26. Jax

Jax

T he door opens, and Rafael falls back in surprise. It barely lasts long enough for me to register it before a smile eclipses his face and makes me wonder if the surprise was even there. There's a trembling inside me, a desperate urge to throw myself into his arms.

"Hi."

"Hey, I was wondering if I could stay with you guys tonight? Or for a while?" Rescue me, save me from the nightmares, keep me safe. I swallow down the useless thoughts. No one can save me except maybe me. Maybe.

Rafael nods and turns sideways so I can step into their home. I feel diminished this time. In the other times I've been here, I've not been at my best, but this time, my back is to the wall, I've run out of wriggle room.

"Where's Dane?"

"He's out. He'll be back later." Rafael takes my bag and takes it down the hallway to put it in his room. He pauses with his hand on his doorknob and glances at me. I nod and follow him into his room. There's an awkwardness that I can't shift, but he's completely relaxed and puts my bag on the chair in the corner. I didn't appreciate this room the last time. It's all grey, thick plush carpet, plain, modern. There is nothing personal in this room at all. An empty void, exactly how I've been living my life. He understands, on some level, he knows what I'm feeling, and that slim connection is enough.

"Do you want to-"

I wind my arms around his neck, stand on my tiptoes, and press my lips against his. His hands encircle me from behind, and he groans, opening his mouth and kissing me back. I nip at his bottom lip.

"Jax, we don't have to-"

"I want to. I need this." My husky whisper surprises us both. "Rafe. I need you. Make me forget. Make me feel good."

The words seem to have a physical effect on him. His pupils dilate, and his whole body tenses. He wants me as much as I want him, and I need…I need to have a choice. I need to choose, and I choose him. Now. In this moment.

I reach up and unbutton his shirt, button by button. As soon as enough skin is revealed, I lean forward and place an open-mouthed kiss on his shoulder. He is breathing hard and holding himself so still.

"You have stuff going on in your-" he yips when I nip his chest, "-life, I just want to be sure-"

"Rafe, I'm sure," I purr and lick a path up his neck to his lips. "Touch me."

He shakes his head, but his hands rise to grip my hips and flex as I suck the skin on the side of his neck. His nobility and kindness just make me want this more. I know I'm a bit out of control, but I can't find it in me to regret it. It feels right.

I reach for his pants and undo his belt, slowly giving him time. His hands are warm, moving over my jeans, up under my top, stroking my skin everywhere like he needs to map every part of me. I wanted before; I needed before, but now I burn for it.

I'm a runaway train, and there is no stopping us, this. It's happening. I can see it in his face.

"Sweetness, take off your clothes," he pants as I push his shirt down his arms.

"In a moment, I want to see you." I smile to soften the words.

I press my hand against his stomach, and he steps back, his pants dropping. Rafe lets out a low groan that makes my stomach flutter. I shove his shoulder, and his knees catch the bed, and he falls back. I drag his boxers down at the last minute.

He lays back on his elbows and goes to sit up.

"No, don't move."

"Jax, what?"

I slowly lower my eyes to the thick, hard cock that juts up between his legs. It's mine, for me. I feel like a goddess with this ultimate power. It's a fantasy I refuse to let go of. I shrug my shoulders, and my jacket falls off. The confusion in his eyes fades as he watches me with a ravenous stare. I drag my t-shirt up and throw it across the room. I'm wearing the black lace bra that Dane bought. At the thought of Dane, a tiny niggle of hesitation crops up, but I crush it.

I unbutton my jeans and slide them over my hips. My cheeks burn slightly, and I wait to see if there is anything in his eyes that's going to make me find my clothes and leave, but if anything, his eyes burn brighter.

"Jax, you're beautiful. So damn sexy. Please, let me touch you."

I shake my head and bite my bottom lip as I reach around to undo my bra as I kick off the panties. He sucks in his breath, and I move closer. He sits up and grabs me around the backs of my thighs, dragging me in between his legs and kissing my stomach. I want to beg now, but before I can, his fingers skate up over my hips and dip to my ass, squeezing hard enough that all the words evaporate in a gasp of pure pleasure.

Rafe strokes his hands up my torso, over my ribs, before he cups my aching breasts, kneading them. He teases with flicks and pinches before his hot mouth latches on, sucking and biting gently. I press into him, holding his head to me, and whimpering softly. But it's not enough, and I'm too impatient to wait. I draw backwards, away, and reluctantly, he lets me go.

"Up on the bed, Rafe."

He growls and slides backwards into the centre of the bed. I crawl after him until I find the position I've been aching for. I grind my wet cunt along the hard ridge of his cock, rocking as he pants.

It's been a long time since I've trusted anyone to be naked with them. Idly, I wonder what makes this man different, but then he arches up into me, and the thought shatters and fades.

"Fuck!" he throws his head back, then sits up, wrapping himself around me. Our lips clash together in a kiss that makes me lose my mind. I lift as he positions himself.

"Slow-" Rafe says slowly.

I slam down hard, sinking all the way, and then pause to feel that painful stretch. It's so good. He's inside me. This feels like a dream. The pain is the only thing that anchors me to this moment.

Rafe groans, and his fingers reach up, tracing my shoulders, arms, breasts in an almost frenetic energy.

"Baby, why?"

"I need this." It's the only answer I have. The only thing that makes sense in my mind. I need to be here, in this moment.

