11. Maya

11

Maya

Really fucked that up, huh? The rest of the day passed too fast and too slow at the same time. She couldn’t stop thinking about how Corin had made her come. His concentration on her pleasure. On every sound and movement he coaxed from her body.

Which meant it hadn’t worked, didn’t it? Shit. They’d only done that to relieve the physical need between them, caused by the mate bond she was now more certain than ever Corin wanted nothing to do with. And it hadn’t helped. She was still thinking about him. Needing him. She needed—no, she wanted more than his fingers.

Maybe that would break the spell.

Maybe you’re fuck-drunk and stupid with it . It was a strong possibility. But what if she made him come as hard as he’d made her come? Or what if they both—

She shoved the thought in her mental trash can and groaned. Having full penetrative sex or anything else with Corin wouldn’t fix this. Probably. It would make it worse. Probably.

If he flinched away again from the possibility of her touching him the way he touched her, it would break her.

She sighed. Let’s not think about that. Because there were two routes that train of thought could take: either the direction where she beat herself up all evening and long into the night…

Or the direction where she tried to figure out what the hell Corin Blackburn’s deal was.

She clenched her fists. She was not going to figure out what Corin Blackburn’s deal was. She didn’t care—

Okay, that was a lie. She cared too much.

But it was none of her business. And it wouldn’t change anything. Whatever reason he had for not claiming her as his mate—and god, she wished her body didn’t light up at the thought—that was the decision he’d made.

And that was final.

Except maybe they would fuck a few times before he left, because … reasons?

Argh.

Tomás was full of stories that evening. She even managed to translate some of them from his excited toddler-babble, all misplaced consonants and waves of fun happy times and jumping flying GRRR.

It was normal for shifter children to communicate telepathically, Maya reminded herself. Corin told her that. All this was … normal.

Even if it did make her feel a bit dizzy, managing her own confused feelings alongside her son’s giddy joy.

“At least I know I’m doing something right if you’re this happy,” she said, booping him on the nose. He grinned up at her. “Or Angie White is. Either way.”

He didn’t even fight bedtime too badly. She only needed to change her top after his bath, not her entire outfit. And then, a stroke of singular genius as he eyed the railing around his crib with the look of a toddler who knows no barrier can withstand tiny dragon wings and claws: remembering Corin’s line about very brave dragons showing off their hoards, she pulled out the battered suitcase of treasure and oohed and ahhed over the priceless trinkets until Tomás’s eyes finally drifted closed.

It was like magic.

Maya awarded herself a satisfactory mark on that particular mom key performance indicator and was halfway down the stairs again when someone knocked softly at the door.

She opened it and found Felicity on the other side.

Maya narrowed her eyes at her. “Did you use your magic to wait until you knew Tomás was asleep?”

“It would be very sad if you had to murder me on sight because I interrupted you putting Tomás down to bed.” Felicity pulled her into a hug and slipped inside. “Coffee? No, you sleep badly enough as it is. Hot chocolate?”

“If you’re magicking it up, sure.” Maya’s eyes widened as Felicity grinned and sauntered through to the kitchen, waggling her fingers like she was casting a spell. “Seriously? I was kidding!”

“What’s the point in having magic if I can’t use it to melt marshmallows the perfect amount, huh?”

“I thought your powers were for protecting Hideaway.”

“Tonight, I’m protecting you from the terrors of under-caffeination. Wait, no, under-chocolatation. Which is definitely a thing.” Felicity glanced at the sink. “Though, ah, given the number of mugs in here, maybe you’re not in danger of under-caffeination after all. I think I’m beginning to see why you have trouble getting to sleep.”

“How do you know I’m not sleeping well?” Anxiety tugged at her nerves. Did Felicity’s magic tell her somehow? Was it a shifter thing, and Apollo had told her? Did everyone know she wasn’t coping?

“Other than the ginormous bags under your eyes and the fact that you’ve already yawned twice during this conversation?”

“I haven’t yawned—” she started to say, and immediately yawned. “Fine. I surrender. Make me some delicious hot chocolate laced with magical sleeping pills.”

“Will marshmallows do?”

“I don’t have any marshmallows. Tomás has a magical marshmallow-radar. I can’t keep them in the house or he’ll eat so many he turns into one.”

