Twenty-Three

I return to the room I share with Kane, feeling more in control of my future than I have in a long time. Once the pepper spray is tucked safely back into the purse clutched against my chest, I push open the door and stop dead in my tracks.

The warm flicker of candlelight casts an intimate glow, throwing soft shadows across Kane’s robe-clad form. His eye patch glimmers between drops of water that slide from his wet hair down the hard planes of his face. He’s hard to look away from, but she makes it possible.

“Ivy?” I whisper, barely able to hear my voice over the rush of blood in my ears.

She slinks out from behind him, her hands smoothing over his robed chest. Her smirk is as sharp as broken glass, her green eyes gleaming as she looks me up and down. My heart lurches, and my stomach twists with a sickening mix of envy and betrayal.

“Oh, Lady Ashwood. We weren’t expecting you.” She pouts, her voice soft with faux innocence.

“Fawn, this isn’t what it looks like.” Kane steps forward, water sliding down the bare triangle of his exposed chest.

“Or perhaps it is.” Ivy shrugs closer to Kane and trails her hand down his arm. “I do seem to have gotten to know you better, wouldn’t you agree, Ashwood?”

My mind reels, and bile rises in my throat. Time slows as every moment is etched into my memory, every detail clear and sharp, ready to draw blood when I relive this scene.

It’s Chad all over again. It’s my dad walking out on my mom. It’s every relationship with every man I’ve ever been with.

“Poor Lady Ashwood. So trusting. So easy to fool.” Ivy’s smirk grows as her hand slides down Kane’s chest, lingering near the tie of his robe. “Isn’t that right, Ashwood?”

He rips away from her. “I had just finished bathing. She came in uninvited. I tried to get her to leave. I would never—”

“Yes, I do hope you can forgive us our indiscretions.” Ivy’s smile doesn’t falter as she makes a show of smoothing down her dress and adjusting her long blond waves.

“Get out, Ivy.” Kane’s jaw tightens, his eye burning with anger. “Now.”

But the damage is done, the image of them together seared into my mind. I force myself to speak, my voice barely more than a whisper. “No, Ivy, don’t go. I’ll leave.” My chest heaves, tears threatening to spill over. Kane takes a step toward me, and I clutch the purse tighter, my palms clammy, my nails digging into the leather.

“Fawn, please,” he implores. His robe parts slightly as he moves, revealing more of his muscular chest, wet and glistening in the candlelight. “You have to believe me. I would never betray you like this.”

“It was just a bit of fun, remember? It’s my fault for letting my heart get involved.” I swallow hard, the lump in my throat making it difficult to speak. The room feels unbearably small, the air thick with Ivy’s too-sweet perfume. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I found what I need to get home.” I hold up the purse, my fingers trembling. “I just wanted to let you know I’m leaving.”

I turn and rush back to the door, my heart breaking with each step. I can’t bear the sight of him, of her, of the situation I knew better than to end up in again.

“Hannah, wait.” He grabs my wrist as I try to leave. His urgency parts his robe over his thigh, exposing the hard lines of his leg and the flash of a gold scar.

I want to believe him. I want to throw myself into his arms and let him explain everything, but I’ve done that before, too many times. And I’m tired of making the same mistakes.

“You said not to trust anyone within the kingdom,” I whisper, my voice trembling. Tears blur my vision, but I blink them away, refusing to let them fall. “I should have listened.”

His grip tightens, his thumb brushing against my wrist as he tries to reel me back in. “Hannah, you have to let me explain—”

“Let me go, Kane! I don’t need you to save me anymore.”

Kane’s gaze snaps to mine, panic flashing in his eye. We both freeze as my outburst hits us like a thunderbolt. I didn’t mean to say his name outside of the privacy of just us, to blurt out the truth of who he is. But I can’t take it back. I can only hope Ivy didn’t notice.

“Goodbye, Ashwood.” My hand is on the door. I’m almost free, away from them and my growing list of mistakes.

“What did you call him?” Ivy’s voice is a chill against my back, and I turn to face her.

“Lord Ashwood. His name. What else?” I smash my purse against my stomach, trying to make both of us smaller. I know Kane needs me, but I don’t know how to help him. Or even if I should.

Ivy’s smile returns, deadly and gleaming as a shark’s. She moves with a predatory grace, her hips swaying as she drifts closer to Kane. Her gaze rakes over him, taking in his tall frame wrapped in taut, sculpted muscles, broad shoulders, and sun-bronzed skin. She lifts his eye patch and lets out a gentle gasp.

“I thought I recognized that jawline…that thick body.” She runs her hand along his cheek, her fingers trailing down to the exposed slice of his chest. “I even told Four I suspected something was amiss, but leave it to a man to be outsmarted by a clever eye patch and bad haircut.”

Kane’s hands tighten into fists at his side, the tension in his body heating the air. “Ivy, this doesn’t need to leave this room.”

Ivy laughs as sharp and crisp as breaking glass. “Oh, this is too good to keep between us.” She tilts her head. Blond hair falls across her shoulder in silken waves. “Especially since this ruse was no doubt about me.”

Kane glares at her, his jaw clenched so tightly it might crack. The air between them is electric and sparking with history.

They were together. They have a past.

