Chapter 12

The tasteof the ale was lost on me since the first sip. I was either getting used to it, or I was much more distracted than I liked to admit. Even Quinn didn't say much as we listened to Lenna and Ralf pour their hearts out on their pianos. Lenna was back behind her green one again, and I liked it better than her violin—but maybe I was just biased.

The plan had been to go back to the castle as soon as training was over, but then Quinn said she would be grabbing a drink at Mina's, and I wanted an ale to make sure I slept tonight. It was the smart thing to do; otherwise, I wouldn't be able to even close my eyes for longer than a minute after what I'd seen at the lake earlier.

Too much. Too many questions, far too many possibilities—so alcohol it was.

"I should take you to see other places in town. Mina's is not the only bar that serves good ale," Quinn said after a while.

"This is not good ale." That was most definitely not why I came here—or why I stayed.

"Then maybe I should take you to try bad ale so you see the difference," Quinn said, laughing. "But really—there are nicer places here to eat and drink."

"I'm fine right here," I told her because I was. The soundmakers were the reason I came back.

"You enjoy their performance," Quinn said, nodding toward the stage.

"I do, yes. They're very good." Better than good—they sounded like home.

"That, they are. But they won't be here forever. Lenna and Ralf travel around the Isles all the time. They never stay in one place for too long. So, how about I take you to other places in town after they're gone?" said Quinn, then clicked her cup to mine before she drank.

And the question was at the tip of my tongue—why? Why did she want to take me to other places? I knew there was more to this town than the bars and the shops I'd seen in the main cobbled street next to the woods. I hadn't had the time to go exploring, as she well knew, but I hadn't been curious about it, either. It was just a town like any other. There was no need to switch bars—they would all be the same, anyway.

I also wanted to ask her why she'd bothered to pay for that handwritten book on the basics of magic, too, which was now sitting next to my cup on the table. So strange that she'd even found it, and I was thankful for it, I really was. But that didn't mean I didn't wonder why.

"Doll?!"

I sat up straight in my seat and looked back at the counter—at Toss with his long curly hair and wide eyes, waving his hand at me.

"He's calling for you," Quinn said. "Also—why Doll?"

Strange. Toss didn't usually call for me to go to him when we came in here, but maybe he wanted to ask me something? Because he was definitely waving me over.

I pushed the chair back and stood up. "Just a name like any other," I told Quinn, and I made my way around the tables and to the bar. "Hey, Toss. What's up?"

"I've got a letter right here, and it says it's for a doll," he said, holding up an envelope in his other hand.

"For me?" That was strange. Who could be sending me letters?

"I don't know—the messenger who brought it here said, it's for a doll." Goose bumps rose on my flesh instantly. "Not sure if that's you, but since that's your name, I thought I'd ask. Maybe you know who this is from."

Oh, I thought I did. I knew exactly who the letter was from.

There was only one person in the world who'd called me doll, and that was Mama Si.

I knew that I should have walked all the way out of the bar without the damn letter. I didn't care what Mama Si had to say. I shouldn't have cared about her sending me fucking letters at a bar in the Whispering Woods she had no business knowing I even frequented.

But that's the thing about my curiosity. It burned me worse than any fire, and I couldn't control myself when it came to it. I couldn't help but reach out my hand for that envelope as my thoughts raced—but Toss pulled his hand back.

"Hold on, wait. You have to answer a question before I can give this to you—it says so right here." And he pointed at the other side of the envelope. "If I don't get a correct answer by the end of tonight, I'm supposed to burn the letter. These were the instructions."

I flinched. "Are you serious? It's just an envelope."

"And the sender paid me well to deliver it," Toss said with a wink. "So, what's it gonna be? Do you want to try to answer that question?"

"Yes, Toss, I do." I sighed. "Sure, give it to me."

"Very well," he said, tapping his fingertips to the countertop like a drumroll. "Here it is: what does it smell like in heaven?"

I paused.

Heaven. I knew a place that wasn't it, even though the name would have you believing that it was. The Paradise—the gorgeous white and pink mansion where I'd lived like royalty for over a month and had learned how to feel at ease in my own skin.

That was the only heaven I knew, if only by name, and it always—always smelled of… "Roses." The scent hung in the air constantly, a version of it in each room, from the gardens outside, to the pool areas, to the dining room, and the party rooms as well. Always some version of the scent of roses.

Toss looked disappointed. He frowned, looking down at the envelope. "That's… correct."

"Oh." Mama Si. It was most definitely Mama Si.

"You could have made it more fun," he muttered as he put the envelope on the bar in front of me. "I'd have given you hints but, oh, well. Here's your letter."

