Chapter 5

A New Start

Olivia stared around her room at Pembleton Manor. It was smaller than her chambers in Emberly Castle and smaller than the room she used at Emberly House. Yet, somehow, she found the size comforting.

There were a few paintings on the walls, a good-sized wardrobe, a very comfortable bed, a dressing table, and a small stool. Olivia particularly loved the quality of the light as it streamed through the large window, and she found the sounds of the city rather comforting. She smiled and then tried to force herself to return to the task at hand. She had been at Pembleton Manor for just under a week and had meant to write a letter to her mother. Yet every time she started the letter, she remembered Nigel Maxton in her bed, and the embarrassment that had followed.

A knock sounded at the door, preventing Olivia from falling too deeply into her memory. "Lady Olivia, do you have a moment?" a muffled voice called through the door.

"Just a moment!" Olivia called, shaking herself and moving to open the door.

She found Jane Pembleton, one of Rose's younger sisters, standing before her.

Like Rose, Jane was very pretty with chestnut hair and doe-like eyes. She was shorter than Rose which made her considerably shorter than Olivia, though she never made Olivia feel uncomfortable about her height.

"I wanted to come and see how you were settling in." Jane beamed at Olivia and then frowned as she looked around the room. "The room seems almost exactly as it did when you arrived."

Olivia shrugged and closed the door. "I did not bring very much with me."

"Why not?" Jane asked.

"I was planning on buying most of my wardrobe while I was here, and well…" Olivia blushed slightly before saying, "I sort of viewed this as something of a fresh start."

"A fresh start?" Jane seemed confused.

Olivia nodded. "Yes. Sort of a way to put last season behind me. A clean slate as it were."

Olivia paused before adding thoughtfully, "Though it is not only about that… It is… well, it is also about me."

Jane canted her head. "I am not sure I follow."

"I love my family dearly, but well, I've never really been apart from them," Olivia began, pausing for thought.

"That is quite normal, is it not? I do not think I've spent much time away from my own family," Jane interrupted.

"It's different." Olivia drummed her fingers on her lap as she tried to think of the right worlds. "You and your sisters, well, even before you were out, you visited, and you were encouraged to, well, do things. To be your own people."

"I suppose," Jane agreed.

"It is different. When father died… well, it was as if our whole word was sort of frozen. My family spent all our time together, and well, with such an age gap and my mother in the throes of grief… I spent rather a lot of time caring for my siblings. And spent all this time with my family, thinking about what they needed and wanted, and we were so isolated from the world…" Olivia trailed off.

Jane looked thoughtful. "You feel that such concentrated time with your family in isolation has perhaps made you lose something of who you are?"

"Exactly." Olivia sat down on the bed and gestured to Jane to join her. "I feel as though I have been given this chance to truly stretch my wings and discover who I am. I want to use this season to find out what I like and want."

Jane nodded enthusiastically. "What you say makes a strange kind of sense. I, for one, love picking up new hobbies — though it oft' drives my family rather mad depending on the hobby."

"Really?" Olivia tilted her head. "Why ever do your past times upset them?"

"Sometimes it is the frequency with which my fancies take me and change. Other times it is the fancies themselves." Jane gave Olivia a rather sheepish grin. "The worst was when I decided to learn the bagpipes. I went out one day, and when I came home, they had mysteriously vanished."

Olivia laughed. "Well, I do not think I shall be learning the bagpipes… though perhaps music would be fun to pursue. I had not really given hobbies much thought. I think I'd rather try a few and see what takes my fancy."

"Well, why don't I write a list? I can include all that I know although some of them are rather unladylike. Mother has spent most of my life telling me what hobbies are suitable for a young lady and more importantly, what hobbies men find desirable in the women they are courting." Jane gave Olivia a sly glance.

Olivia felt her cheeks redden but smiled. "Is there anything your mother doesn't know?"

"I don't think so." Jane laughed as the clock struck eleven. "You know, we have been rather cooped up while you have been settling in; what say you to a promenade about the shops? I am sure mother has been itching to go."

Olivia beamed at the other girl and nodded enthusiastically. "That sounds like an excellent idea."

