Chapter 10

10

Millie

H e snuggles back in next to me, tucking me into his huge frame, and I feel absolutely content. It feels like this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. Like everything is right in the world.

“So, why did you get banned from being one of Santa’s Earth Helpers?”

He told me that when he was younger, he was like an investigator and would study kids to find out exactly what they wanted for Christmas. But for some reason he was banned from the viewing room and has been on the naughty list ever since.

“I never quite understood why,” he says. “All I did was give the girl what she truly wanted. And the next thing I knew, Santa said I stole the Christmas spirit from an entire family.”

I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Santa is real and magic truly exists. All of this sounds crazy to me, but in his world, it is very real. “What did you give her?” I feel like it would’ve had to have been a dead dog or something really bad.

“This girl asked Santa for her very own sleigh.” Yeah, that does sound like a farfetched request. Although, the year I learned about my dad’s affair, that’s exactly what I asked Santa for. I wanted to be able to see my dad whenever I wanted. He was gone all the time. Supposedly traveling for work, but come Christmas morning, I learned that wasn’t the case.

“Obviously, this was not a wish Santa could grant or else all the boys and girls would want one,” he continues. “So, I was told to study the girl and find out exactly what her heart truly desired that Christmas. After watching her for a few days, I realized that what she truly wanted was for her dad to stop traveling so much for work.”

Wow. I guess I wasn’t the only little girl in the world longing to spend more time with their father.

“I knew it was a stretch,” he continues, “but I looked to see if there was something I could give them that would allow them to spend more time together. But that’s when I discovered that her dad wasn’t traveling for work. He wasn’t in another state or another country like he’d told her he was. He was literally two blocks away.”

My shoulders tighten and I sit up on my forearm, a sick feeling creeping into my stomach as the memory floods back in.

“Mom, if Dad can’t be with us for Christmas, can we go be with him?”

Mom squeezes my hand tighter as we continue to walk down the block to our favorite diner. I found a coupon for a free slice of pie in my stocking this morning, and since Dad couldn’t be with us, Mom decided to take me to get a piece of my favorite pie for breakfast. We’re going to wait to open presents when Dad gets home, so today is going to be filled with fun treats and games, followed by a marathon of all the Home Alone movies.

“I wish we could, sweetheart…” She reaches for the door handle of Manilla’s Diner. “But hopefully we’ll get to see him tomorrow. Just know that Daddy wanted to be here with us, but he can’t control the weather in Montana.”

Apparently, a big winter storm moved in, and all the flights were cancelled. If he’s lucky, he’ll get to come home tomorrow. But that’s still to be determined. But he told me the snow already stopped falling and he’s super optimistic that he’ll be back.

“He promised me that he’ll never travel around the holidays again after this,” Mom assures.

I step inside the diner and come to a halting stop, nearly squealing when I see my father sitting at a table. It was all just a joke. He did come home. He’s here. I rush right to him, and nearly launch myself into his arms.

“You made it! Oh my goodness, Daddy, you’re here. You guys tricked me.” I pull back from my tight squeeze and turn towards my mom. “You had me completely fooled. That was a good one.”

I expect her to be beaming with happiness, giggling along with me, but for some reason it looks like my mom has just seen a ghost. Her face has blanched white and there are tears in her eyes. She looks upset for some reason.

“Mommy,” I say, wondering what’s wrong. But then I see her eyes shift, and I look over, noticing for the first time that my dad isn’t alone. Margot, his new paralegal, is here with him. Maybe Mommy is upset that he brought her along for their special surprise. Maybe she’s worried that he’s going to be working during breakfast. But as my mother begins to speak, slowly the truth comes to light.

“I knew it,” Mom says, shaking her head. “You just couldn’t keep your claws off him.” She points her accusation at Dad’s new secretary. “I saw the look in your eyes at the holiday party. I almost followed you both out when you went to go get the ‘bonus’ envelopes for the staff. I’m positive I would’ve learned the truth that night.”

I don’t understand. What truth?

“She’s not the one to blame for this, Mildred.” I look toward my dad, who now sounds angry toward my mother. “I’m the one that fell in love.”