I took it, half expecting a burst of magic to come out of it or the feel of Mama Si's hands on me through the letter. I didn't. It was just an envelope.

"Thank you, Toss."

Suddenly, I couldn't wait to get to the tower and open it. Half of me had the urge to look at what was inside right now, but that would be a bad idea. Toss was right there, and Quinn was watching me from the table, too. So, I put the envelope in my pocket until I drank my ale, said good night to Quinn, and made my way back to the castle again.

I was being watched. I knew that. I had no clue how Mama Si had known that I was at Mina's, but she wasn't the only one watching me. I felt eyes on me as soon as I was in the woods, and even when the guards let me through the door to the castle. Whether it was Tristian or Emil or Romin—even Valentine—I had no clue, but they all knew when I left the tower. They all knew, and they didn't stop me. I never saw any of them while I hurried from the gate to the greenhouse with the animals that Zane tended to daily.

The question why haunted me, but as long as they didn't get in my way, I wasn't going to complain, just pray they continued to stay away.

I stopped to look at the cougar, half asleep in her cage. Tonight would be her last night in this tower, according to Zane. She was all healed, and he had a plan to take her to the woods where Grey had captured her and release her from her cage. She was capable of protecting herself now, and she needed to be out in the open.

I don't know why that made me sad, or why I wanted her to stay right here.

Maybe because she reminded me of Grey.

"I wish he was here to take you back home himself," I whispered to her as she watched me through half-open, glowing yellow eyes. All she gave me was a growl, and I liked to think she wished the same thing, too.

Then, I made my way upstairs to my bedroom, and when I was finally alone and sitting at Grey's desk, I opened the envelope.

Inside it was a folded piece of white paper that smelled exactly like the Paradise with only three lines written in cursive, in pink ink:

I haveno eyes but I can see

I have no voice but I can reveal

What am I?

I shookmy head at myself. "Typical." This was definitely from Mama Si and not just because of the smell or the pink ink. It's because of the riddle that she'd written herself. I remembered her handwriting—it was the same as her journal I'd found that day in the library on the floating shelf. She'd put it there for me—of course she did, even if I didn't know it then. But that handwriting was the exact same.

Nothing else was written on the piece of paper, so I left it on the desk, and I grabbed that notebook Quinn had so kindly bought for me. Then I went to the closet and sat with Grey's portrait, and I told him everything I'd seen at the lake that night.

So pathetic to be talking to a canvas—well aware of that. So sad that the only thing I trusted in this place was that portrait—the idea of Grey. I told him all about Sedelis and the red faerie and the Great White, and Mama Si's riddle. I told him I was getting better at moving my body, too, that it was so much easier than I had ever thought possible, that Quinn hadn't managed to hit me a single time in the face tonight, just a couple times on the shoulder. Tomorrow night we were going to start on specific defensive techniques in case someone actually grabbed me—from the back and the front and the sides. I was excited.

"I miss you," I told the portrait, the words slipping from me involuntarily. I didn't want to be so weak. I didn't want to feel so much, but here I was, touching the colors that made Grey's face with the tips of my fingers, wondering how the hell I was supposed to live feeling like this. Like I'd be withering away into nothing if I didn't see him soon. Like I was going to die simply from missing him because it had turned into a disease that would only get worse with time.

Eventually, I wouldn't be able to breathe anymore.

Eventually, I wouldn't want to.

I lay down right there in front of it, my hand on his face still, and I wished with all my heart that I'd dream about him, at least. That I'd have him while I was sleeping.

I wished even harder that there was a door somewhere that would take me to him, a window I could jump out of, a mirror that could transport me to wherever he was right now. I'd give it all up just to see him one more time—and wasn't that strange?

I'd give up my life without hesitation if it meant I got to see his face one last time—just his shadow or his silhouette or his reflection…

My eyes popped open.

Something about mirrors that had me wide awake within seconds, despite how exhausted I was.

"I have no eyes, but I can see," I whispered to Grey's portrait. "I have no voice, but I can reveal."

A mirror could do that. It could see with no eyes and reveal with no voice.

A mirror—like the one Mama Si had given me as a gift that night at the party.

Before two minutes were over, I went and grabbed the mirror I'd hidden under the bed, and that letter in the envelope with the riddle on it. I put the mirror near Grey's portrait against the wall and I looked at my reflection in it—pale, eyes red, both with sleep and those tears I refused to admit to myself that I'd cried.

I wasn't crying now, though. "Okay, the answer to the riddle is this. It's mirror. It's you," I told the mirror like a damn lunatic, but it didn't change a thing. The beautiful roses on the edges didn't change color, didn't become bigger, didn't disappear like I thought they might. The mirror remained the same.

