Chapter 32

Cursing under his breath, Owen shifted uncomfortably in the carriage. He regretted taking it every minute. It was tedious, traveling about London like this.

I could have walked home faster. I should have. Why didn't I?

It was too late now.

He drummed his fingers on his legs as he glanced out the window, to find they had finally reached his street. If he had any luck left, then his wife would be home. Unless she had left again. She could have taken the entire household with her to go anywhere she liked.

"She isn't here," her father had said when Owen turned up at his doorstep an hour ago, after finishing his conversation with his uncle.

"Where is she?" Owen had demanded.

The Earl had raised an eyebrow and looked him over. "She's a hothead, is she not?"

"She's my wife," Owen had corrected him. "If you have hurt her––"

But the man's brow had furrowed. "You may be a duke, but you shall not insult me. I would never raise my hand to my children. I am not a coward. Nor is your wife. My daughter may have stopped by, but…" he trailed off as he took his time pulling out his pocket watch. "Her Grace should have reached home exactly one hour and forty-two minutes ago."

Owen had cursed before hurrying back to his carriage. He'd used it, since Jean had the horses ready. He had also expected that he might need to sit in there with Georgiana and argue everything out on the ride home—that she would not come back with him willingly.

And then he was being told she was already on her way back. All that time meant she could have left again and gone anywhere. Owen wouldn't fault her for that. However, this was exactly why he needed to get to her before she could do anything rash, like disappear or leave him forever.

The thought made his heart stutter. He couldn't lose Georgiana. Not like this, not after everything they had been through.

Had he not lost enough?

Owen dropped his head in his hands to focus on steadying his breathing. If he let his mind wander, he might start thinking about everything he didn't want to ponder. Like how he had lost his parents.

It had been his fault. Yes, he was only a child. But he should have listened to them that morning and not gone near the water. Then he had gone to live with his uncle, but the man had always hated him. He had lived his whole childhood in fear.

After having Georgiana in his life, Owen couldn't imagine reverting to the quiet way he had lived before. She had ruptured the peace into her own version of tranquility. His life had become busier certainly, but it was full of color.

All I ever did was search for life in plants. I traveled to explore roses and herbs, never thinking about the people. How much have I missed out on because of this?

The carriage rumbled up toward the house. He jumped out before it came to a stop, stumbling as he watched his wife sliding down from her saddle.

"Georgiana!" Owen raced over to her before she could disappear again.

He felt the desperation clawing up his throat. As she turned with a clouded expression, he grabbed her by the elbows before forcing himself to let go. He couldn't make her do anything, not really. They both knew he would not order her to obey.

At least, I hope she knows.

All he could do was hope she would hear him out. Listening to the thumping of his heart, he brushed back his hair from his eyes and begged her, "I need to talk with you."

"I suppose we can," she relented while handing over her horse's reins to their groom.

Catching himself, Owen nodded and led her to the shade of a tree on the edge of their garden. It was a warm day, but the temperature was lower beneath the branches. Tugging restlessly at his coat, he cleared his throat and tried to hastily put his words together.

This could be his last chance to talk with her. To say what needed to be said. Their future depended on him now.

"I read the letter," he blurted out. "It wasn't the truth."

"It wasn't. Owen, I––"

"No, please, let me speak. You must let me explain myself. I need to say this to you, Georgiana. There are a hundred things I should have said to you before. All this time, you have deserved better from me. I should have been honest from the beginning with you, but I wasn't even honest with myself."

Letting out a slow breath, she looked away. "There has been a lot unsaid, hasn't there?"

His heart clenched. Those beautiful eyes of hers seemed so far away. He feared what she might be thinking. Was she already set in her decision to leave him?

He opened his mouth to ask where she would go before he caught himself and decided on another question.

"What more can I say? Yes, I knew about my cousin's love. He had mentioned that there was a young woman he adored, but he never told me he would leave. The plan had never been to marry you, Georgiana. I shall admit to that. But I must also admit in the same breath that I believe we were brought together for a purpose. Call it fate or God, I don't care. After everything I have been through, I know I was meant to find you."

She turned toward him without meeting his gaze. "How can you say such a thing?"

"Because I have known love. And I have known loss and hurt and pain," Owen explained. "My parents loved me, but it was for that reason they died. I try not to blame myself, but every day it remains impossible. It was my own actions that caused me to lose them, the same ones that brought me to my uncle."

"Owen––"

He forced himself to go on, forcing the words out no matter how much they stung. "He was not a good man. He still isn't." He flexed his hands, remembering the punch he landed on the older man's face. "I don't know what I did to deserve it, but he never cared for me, and he made sure to show that. I still carry the scars of his words, his fists. I… I feared loving anything after him."

A gasp escaped her. "I should––"

"Please." Owen felt the sweat beading on his brow and the pounding of his heart. But he told himself he had to keep going.

The truth had to come out, all of it. Maybe if he bared himself like this, she would finally believe him.

Either way, he knew he couldn't let her leave him without a fight.

Georgiana pressed her lips together, and he hastily carried on.

