17 Vitus

"You can't go home." Darsus is firm about the High Council's decision. I have never known them to interfere so much in social endeavors of our kind. "Because this is on an international stage, even if it's just for entertainment, it's important that we confront whatever the media is going to say by showing up, not hiding. Criminals run."

Cylene sits quietly next to me. The chameleon is curled up on her chest, where I wish I was instead. She says nothing as she strokes the creature's neck, keeping it calm. Every movement of her hand has me imagining she's doing that to my crotch instead.

"I was not given time to adequately plan for this race," I counter. "I feel like I'm not in control of my life."

Cylene arches a brow. "Welcome to my last decade."

I pinch the space between my brows, irritated by the situation. She is safer with us than back there with all of the other males. But she's right, and now I understand why she may have been hesitant to accept me catching her. It feels like I cannot do what I want, or there is always something in my way—an unexpected consequence.

"Jalut will catch you up on what you missed while you were out." Darsus signals he's leaving the conversation, and I get a two-tone notification that our com link has closed.

I turn us around and start back toward Earth. "I'm sorry."

"Don't." Cylene rests her head back and closes her eyes. Her smashed helmet hangs from the back of her seat. "We made it out alive. That's what matters."

I want to ask her what happens now, what I can do to make up for my mistake. But she closes her eyes and tilts her head away from mine. I think I hear her sniffle, but I can't see her face to know if she cries like I think she does.

The roiling ache consumes my chest again, the same way it did when she first rejected me. I'm not sure I can live like this.

As we fly through the portals back to her homeworld, I realize the pain she felt when she saw me climbing the hill. She was not going to get the freedom she wanted, like I fear I will not get with the mate I desperately long for.

But if I hadn't saved her, we wouldn't have found Faerlin or the stockpile of weapons. Now my kind can learn how the smokes and light bombs work, so we can properly defend ourselves and make more of the weapons we need.

When I look over at her, I wonder if she fears she'll never be free, and that's why she won't talk to me.

Jalut calls in. I switch him to my earpiece.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you whispering?"

"Think she's asleep. Not sure."

His voice quiets. "Well, you missed the speed dating questions and the planetary holographic simulator tour. But I think you probably got enough of both on your own."

"Likely."

"The vote casting just happened for those of you who haven't yet paired off officially. With the ceremony just hours away, they want to know what you both want to do."

I know what I want, and I think my security team does, too. "I haven't changed my mind."

"Are you sure? You got a lot of requests at the end. Seems women like the rebellious side of you, smarts, capability."

"Not interested."

Cylene shifts in her seat, turning away from me.

"Did she get other offers?" I ask.

Jalut draws in a deep breath. "From almost every other male left in the program.

I swear behind a hand. "Any that are worthy in your opinion?"

"One. But my opinion doesn't matter."

I get an incoming call from Rhynin. "Who?"

"I'm talking to him. But you better take that, sir." Jalut signals he's leaving. "Privately."

I put the ship on autopilot and walk to the back. I lean against the wall and answer the call while I watch Cylene rest.

"General?"

"Don't call me that, Rhynin. Not right now. Just tell me how you are."

"Good. I'm looking forward to returning to duty in a few weeks. But that's not why I called." His tone is calm but forceful, and I feel like he's almost back to himself.

"We've known each other most of our lives," he says. "I know what's going through your head right now: doubt that you're right for your job, right for her, and maybe even doubt that you deserve someone."

His words sum up the wretched discomfort gripping my insides.

"But I saw a side of you during that egg hunt with her that I haven't seen since we were younglings. I saw a happy side of you. The troops need that. They need a leader that can find these light bombs and give us an advantage over our enemy, but also a soldier who knows what it's like to be more than a machine."

I rest my head against the cold metal wall. "You're just worried I'm going to waste your entry by messing this up when I already made pretty darn good and sure I did that."

Rhynin sighs. "It takes two to tango."

"What?"

"Tango. It's a human couples' dance."

"Don't blame her for this."

"I'm not." Rhynin groans. "Vitus, for all the stars in the galaxy, sometimes you are so obtuse."

"Stop using big human words. I can't keep up."

"She was happy too. Everyone saw it."

"Now she's not."

"Then fix it," Rhynin says it like it's something that needs a simple bandage to heal. "Figure it out, with respect, sir."

He ends the com chat, and I feel like I've lost my friend too.

I return to my seat and guide us toward the lunar surface.

"Cylene, I don't know if you're listening, but I am sorry I got you captured."

She shifts in her seat.

"I only wanted to show you something that meant a lot to me. But I understand if you don't want to take the risk."

I guide us into the dock and connect to the pad. "I just don't think I can live without you. Survive, yes. Live—I'm not sure I can after this."

When I drop the ramp and reach over to nudge her, it's the Abr officers who wait in the doorway that fill me with the most dread.