Chapter 23

"Have you been waiting for me?"

Jane jumped at the sound of her husband's voice. She had indeed been waiting for him, but now that he was here, she was not certain what to do.

She closed her eyes, praying for the strength to say what she had to say. None of this was as she had imagined things would happen between them but how else was she to ensure the safety of the girls. She couldn't jeopardize their safety for a chance to be happy.

"Yes, I have."

She cleared her throat and turned as his footsteps hit the wooden floor announcing that he was advancing towards her. Her heart broke as she watched him.

He looked so beautiful, standing there with that wonderful smile. She looked around the drawing room as she tried to steady herself.

You must not allow yourself to be distracted, Jane. You must be strong.

"I'm quite glad that you waited actually, although I suppose I would have loved it also if you were already asleep," Colin said. "It is quite late after all."

"Why are you glad that I waited?" She asked, trying to postpone the inevitable.

She could not bear the thought of seeing his lovely smile disappear from his lips and knowing that she was responsible for his absence. Alas, there was nothing to be done.

She had thought long and hard about this as she sat in the empty room with nothing else to occupy her mind. There was no way out of any of this, at least, none that did not expose the children to harm. She would not be able to look at herself if that happened.

Colin chuckled, smoothing his hair back. His hand shook a little and she frowned as she noticed it. Had something happened.

She fixed her legs to the ground as she fought to regain composure. She couldn't go to him, couldn't touch him, not when it would be so difficult to let him go if she did that.

"Oh, good heavens, the look on your face. You need not be so concerned. It is not quite terrible news. Quite the opposite actually," he paused and frowned. "I certainly hope that it will be."

Her heart sank. Here she was about to deliver news that was bound to sting. It would hurt his ego even if it did not hurt his heart.

She could not very well, for the life of her, let him speak before she did. She feared that she would lose the strength and push it to another day, continuing with that until she could no longer do so.

"I-I do have something to tell you as well, Colin. It is why I have waited this long to speak with you and I fear that I must go first."

Colin raised a brow as he watched her with a funny expression on his face.

"All right then. I suppose you should."

Jane closed her eyes and bit her lip, welcoming the pain that shot through her. With a huge sigh, she said the words that would turn his smile upside down.

"Colin, I want an annulment."

Colin's eyes bulged and for a moment, his smile remained as he tried to make sense of what he had just heard.

"Pardon?"

Jane repeated her words.

"I would like an annulment, Colin. I am not quite fulfilled in this marriage. Perhaps it has run its course for me."

Colin closed the remaining distance between them and wrapped his fingers around her shoulder.

"What do you mean, Jane? Has something happened that I should know about?"

Jane pushed his hands off her although she wished only to wrap them tighter around herself, push into him, and tell him how sorry she was for the words that she uttered. Instead, she watched as they fell to his side.

He can't know. I can't put him in danger, too.

"There is nothing that you should concern yourself with, Colin. I am merely unhappy and while I have tried to be, I simply cannot force it anymore."

The words coming out of her felt like bile burning the inside of her throat. But Jane would never forgive herself if something happened to him.

His brows had furrowed in confusion and surprise when she'd suddenly blurted that out and now, it deepened, changing his face.

"What do you mean? In the time that you have been here, your smile has been bright. You've enjoyed the company of the children as they have come to enjoy yours, too?" he stated emphatically.

Jane shook her head.

"No, Colin. I have only done what you asked of me. You married me because you wanted someone who would teach your nieces and I have done as you asked but that does not mean that I have been happy."

Colin's face fell. She could see the confusion in his eyes as he stared at her, wondering what had gone wrong.

She held her hands behind her back as she spoke. How could she tell him the truth? He would set out to find Graham if she did.

A part of her wanted to tell him and hoped that he would so she would be free of the monster, however, she could not. Not when it could result in Colin's harm. She couldn't see how else this would go.

"Jane, whatever it is that has caused you to come to this decision, I'm sure we can come to a decision that does not involve you leaving."

Jane bit her lip to stop the tears that stung at her eyes. She did not think he could hear it himself, but the desperation in his voice was very clear to her. She had never heard him sound like that.

Does he want me to stay that terribly?

She closed her eyes and sighed. I cannot.

"I believe there is nothing to be said that could change my mind, Colin. I have thought long and hard about this," she answered. But she needed to be sure he would let go. "Surely, you do not think me incapable of making my own decisions and standing by them that you would seek to argue this," she added.

He stepped back as though she had struck him and stared at her like she was a stranger he was only just seeing for the first time.

"Would you choose to see me as a monster who does not respect you, Jane?" he asked. "Have I given you reason to believe that I would not respect your wishes?"

She remained silent although a part of her begged her to apologize for her words that had clearly struck a nerve.

"I do not accuse you of being a monster, Colin. I merely speak from my heart. I do not wish to be in a marriage with you any longer. I am quite unhappy and unfulfilled."

She walked up to him and looked him in the eyes.

"I merely wish to be free of this torment in my heart every time I remember that I am stuck in a marriage that I do not wish to be in, Your Grace."

Colin sucked in a breath at her use of his title instead of his name and closed his eyes for a moment. She'd known the repercussion of doing that. When he opened them, her heart sank. She knew that he would grant her what she wanted because he would never try to be the reason for her pain.

It was what she wanted and yet, every part of her begged her to scream at him that she had been wrong and she did not want to be apart from him for a moment.

"Jane," his tone was pleading.

He took her head in his hand when she turned away from him and held her gaze.

Her body ached to let out a sigh as she relaxed into his hands, instead she defied her feelings and pulled away from his reach, remaining silent.

His jaw ticked wildly and his eyes seemed lost. He nodded.

"Very well. I will give you what you want."

He clasped his hands behind his back and Jane noticed everything about him change. Gone was the man she had come to love.

"We will get the annulment as quickly as possible if that is what it will take for you to be happy again. The girls…" he paused and Jane wanted to cry. They would be heartbroken. "I will explain the situation to them." I will never be happy again.

Her world had been destroyed right in front of her and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

"Thank you," she murmured, her voice like a whisper that carried into the still of the night, haunting and filled with so much of her fears.

If only things could have been different. We would have been happy together.

"Goodnight, Lady Jane."

He turned away before she could say anything although there was nothing to be said. This was the end of her happiest moments. "Goodnight, Colin," she whispered, as she watched him go.

She stood frozen in place. She deserved the misery she was feeling after what she had done. But she had no choice.

I have to become the villain to keep them all safe.