A few hours later, they had visited the modiste and ordered Olivia a wardrobe full of new clothes and a few new dresses for Jane. They had also visited a cobbler and ordered several pairs of new shoes each.

Olivia could tell that Jane was reining in her desires. Often, Jane would choose several items and then reduce the number by half. Olivia, who shared her brother's generous spirit and had been given an ample allowance for her season, felt that the best thing to do would be to purchase the items for her new friend and gift them to her.

After all, the Pembleton's are doing so much for me; it is the least I could do.

"What are you doing?" Jane asked after she spotted Olivia doing this at the cobblers.

"I was buying you those shoes you wanted," Olivia explained.

"What? But. No, that is… What? I couldn't possibly accept such a gift." Jane's face was a mix of embarrassment and anger.

Mortified, Olivia realised what her friend would think. You fool. "Oh goodness, Jane! I did not think. I… Well, it is only that you and your family are doing so much for me… I… Well, I thought this would be a good way to repay your kindness.

"If it makes you uncomfortable, I shall not do it again. It is only, well, I wanted to show you my appreciation." Olivia smiled tentatively. "It was not charity. Just… Well, what is the use of having a duke for a brother if I cannot spoil my friends on occasion?"

Jane looked somewhat mollified but still uncertain. "I would prefer if you asked next time."

Olivia nodded. "I promise. Now shall we go to the milliners? We are both in need of hats. Perhaps a few ribbons and such. Oh, I think Lock's also does gloves."

"Yes. Let's go." Jane linked an arm through Olivia's, and together they stepped into the milliners.

Olivia loved the excitement on her friend's face as she looked at the various hats on display. She had always loved shopping but had never had the joy of shopping with a peer. I really must make a habit of doing this more often; it is much more fun than with a mother.

"You know, when we were younger, Rose, Emily, and I would play a game to try and find the silliest hat in the store. We'd try on the most ridiculous new fashions and all fall about laughing." Jane gave Olivia a sidelong look.

"I think that sounds like an excellent idea." Olivia beamed and grabbed a monstrosity of a purple hat and put it on her head. "What about this? Would you say it suits me?"

Jane giggled. "I would say you look rather fetching."

"Thank you." Olivia curtsied and then put the hat back.

They each took turns patrolling the shop and finding what they thought was the most ridiculous hat or bonnet. As Olivia rounded a corner, she found the perfect hat.

It was a pink Neapolitan bonnet with strings of the same colour and several of the gaudiest flowers Olivia had ever seen. The bonnet itself was larger than most others. I must show this to Jane. Olivia carefully took the bonnet and placed it upon her head.

The bonnet was rather too large for her, and she had to keep propping it up. Feeling rather pleased with herself, she turned around, expecting to find herself face to face with Jane.

The hat slid down as she turned. An odd scent that reminded her of nutmeg and cinnamon wafted over her. She lifted up the rim of the bonnet, grinning broadly, and found herself staring into the rather bemused face of Nigel Maxton.

Colour flooded her cheeks, and she removed the hat at once, carefully putting it back on the model.

"Oh please, do no put it away on my account. I thought you looked rather fetching." Nigel's voice was teasing.

How dare he make fun of me? "Did you want something of me, or do you make a habit of creeping up on young women?"

"I was not creeping. You simply did not give me the chance to announce my presence." Nigel's smile dropped.

Before Olivia could say anything cutting to the man, Jane appeared at her side. Her friend looked between Nigel and Olivia. Belatedly, Olivia remembered her manners. The Duke may think I am some silly little girl, but I do not need to prove him right.

"Ah, Jane. I do not believe you know Duke Glassley? He is an old friend of my brother's." Olivia barely spared Nigel a glance. "Duke Glassley, this is my good friend Miss Jane Pembleton."

"Ahh, Miss Jane, I think perhaps I saw you at your sister's wedding though we were not introduced." Nigel bowed to Jane and smiled. "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance"

Jane's eyes had widened at Olivia's words, and she realised that Lady Cotswalts had most likely shared what had transpired at Emberly castle with her daughter. Thankfully, Jane recovered quickly and curtsied to Nigel.

