Chapter Eighteen

I awake the morning of the party, and I feel a great sense of dread looming as I consider my options for the day. I could just lay in bed and pretend that I don"t have to do anything, but I know the Earl will come fetch me sooner rather than later. I had tried to skip breakfasts in the past, but he had always sought me out.

I roll over and move closer to Amelie, snuggling deeply into the embrace of the woman who holds me close. Long ash blonde hair gets in my face and tickles my nose, and I can"t help but smile at how I ended up here.

If someone had told me a little over a month ago that I would be laying in the arms of the woman set to protect me, I would have laughed with bitter amusement. Never before, had I considered I could be happy with a woman, nor that I would be unhappy with my father's arrangement for me to marry Arthur.

He is a kind and gentle man, but he is not what I want. And it turns out I am not what he wants. Reluctantly, I roll out of bed and head over to the bell by the door and ring it. I will need tea before I sit with the two men at breakfast. William has become friendlier over the last few days, perhaps something to do with the fact that I am no longer a threat to his relationship with Arthur. But still, we are on rocky edges, and I know that it will take time to mend the rift we have there.

By the time I return, Amelie has pulled herself from the bed and is stacking wood in the fire. I pull my shift closer and regret not grabbing my overgown as I moved into the other room.

It is cold, and the closer it gets to winter the colder it is becoming. Something will have to be done to make these rooms warmer. While they are beautifully decorated, they are not fit for the bitter cold that will come with winter.

Briefly, I consider having a bath, and not for the first time, I regret that there isn"t a way to have one fully set up all the time. Where only water had to be hauled when ready, instead of all of the effort that comes with lugging the tin bath up and down the grand stairs, and all of the water that comes with it. Not to mention, it"s very difficult to relax, with footmen coming in and out as the bath is emptied, and the last thing I want to do after a bath, is to be on high alert monitoring my sleepy behaviour.

Silently, Amelie hands me my overgown and I slip it on gratefully. I look dismally at the way that she wraps the thin blanket from behind the armchair around her shoulders. I make a mental note to arrange to have one made for her. We settle by the fire for a few minutes and watch it in comfortable silence as it crackles merrily.

It isn"t long before there is a soft knock at the door and an old woman asks timidly, "May I come in, Miss?"

I smile and call out, "Yes, you may, Rose."

Rose walks into the room with a tray loaded with a pot of tea and fresh biscuits. The same thing we"ve ordered every morning. And I smile as I realise, they know exactly my early morning preferences.

She places it on the small table between us and dips her head in a bow. Cheekily, I hand her a biscuit on her way out, knowing that the servant's downstairs don"t often get access to the fresh food. Often, they only get it once the day is over, or once something is made to replace it.

She smiles at me and bobs her head. "Thank you, Miss."

Quickly, she departs the room, and we are left once again with only the crackling of the fire to fill the space around us.

I watch the woman beside me, her ash blonde hair, tumbled from sleep, and her cheeks starting to take on the pink of the heat pouring from the fireplace in front of us. I feel a warmth spread through my body.

How lucky I am to be exactly where I am right now, and how many things had to go right to get here. She looks at me and smiles, indicating to the cups on the tray, and I nod.

"Yes please."

Silently she pours some tea and hands me a cup. I take a biscuit and I sip from the mug slowly, enjoying the bitter flavour as it rolls over my tongue. I look towards the heavy drapes that shutter the windows and I can see light pouring around either side.

Briefly I consider opening it, wondering if the sunrise is as beautiful as the light streaming through the sides indicates. But then I decide against it. The windows are drafty, and the last thing I want is to let in more of the cold.

All too quickly I finish my tea, and it is time to get into one of my awful gowns. Amelie has done her best to make them more comfortable by removing the corset and layers where possible.

All of that unnecessary posturing is no longer a burden for me. We work together and pull me into my cumbersome clothes. Delayed all the while, from soft touches here and there by Amelie, her fingers grazing skin everywhere she can reach. The touches are loving and warm my heart. But even these gentle, playful touches excite me profoundly.

Once I am in my light blue gown, Amelie leaves a soft kiss on my cheek and moves away.

