12. Marco

CHAPTER 12

MARCO

T he next stop on my tour was Barcelona, and we set off at the first light of dawn. I'd thought Eve would fly and meet me down there, but this time, she said she felt like a drive.

"We could take turns," she said, as we loaded her bags. "Or, wait, don't tell me you're one of those guys."

"What guys?"

"Those caveman guys, like I do the driving ." She dropped her voice to a growl to show what she meant.

"Those guys are just scared. Can't give up control." I pounded my chest like a lowland gorilla. "I'm a real man, so you can drive if you want."

"You take the first shift. I'm still half-asleep."

She dozed most of the way south out of France, only reviving as the sun climbed the sky. My phone buzzed as she woke, and we both glanced at it, then we both looked away, and the atmosphere got awkward. It wasn't tits this time, or even a woman, but I flashed back to that moment, and I saw Eve tense too. Then she laughed at nothing and shifted in her seat.

"Pull over," she said. "Let me drive awhile."

I switched off my phone when we switched places. It occurred to me I had no idea what kind of driver Eve was. I doubted she drove much. People like her were driven, mostly in limos.

"You are nervous," she said, as I got in.

"What? No, I'm not."

"Don't worry. I'm fine. Now, what does this do?" She waggled the stick. I rolled my eyes. I wasn't nervous, not really. I'd restored this car from a junker, and I could do it again. If she scratched it or dinged it, it'd just be a project.

She pulled out smoothly, not a jerk or a hitch. The road was quiet this time of day, but she kept to the speed limit, cruising easy. A lot of people tried to impress me by going too fast — hey, check me out. I can speed too! Eve didn't do that. She kept her eyes on the road.

"I like driving," she said.

"Yeah. I can tell."

"It's relaxing on a day like this, with the road to yourself. I do some of my best thinking driving around France."

"Is that how you found the club from last night?"

She smiled. "Yeah, it was. But it was my sister's idea. She said I should try it to get my feet wet, find some little place no one would know me. She meant more like an improv group or community theater, but when I picture myself acting, it's always something funny. So a comedy club— Oh, shit. What's that?"

I squinted up ahead, where she was looking. Around the next curve, the road arrowed south, a long, straight shot stretching for miles. A haze shimmered over the southern horizon, reflecting the backs of a line of parked cars.

Eve swore. "An accident."

"Can you see it?"

"No, but why else would they be backed up this way?"

She pulled up at the end of the long traffic jam, and seeing people out of their cars, we got out as well. Eve called to a woman two cars up from ours.

"Hey, you know what's happening?"

The woman glanced over. "Yeah, it's a wreck. Two trucks in the road, one on top of the other. We're not going anywhere till they're cleared out."

I rose up on tiptoes, trying to see. "We can't get around?"

"There's trees in the way. Well, trees on one side and rocks on the other. There's no room to pass them. You'll have to wait."

I looked at Eve and saw she was smiling. I nudged her.

"Something funny?"

"Not funny, no." She looked out at the fields and the forest beyond them, the rolling green country and the summer-blue sky. "It's a nice day," she said. "I brought food. Lemonade. I can think of worse things than an impromptu picnic. Let's walk up a bit and see the situation, then we'll come back here and have a bite."

Seeing her smile, my frustration melted. We walked hand in hand up the line of parked cars. Some of the drivers were on their phones, others out waving theirs, looking for signals. One man was yelling into his headset, pacing up and down the shoulder, red in the face. He scowled when he saw us, and I steered us around him. A few cars beyond his, Eve stopped in her tracks. I stopped as well. I'd seen what she'd seen.

"Not good," she said.

One truck had skidded and landed on its side, with its long trailer stretched across the road. The other had slammed into it, and its back had burst open. Couches and tables had come spilling out and tumbled everywhere. One of the drivers was trying to right them, fixing their plastic sheeting, checking for damage. The other was slumped with his head in his hands, shoulders hunched up, the picture of despair.

"At least they're not hurt," I said. "I should call my agent. I'm supposed to meet him today, but I don't think I'll make it."

Eve's lips went tight as I pulled out my phone. She turned away to hide it, and I felt guilty. Technically, I hadn't done anything wrong, but I still felt… unworthy. Like she'd glimpsed my real self, and he'd let her down. I'd known from the start she'd never want me long-term, but now I kept thinking, what if she was right? What if women like her didn't snub me for my background, or for my lack of royal pedigree? What if it was simpler? If it was just me? She deserved a real grown-up, someone smooth. Dignified. Someone whose past wouldn't invite itself to dinner.

My agent didn't answer, so I left him a message. By the time I got through, Eve was on her phone, letting our hotel know we were still coming. I'd never have thought of that. Immature, that was me. That was Rafael, too, the way he'd run off. I was no better than he was, at least not for Eve.

