Chapter 4

My mind was so crowded.

A party. I was going to a party when Grey was gone. Banished. Who knew where right now, withering away into nothing—and I was dressed to attend a fucking party without him.

Such a vile thing to do. I was disgusted. Enraged with myself—and counting all the reasons why I was doing this wasn't helping.

I did it again, anyway.

If I didn't go, Romin would have a reason to come into the third tower, drag me out, and punish me for disobedience however he saw fit.

If he did, I'd have lost the war before it even began.

If he got to me, I couldn't learn how to use my magic to keep myself safe from these monsters.

And if I couldn't keep myself protected, the monsters were going to fucking eat me little by little for the rest of my life.

So, of course, I'd let Aster blow-dry my hair and put shimmer on my eyelids and gloss on my lips. Of course, I'd let her watch as I put the dress on, the grey one, as the energy of her hatred nearly suffocated me. If she could, she'd have cut my throat herself while she pulled at my hair as she blow-dried it. If she could, she'd have stabbed me in the eye with that eyeshadow brush twenty times before she was done getting me ready.

As it was, she only kept her fake smile on her face and waited without ever uttering a single word.

I didn't look in the mirror before following her out of the room. There really was no point to knowing what I looked like. I knew what I felt like, and that was more than enough.

Aster took me to the ground floor of the castle, down hallways and corridors and somewhere close to the fifth tower where I'd stayed for over a month after I came to the Whispering Woods. But I'd never been to the doors at the end of a wide, short hallway. I'd never heard as much music in this castle or seen as many colors before.

Guards on both sides of me, backs against the walls, eyes straight ahead. The big doors were wide open, black and silver, beautifully engraved. Flowers, black and red roses, decorated the doorway, and inside were so many more people than I'd imagined.

Before the minute was over, I was standing in front of them in the doorway.

Aster slipped away without a sound, but I felt it when she removed her warm, bad energy from around me. A fascinating thing to feel, yet I couldn't be bothered to even explore it or try to understand it better right now.

The music from the band on the stage at the far left of the rectangular room stopped.

The guests, possibly over a hundred of them, all turned to me.

I nearly passed out.

So many eyes. So many colors. So many energies, warm and cold and intense and light like a summer's breeze—too much, all of it. So fucking much I couldn't move.

"There she is!" Romin's voice filled my ears though I still couldn't see him, didn't want to. "Autumn Hayes, brought to us by the Blood Burrow. Our newest bride!"

Applause.

It was half-hearted and most barely bothered to bring their hands together a couple of times, but then Romin was coming to me from the head of the room on the right, wearing a black suit and his big fake smile all over his handsome face.

My stomach was twisting so badly I was glad I hadn't eaten anything the whole day, otherwise I'd have been throwing it all up.

Breathe, Fall, breathe…

But breathing still didn't change the view around me. Breathing didn't make it hurtless. Breathing didn't make Romin Evernight disappear from the face of the Earth like I was praying.

Instead, he stopped right in front of me. "I sent you a red dress," he said, keeping his smile on, barely moving his lips as he spoke.

"It didn't fit," I whispered. He knew it was a lie. I wanted him to know it was a lie. "Besides, grey looks better on me."

The way his eye twitched said I'd already gotten under his skin.

"Very well." He turned to the side and offered me his arm. I debated just moving ahead into the hall and getting it over with, but I wouldn't be able to walk all by myself. Not because of the heels, but because of my shaking legs. "You look beautiful, Fall. Despite your bitterness, you are absolutely breathtaking," he said, and when I put my hand on his arm—while trying not to gag—he put his over my fingers and squeezed.

God, please give me strength…

We went into the room and the band started to play a slow melody again. Everyone was looking at me.

Everyone hated me.

And soon, I began to realize who everyone was.

