Chapter Fourteen

Serena lay awake in her bed at just after four in the morning, unable to stop thinking about her discussion with Eleanor and the upcoming ball. It was still strange to her that just one day prior, her mother-in-law had been so standoffish with her that she was sure she would never be able to form a relationship with her. Yet with two conversations, Eleanor was rapidly becoming someone she could befriend. And it was clear that Rowan's mother held no animosity toward her. Perhaps, she was just adjusting to the notion of Serena joining her family so suddenly, like Serena herself was.

The ball was, indeed, a lovely idea. She would no longer be attending social events as the marriageable diamond of the season. However, despite the rushed and lackluster manner in which she and Rowan had gotten married, she couldn't deny that she still longed for the music and dancing. It was a ball in her honor, which was humbling, but it was very sweet of Eleanor to think of her in such a way.

And yet, she felt as anxious as she was excited as she thought about not only the ball, but also about officially taking up the dowager's mantle as duchess. She would have Eleanor's guidance, for which she was very grateful. And part of her was looking forward to learning everything that her mother-in-law had to teach her.

Another part of her, however, was worried. Would she be able to learn properly from the dowager? Would she ever make the kind of duchess that Rowan needed? And how would she manage her new role in tandem with her growing curiosity about the man she now called husband?

Eleanor had said that Rowan had lived as a hermit for a great many years, and that he had simply forgotten how to interact with others. It was clear to Serena that his father was deceased, but she didn't know what had happened to him. Rowan would never open up to her enough to explain it to her, she knew, and she didn't wish to press the dowager about the issue, not with their bond still so new. But as she lay there, thinking about what the former duchess had said, she couldn't help wondering. Was it illness? Was it a carriage accident or a robbery? Perhaps, she could ask one of the staff members about it one day.

The dowager had also told her that Rowan was a good man with a good heart. Serena wanted to believe that, and she could sense that Eleanor was being truthful, rather than simply trying to offer Serena fake reassurances. But with what she had witnessed of her new husband, any semblance of a kindhearted man who might allow her into his life as more than an obligation was long gone. And unless he suddenly transformed into a different person than the one she had seen thus far, she didn't believe that would ever change.

As the sky began to lighten with the first faint streaks of dawn, Serena decided she would rise early. It was senseless to try to sleep at that hour, she figured, and she could use the extra time before everyone else awoke to do some exploring of her own. She summoned Christine, selecting an elegant but simple pale orange morning gown. Her lady's maid appeared a moment later, smiling sleepily at her.

"Good morning, Your Grace," she said.

Serena blushed sheepishly.

"Did I wake you?" she asked.

Christine shook her head, stifling a yawn.

"I had been awake for a moment before you rang," she said. "You're up quite early this morning."

Serena nodded.

"I could not go back to sleep, so I thought I would take my own tour of my new home," she said.

Christine's grin widened and she gave Serena a knowing look.

"It would not have anything to do with your handsome new husband, would it?" she asked.

Serena shrugged, trying to keep her expression neutral.

"I admit that it has been an adjustment, being married to Rowan," she said with care. "But we rarely interact with one another. I simply wish to learn more about the mansion without being bothersome."

Christine gave her a sympathetic look.

"I understand that you and His Grace are not exactly cordial," she said. "But do not lose hope. This could be something grander and more beautiful than you ever expected."

Serena gave her maid a small smile, even though she didn't believe the words.

"I hope that you are right, Christine," she said.

Once Serena was dressed, she dismissed Christine and slipped silently into the hallway. She made her way to the grand hall, slipping around the corner and into the hallway that would lead her to the library. During the tour, it was the room which had most piqued her interest. She thought she could spend some time getting better acquainted with it before breakfast.

She was able to enter the room with no additional sound as the door was already open. She gazed up at the ceiling, noting the warm cream color of the spacious ceiling. The chandelier and hearth had not yet been lit, but there was a dim glow coming from the far side of the room. The light drew her attention to it, and she gasped softly when she saw its source. There was a candle lit on the desk in the right corner. And behind that desk sat Rowan with a book on the desk just beneath the candle's light and his face hovering above its pages.

It was clear that he was completely engrossed in the book, and she considered leaving. But she was frozen, mesmerized by the look of peace and contentment on Rowan's face. He looked as though the words on the pages of that book had transformed him into a man without troubles or cares. For the first time, she didn't see ice when she looked at his features. She saw a man who was capable of relaxing and letting the world and its burdens go.

Before she could force her body to move, Rowan looked up. His eyes widened at the sight of her, and he jumped up from his seat. They gazed at one another for some time before either of them spoke. The tension was thick in the air, suffocating to Serena. Since Rowan still looked speechless, she decided to break the silence.

"I believe this is the most beautiful library I have ever seen," she said.

Rowan blinked, as though more surprised that she spoke than by her entrance only a moment before.

"I am pleased that you like it," he said. "Please, stay and enjoy any books you choose."

Serena noted the tension in his voice, and she thought he might be hoping for her to leave, despite his cordial invitation. But she saw an unplanned opportunity, and she intended to seize it.

"Thank you," she said, gazing up at the shelf nearest to her. "I trust that such an impressive collection does not go to waste."

