Chapter 25

Twenty-Five

"I want to show you something," I said, putting on a brown leather jacket from the closet as Grey watched from the bed.

"You should sleep, baby. It's almost dawn."

And it was. The sun had just started to light up the sky behind the windows, turning it into a gorgeous grey—my favorite color. A lot of it was in Grey's eyes, too. I decided I didn't want to sleep, even though I was tired. Strangely, the last time we fucked and Grey bit me, took my blood, a new wave of energy filled me like I'd already slept for a long time, and I felt great. I felt…restless. I felt guilty to close my eyes, like I was wasting time sleeping when I could be out there, enjoying the Burrow.

Or, at least, the part of the Burrow I hadn't seen in so long.

"I don't want to sleep, Grey," I said, going to sit on the bed next to him, and he immediately dragged himself closer. "I want to go out there. C'mon, get dressed. I really want to show you something."

He took my hand from my lap, brought my fingertips to his lips and kissed them, looking up at me like he knew a secret that he absolutely adored.

"What?" I said, feeling a bit self-conscious, but I was smiling, too.

"Your eyes have never been greener," he told me, then rose to kiss my lips.

"You have a way of lighting me up from the inside like that," I said, and though it was a joke, it was also true. One hundred percent true.

"I'm only just getting started," he promised me.

Finally, he put those jeans on, and the ripped blue shirt, too. He'd torn it when his wings exploded on his back last night, when he lost it with Valentine.

The thought sent shivers down my back, and I wanted to start panicking about it already, about where Valentine was and if Storm was able to stay hidden, and if the sirens had figured out where I was, if they were out there waiting, but…

Not yet, I told myself. The day hadn't really begun, and I wasn't ready for reality yet. Just for a little while longer.

So, I walked with Grey hand in hand, and I took him to the triangle room because that was the only way I knew to get to the woods I was looking for. The doors opened for me without trouble, and then I was there again, with all those windows around me and the holes in the ceiling, and the stairs that started in the middle of the room, then went down all the way to the ground floor. To the glass wall that separated the Paradise from the forest.

As we descended those stairs, I told Grey all about how I came to be here that first time again, how Amber had kissed the glass, and how I knew now that it had been Mama Si's plan all along. All those details—none of it had been an accident or a coincidence. It was all planned, and thinking back, I was actually impressed by it.

The glass panel was there, though, no longer missing as it had been then, but I had magic now, too. I hadn't tried to make anything disappear before—I hadn't tried a lot of things still—but I could always try right now.

"Here's a trick I found works best with magic for simple tasks," Grey said as he stepped behind me, his hands on my shoulders. "The harder you try, the more you spoil it. The harder you focus, the more it finds ways to evade your intent. It is your servant—treat it as such, and you will be rewarded."

I looked up at him. "A servant."

"Yes—that's what it is. It exists to serve you. If you start overthinking or hesitating, you give it space to interpret your intent in twisted ways. Am I making sense?" And he gave me a peck on the lips.

I giggled. "Yes, Mister Evernight. You're full of sense."

"I'm full of lust for you," he countered.

"And I'm pretty sure I'm full of you ." I wiggled my brows. He knew exactly what I meant—he'd come inside me four times last night—and this morning. Pretty sure his cum was everywhere inside me.

Which was sexy as fuck to think about, apparently, because my thighs clenched, and my pussy was already throbbing. Damn.

Grey agreed with me because his eyes turned darker, and he immediately gripped my chin in his hand, held me in place and licked my bottom lip violently.

"As you should be," he said with a growl. "As you will be every day."

"I like the sound of that."

"The glass," he said, then pulled my lips in his mouth and sucked on them, bit them gently.

Mhmm. He was fucking delicious. I immediately fell on his chest in surrender.

But Grey pushed me up. "Later, baby. The glass. Make it disappear."

Shaking my head at myself, I focused on the glass panel ahead. Don't focus too hard, he said, and that was actually very easy to do because most of my focus was on Grey now, on the warmth between my legs, the way he'd felt when he was inside me possibly just an hour ago last time. I raised my hand toward it and imagined it disappearing, just not being there , exactly like back then. It was easy to pull that image from my memories—that missing glass was the first time I'd actually experienced magic.

Now, mine came out eagerly, so strong, even stronger than before. The arousal was wiped from my body when the magic slipped into that glass and turned it invisible within seconds.

Fuck, that felt amazing!

"Perfectly executed," Grey said, kissing the back of my head. "You were made for this, baby." He came to my side again, took my hand in his and pulled me down the last stairs with a proud grin. "Come on, let's go."