"It is a pleasure to meet you as well, Duke Glassley," Jane replied.

Silence stretched between them, and Olivia only just managed to stop herself glowering outright at Nigel. I am a lady, and I will not sink to his level. God, why does he linger? Can he not tell he is not wanted? Self-important git.

She really wished the man had not seen her in such a ridiculous hat. Though what do I care what he thinks of me? I am allowed to enjoy silly things — it does not make me less worthy.

"Are you enjoying London, Miss Jane. It is your first season, is it not?" Nigel smiled at Jane.

"Yes. It is." Jane looked nervous. "How do you find London?"

Olivia tried to catch Jane's eye, attempting to signal to her friend that she need not prolong the conversation. Unfortunately, Jane did not seem to understand the message she was desperately trying to convey.

"I rather enjoy London. It is a change of pace from one's life at Glassley." Nigel seemed to be trying to catch Olivia's eye, but she decided she would rather not indulge him.

"I am sure Duke Glassley has other more pressing matters to return to, and I should hate to keep him." Olivia gripped Jane's arm gently and made to leave. "Come Jane, let us let the man go about his business."

"Oh, you need not worry on my account. I have no urgent things to attend to, and I am, erm, enjoying your company." Nigel smiled, but Olivia could see the discomfort in him. "Perhaps you might advise me on my choice of hat."

"I am sure that you are more than capable of making a decision without our advice." Olivia only just resisted adding a barb to her words.

Jane glanced between Nigel and Olivia. "You know, I think I've just remembered that I forgot to tell the milliner that I need the bonnet in blue, not green."

Olivia flashed Jane a look. "Ah yes, why don't I come with you, and we can sort this out together. Good day, Duke Glassley."

"I would speak with you a moment, Lady Olivia, if you would be willing." Nigel looked distinctly uncomfortable as he said it, glancing between the floor, Olivia, and Jane.

Jane raised an eyebrow at Olivia. For a moment, Olivia considered simply walking away and leaving Duke Glassley unheard. She sighed. Alexander would want me to at least hear him out.

Olivia turned to Jane and nodded her agreement. Jane looked once more between Olivia and Nigel and then departed. She watched as her friend left, unsure if she had made the right decision. Well, it is not like the situation can get any worse. She turned to him and breathed deeply.

"What exactly was it you wanted, Lord Glassley?" Olivia kept her voice cool, trying to convey an innate sense of calm that felt so far removed from her reality she nearly laughed.

"I wanted to offer an explanation… for what happened at Emberly." Nigel put his hands in his pockets, which reminded Olivia of a naughty schoolboy. The image only seemed to further her annoyance. "And to offer you my most sincere apologies."

"Is that all?" Olivia frowned.

"Well, I have found that in the past it has been best to explain my actions when offering an apology — at least if one wishes to make amends," Nigel explained.

"Do you often end up private places without an invitation?" Olivia asked. Of course, obviously, he has done this before.

"What? No!" Nigel frowned and ran a hand through his sandy hair, leaving it rumpled, adding in a voice so quiet Olivia could barely hear him "I… well, the men in my family… we… well, we sleepwalk."

"You sleepwalk?" Olivia let her disbelief show. "That is a rather convenient excuse do you not think?"

"Often the truth is." Nigel rolled his shoulders. "I do not mean it as an excuse, I just, I do not want you to think I make a habit of walking into, um… such areas of private domesticity without an invitation."

"Why should you care what I think of you?" Olivia asked. "It does not matter to me whether you sleepwalk into a hundred areas of domesticity. Perhaps one of them will be more to your liking."

Olivia felt an odd sensation in her chest and clenched her fist. She met Nigel's gaze. The man let out a frustrated sigh.

"That kind of thing… it has never happened to me before. Usually, I try and take precautions, but…" Nigel shook his head. "This is all coming out wrong. The sleepwalking, I never know when it will happen. Sometimes, drinking can make it worse."

"And yet clearly you felt that you need not take such precautions at Emberly? How fortunate for me," Olivia said sarcastically.