The siren sisters were there. My God, I recognized that face—Sedelis. She had legs instead of fins, a barely there white dress made out of shimmery fish sequins, identical to the other five women sitting with her. Sirens. They were sirens, and they were sitting around a table close to the long rectangular one where Romin was taking me, where Emil and Tristian and all the other brides were already sitting at.

"Keep moving, Fall. Don't lose your head," Romin whispered as we went, smiling and nodding and waving at the people like he couldn't tell they were disgusted by the sight of me.

"Sirens," I breathed, because it couldn't be normal that they were there, was it? Sirens belonged in the sea. The fucking sea—not in a ballroom in the Evernight Court!

Were they here to eat people?

Did they eat people like they used to do back in the day? Did they eat Enchanted or only humans?

God, I was terrified to even imagine it.

"Yes—and I planned to fill you in on our guest list, but you refused to leave your tower. Such a shame," Romin said. "Look—over there, someone you know." He pointed at the other side of the head table while I was still caught up on the sirens watching me and grinning ear to ear.

So, I turned.

And I stopped in my tracks.

None other than Mama Si was sitting at one of the tables, with Mike on one side and Assa on the other, wearing a gorgeous blood-red dress and her blonde hair in tight curls just like always. She was clapping her hands still, though you couldn't really hear it because of the gloves that extended over her palms from the sleeves of her satin dress.

Mama Si was right there, barely twenty feet away from me.

"Steady. Keep moving. One foot, then the other," said Romin, and he suddenly sounded concerned.

He gripped my hand in his as if he thought I might collapse soon, and he wanted to catch me before I hit the floor. In those moments, I was thankful for it. So goddamn thankful that he led me forward so I didn't have to see that face anymore.

My heart beat like a drum in my chest. My entire body was shaking, and the sounds of the outside world came to me like an echo. Every face and every object around me had turned to a blur, and when Romin said, sit, I didn't see shit. I just sat down, hoping there would be something to catch me.

There was.

A chair—at the head of the table, with Romin on my right, and Tristian on my left. Emil sat to Romin's other side with five brides, and the other five sat next to Tristian. All of them were watching me, plotting my fucking murder in their heads—and they wanted me to see it.

Then Romin was on his feet with his glass of wine raised, and he was talking. He was saying something, but the words couldn't reach my ears because of everything else going on around me. The large room with the ceiling so high, so completely black, it could have been the dark cloud of the Whispering Woods and I wouldn't know the difference. The lush tables, the flowers and candles and decorations, the waiters coming to and fro with trays balanced on their hands, the band on the other side, the draped windows and the fancy dresses and suits—and most importantly, the guests wearing them.

Faeries, skinwalkers, witches, dragon riders, sirens, and the succubi from the Blood Burrow, with Mama Si sitting at the head.

A hand on my thigh.

"Absolutely stunning, though grey doesn't really become you."

I looked down at Tristian's hand resting on my thigh, and I had this crazy urge to burn it. Stab it. Break it. Undo it.

Something stirred deep inside me. A charge of electricity rushed throughout me, and before I could tell him to take his filthy hand off me, he jerked it back all by himself.

"Whoa, there, Fall. That wasn't nice," he said, as if he feltmy intent. And the asshole was still grinning.

"Behave," came Romin's voice from my other side. "We have guests in our presence."

"Don't touch me," I spit anyway because if Tristian put his hand on my thigh again, I was going to lose it and stab him with a fucking fork no matter who was in our presence.

"Oh, but I wouldn't dare with that magic charging my fingers," he said, openly mocking me. His shoulders shook with laughter.

Magic, he said. What I'd felt just now—that charge of electricity, what I thought was just a disgusted reaction to seeing his hand on me—it was magic. He hadn't felt my intent at all, only raw magic.

And it had been so…chaotic.

"Behave," said Romin again, but he was also stifling his smile as he brought his glass to his lips and drank. "Don't look grim, Fall. You have a duty to entertain our guests. After all, they are here for you."