My legs took me forward, following his lead, and I was smiling, too.

I'd done small magics before in the closet back at the Evernight castle while Grey's portrait kept me company. And I'd done it again when I'd sailed across the Isles in those tiny boats. I'd done much darker magic, too, when in fights, but this was different. Maybe because Grey was here to actually witness it. He was always the difference in everything.

The smell of the woods brought back more memories as we went through. It didn't smell of roses here, just like trees and open air, and I could see everything with such clarity it shocked me.

"I thought this place was so, so dark," I whispered as we walked, looking up at the canopy, and it was so easy to make out the colors of the leaves, all those shades of green, and the sky that had turned even more grey now.

"That's because you hadn't been to the Whispering Woods yet," Grey said, "No darkness is quite like it was."

"But also my eyes." My eyes had enhanced so much—all my senses. I smelled the animals clearly, and heard so much of their movements now, the wings of the birds and owls flying over our heads, the brushing of leaves—and even the fireflies.

I stopped, pulling Grey to stop with me.

My eyes teared up as I took in the pink and green fireflies buzzing over a bush about ten feet away.

"They're still here." The animals that had become my friends in this forest were still here, and now that I was looking around the tree trunks and the overgrown grass, I could make out the shape of them.

"Animals. Lots of them," Grey said, and he kneeled to the ground. "They might come close if we're quiet enough."

"Oh, they will," I said, letting go of his hand as I moved forward.

"Baby, you'll spook them. Stop walking, they'll come to you," he said, but I didn't.

"Hey," I said gently. "Hey, guys. Remember me? It's Fall. Come on out, let me see you!"

And the next moment, they did.

I could hardly believe it myself. I thought for sure they'd at least hesitate, if only because I'd changed so much and they could probably feel it and smell the magic on me, but no. Rabbits and squirrels and hedgehogs were suddenly around me, coming closer—and the fox, too! The gorgeous orange fox was slowly making her way from around the tree, head lowered as she came, thick tail swooshing to the sides.

I was laughing when I kneeled on the ground and offered them my hands so they could sniff me, make sure it was really me.

The rabbits were the first to let me touch them again, just like last time, and when their fur began to glow, I almost burst out in tears.

"Goddamn it, baby," Grey said as he slowly came closer but not all the way.

I looked back at him. "Come on, come here. Look how they glow!" So many gorgeous colors, and the fox was slowly leaning in under my hand, too. She glowed brighter than all—a beautiful orange, just like magical fire.

"No, I'm good. I'm perfectly fine," Grey said, leaning against a tree with his arms crossed and a grin on his face. "I'll stay right here and watch you forever."

I laughed, but there was really no time to talk to him when the animals were squeaking for my attention, and even the birds and the owls were watching us from the branches. It was so easy to see the magic on them now, that glow that came alive on their fur, to smell it and feel the heat of it as it left their bodies. It even lasted longer now. The light didn't fade away immediately when I stopped touching them, and before I knew it, there was so much light around me it was hard to see.

Fuck, it was like I went back in time and I was that same Fall I had been then while I played with them, told them about the Whispering Woods, about the winged rabbits I'd seen, and the neon-colored lizards. The animals enjoyed it, and more and more gathered until I had a big crowd surrounding me on all sides.

When I stood up, they complained, jumping and trying to reach my hands, and the orange fox even walked beside me, looking up like she was fascinated by me just as I was by her.

"What a sight," Grey said, when I reached out my hand to call for him so we could get going, find the clearing where I used to play my piano.

"Did you see them?" I said, smiling so big my cheeks hurt. The fur of a few animals was glowing just a bit now, almost completely faded away, but he'd seen.

"Yep," he said, and suddenly grabbed my chin, turned my head toward him, and kissed me deeply. "You rock my world, baby."

I laughed. "I do?"

"Every second of every day, especially when you make animals glow for you," he said with a boyish grin.

"They always did that since day one," I said, proud —as if that was an accomplishment. But to me it was. Right now, one of only a few. "Is that normal?"

"Not really. Some animals do—depends on the magic of the Isle, to be honest. But they have to choose to glow," Grey said. "They have to want to basically make their magic visible to you."

"Well, then Mama Si made them do that," I said with a flinch, and I don't know why that made me sad. Maybe because the magic of these animals was the first thing that made me realize that there was so much more to the world than I ever knew.

"I don't see how. It's not something you can force them to do any more than you can make them come closer to you if they don't want to. Impossible," Grey said as we went, and the animals stuck to my side, walking together, some ahead and some behind.

