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14

Milo

Rage fuels my hockey.

It's not the only thing, obviously. I train hard, work hard, and possess a degree of natural skill and athleticism.

But underneath it all, rage has always been my secret weapon.

When I first started, it was my outlet to deal with the pain and anger of dealing with the crappy hand I'd been dealt.

In my teen years, I started realizing I wasn't the only one who got a raw deal. I saw how the world worked, and I didn't like it.

How poorly some people get treated because of things they can't control, like the color of their skin. How those with money have so many more doors opened to them while those of us who don't have cushy bank balances have to fight for everything we have. How, despite decades of progress, there are still men out there who think it's acceptable to talk about and treat a woman the way Beth's exes talked about and treated her.

I've been playing some of the best hockey of my career these past few weeks, in no small part based on the fury Beth telling me about her experiences with men unleashed in me.

And I'm really on fire tonight knowing she's in the stands, watching me.

The Bullets star forward Matt Padalecki advances, closing in on me with a fierce determination. I stand steadfast at the net, my eyes locked on the puck, every muscle in my body coiled and ready to react.

Padalecki fakes left, then right, attempting to throw me off balance.

I don't even flinch, my eyes solely focused on the puck.

He winds up for the shot.

The puck rockets off his stick like a bullet.

The crowd holds its breath as the puck hurtles toward the net.

I drop to my knees in the butterfly position, pads spread wide to cover as much of the goal as possible. My gloved hand extends out for the intercept. There's a deafening thud as the puck makes contact with the glove, but it's not over yet.

The rebound bounces off my glove, and another opposing player swoops in, attempting to capitalize on the loose puck.

I spring to my feet and lunge forward, stick outstretched, to poke the puck away only to be met with a fierce slapshot from yet another opponent.

I dive sideways, stacking my pads to form a wall of protection. The puck deflects off my leg pads, flying high into the air.

I push myself back to my feet.

As the puck descends, it becomes a mad scramble in front of the net with players from both teams battling for control.

I manage to locate the puck amidst the chaos and pounce on it, smothering it under my glove.

The whistle blows, signaling a stoppage in play, and the arena erupts in a deafening roar.

Breathing heavily, I rise to my feet as my teammates converge, burying me in a wall of hugs and backslaps. The euphoria of the successful save washes over me, but my eyes seek out one person and one person only.

Scanning through the sea of jubilant faces, my eyes dart past a blur of banners and waving hands, searching, searching.

And then I spot her.

Well, first I spot Evie, who's hard to miss, leaping up and down with the exuberant energy of the Energizer bunny.

But Beth is right there beside her, dressed in all black with an LA Swift scarf wrapped around her neck, which I'm sure she'll roll her eyes as she tells me later that she only wore it ironically.

She may not be bouncing around like Evie, but she's smiling and she looks happy. And when she sees me staring at her, she does the cutest thing ever.

She waves.

Then she looks around and raises one fist in the air, in what I'm guessing is her attempt at a sports-fan gesture.

It's so awkward.

And so freaking adorable.

She's completely clueless about how to cheer, and something about that releases another wave of adrenaline in my body.

There's still a few minutes left in the game, so I wave back and take my position.

She doesn't leave my mind, though.

I could tell Beth was a strong woman from the moment I met her, but after hearing about her awful experiences with men, my respect for her has only grown.

And I guess understanding her past helps explain some of her initial harshness toward me. After the way she's been treated, I don't blame her for being suspicious of men and quick to think the worst.

I've been on the road with the kids ever since we returned from Fraser and Evie's wedding that wasn't, so my only communication with Beth has been through messaging each other every day.

She's teased me about the photos in my Hockey Illustrated story—admittedly, the hipster outfit chosen by the stylist wasn't my preferred choice for the shoot, but I went along with it to not be difficult—she's texted a thumbs-up emoji after every one of our victories, and she's been sharing stories from the bookstore, recounting all the amusing and funny things customers say and do.

But one of my favorite text exchanges with her?

That would be the one from two nights ago.

