Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

B y the time Britt arrived back at the hotel, the legendary temper attributed to her hair colour had hit boiling point.

She wanted to pack her bags and jump on the first flight back to London, but not before she told Nick a few home truths.

She might've been a good girl ten years earlier who had left quietly after letting him walk all over her.

This time, she'd go out with a bang.

She could kill him for making her fall in love with him again, for causing the incessant ache gripping her heart until she could barely breathe.

Her temper simmered, and as she stalked into their suite and Nick glanced up from his desk, his melted toffee warm and welcoming, it took every ounce of self control not to scream.

‘How's your dad?'

'You tell me.' She slammed the door and leaned against it when his gaze turned compassionate. She didn't need his sympathy, damn it, she needed the truth, all of it.

'Apparently you're so chummy, you visited him.' She snapped her fingers. ‘Hang on, that wasn't about being friendly. You wanted to gloat about finally getting your revenge.'

His expression wary, he stood and moved around the desk towards her. 'What are you talking about?'

'Don't patronise me!'

Her tenuous control on her temper snapped as she pushed off the door and met him halfway, placing both hands squarely in the middle of his chest and pushing, hard. 'He told me about your pact, about you choosing Pa over me. I understand family is important to you, but you could've told me, damn you.'

She pushed again, softer this time, a feeble attempt as her anger gave way to anguish. ‘Do you know how long it took me to get over you? Do you?'

'Let me explain—'

'Don't bother. I get it. You didn't love me enough then and you sure as hell don't love me now.'

To her mortification, she couldn't subdue a sob, and knuckling away her tears added to her pathetic meltdown.

‘You've got this all wrong.' He manacled her wrists and she let him, the fight drained out of her as she slumped onto the back of a chair.

'Have I? Because what my father said made sense.'

Releasing her wrists, he stepped back and ran a hand through his hair, his eyes filled with concern.

'Remember when you went to Brisbane for a month before leaving for London? Darby didn't know you were leaving permanently, he thought you were coming back. So he warned me off you, threatened to take the plantation off Pa if I didn't back off.'

Anger tightened his voice, his shoulders bunching as he stalked to the window and braced against it.

'After Mum left, running the farm was the only thing that kept Pa going and I couldn't let your father ruin him because of me. So I did what I thought was right at the time, letting him believe he'd succeeded in ending things between us.'

Damn her dad.

Damn Nick for being right.

She couldn't blame him for his loyalty to Pa, couldn't fault his logic, but she didn't want logic right now, she needed to vent.

She glared at him. 'Moot point, considering you'd already ended things between us.'

'I didn't want to let you go, Red.'

The sorrow in his tone had her head snapping up to scan his face for proof he was hurting as much as she was.

'Then why? Why did you shut me out those last few weeks? Why did you push me away at the end?'

'You had your dreams, I had mine. We weren't in the right place back then to sustain a relationship.'

His sincerity twanged her heartstrings, hard, and she gulped as a fresh wave of tears swamped her.

'And now? Our marriage—'

'Was never about revenge, not for one damn minute.' He strode across the room, dropped to his knees, and grabbed her hand. 'Do you honestly think I'd use you like that?'

'I don't know what to think—'

'Then don't.'

He hauled her into his arms and plastered his mouth to hers, obliterating the need to talk, to discuss, to rationalise, obliterating the need to do anything other than lose herself in the magic of his kiss.

But no matter how many times he kissed her, held her, made love to her, there would always be the nagging doubt he'd done this out of spite.

Sensing her wandering thoughts, he broke the kiss and gripped her arms as if he sensed she'd bolt.

'Our marriage was purely business at the start. That was the only reason I married you.'

'And now?'

'Now I want it all.'

She'd wanted to hear those words when she'd first come to him, had first poured her heart out to him. She'd wanted him to sweep her into his arms and tell her he felt the same way.

But now…

'You still want the same thing, right?' His desperate gaze searched hers and all she could manage was a slight nod.

But her game plan had changed. Words were cheap. She'd learned the hard way: the first time her father had called her a filthy name and apologised with empty words, the first time he'd shoved her against the wall followed by more of those meaningless words, the first time he'd raised a hand to her, his pointless words not enough to bridge the yawning gap that had opened up between them.

She'd fled to London and started a new life, eradicating her past. Ironic, that in coming back to Jacaranda, as she'd never felt as safe as she had the last few weeks with Nick. Only to have her world upended again, courtesy of doubts planted by her father. She hated that his accusations would send her fleeing to London all over again.

'I'm leaving for London.'

Nick's face drained of colour. 'When?'

'Tomorrow.'

'But what about all that stuff you said? About wanting a real marriage? Surely you don't believe Darby—'

'I believe you, Nick, but I have a job to do. I can't walk away from that. You're a businessman, you understand.'

She played the business card, knowing he'd buy it. Considering the success he'd made of himself, how far he'd gone to cement his reputation, it was the one argument guaranteed to sway him.

She could scarcely believe she would've given up her precious managing director job for him. Even he professed his love now, what did those three little words mean? Nick could say anything and it would be tinged with the doubts her father had planted.

Nick slid his arms around her waist and tugged her close. 'I love you, Red. You know that, right?'

She wanted to believe him. She'd fallen head over heels for this guy but she couldn't quell her doubts.

'It's the first time you've ever said it. How would I know?'

He flinched, the hurt in his eyes driving a stake through her heart. 'By my actions.'

'Which one? When you chose to lie to me rather than tell me the truth ten years ago? When you married me to get ahead in business? When you visited my father recently and didn't tell me?'

He laid a hand on her cheek and brushed her bottom lip with his thumb. 'Every night of our marriage has been real, every single moment I've held you in my arms, every second we've been vulnerable with each other.' He eyeballed her, willing her to believe. ‘You can't fake what we have, Britt, and you can't walk away from it because of your father's interference.'

'I'm not.' Unable to meet his gaze she lowered hers to focus on a tiny thread working loose from his top buttonhole.

'Like hell you're not.' He released her and stepped away, the tension between them palpable.

'I have to do this, Nick. My work is important to me.'

‘I know it is, but you were willing to give up the promotion for us. What's happened to change that, apart from your father meddling in our relationship again?'

She wanted to tell him the truth: that she couldn't trust him, that she wished she could. Her father may have come between their relationship yet again but Darby hadn't lied. Nick had just confirmed he'd chosen Pa and the farm over her a decade ago. What's to say he wouldn't put her second again in the future?

She loved him, but she couldn't give up a dream she'd worked so hard for on the chance he'd changed and would put her first.

When she didn't respond, his shoulders slumped.

‘Give me tonight,' he murmured, defeat underlying the pleading in his eyes.

She'd give him the next fifty years of her life if she could trust him, but she couldn't ignore the doubts. She needed time and space.

As if that would extricate Nick Mancini from her soul.

‘One night is all I'm asking for.' He held up a finger. ‘If you're heading back to London it will be our last night together for a while. Can you give me that?'

She wanted to refuse, to give him some meaningless spiel about packing and settling accounts with the local contractors Sell had used for her pitch, but she found herself nodding.

'Okay.'

Pulling her in for a swift kiss that left her head spinning with riotous confusion and her heart pounding, he said, 'You won't regret it.'

She already did.