"Really? Are you sure?" Because Mama Si had admitted to my face that she'd orchestrated the whole thing of how I came to even find this place.

"Oh, I know animals, baby. I've studied them for most of my adult life to keep away from people. I'm sure," Grey said with a grin.

I let go of his hand and wrapped my arms around his, snuggling closer. "I saw your journals, by the way. In your office at the tower. You wrote about owls," I said because that's one of the few things he hadn't written about in Faeish. "And about me." He'd written plenty about me, too.

"I did. You caught me off guard when I first saw you. I was trying to make sense of these feelings." He touched his fist to his chest.

"Yes, yes, the feelings straight out of your dead heart," I teased, cheeks flushed.

"Out of my fucking soul," he said, and before I knew it, he grabbed me by the waist and threw me in the air until I screamed, then caught me again and spun me around fast enough to turn everything around us to a blur.

He kissed all the remaining air out of my lungs, too, and it was one of those moments that makes you say, I might have been through hell, but every flame that burned me was worth it.

"I love you," I said when he put me down on the ground again.

"I love you, too, baby. And I know that everything will be just fine," Grey said against my lips.

"How do you know?" Because I didn't, and I hated it.

"Because there's nothing in the world that could possibly stand in the way of this."

I smiled sadly. "Have you forgotten Syra's story? They loved each other, too. They literally lived on a beach away from the entire word, and…" My voice trailed off. I'd already told him the story as I'd seen it. As Syra herself had showed me.

"But Syra and Hansil had nobody to learn from," Grey said. "We do."

"Don't trust anyone," I whispered.

"Don't trust anyone," Grey repeated.

And… "Don't be good." I don't even know why I said it—just that those three words were still stuck in my mind ever since Syra said them.

Grey leaned back to look into my eyes. "Never—to those who wouldn't be good to you."

I nodded. That sounded so much better.

For a moment, we stayed there in each other's embrace, deep within the Blood Burrow, with the animals around us, and the sky turning bluer with each minute. And I wanted to believe what he said with all my heart, that nothing could get in our way, but the truth was that it already had.

When he was banished. When we were stuck in the Eighth Isle with Syra.

It already had.

But right now, it was useless to think about it, so I said, "There's one more thing you need to see."

When we found the clearing, I smelled the salty scent of the ocean but now it didn't freak me out in the least. I knew the ocean was right there—I'd sailed it a few times myself.

"Watch," I told Grey, and touched a tree with one hand, and raised the other toward the middle of the clearing, to that same spot where my piano made of tree roots had always sprouted from before.

I didn't really know what the hell I was doing, or how to summon it from the ground. All I did was give magic and show the tree like I had then how much I was dying to play.

Just like the first time, whether it was with Mama Si's order or not, the Burrow obeyed.

Vines and roots moved at an incredible speed, and I saw it all so clearly with the daylight. The sun had almost risen completely, so we saw the dust and the way the ground opened, the way all those roots from the surrounding trees met in the center, then rose fast, intertwining and twisting together masterfully until I was looking at a piano.

My piano made of tree roots.

"Wow," Grey whispered from my side just as a happy tear slid down my cheek.

" That is the reason I'm here," I said, both to him and to myself.

Not just the piano, no, but the wonder. The fullness life could have with it. That's what playing it represented to me—freedom to experience every emotion. Freedom to feel whole—a finished piece.

"Will you play for me, baby?" Grey said, and it was the easiest yes in the world for me. I was craving it so much my fingers itched to touch those keys again.

So, I sat on the bench made of roots and I played my favorite song as Grey stayed there by a tree, resting his back against it, watching me. The animals spread out around us like they used to, some climbing up to hear me better, some making themselves comfortable on the ground.

I played my heart out like I used to back when I was just a girl, and for those few minutes, nothing in the world could really get in our way.

Grey wrapped his arms around me from behind, then slowly closed his hands over my stomach.

I put mine over his as we looked out the window of the bedroom, at the ocean glistening under the morning sunlight like its surface was made out of millions of sparkly gems. Mama Si had invited us for breakfast when we got back from the clearing, and we'd come to change quickly because it was really warm here. But I'd just needed a moment to breathe, so I'd stopped in front of the window while Grey put on a new shirt Marissa had brought for him just now.

I just needed a moment because though I hadn't slept, sleep was the last thing on my mind, and the more time passed, the more the entire truth of my reality sunk in. Became… real.

"I know it's making you uncomfortable to talk about it," Grey whispered in my ear. "But I'm here whenever you're ready."