The realization thunders over me, leaving me breathless and dizzy.

I let myself trust him, get caught up in hopes and dreams. I ignored the red flags and warning signs and how guarded and oafish he became when I mentioned her name. I pushed aside my intuition and blamed myself for being jealous when I thought they were formally introduced for the first time at tea with the queen.

Deep down, I knew.

I knew there was something between them.

I knew he wouldn’t give me his heart because he’d rather save it for someone else—for Ivy.

“No denying it, then?” Ivy purrs, her smug satisfaction making me shudder.

My breaths are shallow, my mind racing, grasping for fragments of their shared history.

She was his secret weapon, the person he knew he could get to ally against Four and bring with her allegiance members of the court.

He knew I wouldn’t understand. Or worse, I would fuck it up and wouldn’t let him have fun with me if I knew the truth.

Kane was protecting her.

“If you breathe a word of this to Four, I will make sure you live to regret it.” His words are a deadly promise, and for a moment, Ivy’s smirk falters.

“Oh, Kane, I already lived a life of regret.” Her smile returns, eyes glinting with malice. “When I was with you.”

I take a deep breath, my heart clenching as my gaze swings to Kane. “Ivy was your plan all along—the one you knew could turn the tide against Four with her connections. You said she had her uses. I just didn’t know how thoroughly you had explored them.” My voice wavers, tears swirling my vision.

“The worst part isn’t that you two clearly have some complicated relationship you didn’t think I deserved to know. It’s that, even knowing my past with her mirror version, you chose to lie to me when I asked you about her. You still wanted to sleep with me, and you didn’t think I was smart enough or capable enough to know your real plan without messing it up or closing my legs.”

Kane steps toward me, trying to bridge the chasm the truth has cracked open between us.

“No, Kane, don’t. I let myself feel things for you. I let myself think you could possibly feel something for me too. I overlooked every instinct and moment of common sense I had.

“You have saved me, a lot, and I made the mistake of thinking you would always protect me. When really, this entire time, you were protecting her, and I was just your bit of fun.”

He shakes his head and brushes his hand through his hair. “It started that way, and I thought being with you—taking your body as mine—would satisfy the hunger I have for you. But it only grew stronger. And after the fire. After I almost lost you…”

The words hang in the air like the smoke on that night, and my heart breaks all over again.

“When you asked me about staying here, when you said we had to talk, I felt it—the damage my lies could do to what we have. I needed time to think. Time to act, to put things right before I told you. Fawn, it’s not about my plan anymore. It’s not about Ivy, or Four, or the politics of this kingdom. It’s about you. You are not just my bit of fun, Fawn.”

I shake my head and back away. “I’m so naive. So desperate. So…so stuck in this fucking pattern.” My tears spill over despite my efforts to hold them at bay. “You may not have lost me in the fire, but you’ve lost me now.”

I turn and flee the room. My footsteps echo through the empty hall as I race to the stairs, the corridor a smear of gold and crimson through my tears. I don’t know where I’m going, only that I need to get away.

I reach the grand staircase, my heart pounding in my chest, and my foot catches on the hem of my dress. I trip and lurch forward. My purse slips from my grasp, and I catch myself on the banister. Its contents spill onto the carpeted steps. Pens, ChapStick, and lip gloss roll down the stairs, tiny reminders of a world that feels so far away.

You’re such a mess, Hannah.

Sobs wrack my body as I drop to my knees. Fingers quaking, I gather the contents of my purse and shove them back inside like I’m collecting pieces of my broken heart. My ChapStick tube rolls down the final step and onto the floor, and I snatch it up, hiccupping with every sob. I spin around and swipe at my eyes, trying to clear my vision as I frantically search for the one thing that truly matters.

Panic flares in my chest, a fresh wave of despair crashing over me as I drop onto the floor and dump out my purse. Lip glosses, a compact mirror, my wallet, crumpled receipts, pepper spray, tampons, and keys tumble out, but no tarot card.

My chest tightens, and I can barely breathe. I push aside the empty purse and paw through the pile again. My movements are erratic, my fingers slipping on the smooth marble as I shove aside everything that isn’t the Empress—the card that will take me home.

I let out a choked sob. “It has to be here! It has to be.”

My heart races with the weight of my desperation, my ignorance, my only way back lost within a stone palace.

Where’s the card? Where is it?

“Where is it?” I shout at my past self, my present, all the versions of me too clingy and afraid to make better choices.

The palace mocks me with silence as the reality settles in. The Empress isn’t here.

“I’ve lost it,” I whisper, burying my face in my hands. “I’ve lost my only way home.”

Just as I feel like I’m about to be swept away by the tide of my emotions, a familiar voice chimes, and Marion rushes to my side. “Hannah! What happened? What is all this?”

“Marion, please,” I choke out past my tears, “get me away from here.”

Concern bunches her brow, but she nods and doesn’t ask questions as she gathers my things back into my purse and helps me to my feet. She wraps her arm around my shoulders, and I cling to her as we rush out of the palace.

Even as my steps lead me farther from Kane and his lies, I can’t escape the feeling that I’m running from more than just him. I’m running from the truth, the pain, the understanding that my shitty choices have led me to this moment.