"Are you serious?" I breathed. "They hate me—do you not see? They want to kill me!" There were maybe a few people sitting in front of us who didn't mind the fact that I was breathing. The sirens looked at me like they were waiting for me to grow an extra head, and they were excited about it. And Mama Si and the people at her table were in awe of me—but everyone else? Yeah, they wanted to skin me the fuck alive right now.

"Oh, they wouldn't dare," Tristian said with a wave of his hand as he poured me a glass of wine.

"They're just bitter about Grey's death. The more Evernights are alive, the more chances of an heir, and the more power for them," Emil said from Romin's other side. "Give it a decade or two, and they'll have completely forgotten that fucker."

"Grey is not dead." The words slipped out of me before I could control myself. There was so much wrong with the words he said—Grey's death.

No. It made no sense. I still hadn't accepted it.

"But soon he will be," Romin said. "Anyway, Emil's right. Give them time. They'll get over it."

"And you'll get over your first Evernight, too, once you realize life can be so much better for you," said Emil with a sick grin on his face, and he actually raised his glass at me.

It took all I had not to flip him off.

"I came," I whispered. "I showed up. They saw me. Now, I'm leaving." And I'd crawl all the way out of those doors—those doors that were now closed—if I had to.

"Not yet. You can't leave yet," said Tristian. "Go on, drink your wine."

"They're all here," I spit, turning to Romin—he called the shots around here, anyway. I didn't need to waste breath with Tristian.

"Yes, they are. They're here to honor you. We do this for every bride and—" Romin started.

"Yes, I know that! But Grey is not here." How did he not see the absurdity of making me sit here in front of all these people to be looked at like I was a fucking criminal they yearned to behead?

"But we are," said Emil with another wink.

"And you're lucky because your blood is compatible with all of us. That makes you extremely valuable to us, Fall. To all of Ennaris," Romin reminded me once more. "If you were to choose one of us?—"

"Or all," said Tristian from my side.

"—then all of these people would have forgotten what you did."

Oh, God, he couldn't be fucking serious. "What I did?" I said, and my voice came out high-pitched. "You mean what you did! You banished him. You were afraid?—"

"Silence," Romin spit, and before I knew it, his warm and heavy magic fell on me like a goddamn veil, and my lips sealed shut instantly. So much power. "I enforce the rules—that is all I do. Grey broke said rules because of you. Because he couldn't stand the idea of Valentine's dragon touching you. Because he was jealous."

Fuck his magic. Fuck his power.

I laughed and it came out even more bitter than what I felt. "You're fucking delusional. He saved my life, and you know it!"

"Now, now, Fall. Don't be naughty," Emil said.

"Or do. It'll give us a reason to punish you," said Tristian, and my heart fell all the way to my heels.

Romin smiled. "Like I said—you're in mourning, so I will be patient with you. I will be understanding. Just know that my generosity has its limits, too."

Generosity. This man was actually serious.

Blood in my mouth again from my tongue. I bit it so hard it hurt.

"I am not feeling well. I need to—" I said because there really was no point in arguing with these men. They were going to think and believe and say what they wanted, and nothing was going to change that.

"Stay," Romin said, and this time his magic was less heavy. "You are obligated to stay until you've received all the gifts that the Isles have brought for you."

Gifts. I remembered the brides saying something about gifts at one point, but he was delusional if he thought I cared about their gifts.

"They can send them to my door," I said, knowing he wasn't going to budge.

"No. You will receive them here, in this very room."

"But—"

"And when you do, you'll be free to leave," he cut me off. I clamped my mouth shut and leaned back on the chair. "Good. Now, drink. Enjoy the music. Enjoy the attention. I promise you they won't hate you forever."

I would have laughed again had I had the energy. "You think I care about whether they hate me?"

"Everyone cares," Tristian said.

"I don't." I really, truly didn't.

In fact, I didn't care about anything or anyone anymore. Grey was gone, out there where the curse would suck the life out of him until he was no more. Nothing much about any of this mattered after the fact.

