24. Jax

Jax

I turn a deaf ear to Rafael's protests and go home. It feels weird being in the house alone. With a weird disconnect, I stand near my island and stare through my bedroom doorway at the bed. I should pull my phone out and check it, look at the time. Perhaps I have time, maybe. I wrestle with the idea, and then just decide to do it. Wriggling down on the floor and sliding under the bed takes a moment. I shift the wood aside and stick my fingers in.

My phone is gone. I check my pockets, but all I have is the phone Dad gave me. My hidden one is gone. My heart thuds and then gallops. I know I left it in there.

My body turns icy. I push myself up, forgetting I'm half under my bed. My back aches from where I just slammed it against the wood, but I scurry backwards and shove the bed as hard as I can. The spot clears, and I slide across the floor on my knees and look into the hole. Nothing.

I reach in again like that will make it appear.

"No. No."

I repeat the words, and then get up and rush to my closet.

"I could run. I can run and go, just leave everything behind. That's still a choice!"

I open it and bend to reach for my go-bag, but it's gone. My bag is gone. All my identification, spare money, clothes. It's all gone. There's a single piece of paper with printed words on it. I stare at those words until they make sense.

Bad girl

"FUCK YOU!" I scream. I stand up, grab my coat, and stomp my way down into the early evening air.

I don't care who he thinks he is. If he thinks that will stop me from doing anything, he's fucking wrong! Asshole.

The car I boost is a piece of shit and doesn't like sitting on the speed I'm trying to hit. I drive erratically, furiously cursing the whole time. Five years of nothing, no excitement, no men, no kissing, no touching, no drama, no fucking bodies, and now, now it all blows up?

And this random freak takes my stuff and stops me from leaving?

When the car suddenly swerves onto gravel, I finally feel the tightness in my chest start to ease. I park the car and get out of it in one smooth, slinky move. I poke my finger into the darkness around me and growl.

"And you, what the hell was that in the basement?" I thunder.

Gideon walks slowly through the trees, weaving to and fro, seemingly ignoring me.

"How dare you try to hurt them, intimidate me into doing what you want?"

He snarls, and I can hear it clear as day.

"Don't freaking snarl at me, either," I snap. "You don't exist. You are a psychotic piece of my broken mind. That means you don't get to go rogue. And how can you even hurt real people? I'm losing it. I'm finally really going too deep in my mind. This is crazy. Oh, my god, I'm going to end up back in the room. Maybe I'm already there."

The unfiltered bolt of fear makes my knees weak.

I turn to keep him in sight, ignoring the other flickers of shadows. Nothing is as threatening as Gideon, and I don't care how mad we are at each other. He won't let anyone hurt me, even me.

"Fall in line, G," I shout, knowing it will piss him off.

And that does it.

I know as soon as I've said it I've made a mistake. He explodes across the clearing, his long legs closing the distance. I hold my ground, tilting my head up to glare where the darker spots that would be his eyes are. His fingers close around my throat, and he tugs me against his chest, hard.

I slap at his arm, but he just bends closer until we are face-to-face. I fall into stillness. Mesmerised by what I'm seeing. Suddenly everything is melting away, the fear, the rage, the helplessness, all of it's replaced by this tiny detail that just blooms in my mind.

"Your eyes are green," I whisper.

His fingers tighten and then loosen, and his other hand comes up to pull me flush against him. My skin tingles.

He leans down so his lips, our lips, are almost touching.

"Mine," he growls.

A beam from a torch cuts over him, and he dissolves. I fall on my arse in the gravel, but I don't register any pain.

He talked. Gideon talked. He has green eyes. Oh. My. God. I've finally gone all the way over. I'm crazy. Sparrow was right. A hysterical giggle escapes my lips before I muffle it with my fist.

"Jax, finally. I've been sitting up here for two days waiting for you to show up." River stomps over to me and holds a hand out. "What are you doing on the floor? No, wait, I don't want to know."

River looks at me and shakes his head. "There's something different about you."

"No, there's not," I grumble.