It took me a much longer time than I'm willing to admit to think to bring that letter in front of it and look at its reflection, but it was just because I was so tired and sleepy and desperate.

But the mirror saw the letter without eyes, and it revealed to me everything it truly contained.

"Holy shit," I whispered as I watched the riddle disappear little by little, fading away into the paper, while new words formed themselves in that same pink ink with that same cursive handwriting.

I was laughing and shaking my head in disbelief, and I almost asked Grey's portrait, do you see this?!

As if I'd forgotten he was just colors on a canvas. As if I'd forgotten that he wasn't really here.

Luckily, I got myself together before I uttered the words out loud, and then I leaned as close as I could to the mirror while holding up the piece of paper in front of it, and I read.

My dearest Fall Doll,

I've had sleepless nights from the excitement of seeing you again at your party, but I'll admit, our reunion was not what I thought it would be. How you wounded me with your words, my doll. But more than that—you forced me to look inward like I haven't in a long time, and for that, I am thankful.

Despite what you make of me, I am not bad. I swear it, not on purpose.

And to prove that to you, I send you this letter in hopes you'll figure out how to read it.

I can't give you details and I can't dwell on more reasons—after all, I only have this one page. But I can tell you this—beware of what you do not see in the Evernight castle. That place might be safe from the outside, but it isn't from within. Keep your eyes open and don't let the looks of things fool you. See deeper—especially beyond the kindness of the silver-haired who live in the clouds and cling to a life of dreams they cannot have.

Beware of her for she is up to something, and I'm afraid that is all I know to tell you.

Should you ever need something brought to you in that dark place, write to me, and deliver your letter in the same place you received mine. I will be sure to get you whatever your heart desires.

Forever yours,

Mama Si

I readthe whole letter three times, then checked the back to make sure I wasn't missing anything—then I sat back on the floor and I just stared at nothing as her words tried to make sense to my mind.

Did I believe for a second that she really had been excited to see me or that I'd wounded her by telling her the truth about who she was?

Absolutely not.

Mama Si was not one to do me favors, even warn me like this, out of the goodness of her heart. No, I was no longer foolish enough to believe that.

But Mama Si was also a very smart woman, and by keeping in touch with me in secret, she was setting her path for the future. She wanted to be in my good graces because she knew I was a bride, and she knew that all the Evernights wanted to make me theirs, and she saw power there. She saw power that she could use to her advantage later.

And I could use that, too.

Especially since her warning rang in my ears as if I was hearing it spoken with her own voice—the silver-haired who live in the clouds.

I looked at Grey's face on the portrait again, and words he'd said to me before that duel came back to raise all the hairs on my body at attention.

"Genevieve," I whispered, and it was like every inch of me knew that it was her. She was the silver-haired Mama Si was talking about in her letter.

Unfortunately for me, I believed her warning with all my heart.

They were watching me.

Someone was watching me—I felt it with every step I took as I made my way to the south wing of the castle, to Genevieve's chambers. I was so nervous, so scared, so fucking frustrated with whoever was following me that I risked exploding. They were there, yet every time I turned to look, the hallways were empty.

It was still morning, barely nine a.m., and I knew the brides would all be in the dining room for breakfast. That's why I'd decided to leave my tower now. I knew I was being watched, but there was something about feeling those eyes on the back of my head without being able to see who was watching me…

A little while later I heard that sound I recognized even though I hadn't heard it in a while. It was of wings beating—almost perfectly silent, just barely there.

That's when I realized that it was Shadow flying somewhere behind me, hiding so well I couldn't even catch a glimpse of him no matter how hard I looked.

Without hesitation, I began to run.

If he was coming for me, I'd rather make it hard for him to catch me. There was no escaping that dragon, especially with his speed, but I tried anyway, and if someone heard me—one of the brothers—and they came to catch me before I reached my destination, so be it. The fear didn't let me slow down for a single second.

By some miracle, though, I made it.

By some miracle, I stopped in front of the doors that led to the spiral stairs of the entrance to Genevieve's chambers. Shadow wasn't there. He hadn't attacked me.

Without giving myself a chance to think, I pushed the doors open and I went through to the other side.

Silence.

No more wings beating. I was on the other side of the doors and there was nobody there with me, just the light coming off the many lamps on the walls, and their reflection bouncing off the chrome-colored material of the spiral stairway that led to Genevieve's room. The one I'd been to that first time I met her. The one Mama Si had called clouds in her letter.