I flinched, closing my eyes for a moment. "It's not that I'm uncomfortable." The baby was just something I trained my mind not to think about—I was always running from it since I found out. Running like hell from that thought because I was a prisoner of Syra and I saw no way out and I was going to lose my fucking head if I didn't make it just a bit easier on myself. If I didn't focus on everything else other than the fact that there was a baby in my womb.

That—and it felt so surreal. The only time when I could even think about it clearly was when I was with Grey.

"Then what is it?" he asked now.

I shook my head. "There's too much going on. I guess I'm just scared to think about it. Scared to imagine that…that…the end is coming, and I might not…you know." So fucking hard to say the words out loud, and I didn't want to. God, I'd rather be doing anything else, but I also knew I had to.

This was Grey, and I needed to say those words, let them out before they suffocated me for real.

"It's a lot to take in, it is," Grey whispered. "But we can start small, baby." He kissed the side of my neck and breathed in my scent for a moment. "Tell me—do you feel any different?"

"Not really. I don't even look different."

"It's still early, I think." It was—we'd only been together for the first time just a couple of months ago, which was crazy to think about. It felt more like a couple of decades.

"I don't really have an appetite or anything. And my boobs aren't bigger either, right?"

"Nope. No, they're not," he said without hesitation, and it made me smile.

"Did you want kids, Grey?" I whispered. "We didn't really talk about it before. I mean, we didn't talk about pretty much anything at all, but this is different. This is… big. " It was a baby. An actual baby.

"Not really," Grey said, making my heart skip a beat. "I never wanted kids. I was convinced I was going to die without one. I preferred it." Well, fuck. "But I never thought about having kids with you, " he continued, then slowly turned me around to face him. He was smiling so big he almost looked like a different man—especially wearing that pale blue shirt Marissa had brought him. "And the moment I found out?" He laughed. "Fuck, Fall. I want to have ten kids with you. A hundred kids. I want?—"

"No, no, no, no—stop!" I closed his mouth with my hands, laughing. "You are not going to have a hundred kids with me," I said. "Or even ten for that matter." Was he kidding me? Ten kids?

He slammed me to his chest and kissed me. "I'll settle for five."

I couldn't stop laughing "You're a fool."

"Yes, you've told me that before," he muttered, planting kisses all over my face. "I'll stay a fool my whole life, no problem."

And I loved that he felt that way, really. But there was something inside me, that bad, awful feeling in my center that just wouldn't let me breathe easy.

"What about you, baby? Did you ever want kids?" Grey said, and the question surprised me. "I never asked, and I feel like shit for not using protection, but believe me when I tell you that this does not happen." He leaned back, and I saw the guilt in his eyes just as clearly as I saw his happiness. "I would have used a condom, but no Evernight in history has ever sired an heir the first week—not even the first year. It's a very well-known fact."

"I know that. The brides told me," I said. "I didn't think it was possible, either. Otherwise I'd have insisted. I just…I genuinely never gave it a second's thought." The way the story of the Evernights went, I'd have felt silly to even assume this could be possible.

Grey nodded. "I didn't know, baby. And I never asked, and I should have."

"Don't you dare go feeling guilty now, Grey," I said with a laugh. He hadn't done it on purpose. Neither of us had thought it possible.

Grey closed his eyes for a second, pushing my hair away from my face. "I don't want to see you sad. Out of everything in the world, that kills me the most. Believe me, I know how it sounds, but it does."

"I do believe you." He was the most important thing for me, too. "And I don't blame you, Grey."

"But did you want to ever have children?"

"I did. Not right now. Definitely not before my thirties, but I did. I always wanted a kid." I always thought I could do a better job than my mom and Missy—and I was always terrified that I couldn't at the same time.

"Good," Grey said, and he was a bit relieved. "Getting to know you is quickly becoming the privilege of my life. I love it when you give me pieces of yourself."

"Such pretty words," I muttered, just to tease him.

He brought a hand to my stomach again, and I put mine over it instantly—it felt so natural, but…

"What if we never meet him?" My voice was small, and this I wanted to say even less, but I had to. I had to talk about it. I had to know what he was thinking, too.

Grey's muscles clenched for a moment. "I won't let anybody hurt you," he said.

"It's not me —it's the whole world. The entire Seven Isles," I whispered. "It's the end the stars talk about that terrifies me."

"I know," Grey said. "But Syra didn't believe in it, and she knew better, didn't she?"

"Maybe." Though I doubted it, and I didn't know why the fuck I doubted it. "What the hell did she do to me, Grey?"

But Grey didn't have an answer for me.

