Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Eight

F rederick tried not to panic as he raced through the forest.

Everything was going to be all right. Hannah had been wrong. He would arrive at the pond to find it empty. Surely, this night would not turn into the worst night of his entire life…

He tried to tell himself these things as he ran, but he had trouble believing them. As soon as William had found him and told him what Hannah had theorized, he’d known the truth of it.

As unbelievable as it might seem, he had little doubt now that his daughter had indeed gone to the pond where they had first bonded all those weeks ago.

If it wasn’t for the fear that was crashing down on him with each breath that he took, he might have smiled at the notion. Had that day really meant so much to Amelia? He supposed so. It was the first time she had begun to accept Hannah into their little family, the first time she had begun to consider Hannah as her mother, the first time she had realized that she and Frederick would no longer be alone.

Through the forest he ran, eventually breaching the trees and stumbling into the clearing. He ran his eyes over the pond and then the shore just in time to see Amelia clambering onto dry land.

“Amelia!” he cried, his heart soaring as he raced toward her. “Amelia!” He reached her, fell to his knees, and pulled her into his chest. “You’re safe! God, you’re safe! I’m here!”

“H-Hannah!” Amelia stammered, pushing away from him.

“No, it’s your father.”

“She’s drowning!” Amelia spun back desperately, pointing to the placid pond.

“Hannah?” Frederick searched the pond, unable to see what his daughter was talking about. “What do you mean? Where is?—”

“Father, please! She is drowning! You have to hurry! You must!”

Frederick didn’t understand. At least not at first. But then he looked at his daughter. The fear and plea in her eyes. The way she shook. How wet she was. The tear in her dress. And that was when he knew.

“Hannah!” He was on his feet, again searching the water. “Where is she!”

“There!” Amelia pointed to the middle of the pond, but Frederick saw nothing. “You have to hurry, Father! You have to hurry! Please!” She grabbed hold of his hand and shook it, desperation in her voice. “She’s dying!”

Frederick could not see what Amelia was referring to. He did not know if Hannah was in the water. But he knew his daughter was not a liar, he knew Hannah had come here to save her, and he knew there was little he would not do to rescue the woman he loved.

Without another word, Frederick charged into the pond, hands held before him and diving into the cool depths like a fish. He kicked his feet and moved his hands, and he surged across the placid water, reaching roughly where Amelia had pointed.

“Father! Down! Go down!” Amelia cried out from the shore.

Frederick dove straight down. He couldn’t see through the darkness, reaching desperately with his hands until he grabbed hold of something… or someone! Down further, he wrapped his hands around Hannah’s body and dragged her to the surface, putting all the effort he could into his legs as they propelled him up… and up… and up… and?—

They broke the surface of the water. Frederick took a deep breath, but Hannah did no such thing. Fear gripped him, and he held her close as he swam them back to shore.

“Please,” he begged as he kicked and swam. “No… please…”

He was too late. It was all he could think. The fool he was. The short-sighted idiot! He had condemned the woman he loved, and for what? Because he didn’t want to raise a family with her? She had saved Amelia, it seemed. She had done what any mother would do. They were a family already! Had they not always been? And for reasons that Frederick could not fathom, he had not wanted to add to it.

He pushed those thoughts out of his head as he dragged Hannah to the shore. There, he lay her down on her back, his heart racing, his hands shaking as he checked her throat and then pumped on her chest.

“Please…” he begged. “Don’t…” He pushed on her chest again, leaned forward, and breathed into her mouth. “Come on!” he shouted, breathing into her mouth again. “Come on!” And again, he breathed into her?—

She sputtered suddenly, coughing, and her body spasmed as she drew in a breath of fresh air.

“Hannah!” he cried as she did so again, bending over, her body shuddering, gasping for air. “Hannah! You’re all right! Thank God, you’re all right!”

“Hannah!” Amelia threw herself at Hannah, wrapping her arms around her so tightly as if she might never let go.

Hannah fell back, her body shaking as she continued to breathe. Each breath sounded painful, but she kept going, confirming that she was very much alive.

“Hannah! God…” Frederick was on her, wanting to take her in his arms, but keeping himself from doing it. On his knees, he looked down at her, his hand resting under her face, his smile broad, his heart soaring. “You’re all right. You’re… you’re… I thought… God, I thought I was too late.”

Frederick couldn’t recall another time that he had been so happy. To think that he had wanted to end his marriage to this woman. To think he had resigned himself to never seeing her again. Now, with how he was feeling, he might never leave her side for as long as he lived. He would do anything for her. Anything!

“Hannah,” he said softly, stroking her face. Her eyes were closed, but she was breathing softly. “Say something. Anything. Please…”

A moment passed as her eyelids fluttered. Her breathing evened. Her body was no longer stiff, seeming to relax. And finally, she opened her eyes, saw Frederick looking down at her, and the smile in them… Frederick knew at that moment that their fight was a thing of the past.