"Oh, but you're a woman! Women are all made a certain way. How easy it is to bribe them, to make them submit, to make them fall in love," Tristian said with a sharp laugh.

You disgust me.

The words were at the tip of my tongue, but I held back. Instead, I grabbed the wine and took a sip, and I kept my eyes on the band, knowing that Mama Si was looking at me. Knowing that Sedelis and the remaining siren sisters were looking at me, too.

And I just wanted to not see any of them until this goddamn night was over.

Time seemed to crawl,the minutes stretching to infinity just to spite me. I felt like I was sitting on needles, surrounded by fire—and snakes. Those big snakes with fangs the size of my fingers that could eat me whole with a single bite. I was sitting right in their midst, and their attention on me was suffocating me slowly.

The worst part was that I couldn't even drink to forget, to ease the pain and the discomfort. I couldn't drink for fear I wouldn't be able to run as fast as I needed when this was over and they tried to come for me.

No, I had to sip on my water and pretend to drink the wine and keep my eyes ahead without allowing myself to focus on anyone. Not the witches or the sirens—or Mama Si, who seemed to have her eyes permanently glued to my face.

At least she wasn't smiling that I could tell.

But then, he came.

I didn't even notice the doors opening, and the band didn't slow down the music, but everyone saw him coming through with his arms at his sides and his chin raised.

Valentine Evernight in all his glory came toward us like he hadn't ruined my life just days ago. Like he hadn't killed his own brother. Like he hadn't tried to kill me, too.

And his eyes locked on mine.

I gripped the edge of the table with all my strength and begged myself to not speak, to not make a single sound, when all I wanted to do was get up and scream at him—liar! Murderer! You're a goddamn murderer, Valentine!

But what good would it do me to lose control, especially in front of all these people?

None. I'd just be more talked about, and that's exactly what I didn't want. No, what I wanted was to be forgotten. To be so ordinary, so boring that everyone forgot I was here, hiding in the third tower. Everyone—including Romin and the brothers. Definitely Valentine.

He didn't smile or frown or even narrow his brows at me as he came. He simply walked, his features carved out of rock, never moving a single inch, but I knew the inside of his mind was exploding with thoughts and words, same as mine. I knew there was a lot he wanted to tell me, too, and even remind me that I was defenseless without Grey. Nobody here was going to protect me from him, and the next time Shadow came for me, Storm wouldn't be here to save my life.

"Glad you could join us, little brother," Romin said when Valentine was close enough. "Go. Have a seat. Have a drink. Relax."

You make me sick, I told him with my eyes. I hate you, Valentine.

As if he could hear the words in my head, he finally flinched.

"Thank you for your generosity, brother. How nice of you to offer me a seat and a drink in my own home," he said, his voice dry, emotionless, bored as ever. But I knew him enough to read the hatred in his eyes. Whether it was for me or for Romin or both—it didn't really matter.

"Always the little brat," said Romin, shaking his head and smiling, like he found Valentine just adorable—and that pissed off the little brother even more. I suspected Romin knew it would, and he spoke like that to him on purpose.

"How's your hatchling? Has he woken up yet?" Tristian asked when Valentine went around the table, around the brides who were moving over a seat to make room for Valentine to sit by Emil.

My stomach twisted and turned. Shadow. The little dragon I'd named myself. Who'd saved my life once. Had been my friend—or so I thought. Right until he tried to fucking kill me.

"Not yet, but he will," Valentine said. His voice made goose bumps rise on my forearms.

"How do you know?" Emil said. "He's not responding. He might as well be dead already."

"He will wake up," Valentine insisted after a long and loaded pause.

"How do you—" Emil tried again, but I cut him off.

"Because he's not done with me yet. I'm still alive," I spit with all the hatred I could find within me.

Valentine had the audacity to flinch again as he brought his wine to his lips and took a sip. He had the audacity to look regretful or sorry or hurt—maybe even a combination of those things.