He put his arms around me and let me rest on his chest for as long as I needed to get my shit together, and for now, that was enough. For now, that was all I was willing to face because I knew what happened when you let everything fall on your head at the same time. You became easy to manipulate, a prey to anyone on a hunt. You became naive and helpless and fucking doomed, so I was not going there again.

Whatever was going on, I'd deal with it one step at a time.

For now, I was just going to have breakfast with Grey and Mama Si—and breathe .

We found her sitting alone in one of the rooms around the Paradise that was half open. We were far from the heart-shaped pool, though, so we didn't see any of the girls—or any guests, for that matter. Come to think of it, I was half-sure that this room didn't exist at all in the time I lived here because there had been no open space behind the orchards where Mama Si and Assa had first taken me to talk that day.

A housekeeping position was what I'd been after then. God, it was almost funny to me now how drastically my life had changed, and in just a few months. All because of that woman who sat at the head of the table with a big smile on her face, and not a hair out of place.

Mama Si looked as impeccable as ever, with a pale mauve dress and those tight curls framing her unearthly face. She was indeed beautiful, and it seemed the better my eyesight, the more of her I saw, the more beautiful she became. Ageless somehow. So young, but old—and it was all in the colors of her eyes and the expression in them.

"Welcome," she said, standing up from the table to greet us. "I take it you slept well?"

"Thank you," I said, looking around at the unfamiliar faces of the help, two women I was sure I had never seen before wearing baby blue dresses and fake smiles as they looked downward. At one point back then I'd gotten so used to the help being around me all the time that I had begun not to notice them at all, but now I did.

Now I was aware of how they moved as soon as Grey held my chair for me to sit, how they came on either side of me, one pouring me a glass of orange juice, the other a cup of coffee.

"Thank you," I repeated when they moved onto Grey and did the same. Grey didn't really pay them any attention—he was focused on Mama Si.

"Tell me, Fall Doll, how do you feel? I don't imagine you've felt him kicking yet," she said, eyes wide and curious, and it took all I had not to flinch.

"I'm barely a couple of months in," I muttered, feeling awkward as fuck, and I could have sworn Grey was stifling a smile as he turned his head the other way and brought his cup to his lips.

"So that's a no?" said Mama Si again. "That means no , right?"

I don't know why that was so fucking funny, but I was stifling my own smile now, too. "Yep—that means no. He doesn't really have legs to kick with yet. It's too early."

She flinched. Mama Si actually flinched as she ate her food slowly.

"How many more months until he's out?"

Out— what an awful way to put it! I was going to tell her that, but then the look on her face.

God, I never thought Mama Si could look so…so lost and excited and confused and impatient at the same time. She really didn't mean it in a bad way, so all I said was, "Probably about seven."

"But that's too long," she told me. "We might only have days or weeks to live—seven months is too long."

There went my stomach, twisting and turning as I drank my juice, and the help then put a big plate in front of me—my breakfast. Claus had made me waffles with a million berries and lots and lots of melted chocolate on top.

My mouth watered despite the situation. Fuck, it smelled so good.

"So, how do you suggest we make our son grow faster then?" Grey said, and it was a miracle I didn't burst out laughing—he kept a neutral expression and his voice serious, too. "Maybe a succubi spell?"

"No, there's no such thing that I know of," Mama Si said, and I really didn't think she could tell he was messing with her.

"Really? No way possible?"

I kicked Grey on the leg—he was in an awfully good mood this morning.

"That's not possible, no. And I wouldn't do it even if it were," I said and threw Grey a look he pretended he didn't see as he hid his smile behind his cup again. I turned to Mama Si. "Thank you for breakfast. It's de?—"

"Oh, please," she cut me off with a wave. "Don't thank me. This is basically your home." And she tapped her fingers furiously on the tabletop.

"It really isn't." This had been my first real prison, even if I hadn't known it at the time.

Again, Mama Si waved me off like I was talking nonsense. "But the baby. I want to see him. I have to meet him—there has to be a way."

I blinked and blinked and the look on her face didn't change at all. She really was serious, and she looked properly distressed about the fact—not that the end was coming, but that she might not meet the baby.

I looked around at the help and the walls and even the sky outside—was there a hidden camera somewhere? Because this was not the Mama Si I knew. Was she pretending again, was that it?

"Maybe if the end of the world doesn't happen, Fall might allow you to come visit when she gives birth," Grey then said, and again—he was still teasing her, and I couldn't even figure out why. Or where he got the energy.