“Hannah…” he said softly, his chin trembling, tears welling up in his eyes. “You’re alive. I thought… I thought I was too late.”

She cleared her throat, then reached up and touched the side of his face. And then she opened her mouth and said, “Frederick? What took you so long?”

Frederick frowned at the comment, saw the smile on her lips, and burst into laughter. He fell upon her, smothering her with kisses, holding her, laughing, because the emotions sweeping through him would allow him to do nothing else.

And Hannah, smothered by his weight, coughed and sputtered and laughed also, more so when Amelia threw herself onto them.

He thought he had lost her. He thought he had lost them both. It was a mistake that Frederick would never make again.

Frederick watched Hannah as she slept. She had been asleep for hours now, having drifted off in his arms as he carried her back home from the pond. Not wanting to disturb her, he had placed her down gently in bed, lit the fire in the hearth, and then pulled up a chair by the head of her bed. Happy to sit and watch and wait.

There was so much he wanted to say. So much he had to say. For hours now he had thought about nothing but that, determined not to let this night end until he had his chance to tell Hannah how he felt.

His only real regret was that it had taken an incident like this for him to realize the truth of his feelings. Laughable, he now realized. Idiotic for how stupid he had been. All this time, he had feared what a pregnancy might mean for him and Hannah, as if he was somehow trapping her in a marriage that she might one day want to be free from. As if there was a chance that she might grow to hate him, but a child would force her to stay.

No… Frederick now realized how wrong he was.

Hannah wasn’t with him because she had to be, but because she wanted to be. She loved him. She loved Amelia. This was her family, and all she wished for was to add to it. And Frederick, having seen what she was willing to go through for his daughter, knew that as good as a mother she already was, she would be an even better one, given the chance.

He had made the mistake once, and he would not make it again. And so, he sat and waited…

Hours passed by before she eventually woke up. A slight stirring. A soft cough. A groan, for she likely had a terrible headache. And then, ever so slowly, her eyes opened.

“Hannah!” He was already by her side, taking her hand and holding it tight. “You’re awake.”

She coughed and cleared her throat, frowning as she looked around. “How did I…?”

“I carried you back,” he explained. “Do you remember what happened?”

“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow at him. “You mean you saving me? Yes, I have vague memories.” She chuckled, but it sounded painful.

He laughed and kissed her hand. “And Amelia. You… you saved her. She told me what you did. I can’t… I cannot believe that you?—”

She pulled her hand free. “That what? That I would risk my life to save your daughter?”

“ Our daughter.” He took her hand back and looked at her, refusing to blink or allow her to look away. “I don’t know if this is the right time. Likely, you want to rest but… but… I need to tell you. I have been an idiot, Hannah. A foolish person of the highest order. The things I said, I—” He swallowed thickly. “I was wrong. About everything.”

Her brow was tight, and her stare was confused. “You might have to be a little more clear than that. My head…” She gently touched her head. “I have a terrible headache.”

“I want to have children with you,” he said, not seeing any point in being subtle. “After what you did today… I can’t believe I ever doubted you. You care for Amelia, Hannah. You care for her as any mother would, and I know that you would make an even better mother to a child that you bear—one that is a part of both of us. I was wrong.” He kissed her hand as he felt a weight lift off his shoulders, relieved that he had finally said it. “And I want to start a family with you. My only regret is that it took me this long to realize it.”

“And Amelia?” she asked. “What about her?”

Frederick smiled. “She might not be your daughter through blood, but after today…” He kissed the back of her hand. “You are her mother. And I know you will continue to be so, even when you have a child of your own.”

She was silent for some time as she studied him. Searching for the lie, it felt like. But Frederick made sure to look at her the whole while, so she could see the truth in his words. He was done pretending that he did not want this. He was done lying to himself. And he was past the point of living alone because he thought that was what he deserved.

“It is a funny thing,” she said eventually, her words spoken carefully and assuredly. “I have spent the last five days trying to decide what it is that I want. Hurting, you can probably imagine?—”

“I am so sorry,” he interjected. “I should never have?—”

“Please, Frederick.” She cleared her throat, pulled her hand free, and then sat up so she could meet his eyes. “Let me…” A deep breath. “What I realized during that time was that yes, I want a child. Yes, I want to be a mother. But I don’t want those things just because I have this yearning to start a family, as my sisters have. I want those things…” She sniffed and then smiled. “I want them with you. And if I can’t have them with you, then I do not want them at all.”

His heart swelled. “We can have those things, Hannah. And we will. I was wrong, this whole time, I was a fool.”

“Be it Amelia only or a baby of our own, Frederick, I need you to know that I am not trapped in this marriage.” She chuckled. “I never have been. And no amount of… of grumpiness or stubbornness is going to change that.”

He laughed. “Do not hold me to that.”

“You really want to start a family with me?”

“More than anything.”