"I"ll just get dressed, and then we"re ready to go," she says.

Porcelain skin is revealed in the flickering firelight, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Today I am determined to make it to breakfast on time with Arthur. The last few days, Amelie and I have been quite tardy in our arrival. To be fair, the fear of getting caught and being expelled from the home of my husband to be, is no longer a looming threat. So we have been rather less restricted in our affections.

When I open my eyes, Amelie has slipped into a light purple dress that brings out the ash blonde in her hair.

She turns to me, her blue eyes glittering. "Are you ready?"

I nod. Somehow, seeing her in that dress is almost as bad as seeing her naked. I slip my arm into hers and we walk out into the corridor. For the first time, I am profoundly grateful for my gender, which allows me to be this affectionate with Amelie in public.

People will just presume us to be great friends. Whereas Arthur and William have no such luxury, behaving in this manner would get some uncomfortable attention and perhaps even a threatening outcome.

We move quickly through the hall, motivated by the brisk cold that surrounds us, knowing that the dining room will be much warmer.

Finally, we slip into the space, and my eyes lock on Arthur laughing heartily and William beaming at him. It is nice to see the two of them together, especially now that I understand why William had such disdain for me. Initially, I was just confused, but if somebody had threatened to drive a wedge between me and Amelie, I cannot feel that I would have acted differently.

My eyes are drawn to the decorations around the hall. The dining room is a small space, and I know the great hall will be much more extravagant than this. T he fact that the dining room is decorated, leads me to believe that William and Arthur intend for this party to move to a more private room with fewer guests at some point in the evening.

I cannot tell if that decision is based on my safety or our collective sanity, but either way I am immensely grateful. I move gracefully over to the dining table where Arthur stands, holding his hands wide. He grins at me and takes my hand, kissing the back of it before he pulls my seat out, allowing me to sit. William, on the other hand, looks up at Amelie, grunts, returns to his cup of tea, and struggles to withhold a grin.

Amelie makes a noise of indifference and seems to be oblivious to the fact of his presence. She only manages it for the barest of moments before her composure cracks, and she laughs heartily with William.

Arthur grins at me. "It would seem they are taking their vows rather seriously."

I grin back. "I cannot see them behaving in any other way. It is in their nature."

William puts his hand over his heart. "Look Arthur, finally a woman who gets me," he says merrily.

We all settle down at the table and I pile an assortment of sweetened fruits onto my plate. I notice a freshly cut loaf of steaming bread in the centre of the table. I reach for a slice, the delectable smell tantalising before it"s even reached my mouth. Quickly, I take a bite and I cannot withhold the noise of appreciation that falls from my lips as I have hot, fresh bread for the first time in years.

"Oh heavens," I say, around a mouthful. "This is the best bread I have ever had." Arthur and William smile, but still seem unsure as they look between each other and back at me.

Amelie pours another cup of tea and looks at the two men. "It"s okay, she just really loves her bread," she says.

We all dig into our breakfast, and everyone takes a turn to sample the bread. Everyone seems to agree it"s delicious, but nobody seems as enthusiastic as I.

Eventually Arthur clears his throat and looks at me with a sad smile. "Elizabeth, I think it is important that you stay by my side throughout the entire party tonight."

I look at him questioningly, and he clarifies, "I think it prudent for your safety for you to be within my reach."

I glance at Amelie, wondering why she can"t continue to perform the job she has done so well since she began.

William holds up a hand and says, "Amelie must be by my side tonight, if we are to play the part of lovesick fools that are desperate to wed as soon as possible. It is important we portray that to the people. If we seem distracted or overly focused on another, it may appear unseemly or perhaps create suspicion about our intention to wed."

Amelie nods. "It would not do well for it to appear that our wedding has been hurried along due to a pregnancy."

I nod, unhappy about it, but understanding. I do not much enjoy the idea of watching Amelie on William"s arm the entire night, but I understand the necessity of maintaining our official relationships in the presence of others.

"I shall stay by your side, Arthur," I concede. I look at him with a smile. "I find I quite enjoy your company, even though it may not be in a traditional husband capacity."

He smiles back at me. "It gladdens my heart to hear it," he says.