" Allow me?" Suddenly, Mama Si looked terrified, and she put her hand over mine on the table. "You'll surely allow me to do more than visit, Fall Doll. I'm going to be that boy's grandmother—that's everything I've ever wanted."

My mouth opened and closed a million times and I really, genuinely didn't know what the hell to say. Or think. I said I'd let him call her Nana, and she thought she was going to be a grandmother?!

Meanwhile Grey was laughing in his chair, covering his face with his hand as his shoulders shook.

"Well?" Mama Si insisted, and my God, she still looked serious. "You're going to live here, aren't you? The Paradise is huge. We have space. You can give birth here as well—I'll have the best doctors in the world in the room. You can live here forever."

That's the first time it occurred to me that Mama Si had lost her mind.

"Stop," I said, because as much as I didn't want to be rude, I also didn't want to keep talking about this at all. "I will not be living in the Paradise, Mama Si. Thanks for the offer. And I will not be giving birth here, either."

And that thought—the thought of actually giving birth to a baby… fuck. If the waffles hadn't been so delicious, I would have stopped eating for the whole day.

"But—"

"Stop," I insisted because, again, she really did look like she was serious, and I had no clue what the hell to make of it yet. "This is not the time to talk about giving birth when there's so much on our plate. So much we still need to figure out."

"Like what?" she asked, but at least that hopeless, confused look in her eyes had faded.

I realized I had no idea what the hell to make of Mama Si when she wasn't…you know, Mama Si.

"Like Grey said—the end of the world is near. And also Syra basically put her magic inside me and I have no clue what the hell that means or what it's doing to me. And also it might be the stupidest idea in the world to trust Valentine, who is out there and could be making deals with the sirens again. And also the sirens could find us at any given moment and kill us—things like that ."

My appetite was really gone now, despite the taste of my breakfast, and that was a shame. But the more I spoke, the more I was reminded of just how doomed we really were. The more I spoke, the more I was reminded just how much I'd hidden from myself, how much I hadn't dared to think about at all until now, for fear I'd lose my mind. For fear I'd explode or something.

"Then we'll figure it out," Mama Si said after a loaded moment of silence, and she waved her hand. The girls that had been standing by the wall moved inside the mansion and closed the doors behind them. "But promise me one thing first: if we do, and your son is born, I will be his godmother."

I shook my head. "Are you serious? What does it matter if we can't?—"

"Your word, Fall Doll. I'll take your word," she cut me off, leaning closer on the table.

"I already promised to let him call you Nana ." And did nobody else find it ludicrous that we were even having this conversation right now?

Who the hell was this woman and what had she done to the real Mama Si?!

"Yes, and I will also be his godmother—say it."

I doubted I had ever been in a more uncomfortable situation, not even the first time I spoke to her. Not even that day she made me her offer, and I accepted.

I turned to look at Grey—was he seeing this? Was he seeing how serious she was?

But all Grey did was shrug, completely calm. Not at all freaked out. "It's your call, my queen," he told me. "Whether you want her to be our son's godmother, or you want her head right now for what she did to you—it's your call. Say the word and it will be done."

"Thanks. That's very helpful," I muttered because right now I wished he'd just tell me what the hell to do.

And, no, I didn't want Mama Si's head. God knows I'd hated her and I'd blamed her and I'd cursed her name probably a thousand times, but I didn't want her dead. She'd helped me when nobody else had. And she'd taken me in now when nobody else would have, either.

"It's your call," Grey repeated in a whisper, and I looked at Mama Si again. Her chin was raised, no hint of fear anywhere on her even though she'd heard Grey offering me her head. She knew Grey could kill her, too, but she held her ground anyway.

"Your word," she said again— demanded it.

"You have it," I said, surprised at my own self. "If I give birth to this baby, you will be the godmother."

I must have lost my fucking mind.

Closing her eyes, Mama Si took in a deep breath and fell back on her chair for a moment.

Then she told me, "And I will protect him with my life."

I nodded, not concerned with whether she meant it or not—it didn't matter at all. "Then help me right now. Help me figure out what Syra's magic is doing to me."

"Very well," Mama Si said. "I shall call for Reeva Lorein."

"You think she's trustworthy?" Grey asked before I could.

"She likes Fall, and most importantly, she's given up on life already. She won't mind risking an early death," Mama Si said, and her voice was rock solid again—just like normal. The Mama Si I always knew.

It put me at ease, her attitude.

"I don't want to cost anyone their lives." Least of all someone like Reeva Lorein, the ruler of the witches, one of the few people who had genuinely liked me and helped me when I needed it.