Beth: Against all my better judgment and knowing I am going to hate every minute of it, I've decided to tag along with Evie to LA to watch the game.

Milo: You mean, to watch me play.

Beth: You have a talent for exuding arrogance, even via text, you know that?

Milo: Arrogant and weird is an unbeatable combination.

Beth: You talk a good game.

Milo: I can back it up, too.

Beth: Can you now?

Milo:

Beth: You better win, is all I'm going to say to that.

Milo: We will.

Beth: Time will tell. See you Saturday, x.

Milo: x

It's the second time she's ended a message thread with an x, and this time, I'm proud to report it didn't send me spiraling.

I hit that x key and pressed Send without a second thought.

With our forwards dominating in the dying seconds of the game, I'm left alone to think in the goal crease. Like always, Beth occupies my every thought. Between her and the kids, it feels like that's all I ever think about.

After a couple of unexpectedly heavy conversations during our trip up the mountain, Beth's returned to her usual intoxicating mix of insults, jabs, and expressing her low-level annoyance at me any chance she gets.

That's clearly her comfort zone, so I'm going to respect that. And honestly, I like the to-and-fro banter between us.

But there is something I'm struggling with.

As much as I'd like to continue down our semi-friendly, semi-flirty path, in light of what she revealed about her past treatment, I'm not sure how to navigate things.

If I compliment her appearance, am I inadvertently reinforcing that she looks good only because she lost weight? Because I don't mean it like that. I think she'd look great at any size, but this is the only size I've seen her.

And I don't know how to proceed on the, uh, physical intimacy side of things, either.

Based on her dating history, there's a high probability she hasn't been with anyone yet. My experience on that front has only been with women who are very forward and clear on what they want.

I don't want to treat Beth differently simply based on an unconfirmed assumption I have, but if I am right, I want to tread carefully and make sure she always feels safe with me.

Because she is.

I will always give her the respect and care she rightfully deserves.

Another thing I'm not sure about?

That would be our kiss arrangement.

Sure, she clarified that she meant one kiss a day, but did she mean it hypothetically or for real that we could actually kiss every day. And if she meant the latter, does that apply only to days when we're together, or is there a running tally, in which case, we are woefully in arrears and will need to do a lot of kissing to square the kiss ledger.

The final buzzer sounds, and we end up winning the game.

We've won a lot of games this season, our turnaround from this same time last year truly remarkable.

It's January and midway through the season. Our record stands at 28-12-3. Twenty-eight wins. Twelve losses. Three overtime or shootout losses.

We're leading our division by a comfortable margin, but neither me nor my teammates are resting on our laurels. A lot can happen between now and the finals, and we are staying focused and determined.

I race through my post-game stretches and bypass the ice bath for two reasons.

One, my kids are here because Boden had to fly home to Wisconsin yesterday after his mother took a nasty fall and broke her hip. I've hired an interim nanny from the agency. Patricia seems great, and maybe I'm overthinking this, but I didn't feel comfortable leaving the kids alone in the hotel with her, so I dragged them all along to the stadium.

And two, Beth is here as well.

She'll meet my kids for the first time tonight.

I keep telling myself that it's no big deal. That if I were a normal person living a normal life, they would have already met by now. But we haven't been back to Comfort Bay since Christmas.

Besides, it's not like I'm introducing them to my girlfriend. We're just neighbors. One of us may be infatuated with the other, while said other tolerates mildly annoying me.

I pull my head through my shirt and let out a weary sigh.

If my lifestyle isn't kid-friendly, it sure as heck isn't girlfriend-friendly, either. It's funny, neither one of those two things even crossed my mind before. Now it's all I can think about. Even though Beth and I aren't even dating.

"You ready?" Fraser asks as he approaches my locker.

"Yeah." I throw the rest of my gear into my duffel bag. "Let's go."

We take off for the family lounge.

He and Evie have rescheduled their wedding for Valentine's Day. They were able to book the same venue since it'll be repaired by then. I'm hoping they'll have better luck with the weather this time.