She frowned. "You okay?"

I jumped a little. I'd got so lost in thought I hadn't seen her hang up. "Yeah, fine," I said. And, yeah. I was. I'd never set out to be with Eve long-term. I was just tired. Tired and hungry. I needed some food in me, and I'd be fine.

We headed back to our car and Eve unpacked our picnic, laying out a long raincoat to serve as a blanket. She'd packed us thick sandwiches and tarts for dessert, and bottles of lemonade cold from the cooler.

"I know it's been weird," she said, as I bit into my sandwich.

I chewed and swallowed. "How do you mean?"

"Since the whole, y'know, Boobgate." She nodded at my phone. "I want you to know, it's not you. It's me. The whole thing with Rafael, the way he left…"

Relief swept through me, and new understanding. "You thought he had someone else?"

Eve made a pained face. "It did cross my mind. I thought maybe the racing was just an excuse, and in a week, maybe two, he'd ‘meet' someone ‘new.'" She made one-handed air quotes, still holding her sandwich. "I don't think that's it now, but the truth's not much different."

"How do you mean?"

"He didn't leave me for someone else, but he left for some thing else. Something he valued more than me." She grabbed her lemonade and twisted the cap off, a rough, angry gesture. Then, she let out a sigh. "We weren't in love. He never knew me that well. But I still get that feeling, like I'm not good enough."

I winced — hadn't I just been thinking the same thing? I hated hearing her say it, knowing she felt it, someone like her, who deserved the whole world. She didn't deserve to feel how I'd felt, all low and grubby and unworthy of love.

"You know you are, right? You're great. You're amazing. Especially last night, when you went onstage."

Eve went sort of pink and looked away. "I wasn't digging for that, but it feels good to hear."

"You'll hear it every day once you get famous."

She waved me off, laughing, and I watched her relax, the line of her shoulders softening at last. "So, okay," she said. "You've dated a lot. What's the worst first date you've ever been on?"

I nearly choked on my lemonade. "The worst? You go first."

Eve thought for a moment, and then she giggled. "I was fifteen, in high school. This kid, Bruno Casareggio, asked me over to study. When we were done, we went out for dinner, and I guess he was thinking it was a date. He tried to kiss me and I sort of jumped back, and the next day at school, he said we made out."

"Ugh. What a dick."

She poked me. "Your turn."

I scratched my chin, thinking. I'd been on a whole lot of dates, but no really bad ones. It was hard for a date to go properly bad when you had no expectations of more dates to come. When nothing was riding on how it shook out.

"Come on, don't just sit there. I told you mine."

I took a swallow of lemonade and decided to be honest. "I've been on a lot of first dates," I said. "But only first dates."

Eve cocked a brow. "Fear of commitment?"

"No. It's not that." I stretched out and leaned back, trying to marshal my thoughts. "I mean, I had girlfriends when I was younger. In high school and stuff, before I started racing. But the women I meet since then want Marco Barone."

She looked puzzled at first, and then she nodded. "The name, not the man."

"That's it exactly. They're not into who I am, but what I can offer: wealth, fame, my lifestyle. You know how it is." I laughed, hearing myself, and shook my head. "First-world problems."

"I thought that too," said Eve. "For a long time. But loneliness isn't a first-world problem. Neither is ending up with the wrong person. It can happen to anyone. It's just the reasons that vary."

I swallowed a sudden lump in my throat. Loneliness, yeah, life had been lonely. I'd taken the edge off with a lot of first dates, but all I had to show for it were memories, and the occasional text on my phone.

"It's not easy," I said. "To make a connection. I did try at first, but I'd go on a date, and it would hit me — this girl's not listening. I'd try to get to know her or let her know me, and she'd just want to go show me off. To be seen in the club with me on her arm."

"Rafael, too. He was all about optics." Eve's gaze had gone distant, and a little sad. "I thought it was sweet at first. He'd fuss with my hair. Tuck in my flyaways before we went out. But it was just for the pictures, not— not, you know. At first, I thought it was an excuse to get closer."

I resisted the urge to reach out myself, to smooth her hair out and then steal a kiss, not for the look of it, but yeah. To get closer. It would seem like a joke, and I didn't want that. But I couldn't think what would make her feel better.

"This has been good," I said. "This, me and you. The way we can talk and be ourselves. Be honest."

Eve smiled and moved closer, and nudged our shoulders together. "Yeah. Yeah, it has." She bit her lip, and I thought she might say something else, but she just leaned against me and looked up at the sky.

"You'll always be good enough," I said at last. "If you ever need a reminder, just call on me. Even when this is over, with Rafael."

She turned her head up and we kissed slow and sweet. When we broke apart, she leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Same goes for you. You know where to find me."