26. Alana

TWENTY-SIX

Iam glad I sent Kayan away. I am sick of the games, and the hints, and the cryptic clues. He is not here to help me. Either the spirit world sent him back to irritate me and fuck with my head, or he really is part of my imagination. And that is why he doesn’t know anything. Because I don’t either.

Pacing up and down outside my tent, it occurs to me that this would make a lot of sense. If I really am losing my grip on reality, and conjured Kayan as some kind of comfort to myself, then it would explain everything.

He was distrustful of Finn, and Briony, and the elves Finn’s working with, and Maura, and the Shadowkind, because deep down, I do not know if I can trust any of them either.

Deep down, I do not know if I can even trust myself.

All I know is that what Finn said about destroying Eldrion – and me being the one to do it – suddenly feels like the most obvious thing in the world.

I have some kind of hold over him. If I didn’t, he would have killed me by now. He had the opportunity again and again in the castle, in the tunnels. And yet he preferred to talk with me.

He needs me. I don’t know what for, but I know I have something he wants.

Which gives me the upper hand.

And if I end him, then perhaps these torturous visions will finally end, too.

I stop and brace myself against a nearby tree. My head swims, and my vision blurs. I have never experienced the feeling in waking hours before, and it sends me to my knees. I clasp the sides of my head and groan as pain grips my skull.

I bend forward onto all fours, my fingernails digging into the ground. The pain is too much. I can’t take it.

I blink, but see nothing but shadows.

They are coming for me.

I try to scramble backwards, and hit the tree. Except, it is not the tree. It is him; Eldrion.

He wraps his wings around me and whispers, “It’s all right, Alana. I’ve got you.”

His body feels so good against me, and so bad at the same time. I don’t want him near me, and yet he feels like strength and safety in this moment.

I try to pull away from him because I don’t want him to speak to me like that or hold me like that, but I can’t. He is too strong.

He won’t let go.

Even as the forest floor turns to nothing but smoke and shadow and ash, and the sky darkens, and lightning forks across it, he does not let me go.

He holds me still when the demon appears in front of us. Red eyes glinting in a shadow-covered face. It looms over us, and then it laughs.

Pain hits me again, this time in between my ribs, and my knees, and my hips. All the places that never usually hurt now feel like they are on fire.

“You can do it, Alana, take his magic.” Eldrion talks softly into my ear. “Do what you did to Kayan, and to me. Use your magic to claim his and make it yours.”

And then I bolt upright.

The vision disappears. I am back in the forest, near sunset, surrounded by nothing but trees and grass and the scent of pinewood.

I am breathing hard and fast. I hear Eldrion’s words again and again.

“Do what you did to Kayan, and to me. Use your magic to claim his and make it yours.”

That’s what he wants me for. I see it now; clear as the morning sky. Eldrion believes in the visions, and he wants me to take the demon’s powers and give them to him. That is why he wants me.

From the very beginning, that’s what this was about. Why he spent so many hours talking to me in his study, and why he fucked me in the tunnels.

He was trying to understand what I am, and what I could do for him. I am a weapon he seeks to wield in a fight that has yet to arrive.

I stagger to my feet and brush down my dress. I stand for a moment, bracing myself against the tree. In the distance, I hear the crackling of the campfire and someone playing guitar. It is always the evenings when the camp is at its friendliest.

And its most distracted.

I run to the tent. I throw off my clothes and rifle through Finn’s instead, pulling on a pair of his pants, and a shirt. I tie one of his belts tightly around me, then roll up my sleeves.

If Eldrion thinks he can control me, he is wrong.

And as much as I love Finn, I will not let him be the one to decide my fate either.

I have spent too long bending under the gaze or wishes of others. I wore those damned purple gloves for years. I let the villagers make me believe I was evil.

I was never evil, and I will not allow Eldrion to turn me into something I despise.

I am taking back control. I am going to end this myself. Now.

I pull a sheet of paper out of Finn’s bag, and a pen. On it, I scrawl a hurried note, telling him I love him, and then I leave it on our bed where he will find it when he returns.

I hesitate at the opening of the tent. I know what I’m about to do could end badly. But it could also be the start of a new chapter for us all – just like Finn said. Except, this way, perhaps no one except Lord Eldrion needs to get hurt.

When I reach the shield, I half expect Kayan to appear and try to stop me. When he doesn’t, I slip through and run as fast as I can for the edge of the forest.

By foot, we are hours from the castle. So, when I reach the outskirts of the city, I begin to fly. It has been a long time since I flew like this. Living in Eldrion’s clutches, I thought I would never soar through the sky again.

Yet, here I am. High above Luminael.

The wind caresses my wings. I let it stroke them, and hover for a moment, looking down at the place I was so very nearly banished to all those years ago.

Briefly, I allow myself to wonder whether it really would have been so bad after all if I’d just left. Maybe things would have turned out differently. Samuel might have lived. We might never have been captured and taken to Eldrion’s castle.

Everything could have been so different.

But there are no ‘what ifs,’ only now.

I cross the water that surrounds the citadel. As I approach, I begin to wonder how I am going to get inside. I cannot use brute strength; I need to surprise Eldrion to not set off alarms throughout the castle.

I stop, hovering in the air far enough away that the guards stationed around the castle’s outer walls will not see me.