“We’ll have to keep this quiet, then.” Felicity pulled a bag of marshmallows, and a block of actual chocolate, out of her bag like she was doing a striptease. “And—go, magic!”

Maya slumped down at the table, more than happy to let Felicity take over the kitchen because—well, this was Felicity. She trusted her. She trusted her magic, the golden flower blossoms that worked in sync with Apollo’s shimmering sparks to keep the town safe and, apparently, to make hot drinks. She even trusted her to see all her dirty dishes.

Corin’s words rushed through her head like a high-tide wave.

You must want to know why I never—

Should she have let him finish? She sighed and dropped her head into her arms.

“Terrible date?”

“What—I haven’t been on a date . I’ve been working, and looking after Tomás, and—have you been spying on me?” She lifted her head in time to catch a drift of tiny golden blossoms whirling around her stovetop—Felicity’s magic—and two firmly raised eyebrows. “No, don’t use your judging face on me. You’re here to make drinks, not make up stories about me going on dates.”

“I’m not the one who’s been making up stories.”

“Oh, no.” Maya froze. “Someone saw us? Or heard us? Or … telepathically … oh no. Oh, no, no, no.”

“No no no? No no what? Jacqueline said you went and talked to Corin, that’s all.” Felicity’s eyes were wide. “So what’s with the no no no?”

“Nothing!”

“ Bullshit. ” Felicity sat down next to her. “Is everything okay?”

Maya gestured helplessly. “Why would everything be okay?”

“Because your old boss rolled into town? The same guy who chased you here in the first place? The guy we’re all pretty sure is your mate, even if you refuse to mention it, and—oh. You said why would everything be okay, not why wouldn’t .”

She reached across the table and grabbed Maya’s hand. “You’re not okay?”

“I’m … it’s…”

“Complicated?” Felicity suggested.

Maya nodded. “Complicated.”

Felicity reached behind herself to stir the hot chocolate on the stove. “And your not-date today involved something you’re worried people might have seen, or heard, or telepathically tuned into. Which, I haven’t heard anything about anything like that, so stop worrying about it. But, Maya…”

“He’s my mate,” Maya blurted out. “But everyone else already figured that out, right?”

The silence told her everything.

“How long have you suspected?” she groaned.

“Since you arrived here with him hot on your tail a couple months ago?”

“Oh god. ”

“Apollo suspected.”

“You’ve been talking about me?”

Her voice shrilled and Felicity stared at her wide-eyed and concerned. “Only because we’re your friends ,” she said firmly. “Because we worry about you. And I, specifically, know how good you are at not talking about stuff that’s worrying you . Which also makes me worry, so, really, it’s all your own fault.”

“Can’t I have the friendship without people noticing things about me that I haven’t even noticed myself?”

Felicity stirred the hot chocolate on the stove. “It was easier when all people noticed about you was that you were Corin Blackburn’s assistant?”

“Yes!”

“And the whole time you were Corin Blackburn’s assistant, you wanted to wrestle him down onto his table and do the nasty?”

“I—you—who says do the nasty? ” Maya retorted, which was the sort of answer that told Felicity everything.

“You deserve some sort of award for holding out so long.” Felicity poured two mugs of hot chocolate, topped them with marshmallows, and plonked them down on the table. “I couldn’t think about anything else after I met Apollo. And I was still trying to get over the fact that he was a dragon shifter. That magic and all this existed. You’ve had longer to deal with that side of it, at least. But you and Mr. Blackburn never…?”

“ Never .” She explained Corin’s idea of them seeing each other again being like a rubber band snapping back. Felicity snorted.

“At least you’re not tamping down all your feelings until you explode under the pressure, like usual?”

“No, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Did. What I’ve done.” She put her head in her hands again. “Today.” Face still hidden, she told Felicity everything, in a pained mumble that she must have had to use magic to translate.

“Well,” Felicity said when she finished. “Huh.”

“I’m his mate ,” Maya whispered, as though saying it louder would make it more horribly real than it already was. “What am I meant to do?”

“Have you tried forgetting all about how he lied to you, and rolling over and obeying his every command?”

“What?!” She stared at Felicity, outraged. “We may be magically connected, or whatever the hell the mate bond is, but that doesn’t mean he’s the boss of me! I mean—he was my boss. But he isn’t anymore! And that’s—stop laughing, this is serious!”