As if reading my thoughts, he says, "I got your RSVP to the wedding."

"Great."

"Beth RSVP'd too."

I stop walking and turn to him. "Yes, and?"

"Well, one of the only bright spots of the wedding debacle was, you know…" He rocks on his feet, wagging his brows, and I recognize that goofy look on his face from when he and I were ribbing Culver over his situation with Hannah. Teasing someone about their love life is always more fun when you're not the target.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I say, despite having a ninety-nine percent idea I know what he's talking about.

"Oh, come on, man." He flicks my arm. "You and Beth. Holed up in a motel room with a blizzard raging outside. It's like a scene ripped from one of the romance novels she's always got her nose buried in."

"It was nothing like a scene from a romance novel," I argue, hating that my cheeks always get warm when I lie.

"Then why are you blushing?"

"I'm not blushing. I did, however, limit the Bullets to only score once, so forgive me if the price of our victory tonight is a little more color in my cheeks."

"Uh-huh. Uh-huh." We start walking again. "That's not what Evie said. About your stay in the motel, I mean."

Don't bite. Don't bite. Don't bite.

"Why? What's Evie told you?"

Damn. I bit.

"Oh, nothing." He smiles annoyingly. "Besides, I don't really like to gossip."

I snort. "I may be Comfort Bay's newest resident, but I'm yet to meet anyone who lives there and can say that truthfully."

"Look, without betraying anyone's confidence, I'll say this—she doesn't hate you."

"Super helpful." I say it with a smile because I can read between the lines of what he's telling me.

With Beth, not hating someone is a very good sign.

We enter the family lounge. "Daddyyyyy!" Jonah runs up to me. "You stopped da puckeys."

I crouch down, and he launches himself into me. "I sure did, buddy," I say, ruffling his hair. Josie walks up to us. "Did you enjoy the game?" I ask her.

"I liked the nachos. The game was boring."

I'm still adjusting to the unfiltered honesty only an almost-six-year-old can pull off.

I smile. "Yeah. The food here is pretty great."

There hasn't been any progress on the I love you front, either, but I can wait it out until she's ready and comfortable enough to say it to me. I need to earn her trust, and I will.

Hmm. That seems to be a recurring theme in my life with females at the moment.

I exchange a few words with Patricia, the fill-in nanny, who comments how well-behaved the kids are. When she moves on to general chitchat, I survey the lounge, seeking out—ah, there she is, talking with Evie and Fraser.

Heat surges in my chest.

Beth cuts a striking figure, decked out in a black sweater and black jeans with the scarf now hanging over one shoulder.

As if sensing I'm looking at her, she turns her head, and our eyes meet. I hold her gaze for a solid few seconds, curious what she's thinking about and wondering if missing her way more than expected is a silly one-way thing.

She gives a small wave, and I tip my chin and greet her with what could possibly be one of my scare-children-away smiles. I've been making progress on the smile front, but I'm suddenly nervous so maybe I'm reverting to my old ways.

Tapping Evie on the arm, she excuses herself, and of course, Fraser and Evie make no effort to be discreet as they watch her making her way over to me.

Nerves churn in my stomach even more than they did before the game tonight. Why do I care so much if she gets on with my kids, and why am I hoping they both like Beth?

She reaches us, and before I can get introductions underway, she drops down and greets Josie and Jonah with a friendly smile. "Hey, you guys. My name is Beth, and I'm your next-door neighbor in Comfort Bay."

Josie gets a little timid and mumbles a quiet hello, while Jonah bulldozes past Josie and lifts his tiny hand to exchange a high five with Beth. "I wike your hair," he says, and her smile widens.

"Why, thank you."

"It's b'ack."

"Yes it is black," she says, and I'm impressed she didn't miss a beat understanding what Jonah was saying.

I scoop him up in my arms before he can lunge at her and touch it—he's going through a touchy-grabby phase at the moment—and introduce Beth to Patricia, hurrying to explain why Boden isn't with me when her eyes widen in surprise.