"That's inevitable. It's not your place to worry about other people. They all make their own choices," Mama Si said, her voice crystal clear. Really, really relieved to hear it. "We won't be forcing Reeva into anything. A little lying?—"

"No," I cut her off right away. "No lying."

Mama Si raised her thin brow at me. "She's the ruler of the witches, Fall Doll. She knows more about magic than anyone on the Isles."

"Mamayka is right," Grey said.

"But Reeva has always been kind to me. I don't want to manipulate her, trick her into helping me, then cost her her life." That was wrong—so fucking wrong.

"So, don't," Mama Si said, bringing her cup of coffee to her lips slowly. "Let me do it."

"That's the same thing."

"It really isn't. And I won't be lying to her, doll—just telling her what she wants to hear," she told me, resting her elbows on the table. "In fact, I'll be telling her a truth, with just a bit of… added spice , if you will."

"How?" I wondered because if there was anyone who could lie and make it believable, it was Mama Si. I was living proof of how well she could manipulate, and I was curious to know how she thought.

"Well, we do want to save the world and whatnot, right? She wants that, too. All I'll do is tell her that we know how to do it," she said, then looked down at my stomach. "All I'll tell her is that the world will be saved if your baby is. If we manage to figure out exactly what was done to you."

" No. " I really, really didn't want to tell anybody that.

"Yes, Fall Doll," she calmly said.

"Mama Si, we—" will not lie, I was going to say, but she didn't want to hear it.

"And what if we can take it out of you?"

I clamped my mouth shut.

Take it out ? That magic that was inside me now—she thought we could take it out?

Even Grey looked twice as attentive within a second.

Mama Si smiled like she'd already won. "What if we tell Reeva that if we can figure out how to take back what was done to you, the world will be saved?"

Fuck, that sounded awful, no matter how hopeful it made me. "But it's still a lie. It's a fucking lie ."

"Not entirely," Mama Si said, completely unfazed. "Who is to say that the sirens can't be stopped from bringing about the end? Think about it—they only want to kill you because of what Syra did."

"And if we undo whatever she did to you—not hide like Valentine hopes, but undo …" Grey said from my side, and his voice trailed off.

"Then the sirens will have no reason to come after you, will they?" Mama Si finished.

I shook my head because that did make sense, and I really, really, wanted to get there so badly. To not have to hide. To not have to fear being found by the fucking sirens.

"We don't even know that it's possible," I whispered. We had no clue if even hiding this magic could be done. Valentine was still out there, searching for this very answer.

"Yes—which is why we're turning to the witches," said Mama Si.

My mind raced and I tried to come up with reasons why this wouldn't work, just because it felt wrong. To lie and manipulate people—it felt wrong because it was.

"But we also don't know how the end will happen, do we? For all we know, the sirens won't be the ones to cause it at all. Someone else could." Reeva never said that the stars specified who did what; we only assumed based on who had the most power.

"Of course, it's the sirens—who else could possibly be capable?" Mama Si said.

"That's what we thought about Syra," I reminded her. "We all assumed that it would be Syra, didn't we? Then she died." And it just confused me even more because it had made sense, didn't it? It made perfect sense that she would do it—she'd done it once before. Almost destroyed Ennaris completely.

"We don't know, but nobody else has the power," Grey said, and he was deep in thought, too, as he stared at the table but didn't really see anything.

He was seriously considering this.

"Can't we just tell her the truth and ask her to help?" Wouldn't that be for the best all around?

"Oh, doll." Mama Si laughed like I'd said the funniest thing. "You can only manipulate people by giving them what they want. By waving it at their faces, giving them a piece of it."

"Yes, yes, you've told me this before, Mama Si. You did this to me before." She had—she'd baited me with the promise of magic and glamour and freedom. All of it truths, but handpicked truths that had hidden so much beneath their surface. An entire fucking world—literally.

"Precisely," said Mama Si, and she smiled like she was proud of herself.

"But you're not listening to me—what if I don't want to manipulate anyone?" I shook my head with a sigh. "I just want to tell Reeva the truth." Was that so much to ask?

"Of course, you can always do that ," Mama Si said, wrinkling her nose like that thought tasted awful to her. "But what if she says no?" I flinched. "And we may be lying, but we'll be giving her so much in return, too! We'll be giving her hope , Fall Doll. That is priceless, especially to Reeva, who has lost all of it. Hope—so when we all die, at least she'll have been happier in her last days, not the mess she's become. So, technically speaking, we'll be doing her a favor."

I blinked and blinked and then burst out laughing.

My God, I saw it. I saw exactly how she manipulated even herself! I saw how she got herself to do the craziest things—she genuinely convinced herself like this.