She was right—the room did look like a sky, a grey, cloudy sky on a warm February day. That's what it had seemed like to me when Valentine brought me here then.

But now, when I walked up those stairs like I was in a dream, and I reached the very top of that strange room that reflected light better than anything else I'd ever seen in the castle, it looked like a trap. Not an open sky—just a fucking trap.

And Genevieve was right there, sitting on a long white couch, feet tucked underneath her, a cup in her hands as she looked at me and smiled like I was the love of her life.

I froze for a good moment as if to make sure that my eyes weren't lying to me, that I wasn't just seeing things. She was so still, her plastic smile so perfect, her silver hair done in soft curls, half tied back and half loose to frame her face, just like last time.

Except last time I hadn't known what hid behind that soft, beautiful face.

Last time, I hadn't known who Genevieve truly was.

"Welcome, darling. It's so good to see you again," she said after a moment, and her smile didn't waver. She didn't stand up at all, just continued to drink her tea slowly, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Good morning," I said, slowly moving closer to where she was sitting. The couch hadn't been there last time—just a recliner and a table across from the stairs on the other side. Now she was sitting in front of the large reflective windows, and it still looked almost like daylight here. Almost.

"Sorry to come here unannounced. I'd have knocked but there is no door."

She waved me off. "It's fine. If I didn't want to see you, I wouldn't have let you through. Come. Sit." And she patted the couch next to her.

Shivers ran up and down my body, but I swallowed the urge to tell her that I didn't want to be so close to her, that I'd rather just stand by the stairs. Instead, I went and sat at the very edge of the couch. The soft velvet was as uncomfortable as if I were sitting on actual needles, just like I expected.

"I imagine you're devastated about Grey," I forced myself to say—only because she looked perfectly okay. She was smiling. Her eyes weren't red or glistening with tears. She seemed completely peaceful, as a mother shouldn't be when her son gets banished. When her son is as good as dead.

The thought made my stomach twist and turn a thousand times.

"I was sad to hear about what happened, yes," Genevieve said. "But Grey was a big boy. He made his own decisions."

I don't know why that felt like a fucking slap to my face. "Romin banished him because he was afraid of him. Grey did nothing wrong," I said before I could help myself.

Her silver brows shot up. "Oh, but I heard he broke the dueling rules."

"Who told you that—Valentine? The same guy who tried to kill me and with your help?" The words kept slipping out of me, and I was so angry so suddenly, so mad that she didn't care about what had happened to her own son that I didn't even want to stop myself.

She pretended to be surprised. "Of course not—what nonsense. Nobody was trying to kill you, Fall."

Reaching for the pocket of my pants, I grabbed the ring she had so kindly given me. The purple stone in the middle reflected the light so beautifully when I put it on the couch between us.

"I know what you were trying to do, Genevieve. I know Valentine told you to give me this ring and he knew I'd die when I ran away, thinking this would protect me. I know." And fuck, it felt so good to finally say that out loud.

She looked down at the ring with a brow raised, then moved her cup to the side. By the time she let go of it, a small table had appeared out of thin air right by the couch, but her magic tricks didn't impress me anymore. Nothing did.

"That's a heavy accusation to make," Genevieve said, and she didn't even take the ring back.

"But you don't mind, do you? After all, I came back. I came back because I didn't want him to get banished." I laughed and it was as bitter as I felt. "How silly of me, right?"

At that, she looked at me. "Not really, no. You care about Valentine. He knows it, too."

"I cared about Valentine before I knew that he wanted to kill me."

She smiled so sneakily so suddenly, it was like I was looking at a different person altogether. "You've come much farther than I would have thought, I'll admit. So very unpredictable," Genevieve said, like the fact absolutely fascinated her. "I usually foresee people's actions and choices long before they make them, but with you, I was pleasantly surprised. For example, never for a second did I consider that you would choose Grey over Valentine, darling. Not ever."

I shook my head at her. "You don't care." Her son was banished, and she didn't fucking care.

My mother never cared about me, either, and I always thought that was a different level. Another kind of monster.

Turns out, Genevieve was the exact same, if not worse.

"I care plenty," she told me—except not about Grey. "However, I'll admit I don't really know what you're up to, and I would like to. So, if you'd like, Fall, we could become allies. We could become friends, you and I. I can help you a great deal in this place, I assure you."

Her words disgusted me. "No, thanks. I don't make friends with snakes like you."

But Genevieve wasn't offended in the least. "Oh, but one needs snakes to survive, don't you think?"

I shook my head. "I know you're up to something, Genevieve." Mama Si had been right—she most definitely was up to something, and the fact that she admitted to wanting to know what I was doing, just confirmed it.

