Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Her breath came short. She was very familiar with Lord Simon Tuberville, the oldest of two sons of the Marquess of Tuberville. But she had not known his younger brother was Lord Victor Tuberville.

The room spun around her as Ernest held her shoulders and eased her into one of the reading chairs in the library. A place she usually found comforting made her feel trapped and confined as the memories of her former life came to haunt her.

How fitting. She had been played by the older brother, and six years later, it was happening to Lady Florence with the younger Tuberville brother. Her chest and neck flushed with warmth, and she swore she saw stars.

Distantly, Ernest's voice reached her, but she could not focus until he was right there in her vision, and she could focus on it properly.

"Miss Gundry? I am right here. Do not fret." His words were awkward but kind, and she clung to them desperately to ground herself. "We shall protect Lady Florence at all costs. The Tubervilles are likely rather important, but I believe I can reason with them if I simply meet them."

Claire managed to nod, but her mind was elsewhere. It floated far away, somewhere far from Little Harkwell, far from Bath, even, and she was in a ballroom, excited for her debut, seeing Lord Simon for the first time. She recalled those kind green eyes that had met hers across the ballroom as if they were fated to meet and knew theirs would be the first dance.

Claire had been swept up.

Ernest's eyes met hers now, reminding her that her old life was buried. She was someone new now. She had long left that life behind her. His face was gentle, open, and she did not know how to respond to his kindness, but she wished to.

Except all that rose to her mind to say was every secret she had held within herself.

Claire could not keep her past a secret from Lord Bannerdown for much longer.

"We shall protect her," Claire whispered, nodding. "We shall because … because I have the biggest warning of all to share with her." She twisted his fingers in her lap. "And with you, Lord Bannerdown. You were right to be angry with me the other night for protecting Lady Florence's secrets, and I fear you will be angry again at me now, but I must confess my own secrets."

"What secrets do you mean, Miss Gundry?" He paused before taking a moment to pull up a chair next to her. Around them, the library slowly became more open and comfortable again now that her fainting moment had passed. Instead, it was replaced by a fleeting courage that Claire knew she had to grasp with both hands if she was going to survive this conversation.

"I know Lord Simon Tuberville," she admitted. "Or, rather, I did know him."

"I am confused." Ernest frowned. "You mentioned this was your first governess role. Did you perhaps serve in their household?"

"I … No, Lord Bannerdown. I was courted by him six years ago."

Ernest's eyes widened. He blinked, looking away from her. "I see. I … How did you meet?"

Claire inhaled shakily. "We met at my debutante ball."

Ernest gazed at her, confusion pulling his brow together and turning his mouth down. "Miss Gundry, please forgive me, but I am rather confused. You are a governess."

"Claire Gundry is a governess," Claire whispered. "But Lady Claire Garner was not. And that is who Lord Simon courted upon my entry into Society. It was a spring ball when cherry blossom trees were grown indoors, and their petals scattered over the ballroom. It felt magical the night I met him. Magical and beautiful. Candlelight softened the room, and the smell of chocolate was in the air. Wine flowed and music played, and I was excited, on the precipice of my future." She stared past him, her gaze on the window. "And there he was, standing amongst a group of other young men. Lords, barons, earls. They were all there, eagerly awaiting the next prettiest debutante that caught their eye."

"Miss Gundry … You mean to tell me you truly are a lady of the Ton?"

"I was," she confessed. "I was the daughter of the Marquess of Flogsend, Richard Garner, in Bristol. He was reclusive but well-liked. A man who knew where to put his money so I would have a better life. Or so I thought. I had one glorious Season in Society before … before he passed away." Her breath hitched. She could barely look at him for fear of losing her nerve. "He wanted to invest in businesses that often failed, and he gambled too highly for comfort. Not only did I need to fend for myself after his death, but I was informed that my father's debts could have filled the entire upper story of Flogsend House with how steep they were."

She shook her head, her chest tight with her confession. "I needed to settle his accounts, and with Mother not present in my life, for she left me when I was six years old, I had no option but to sell Flogsend and pass it to another good line. However, I did not consider that due to my father's gambling habits and seclusion. I did not have any family I knew of that would help me. It took me many years to pay off his debts and keep some money for myself. It was just enough to get me out of Bristol and into Bath to begin my role here, but that is all I had."

"And your mother? You say she left you?"

Claire nodded. "She left me unaware that, when I was older, I would be left to shoulder my father's debts and grieve him. I do not even know if she is aware my father is dead, but I am certainly not going to be the one to tell her." Claire shook her head resolutely.

"But Lord Simon … He treated me beautifully. At first. He was attentive. He wished to dance, and he was courteous. He came to meet with my father the following day after my debut and requested to court me. I still remember the earrings I wore for the ball. Red jewels—fake, of course, made only of paste, for my father could not afford real rubies, but I tried to love them all the same—and Lord Simon told me I was unique, for nobody else dared to wear such a bold colour, but I did. He was a dedicated man, which I liked. He was a scholar at the time, a budding genius, so he was well-known and liked among the Ton. He put his family first and talked at length of the title and responsibilities that would be his when his father passed. He presented such a life to me and dazzled me. Yet it was because of those responsibilities that there would be days when he would not answer my letters or call upon me.

"He would leave me to wait for him. My father chaperoned me, of course, but Lord Simon would show up sometimes, and other times, he would not. It was humiliating, but when he did come to call, he lavished me with gifts, spoke sweet words to me, and made sure his disappearance felt insignificant in those moments. But then it would all happen again. When my father passed away, Lord Simon sent me a very curt letter. All he did was apologize rather insincerely but explained briefly he would need to end our courtship. I was devastated. I had just lost my father, only to face the lack of prospects now, for I had turned down other offers. And then my father's debts piled upon me. It was one thing after another.

"Eventually, I knew I had to leave. My father had ruined our name. My mother had caused a scandal with her disappearance, and I wanted to have nothing more to do with any of it. So, I renounced my title privately, took myself out of Society, and became a governess. I had to rebuild my life—except I was now in charge of it a great deal more."

As she finished recounting her story, Ernest blinked at her, his mouth working, only for no words to come out. He had prompted her with questions to understand, but now it seemed she had used up his ability to respond.

Claire leaned forward. "Lord Bannerdown, you must forgive me. I did not mean to deceive you at all. Nothing must change after I have told you this. I beg of you for it not to change. I am no longer Claire Garner. I do not wish to be Claire Garner. My former life and attachments to it have all gone, and I am happy to keep it that way. I am Claire Gundry now and wish to forever be that. Please tell me you understand that."

Ernest's face changed from shocked confusion into a softer understanding. Slowly, he nodded and sat up straighter in his chair. "I understand, Miss Gundry. I understand why you lied."

She flinched, waiting to be berated, but he did not.

"I … I very much understand the desire to lose a name and reinvent oneself. It is not always possible, but you made it so, and I find you admirable for that. You shall stay on with your employment here at Little Harkwell. I believe you need to share your story with Lady Florence, though, Miss Gundry."

"That was always my plan," she quickly assured him. "I only did not realize I would confess so soon."

"I am glad you did." His eyes met hers, and she found genuine honesty and understanding in them. She had seen his anger at being deceived and had expected it, so she was surprised. Pleasantly so, but surprised, nonetheless.

"All I ask is that you are honest with me in future," he told her, his voice growing harder. "I am feeling rather in the dark between your true identity and your knowledge of Lady Florence's dealings. It makes me feel rather uneasy and like I do not know what is happening within my own house."

Claire nodded, biting her lip. "Thank you, Lord Bannerdown. And … well, on the topic of honesty, I must confess something else."