Fell in love?

“How could you, John? Twenty years of marriage, our beautiful daughter—how could you destroy us? And for what? A twenty-year-old girl who only cares about your money. I thought you were a better man than that, John. I thought you valued marriage.”

The words are coming out fast, and I don’t understand what is happening. I need someone to explain. Everyone looks upset. Well, everyone except for Margot. For some reason, she looks happy that my parents are fighting, which makes me angry. My mom is upset over something that has to do with her, and Margot’s just sitting there smiling. It’s rude, and it’s making me hate the woman.

“It wasn’t planned, Mildred. It just happened. And as far as Millie goes, she’s always going to be my daughter. I’ll always love you, Millie bear.”

I swallow back the lump of unease that’s stuck in my throat. The pieces are slowly starting to come together, the image becoming clearer by the second. I think my father is in love with Margot.

“So, when were you going to tell us?” my mom asks, the tears now streaming down her cheeks. I rush to her side and hug her tight, hating that my father is causing her this pain.

“I was going to tell you after New Years,” he states. “But since you just learned the truth, I guess there’s no point in delaying the inevitable. I already contacted an attorney and will be filing for divorce after the holidays.”

The tears start streaming down my cheeks. My parents are getting a divorce. My dad is leaving. He’s leaving us for Margot.

“So, I gave the girl the truth for Christmas. That way her father could stop pretending like he was away, and he could spend more time with her. It seemed like the perfect present to me, but Santa didn’t like it.”

I pull out of his arms and sit up, the cold truth crashing in. He’s the one that made us discover my dad’s affair on Christmas morning. He’s the one that shattered us that day.

“Why would you do that?” My voice comes out harsh, causing him to jerk back. “Don’t you know how devastated my mother was? She cried for weeks. I didn’t think she’d ever stop. The look in her eyes as the truth settled in still haunts my thoughts.”

“You were that little girl?” He sits up, looking shocked, but almost happy by the fact. “Wow. I can’t believe it. How uncanny is that? Out of all the humans that I could’ve fallen for, it’s you.”

He doesn’t even get it. He doesn’t understand the mass destruction he caused in my life. All he’s focused on is the fact that us meeting is some kind of ironic coincidence. Doesn’t he see what he did? I know he didn’t cause the affair to happen—that is all my dad’s fault—but he caused the most amazing woman in the world, the brightest light I’ve ever known, to hate Christmas. Mom having to find out about the affair the way she did was the worst possible scenario, especially on what’s meant to be the happiest day of the year. Now every year, when the stores start putting the Christmas crap out in August, she immediately goes into a downward spiral. Every Christmas song that plays, every house that’s decorated in lights brings tears to her eyes. It ends up being the most miserable time of the year for us.

“You don’t get it, do you?” I shake my head, climbing off my bed. “You destroyed her. She was so happy. So full of life and joy. And you took that from her.” If she had found out after the holidays, on some random day, with a sit-down conversation from my dad, and not abruptly walking in on his special little morning with his mistress, it would’ve been easier for her. She still would’ve been hurt, still would’ve hated my dad for what he did, but she wouldn’t have associated the pain with the holiday season.

“I gave you both the truth, little dove, which is much better than the lies and deception your dad was dishing out.”

“Leave, Brawn,” I grit the words through my clenched teeth, the mass of emotions balling up in the pit of my stomach becoming too much to bear. “Get out and never come back.”

He shifts toward me, and I take a step away from the bed. “I don’t understand, Millie. I didn’t mean to upset you or your mother. I thought I was helping.”

“Go, Brawn. I never want to see you again.”

The pain in his eyes as he vanishes into thin air breaks the dam on my emotions and the tears flood down my cheeks. I collapse to the floor, wallowing in my misery. I thought that he was the one. I thought that the magic of the universe had brought me the most incredible being I could’ve ever asked for. After ten years of living in the rubble of my broken family, I felt light and happy again, but it’s gone. The joy, the merriment, the hope—it’s all been ripped away and replaced with dark, miserable heartbreak.