"I tried to bar the door. Truly. But the wine…" Nigel clenched his fists, clearly frustrated.

"To be clear, knowing that wine can make your sleepwalking worse, you chose to get so drunk you could not even manage to bar the door to your own chamber?" Olivia folded her arms across her chest.

"Well, not exactly. I hadn't planned on drinking anywhere near that much."

"But you did plan on drinking?" Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Hardly the sensible choice."

"It was not my finest hour. And I understand how distressing it would have been to find a strange man so near. I can only apologise." Nigel smiled, but to Olivia, it seemed a rather patronising thing.

"You know, I might only be an ‘innocent' and… what did you say? Ah! Yes, ‘na?ve girl who knows nothing of the world'. But at least I manage to stay out of other people's beds and avoid scandal." Olivia's anger seeped into her words. He is only apologising for ending up in my room, not what he said.

"That was poorly said — I was just trying to explain to your mother and Lady Cotswalts that nothing had happened between us." Nigel's frustration seeped into his voice. "That the idea was utterly ludicrous, and that nothing would ever happen between us."

"Oh, indeed. You made that quite clear." Perhaps it was his use of the word ‘ludicrous' again or his emphasis on ‘ever' that broke the dam of Olivia's anger, but she could not say for certain. "Though for someone who so clearly thinks the idea of marriage to me is so ‘ludicrous', you took staggeringly little precautions to prevent it with the kind of scandal your behaviour could have caused."

"As I said, I was not in control of myself. I cannot help what happens," Nigel interrupted her, casting a look around the shop and lowering his voice.

"Perhaps not, but one would think that if one knew that drink made one's sleepwalking worse, then they would either take steps to ensure their late-night wanderings caused no harm, or they would perhaps limit their consumption of drink." Olivia took a step towards him. "But perhaps you simply lack the self-control to do so or the willingness to inconvenience yourself."

Nigel's eyes narrowed, and Olivia saw with satisfaction that she had touched a nerve. "You do not know what you are talking about."

"No? Perhaps not. But I can see now that you were right when you said that you and I would never have worked. Would never work, in fact." Olivia took a step towards him, fury making her bold. "I would never want to be with someone as patronising as you."

"Well hang on a minute, I —" Nigel began, but Olivia cut him off.

"No, I could never be happy with a self-centred fool who thinks so very much of his own charm and skill that he cares little for the impact his behaviour will have on others. Why would I, na?ve and silly girl that I am, want to settle with a man so ‘worldly' that he thinks he is above the rest of us?" Olivia shook her head in disgust.

"I used to think that you were a decent person, after all you are Alexander's friend, but I see now that you are just some scared and silly little boy who thinks he is too good for the rest of us." Olivia turned on her heel. "Good day, Duke Glassley. Thank you for sparing me the ludicrousness of a lifetime with you."

Olivia stalked away and did not bother to look back. She did not care what the man thought of her outburst. She did not care if he thought she was melodramatic or hysterical. She had given him a piece of her mind, and quite frankly, she felt elated.

Perhaps now he will finally leave me in peace. She found Jane staring at her, a million questions in her eyes. Olivia sighed. "I will tell you everything, but let us leave this place. If I have to be near that infernal man a moment longer, I shall scream."

Jane nodded, and as they waited to pay, Olivia risked a glance around the milliners. Nigel was nowhere to be seen. Good.

"Was that the Nigel who was…" Jane looked around as they left the shop before whispering, "you know…"

Olivia sighed. "Yes. It was. I hadn't expected your mother to tell you."

"I do not think she meant to, but she let it slip, and then well…" Jane trailed off. "He wasn't what I was expecting."

Olivia rolled her shoulders but did not enquire as to what her friend had been expecting. I do not want to even think about the man, let alone talk about him. "I do wish your mother would tell me who she had in mind for me this season."

Jane made a sympathetic noise. "It's most frustrating, I know, but that is not really mother's way. She insists that it is far better to be kept in the dark, or else you risk standing in your own way."

Olivia grumbled. "Well, whoever she has in mind, I am quite sure I know one man it won't be."

And with that, she smiled. She had new prospects and a fresh start — that was all that mattered.