"There totally is."

"Not," I snap. "River, don't."

"There is, you are missing brother bruises." River picks me up around the torso and squeezes until I let myself hang limply. He swings me around like a doll, and then kisses my cheek a couple of times. I laugh and splutter and try to fight him off, but I've been helpless against this kid since the day he turned thirteen and shot up and out.

"You are a shit of a brother."

"I'm the best brother."

"You are." I lay my head on his shoulder.

"Dinner tomorrow night."

"Yes, I'm thrilled. Can't you see my thrill?"

"The Queen succubitch is whining already."

"Oh, god, not fair."

"You don't answer your phone."

"I lost it. Dad gave me a new one."

"I see." River sets me down and leans against my stolen ride. "Is this courtesy of the special snowflake who cleaned your apartment?"

I look away. Guilt for the lies I have to tell burning another scar into my soul. "Of course, not."

"You can't lie to me like you lie to everyone else, Jackie. I'm your baby brother slash best friend."

I scowl. "I don't want you involved."

"I'm your brother. I'm going to be involved. Let me help you."

I shake my head. "No," I whisper it. But I have never been more firm than I am right now.

"Jackie, please."

"No! No, River, listen to me. No. Just stay out of it."

He stands up, and even in the dark, I can see the hurt on his face.

"I guess I should go. I'll see you tomorrow."

I watch him walk away, finding the outline of his Ducati parked under some trees. It roars to life, and he leaves.

Gideon wraps his arms around me, and I lean into his chest.

"Nowhere to turn. All my exits are gone. We're going to have to play this out to the end this time. All the way to the end. People are going to die. Maybe people I love. People I care about. He'll go after them, this Black Dahlia Killer. That's the MO. It will be common knowledge who I am soon, and then it will be game on. But it's not him. It's someone else, but who knows everything?" My mutters trail off as nausea replaces it.

I pull away and lead Gideon to our spot. He sits down, and I sit in between his legs and lean back against his chest.

"The Black Dahlia Killer has to be the stalker. But it's not Louis. No one will believe me, but it can't be him. But whoever it is knows enough. They were in my apartment. My phone is gone and my go-bag."

I go over the entire day and everything we learned and discovered.

"I hate that I feel sorry for him. It's not enough that a part of me still cares about him still, but now I have empathy for him? It's so damn twisted and gross." I shake my head. "At least now we have an idea of how he ended up the way he did. His first kill probably was his grandfather and, by the sounds of it, I don't blame him. But he didn't have to keep killing, he didn't have to choose innocent people. He turned it into a sport."

I stop and have to calm my breathing down.

"That's why I don't want you to hurt them. They are really nice guys. Rafael is just the sweetest, kindest guy I've ever met, and Dane's grumpy, but he's trying hard. They just miss their brother, Terrance."

Gideon stiffens, and his hands stop moving.

"Yes, you guessed right. Louis killed their brother. Well, I'm guessing he did. They are hurting already, G. I don't want to see them hurt anymore, and every minute I spend with them, I care more, and he will be watching. I'm putting them in terrible danger."

Gideon takes my hand and squeezes. He lifts both our hands to my chest, and he draws a cross.

"I don't understand, G. You want me to stay away from them?" I ask and turn in his lap to look at him.

He shakes his head.

"You want me to be with them?"

He hesitates, and then nods. It hurts, this sudden feeling of rejection. There's a lump in my throat, and I lick my lips and try to arrange my thoughts.

"I don't understand. What did I do?"

He shakes his head fiercely and draws the cross on my chest again.

I spin so I'm facing him, sit up on my knees, and stare at him. "I want you. If you were real-"

He places a hand over my mouth and shakes his head.

I pull away from him and shake my head. "What is this? Are you going to vanish? Are you…breaking up with me? Is this what this is?" I can't help the shaky, hysterical tone.

He shakes his head again, sits up, and crushes me to him.

"I'm not here…trust…them," Gideon says, and then he vanishes for the second time that night, and though I wait, he doesn't return.