After they've said hello, it's my turn, and I don't know the best way to greet her.

A hug? Maybe.

A kiss? Definitely not.

Since I'm hesitating, Beth makes the first move by…sticking her hand out.

"A handshake?" I sputter.

Jeez.

My heart sinks.

I expected her to play it cool—if for no other reason than to not give our friends, who are currently gawking at us from across the room, any ideas—but a freaking handshake? Even the locker-room attendant high fived me after the game.

"Take it," Beth whispers out of the corner of her mouth.

"Take what?"

I have no idea what she's talking about until I drop my gaze and spot the edge of a bright blue piece of paper wedged in her palm. "And be discreet, dude."

I smile as we shake hands, discreetly taking the piece of paper from her.

Unfortunately, the next thing I do?

Not so discreet.

She slaps the side of her face and scoffs in disbelief as I unfold the paper out in the open.

"What?" I ask.

She tips her head toward Evie and Fraser who are staring at us, grinning. "Smooth," Beth mutters, rolling her eyes.

I shrug, figuring the damage is already done and read her note.

Except it's not really a note.

It's more of a coupon, actually.

A coupon that entitles me to the one thing I've been missing and thinking about every day I haven't been with her these past few weeks.

One free kiss.

"I'd like to cash in my coupon, please," I say as soon as I shut the door to the kids' room behind me and make my way to Beth, who's sitting on the couch in my hotel suite.

"I still can't believe you read the note in front of everyone," she says, closing the book she's been reading while I tucked Josie and Jonah in. Because as she told me when I asked her about it, she never leaves her house without one. "I was trying not to raise suspicions."

I drop down next to her. "Are you really that embarrassed to be associated with me?"

"Of course I am," she says with a smile. "I also love how you have literally zero chill and are claiming your kiss the second the kids are asleep."

She has no idea how much I've been missing her, craving her, dreaming about kissing her again. But seeing as I'm already a weirdo who has zero chill, I don't want to add comes on too strong on top of that.

"Me having zero chill is only part of it. Jonah's developed a habit of getting up a few minutes after I put him down and bringing me random things he collects."

"Why"

"Not sure. I think he thinks he's being helpful."

"That's so sweet." Beth smiles. "They're both great kids."

My chest warms at the compliment. "Take after their old man, I guess."

"Whatever."

She may have rolled her eyes, but that doesn't stop her from leaning over and sliding her hands over my shoulders then just as quickly sliding them off and retreating to her side of the couch when she catches Jonah bounding into the room with a remote control in one hand and a notepad in the other.

He extends his arms and proudly displays his latest haul. "For you, Daddy."

"Sorry," I mutter to a giggling Beth, before glancing at Jonah.

"Thanks, buddy," I say, taking the items from him. "Want me to tuck you in again?"

He nods and lets out a yawn. "Yes, pwease."

"I'll be back soon," I say to Beth.

She waves her book at me. "Take your time."

I don't.

I can't help feeling a little guilty as I rush through tucking Jonah back into bed. But come on, I haven't seen Beth in weeks. I'm sure when I tell him this story one day when he's found his person, he'll understand my hurry.

I freeze.

"What iz it, Daddy?"

"Nothing, buddy." I kiss him on his forehead. "Sweet dreams. I love you."

"Wuv you, too."

He rolls over, and I sit on the edge of his bed for a moment, fixated on the thought that casually slipped into my head even though there's nothing casual about it.

Is Beth my person?

I realize it's way too early to make that call. We've only started getting to know each other. I'm probably still on her list of mildly annoying people she tolerates, like Doyle, the grocery store owner everyone has a problem with back home.

Plus, she's got every good reason not to trust men.

But I can't deny that there is something between us. An attraction, sure. A desire to kiss, yeah. But it runs deeper than that. I'm at a loss for how to describe it. One thing is certain, though.

My feelings for Beth are unlike anything I've ever felt in my life.

So I turn the bedside lamp off, quietly slip out of the room, and return to her, ready to redeem my kiss coupon.

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