I inhale slowly and drop my gates.

I am searching for a weak link. It does not take long to find one; a Shadowkind who is young and afraid. Clutching their weapon, staring out at the city and praying that they are not forced to take any kind of action because they simply don’t think they’re capable.

All these feelings rush over me. I latch onto them.

This is how I will get in.

The young Shadowkind guard is stationed on the eastern wall. He is far away from his fellow guards and shivering with cold as the night settles around him.

I approach quickly and quietly. When I land beside him, his eyes widen. He reaches for his sword and opens his mouth to scream, but before he can, I send in my purple shadows.

He coughs, swallowing, letting them inside.

“You’re not going to be afraid anymore,” I whisper. “You’re going to look at me and think happy thoughts because you’re pleased to see me.”

I have no idea if this will work. Controlling thoughts and emotions aren’t so very far away from each other, but I have never tried before. I have taken emotions, I have not manipulated them. And even when I’ve taken emotions, it has been by accident. Never planned.

As I speak, the guard’s eyes glaze over and he nods slowly at me.

“How do you feel?” I ask him.

He blinks, then a slow smile spreads across his lips. “It’s good to see you,” he says.

“It’s good to see you too.” I put a hand on his shoulder and squeeze. “I’m here to see Lord Eldrion. Could you take me to him?”

The guard frowns a little, his forehead creasing. “He is sleeping now,” he says quietly.

“That’s all right. He asked me to come.” I smile encouragingly. “He’ll be pleased to see me, like you are.”

After hesitating for a moment, the guard smiles again and nods. “Of course,” he says. “This way. He closed off the indoor staircase. You can only reach him from outside now.”

“Ah yes, I remember.” I lie with ease, following the guard towards the tower where I spent so very many hours talking with Eldrion.

The lights are out in his chambers, no glow coming from the window or sign that he is in there. But I trust this young guard at least knows where his master is at night, and what he is supposed to be guarding.

When we reach the stone spiral staircase that winds around the outside of the tower, the guard stops and scratches his chin. “I should go with you.”

I put my hand on his arm. “Oh, there’s no need. Thank you. He’ll be pleased to see me. Like you are.”

The guard smiles. “I am pleased to see you.”

As he turns and walks away, humming to himself as if he truly is happy, a twinge of guilt tugs at my chest. Should it be so easy to manipulate another person? Should I have felt a small thrill when it worked?

I breathe in deeply and try to shrug off the feeling.

I put one foot on the lower step and look back. The guard is watching me. This is his post. There is no one else around. He waves, like we are old friends.

I wave back, then begin my ascent to Eldrion’s chambers.

There is a door on the side of the tower that I didn’t notice the last time I was here. Perhaps because it leads to a room that is not the main belly of his chambers.

I put my hand on it and push, surprised that it swings open.

In my other hand, I am holding my weapon. An icicle. Sharp, pointed, deadly if I can get close enough to use it with force.

That is my first plan... Sneak up on him in his sleep and stab the ice blade into his heart before he even opens his eyes.

My backup plan is to throw all my magic at him and see if Finn is right, and I truly can be the one to take his power from him.

If I can, and I do, then he won’t stand a chance against me.

I bend down and remove my boots, then step inside. The flagstone floor is cold against the soles of my feet. My toes twitch at the contact. I am in a small, dark room. As my eyes adjust to the lack of light, I realise it is a study.

I cross to the door, pause, then push it gently open.

Now, I am somewhere I recognise.

Memories dance in front of me as I take in the armchair, the fireplace, the couch. All the places I sat as Eldrion talked at me and questioned me.

I have not been this close to him since we were in the tunnels together, and suddenly, with his scent embedding itself in the deepest parts of my body, I can barely breathe.

He is here. I can feel him.

I cross the room silently, glancing towards the door, which is sealed shut.

I know where his bedroom is. I watched him standing there, pleasuring himself while he watched a vision of the two of us. I still don’t know if it was a premonition or a fantasy.

I hope it was the latter, because if it was the former it means we are going to be intimate again. Because that scene hasn’t happened yet.

When I reach the bedroom, I pause. I lean closer and strain for sounds of movement. I hear nothing. But I still feel him. I know he is there.

I slip into the room, holding the icicle close to my heart.

And then there he is.

He is stretched out on the bed, one arm up above his head, wings spread wide behind him as if they themselves are forming a bed made of thick black feathers. The sheet is lying across his waist, hiding his lower half from view.

Like this, with his silver hair splayed on the cushion of his dark wings, and his eyes closed, he looks almost beautiful.

He is beautiful.

But how can something so beautiful be so deadly?

My heart races as I move closer to the bed. He does not stir. I watch his chest rising and falling, and try to ignore the pull deep in the base of my spine that makes me want to touch him.

Instead, I levitate above the bed. The air moves, and Eldrion grumbles something, turns his head, but does not wake.

I lower myself until I am lying in the air, parallel with his body.

I study his chest. I can almost hear his heart beating. He looks so peaceful.

I hold the icicle above him. One quick movement, and it’s all over. The visions, and the running, and the torment.

Not just for me. For Finn and all the other Shadowkind.

One quick movement and it’s over.

My arm twitches. I bring it back, then plunge it towards his heart.

Its tip meets his skin.

And then he opens his eyes.