Hannah hesitated a moment. Something flashed behind her eyes, a look that Frederick thought he knew but was certain he misread. She was still pale and worn from earlier. Still weak and fragile and frail. Surely… surely not that?

“Then prove it,” she said, raising a single eyebrow at him. “If you can.”

Frederick leaned back, unsure. “Are you saying…”

She pushed the covers off her. Dressed in the same thin pelisse she was wearing earlier, it hugged her body—barely even covered her, truth be told. Frederick eyes looked over her body, and he felt his heart begin to hammer, his blood begin to simmer, his amorous desires?—

“But you… you must be tired.”

“Perhaps as tired as I have ever been.”

“And hungry.”

“Famished.”

“Surely, you?—”

“Frederick.” She shot him a look. Her hand reached out and took his, held it tight. She kept her eyes on him, her lips curling into a smirk. “After all we have been through, have you not learned the most important thing?”

“Which is?”

“Saying no to me is never a good idea. Now…” She pulled him toward her. “Will you just put a baby in me already?”

Frederick laughed, but only for a second, for no sooner had the laughter escaped his lips was he on her, his lips meeting her soft ones, their tongues lapping playfully as he kissed his wife for the first time in days.

He had forgotten what she tasted like. He had forgotten how much he loved to feel her body shuddering beneath his touch. He climbed onto the bed and mounted her, hands clawing at her dress as he tore it off her. She moaned as he began to kiss down her neck. She purred as his tongue licked and his lips sucked. And she growled in his ear as his hands cupped her swollen breasts and squeezed.

There would be no foreplay, for that felt unneeded. There would be no time wasting, for they had wasted enough time as it was. This right here, it was love making with a purpose, proof that they both wanted the same thing, a chance to put the past five days behind them once and for all.

Hannah helped Frederick with his pants, and he was quick to shuffle out of them. Those hands of hers then wrapped around his member, squeezing it, stiffening it, making his body shake and shudder as she readied him. His fingers found their way between her thighs, testing her wetness, ensuring that she too was ready, despite how weak and feeble she must have been feeling.

He then held her eyes and stared deeply into them. No words spoken this time, a silent understanding of what that look meant. It spoke of love. It spoke of desire. It spoke of a willingness to take this marriage to the next level.

“I’m ready…” Hannah fell back and opened her legs wide.

“I love you,” Frederick whispered in her ear as he moved down with her, positioning himself between her thighs and slowly entering her.

“I… I… I love… I love you too…” She moaned as he slid inside her, inch by inch, slow and steady until he was buried as deep as he could be. “For now, and forever.”

He held her eyes as he made love to her. No hair pulling. No slapping. No commands or dirty talk or any of that nonsense. This was slow and melodic, precise and careful, Frederick’s hips moving to the steady rhythm of Hannah’s breathing, building in intensity the harder she breathed and the faster she panted.

She felt better than he remembered. He rested on his elbows. One hand stroked her face, the other gripped her waist. They kissed deeply and passionately as he thrust into her. They giggled together. They smiled. They looked into one another’s souls as if somehow they knew that this would be it.

For what felt like seconds but must have been minutes, Frederick’s thrusts were long and intense and hard. Hannah’s eyes closed, and her head fell back. She bit her lip and moaned. Frederick could feel her pleasure building, he could feel her shaking, he could feel that explosion ready to erupt inside her. And the thought of such a thing, the feel of it, produced the same effect in him.

“I’m… are you ready?” he asked as he began to thrust faster and harder.

“I… I am…” she stammered, her breathing now intense and labored.

The sensation built in his legs and through his thighs. It swirled in his stomach and touched his chest. It grew and grew and grew until he could take it no more and then, just as he felt his wife’s body begin to shake and spasm, he finished inside her.

“Urgh!” he moaned.

“Oh!” she groaned. “Frederick… don’t… ever… stop…”

He stayed inside her until well after he was finished. Keeping himself there, ensuring that every last drop was spent. He needed her to know that he was serious about this, and when he did finally roll off her, they both seemed to understand that very fact.

“I love you,” he said again, pulling her into his arms and holding her close.

“I love you too, obviously.” She giggled. “Although I should warn you, when this little one comes out, my love for you might take second place.”

He laughed. “Are you that sure.” He moved his hand to her stomach.

She smiled coyly. “Just a feeling I have.”

Perhaps she was just saying that? Perhaps she somehow knew? Either way, Frederick could not help but beam. The love he had for his wife. The love he had for his daughter. The love he had for this new child, whenever that may become a reality. Frederick had spent so long feeling guilty over his past that he had failed to live in the present and look forward to the future. Now, that was all he would do.

He and Hannah would start a family together. They would love one another unconditionally. And he would look back on these past five days and wonder what the hell it was that he was thinking, for he almost lost the woman he loved.

Now, luckily, he had the rest of his life to make it up to her. And he planned on doing just that.