"Aren't we all?" Genevieve said with a shrug of her petite shoulders.

My God, I could hardly believe that I was looking at the same person.

"I'm going to find out what it is, and I'm going to tell Romin all about it."

But that made her laugh. "And what do you think you'll accomplish with that?!" She was genuinely curious when she asked.

"I'll stop you." But I wasn't very hopeful. Not because of Romin, but because what were the odds that I could even figure out what the hell she was cooking? My instincts said it was bad. The fact that Mama Si had felt the need to warn me about it said it was worse.

Genevieve laughed and laughed and laughed. It was genuine, too, straight from the heart. I looked at her, really looked at her and wondered how a face like that could hide who she really was so well.

"Sweetheart, you don't even have any power to speak of. You have no magic because you refuse to accept the Evernights—all of whom are crazy for a chance to bed you." She leaned closer on the couch and I almost jumped back. "Don't you realize how lucky you are?" she whispered. "Don't you realize how much power you can gather if you accept all of them, just for a single time?"

Chills washed down my back and I sat up straighter. "No, thank you. I'd rather be completely powerless than let any of them touch me."

"But Grey is gone!" Genevieve said, and she was smilingas she said it, and I had no clue why I was having such a hard time admitting that she just didn't give a shit! "He's not coming back ever again, darling. And you have options—four of them. You could become stronger than any other bride in history if you take advantage of the opportunity given to you." Again, she leaned closer, her eyes glistening. "With four of them, you could easily become pregnant—oh, you can't imagine the power that comes with bearing an Evernight! You could have them falling to their knees for you, if you're smart."

"I don't need them to on their knees for me. I don't need anyone," I said, even if just to spite her.

"But you do need power," she told me. "If you had power, you wouldn't spend your days locked up in that tower, would you? You need power, darling."

And unfortunately for me, she was right.

"Then I'll get power," I insisted. I was already learning how to fight. I'd get so good at it none of the others could beat me, I swore it.

"But how? A bride can only harness her magic by being with a vampire her blood is compatible with. The more you feed them with your essence, the more magic you gain."

"I'll find other ways." And I would die clinging to that promise.

Genevieve sighed, shaking her head as she leaned back on her couch. "I could give you a good boost, you know. I could open your eyes wide to what magic can truly be. What power truly feels like."

Goddamn my curiosity for rearing its ugly head instantly. "How?" Because if she could do it, so could I, right? I was a bride, too. Technically speaking.

"With mine, of course. I carried an Evernight in this body. I have a lot of magic—don't you remember? I could give you a boost to awaken your own all the way," she told me, and I did remember her telling me that the last time, too. Only back then, she said my body wouldn't be able to handle it. "But I'll require payment, too. Just a little of your blood should do it."

That certainly surprised me.

"Blood?" Was she serious? She wanted my blood, too?

"Oh, don't look so disgusted. You don't want to fuck the Evernights—fine. But you still need to pay for magic, and I'm willing to help you out. Be smart about it, Fall. You don't really have any other options." Even her voice was completely transformed as she said this.

She was right. I'll be damned, but she was right. I didn't have any other options. Even that book that Quinn bought for me advised on focusing on the things that enhanced my magic and gave it a boost, because the more I had, the easier it would be to use it. I'd only read a couple pages the night before, and it had mentioned this three times.

Fortunately for me, Grey had warned me about Genevieve. Mama Si had warned me about her, too, and even if I didn't trust the original seductress, Genevieve had just proved to me that she was indeed up to something bad.

So, I stood up. "I don't know what you're planning, but whatever it is, leave me out of it."

Slowly, she stood up, too. "But you refuse to be my friend, Fall. That means you're choosing to be my enemy."

"You don't have any friends, Genevieve. I doubt you even know what that's like," I said, but if my words hurt her, she didn't show it. "I don't want to be your anything at all, but if you or Valentine try to come for me again with your little tricks and manipulations, I will do everything in my power to stop you."

"Do I really need to remind you again that you have none against me?" She laughed as I shook my head and backed away toward the stairs with a million thoughts crossing my mind.

"Your blood, darling. Give me a little bit of it, and you won't ever have to fear being weak again. You won't have to spend your days locked in that tower, I promise you."

"I'll take my chances," I said and began to descend the stairs, but her laughter remained in my ears.

And even before I made it all the way down the spiral stairway, she called from her room, "They'll be coming for you. It's only a matter of time. They're coooomiiiing…"

I practically ran out the door and to the other side of the castle without turning to even look behind me until I was in the third tower, and I allowed myself to sit on the stairs and breathe.