"She's right," Grey said, and that shocked me more than anything.

"Are you serious?" He was telling me Mama Si was right when he hated two-faced, manipulative people more than me?

But Grey shrugged his shoulders. "It's either that or I force her."

"Grey!"

He wasn't fazed in the least. "I'm sorry, baby, but you come first. I frankly don't care what they hope or believe in—if there really is a way to undo what Syra did, I will lie and manipulate and kill to make sure you're okay."

"But that's wrong." And he knew it. It was plain wrong!

"It is," Grey said with a nod, then grabbed my hand in his and kissed my knuckles. "So is everything you've had to go through, starting with her"—he nodded his head toward Mama Si—"but here we are."

"Sound logic. I like it," Mama Si said with a grin. "And I, for one, would rather give Reeva something to look forward to—seriously, didn't you see her? She's lost it. We'll be saving her if we tell her that there's a way out. We'll be saving her, Fall Doll."

We wouldn't. Lies never save anyone, but giving Reeva hope did sound like a good idea, anyway. Giving Reeva hope did sound like the right thing to do—one hundred percent. I'd seen her face, her lifeless eyes, how she'd given up.

"Let me do the talking, doll. I'll go meet with her. I'll bring her over. All you have to do is sit tight and wait for me," Mama Si said. "Don't you want to know if what Syra did to you can be undone?" Again, she put her hand over mine, and though her skin was warm, she didn't unleash her magic on me at all. She knew better than to do that now. "Don't you want the sirens off your back? Don't you want to be free ?!"

Ultimately, the promise of freedom was what made up my mind—what always made up my mind.

So, in the end, I said yes.

"It's arranged," Mama Si said as she came back to the dining area. She'd left right away to speak to Reeva and set up a meeting at Witches' Wing, and I thought she wouldn't be back at all. I thought Grey and I would eat our food and go back to the room—because now I really did want to sleep. I needed to escape my own conscience, just for a little bit.

"I leave in thirty minutes." Mama Si rested her hip against the edge of the table. "Meanwhile do try to stay in your room, doll. My shields become weaker when the Burrow is separated from me."

It still struck me how she spoke of the Burrow—like it was her lover or something. A person—not an Isle.

"And drink your coffee! Both of you—all of it," she said with a wink.

I grabbed the half-filled cup in my hands and took a sip, just to do something. Just to stop feeling so…filthy.

"We'll be okay," Grey told her, drinking his own. "But Mamayka—if you cross us, you will regret it, regardless of the end of the world."

The threat was so subtle, and he spoke like he was wishing her good luck, but Mama Si stopped moving for a long second, and just looked at him. Not irritated, not offended, not afraid—she just looked at him.

Then she straightened up and raised her chin. "This is my godson we're talking about, Master Evernight. Your threats don't scare me—I frankly couldn't care less about you." And she turned around and walked back toward the mansion. "I'll see you soon!"

I lowered my head to hide my smile until she wasn't there anymore, then looked at Grey—who was also grinning.

"She's batshit." Mama Si was absolutely insane.

"But she'll help us," Grey said with a nod, looking at the door. "We can trust her, at least for now."

"I can't believe she wants to be a godmother . I just… I can't…" I really couldn't wrap my head around it.

"She's lonely. She wants a family. She considers you very close for some reason."

Again, I shook my head. " Why ?" She manipulated me. She threw me to the Evernights— literally . How could I even begin to believe that she cared about me even a little bit?

"Because she's been around a long time and she can read people, possibly better than anyone else in the world right now. She knows you. She sees who you are."

I rested back on the chair and drank my coffee. "And who am I?"

Grey leaned in to kiss me on the lips gently. "You just might be the only pure soul both me and Mamayka will ever come across. Determined. Loyal. Beautiful, in and out." I blushed bright scarlet. "And so damn delicious I can't get enough of you."

I laughed. "Mama Si doesn't know that, though."

"But I do." Another kiss. "Are you done eating? Because you need to rest, baby. Because we got things to do after."

My toes curled in my sandals. "What things?"

He grinned, so handsome my heart fucking stopped. "Words don't really do them justice. I'll have to show you," he whispered. "Let's go lie down."

He stood up and waited for me to drink my coffee, then took my hand and led me back to the bedroom without my having to even tell him the way. But Grey didn't let me even kiss him when we got on the bed, insisting that I needed to sleep a little first.

And I did. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to, but my stomach was full and my body light and his arms were wrapped around me tightly, my head resting on his shoulder.

I fell asleep within the minute.