"I have always been running away from something, hiding away from the world. The ton has made a mockery of me, and I learned to detest them. Blast it, I even kept Benedict at a distance through our letters. I could have come to visit anytime, but I feared my uncle. I let my fear ruin countless opportunities.

"But I came to London for Benedict because I cared for him. And when he jilted you at the altar, I knew the pain and humiliation you would feel and simply could not allow that. When I made the decision to marry you, Georgiana, I promised myself that I would not embarrass you. That I would not hurt you. No matter how much I feared the past, no matter how I desired to keep us apart, I've never meant you any harm."

"That letter––"

"It was my uncle."

She gasped.

"I recognized his handwriting, and he admitted to it after I confronted him about it. He knows my past, and somehow he still knows my fears. If only I had been honest with you from the beginning, you might have trusted me. You might have come to me first so that we could talk about this instead of running to and fro. It was all my fault."

"Owen, I––"

He took her outstretched hands and squeezed them. "My life has been bleak and painful at times, but nothing compares to the pain I felt when I saw you cry. I never wanted that to happen. You must understand how much of that letter is a lie, Georgiana."

"I'm trying to––"

"Even if you cannot believe me or trust me now, give me another chance. You must. I need this, I need you. You are my wife. Only the thought of you made me realize how long I have lived in a bleak winter. But you've brought me spring. You've made my life beautiful. It's because of you I can see the good in the world around me. In people, too—in myself."

Tears rolled down her cheeks, but he continued nonetheless, praying she would understand.

"There is no other woman, Georgiana. It is only you," Owen spoke urgently, desperate for her to trust him. His voice cracked, but he didn't hide the pain from her. "It has only ever been you. Since the day we married, my heart has been yours. I just didn't know that until now. I love you."

"Oh!" Georgiana clapped a hand over her mouth, but her tears kept falling. "You odious man! This is when you tell me?"

He blinked, uncertain of what she meant. "I––"

His grip on her hands loosened enough, so she reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck. It happened so quickly, so smoothly, that Owen only saw the kiss coming right before their lips touched. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her waist. Georgiana was soft against him. Soft and warm and eager.

Thoughts spilled free of his mind when they pulled apart for breath. He felt the spark between them. Something had just happened, but he stared at her in amazement, wondering if this was somehow all in his imagination.

"I love you, too," Georgiana breathed.

The words made his heart stop. Owen couldn't recall the last time anyone had said that to him. He wondered if he'd just imagined it. But the passionate look on his wife's face told him she meant what she said.

He blinked. "You do?"

"Yes! And if you had let me get a word in edgewise, I might have said it earlier," she teased before growing serious. Her eyes searched his. "Thank you for your honesty, Owen. It means everything to me. I had questions I wanted to ask you. All of which you have answered here."

"Oh. Ah. Well…" Owen couldn't think of anything more to say to that. He was still stunned by her confession.

She sniffed, a stray tear rolling down her cheek. He lifted his hand, brushing her tear away with his thumb, then he cradled her cheek.

"My father reminded me to be sensible. I was going to demand you tell me everything and then allow me to do as I wish. But then, on the way home, I came across Benedict."

"You what? He is still in town?"

"He went past Bond Street."

He tsked. "He's a good man but does tend to get caught up in traffic. But what does he have to do with anything?"

"Benedict told me what I should have already known," she admitted. "You're right. I should have been able to trust you. But that's not entirely your fault, Owen. I think I was scared, too. I know what it's like to not feel in control of your own life. I thought you were taking it away from me, and… and I had to get away before you hurt me even more."

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

She nodded. "I know, I know. It seems your uncle meant to do that. He's a horrid man to try and separate us the way he did. And yet I should have questioned it. I should have trusted you."

Shrugging, Owen shook his head. "I have given you little cause to. But I promise I will mend that. I will fix this for us. I want you with me, Georgiana—you and no one else."

"I would like that, too." Another tear rolled down her cheek as she slowly exhaled. "There is still much for us to learn about one another."

"But we do love each other," he reminded her.

Her lips curled into that smile he adored. "Yes, we do. Very much. Maybe now we just need to decide what that means for us."

A weight lifted off his shoulders, bringing him peace.

The world began to slow down around them as he inhaled deeply and nodded. Georgiana was right, like she usually was. They had not been married for more than two months. It meant the two of them were still working to understand each other. And now, if she would let him, he was ready to keep learning.

"I should like that," he reassured her.

"Good. Now, shall we go inside? I'm a terrible mess."

"Don't be preposterous." He took her hand in his own as they turned toward the house. "You're beautiful, Georgiana. You couldn't be more perfect."

A short laugh escaped her lips. "I have already forgiven you, so you don't need to continue flattering me."

"I will do it no matter the reason," Owen announced. "You deserve that. You deserve the best of me, and I aim to give that to you every day."

"That sounds lovely," she murmured on their way up to the front door. "I promise you the same. There is still much for us to learn about each other, you know."

He nodded. "I do. And I'm ready to spend the rest of my life learning." When her eyes misted, he leaned over to kiss her forehead. "We have a lifetime to go together and I'm finally ready to begin."

"Thank you, Owen," Georgiana breathed. "I love you."