Rowan regarded her with a raised eyebrow before giving her a tight smile.

"Not at all," he said. "I have read many of the books in here."

Serena nodded. He seemed a bit reluctant to engage in normal conversation with her. But if the library was any indication, she was certain she had found a common interest between them.

"I see many titles that I myself have read," she said, turning back to the bookshelf casually. "I see quite a few familiar authors, as well."

From the corner of her eye, she noticed Rowan sit a little straighter in his chair.

"Are you an avid reader?" he asked.

Serena smiled softly to herself before turning a more radiant smile toward her husband. I knew it, she thought.

"I am," she said. "I have enjoyed reading since my governess was still reading to teach me."

Rowan smiled. His eyes were still bogged down with his hesitation. But the way the corners of his lips turned up brightened his face for a brief moment, and Serena's heart skipped.

"I can boast the same," he said.

Serena nodded, stifling her delight as she realized that her husband would, indeed, continue talking.

"Lord Byron is brilliant," she said, her eyes catching his name on the spine of a book along the row her hand was caressing. "As is Ann Radcliffe."

Rowan's eyes lit up then, for the first time that Serena had ever seen. Her heart stopped as she noticed the transition in his face.

"There are but few authors who share Byron's passionate expression in their works," he said. "His lyrical prowess is enviable, even amongst those who are not writers. And he dares to explore the boldest of societal themes, not the least of which is the human condition."

Serena suppressed a thrilled giggle as she listened to her husband speak. He was clearly passionate and knowledgeable about literature, and the discussion of the subject was softening his demeanor. She could at last glimpse the man who existed behind Rowan's characteristically stoic mask. And that man made Serena's stomach fill with butterflies.

"Indeed," she said, nodding fervently. "I enjoy his vivid imagery and impressive use of language. His style also has a certain emotional intensity that draws in the reader, seemingly without effort. His talents are among the best, to be sure."

Rowan rose from his seat, looking at Serena in much the same way she imagined that she was looking at him.

"Would you like to come sit and talk more with me about literature?" he asked.

Serena inwardly leapt for joy. Externally, however, she simply gave her husband another warm smile.

"I would be delighted," she said.

She took the seat across from him, and their conversation flowed as naturally as though they talked every single day. Serena found herself drawn to Rowan's intellect and the way he expressed his thoughts. In truth, she was mostly drawn to the fact that he was expressing his thoughts to her at all. At last, she felt they were building a genuine connection, and she thought they might be able to share an understanding that went beyond the confines of their arranged marriage.

For the first time since learning of her surprise betrothal to Rowan, Serena felt hope that they could find more common ground and build a real relationship within their marriage. Perhaps everyone had been right. Perhaps she could find happiness in her new life.

"You mentioned Ann Radcliffe, as well," Rowan said, changing the subject to the second author she had mentioned. "Which works of hers have you read?"

Serena grinned.

"All of them," she said with a little giggle.

A glint of light shone in Rowan's eyes and his eyebrows raised comically.

"Really?" he asked, a bit of playful challenge in his voice. "Then list the titles from memory."

Serena laughed, but she nodded.

"Very well," she said, matching his tone. "The Castles of Athlin and Dunbayne, A Sicilian Romance, The Romance of the Forest, The Mysteries of Udolpho, and The Italian." She paused, deciding to add a little extra to her husband's recitation request. "And they were published in 1789, 1790, 1791, 1794 and 1797, respectively."

Rowan's jaw fell open, and he gaped at her in awe. It took him a moment to speak, but when he did, his cheeks were pink and his smirk was one of silent adulation.

"Well done, Serena," he said. "You went above and beyond impressing me just now."

Serena dipped her head in a playfully humble bow, but inside she was rejoicing.

"Thank you, Your Grace," she said with a grin. "Jane Austen was my first literature experience, beyond the children's stories that my governess used to tutor me."

Rowan raised his eyebrows in genuine interest.

"Oh?" he asked.

She laughed, recalling the first time she had read an Austen classic.

"Indeed," she said. "Sense and Sensibility, it was. I was only quite young, I believe. And when I found the book, I thought that the words meant the same thing. I was very confused when I first read through the book. I had many questions for my father, and he took great amusement in my perplexity."

Rowan's laugh bellowed throughout the library, heating Serena's blood as well as her cheeks. It was a sound that was sweeter than all the music she had ever heard. She knew that she would do anything to hear more of it.

"That is quite precious," he said, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "And did you enjoy the book more once you made accurate sense of the title?"

Serena laughed once again at his little pun, but she nodded.

"I'll have you know that I did," she said. "Today, it is still among my favourite novels."

Rowan nodded, wiping at his eye.

"I imagine it is," he said with a wink.

They continued to talk, losing track of time as they discussed Ann Radcliffe and other authors, then circling back to Lord Byron. The library became a sort of sanctuary for the two of them, where they could forget about the world and the weight of duties and expectations and simply enjoy each other's company. Serena marveled at the change in Rowan, and how much more open and relaxed he was in those moments. And the more he laughed and challenged her, the more attracted she became to the new facet of his personality. The budding hope in her soul grew, and she prayed their bond could continue to grow.