joy of speed, and I loved that she trusted me. That in my car, she felt safe. My chest swelled with pride, and the need to protect her.

I'm here.

I'm with you.

I'll keep you safe.