"Shadow would never hurt you, Fall. You named him," Tristian was saying from my other side, and it took all I had not to slam my elbow right in his face. Instead, I just kept my eyes on Valentine because it wasn't worth the hassle.

"How dare you sit here, drinking fucking wine, when you killed him," I whispered, and my eyes were already full of tears, but by God, I would not let them spill. Not in front of him.

Valentine looked devastated.

For a moment, I thought he might start crying, too, and beg for forgiveness.

For a moment, I thought he really, truly regretted what had happened.

But then I remembered the look in his eyes that morning, and the way Shadow had come for me…

And in the second it took me to remember that, Valentine composed himself, arched a brow at me and said, "He killed himself by breaking the rules."

I gripped the glass of water in my hand so tightly the glass cracked.

Before I knew it, Romin was taking it out of my hand and putting it on the table. "Behave, Fall. Behave—both of you. No more of this nonsense. People are watching," he said as he put a napkin in my hand to clean what I thought would be blood, but it was just water. The glass hadn't cut me—not that I'd have cared.

There was no point in trying to argue. No point in causing a scene in front of these people. They already hated my guts. They already saw me as the devil, even though Valentine had been about to kill me with his dragon, and Romin was the one who banished Grey for saving my life. It was them who'd taken Grey away from me, yet these people would never even dream of blaming them—of course not. It was so much easier to just blame me. To point their fingers at my face and curse my name and be disgusted by the sight of me. So much easier.

And not worth a second of my thoughts.

So, I turned away and I took the glass of wine Tristian had filled for me, and this time I did take a good sip hoping it would take the edge off just a little bit. Just so I could focus on breathing until this nightmare was over, until I could hide in the tower and never have to see any of them again.

The tears dried eventually, and I let the music carry me away from the party. A guitar, a cello, and three drums in front of a faerie with deep indigo wings and hair. No piano, and I was thankful for it. I didn't want to even think about playing it right now. I couldn't bring myself to miss the sound of it or the feel of the keys underneath my fingers.

Which was comical, wasn't it? This place had not only stripped me of everything I thought I had, or everything I gained in my time here as a prisoner; it had also taken away the thing I'd always craved most in my whole life.

And unfortunately, it wasn't done with me yet.

One of the fairies sitting at a table in the middle of the big room eventually got up, went to the band, grabbed a microphone and sang her heart out in an angelic voice, with words I couldn't understand but felt deep in my heart. Faeish. She was singing in Faeish, and her song reminded me of those two words Grey had told me about: een aeva. My life. My essence.

Right now, I lacked both.

An ugly voice in my head kept whispering to me while I listened to her sing, why bother? Why am I trying when I know how this ends? Why am I being stubborn when I know there is no way out, nobody to turn to, nobody I can trust?

Grey was gone. What the hell was I still doing here? Why hadn't I jumped out of that window in his bedroom yet? Why, why, why?!

It took all of my will to silence that ugly voice, but the words remained in my mind through another song, and through the meal the waiters served us that people seemed to be enjoying, and through the many nods and head shakes I gave to Romin and Tristian and Emil any time they thought to ask me something. The brides only looked at me. None said a single word and I was glad for it. It was clear to see how much they hated me, especially Cynthia and Amita, Grey's brides.

That word still made bile rise up my throat, even though I wasn't eating. Wouldn't dream of it with the way my stomach was twisted into a million knots. I was sitting in a den of monsters, in the middle of them. They all looked impeccable, dressed in beautiful dresses, their hair and makeup flawless, just like I imagined mine were.

But they all felt so comfortable in their skin, unlike me, and for a moment there, I wished I could be them—any of them. I wished I could breathe easy without it feeling so wrong to exist.

It went on and on for a long time, that struggle inside me, but the night wasn't done torturing me yet.

Because after dinner came the gifts.