“Deadly serious,” Felicity agreed, wiping her eyes. “So, has he tried to make it up to you? Or is he doing the full Blackburn, Jr. routine and acting as though you should be glad he even notices you exist, peasant?”

“You know he was never like that with me.”

“True.” Felicity wrinkled her nose. “Suspicious, really. In retrospect. So?”

Her shoulders sagged. “He’s … behaving very well.”

Felicity made an extraordinarily disbelieving face.

“He’s doing the best he can. I’m doing the best I can. We need to—to relieve the pressure somehow. But it’s obvious he never wanted me to find out the truth, and now that I do know, he…”

He wants to get back to the way things were as soon as possible , she meant to say, but other words tangled together on the tip of her tongue.

He followed her back to Hideaway the moment he discovered another dragon had found out where she was.

He insisted on staying in Hideaway while he investigated his stolen hoard, instead of going to the scene of the crime.

He … asked her what she wanted, and she was the one who suggested stress-relief-only.

“Uh,” she said uncertainly.

“He’s what?” Felicity prompted her.

“He’s still not interested.” Maya didn’t look at Felicity, because she didn’t want to see the doubt in her friend’s eyes. “And if he is, it’s only the—the physical aspect of the mate bond. That’s all. Which he’s fought the whole time we’ve known one another.”

Felicity’s expression was worried. “Everything you’ve said so far has been about what he is doing. What he wants. What do you want?”

Maya stared at her. “I want…” She swallowed hard. Corin had already asked her this question, and she’d already answered it, so why was she tripping over her words now? “I want the world to stop spinning so fast for a few years, so I can catch up and understand everything again.”

“Uh-uh. Not going to happen. Try again.”

“I want Tomás to grow up safe and—”

“What do you want for you , Maya.”

The truth loomed up inside her, cold and terrible. She bit her lip. “I want what you and Apollo have.”

Felicity didn’t say anything.

“And what Jacqueline and Arlo have. What Lainie and Harrison have. That—that perfect connection. Companionship. Trust. Someone who you know will always be on your side. Someone who understands you.”

“Apollo and I don’t always understand each other,” Felicity said gently. “We haven’t known each other long enough to figure out all of each other’s craziness.”

“But you’re getting to know each other. And you like each other. He’s completely smitten with you and I’ve literally never seen you smile as much as you do when you’re with him.” The words tumbled out of her. “I already know Corin. I know him so well . And I know that—that we can’t have what you have. It’s too late. He already decided it can’t happen and, even if he hadn’t, I … I’m not the person he would choose to be with. I’m the person he’s chosen not to be with.”

Felicity didn’t say anything, and the silence gave Maya’s brain space to crawl towards a new decision. One that would make everything easier.

“And maybe that’s okay,” she said, quietly, testing out the theory. “Maybe … you don’t need to get together with your fated mate. Maybe I do just want things to go back to the way things have been since I moved here.”

“Mays…”

“Because one of the things that might change—” She curled in on herself. “Someone’s been sending me these treasures. I’m worried that—I don’t even know how he would find me, I don’t even know who he is , but—”

“You’re worrying yourself sick over it anyway?” Felicity sat next to her, nudging her side until she uncurled. “Because all dragons are mortal enemies, so whichever one you took home from the bar that night, he’s definitely going to turn out to have been feuding with Corin since they were both in diapers, and your whole messy situation just got a whole lot more soap opera?”

“You don’t need to be mean about it.”

“And you don’t need to punish yourself for something that isn’t your fault and might not be true, anyway.” She put an arm around Maya’s shoulder. “Apollo managed to get through life without making any terrible dragon enemies.”

Maya snorted. “We’re talking about Corin Blackburn, here, not Apollo. Even before I knew he was a dragon shifter, I knew he made grudges more easily than he made friends. And since finding out that he and Montfort were both dragon shifters, and the others Apollo told us about? The chances that another dragon shifter living in the same city was a total stranger to him are zero to none.” She sighed and rubbed her eyes. Not because tears were pricking there, because the hell was she going to cry over this, but because she was suddenly so tired. “It doesn’t matter. He’ll be gone again soon enough. And then…”

Her voice trailed off.

If Corin was going to leave—if he was going to be out of her life forever—then there was something she needed to know before he was gone.