I roll my hips, rising and falling in a dance that I had wondered if I'd forgotten. Movements that I've woken up with but have faded with shame and disgust. I don't feel those two feelings right now. He thrusts up to meet me, and then puts a hand around the back of my neck and pulls me down as he lays back on the bed.

Rafe grips my breasts, and he kisses first one and then the other before dragging his teeth over my nipples.

I hiss and arch my back and thrust harder against him. Now the pain is gone. It feels so good, a building heat, a coil of pressure. He kisses up my chest and bites lightly on my shoulder. I drop my head into his shoulder and pant. Licking the salty skin and leave my own bite mark on him.

Rafe's breathing grows erratic, and he thrusts up, harder. His jaw is clenched, and I sit up again, riding him. He reaches between my legs and strokes my clit. Over and over, thrusting harder. We are both so out of control, and it's exactly what I need.

No control. No consequences. Nothing but a man who makes me feel safe and free.

My body coils and tightens as a wave of pleasure slams through me. I clamp down on his cock and distantly hear his startled shout. He thrusts up again and again, and then stiffens. His fingers bite into my hips, holding me still.

I collapse on top of him, breathing hard. I turn my head so I can look at him, and he looks stunned.

"You alive, Rafe?" I tease. I'm mildly surprised that I'm so okay, but I don't stop to examine it.

"No. I died and went to heaven. It was beautiful."

He startles a laugh out of me, and that makes him smile. His arms wrap around me, and now his touch is gentle again.

"I, I know this is late, but I am clean," Rafe says quietly. "I was tested recently."

"I'm clean. You're actually the first person I've been with since…" I trail off. "And I have an IUD." I don't want to think of the fact that Sparrow makes sure I have one in periodically. Another choice I don't have.

"I'm the first in that long?" He looks startled, and then fiercely happy. He kisses me slowly, passionately, like he did on the couch.

I pull away and grunt as I climb off him, feeling him slip out of me.

I cross to the bathroom and clean up, and then return with a towel for him. He cleans up, and then lifts the covers for me to climb under. I climb under and lay my head on his chest.

"What happened, Jax?"

I debate telling him nothing, part of the story or all of it. I can't lie to him in this bed, not after what we just did, after what he just gave me.

"Someone has been drugging my drinks and set up cameras in my apartment. The cameras are new, I know that. But the drugging, I don't know how long that's been going on. So, I woke up this morning with my engagement ring on, and it terrified me." I pause, my throat tight. "I just felt so dirty, so violated."

Rafael hisses, and his arms tighten around me.

I sigh and bury my face in his chest.

"I'm sorry," I mumble.

"For what?"

"I used you. I needed to feel like I had a choice, and this is all I feel like I have left."

Rafael chuckles. "Jax, I think I knew that. Maybe not on a conscious level, but I knew you needed me. And maybe," he tilts my head up with a gentle finger under my chin, "maybe I needed you, too. Maybe I chose you, too."

I shift forward and kiss him. "You are the single sweetest person I've ever met."

He scowls and rolls me in the bed so he's on top of me. "I'm not sweet. Take it back." He kisses and nips his way down my body. I giggle and tug on his hair, but when his mouth sucks lightly on my clit, I almost shriek.

"Take it back," he growls again, "or I'll never stop."

"Promises, promises," I tease.

His hot mouth descends on me again until I'm a liquid mess, helplessly grabbing onto the sheets and arching into him. He climbs up my body and sinks into me slowly.

"This is slow, sweetness, pay attention."

"Fuck your slow," I say almost incoherently.

He slams into me, and then stops all movement. "Slow." He pulls out, and then, with agonising slowness, sinks into me again.

I wrap my legs around him and smile into his shoulder. "Please, I need you."

He freezes. "Magic words. Evil girl."

Rafe pulls out and lifts my legs over his shoulders and slams back in. "All right, fuck slow."

"Rafe, please."

"Oh, god, you're so damn wet. Tight. Touch yourself, baby. I need to see you come."

I squeeze one of my breasts and reach down between us to stroke my clit. In moments, I'm there on the edge.

"Come for me," Rafael growls in a dark voice. Our eyes lock. I'm safe. I'm safe with this man.

I shatter, and he explodes into violent movements, slamming into me over and over until he goes rigid. This time, he collapses on me.

"It's official. I'm going to have to keep you now," he whispers into my ear.

"If I was a sensible girl, I'd run right now." I tease back, wishing his words didn't give me a tingle of fear.

"If I was a sensible guy, I'd tie you to the bed until I convinced you to stay with me."

"That requires far too much energy. I'm old."

He explodes with helpless laughter. "You are not old."

"I am. I have grey hair and saggy bits."

"You are flavoured. Not old. Never old." Rafael kisses me softly. "I think you're perfect."

"You wouldn't change anything?" I ask and wonder if he's telling me the truth.

"Not a hair."

I kiss his shoulder. "I wouldn't change anything about you, either." I mean it.

A knock on the door has me tensing. Rafael groans and lifts off me to slide to the side of the bed.

"What, Dane?"

"We have to go to the Harmon dinner. You're getting ready soon, aren't you?" Dane growls.

I glance at Rafael and press my hand to my lips to hold the laughter in. His eyes are wide.

"Bit soon, don't you think, taking me home to meet Dad?" Rafe asks.

I completely lose it, laughing until tears stream down my cheeks. Rafe lies on the bed watching, smiling softly. When my tears change, he holds me close and whispers softly in my ear the same two words over and over.

"You're safe."