Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

F rederick was in the library reading when he heard Hannah arrive home. It surprised him, in fact, as he hadn’t expected her to return so soon. Yes, she said that she would be home for supper, but seeing as she was visiting her sisters, he half expected them to lose track of time.

Truthfully, he had been looking forward to having the evening to himself. Amelia was busy with Miss Temperton and would likely be for a few more hours yet. And Frederick, for how much he had enjoyed these past two weeks, came to realize that he hadn’t had any time to himself of late. He had some reading he wished to do. Work he needed to finish. Just a chance to sit back with a glass of brandy and savor the silence…

Funny that the sound of his wife arriving home didn’t dampen his mood. While he thought he might have gotten a tad upset, as this free time he had thought to cherish vanished in an instant, the opposite was true. In fact, the sound of her footsteps had him closing his book and hurrying out of the library to greet her.

Gone for but a few hours, and already he missed her. How very strange.

“Good day, darling!” Frederick greeted as he met her in the hall. With a big smile on his face, he swept toward her, pulled her in, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “How was your afternoon?”

“Frederick, we need to talk.”

Even before she spoke, Frederick could tell that something was wrong. She didn’t smile when she saw him coming. She didn’t melt into his arms as she usually did. And when he kissed her, he could feel how stiff and uncomfortable she was.

“Oh…” He swallowed, then attempted a chuckle. “Nothing bad, I hope.”

“Can we…” She stepped out of his embrace and gestured down the hall, toward the drawing room. “Please.”

He tried not to panic. Surely, nothing that bad had occurred in the few hours since he last saw her.

He nodded once and placed his hand on the small of her back as he led her to the drawing room, again unable to ignore how stiff she felt beneath his touch.

His mind raced as they entered the drawing room. Had he done something wrong? Had he said something wrong? Or had her sisters planted a seed of doubt in her mind? And to what effect?

For two weeks, everything had been going so well between them. Surely nothing untoward would change that?

And yet, as he closed the door behind them, watching his wife standing in the middle of the room, unable to even look at him, Frederick could not help but feel that the conversation they were about to have might come to define their marriage. For better or worse.

“Hannah…” He chuckled awkwardly. “Is everything all right?”

She did not speak, now looking at the fire crackling in the hearth.

“You’re scaring me, Hannah.” He wanted to go to her, but he felt that was not the best idea. “Please, if something is wrong, you know that you can tell me. You can tell me anything.”

“I did something,” she said, her voice soft and hesitant. “Something you will not like.”

“Oh?”

“You will be happy to know that the rumors about us…” She took a deep breath. “They will no longer be a problem.”

Frederick frowned, not understanding at first. But as he looked at his wife’s back, as he sensed her fear, he realized now why she was acting this way. What it meant.

“And why is that?” he asked carefully, feeling the anger rising but working to keep it at bay.

“I… I went and spoke with my aunt.”

“You did what?” he almost snapped, again pushing down his rage.

“I had no choice.” She spun around to face him, her face stricken with regret. Her brown eyes were wide. Her brow was furrowed. And her shoulders were hunched down. “The things people were saying—it had to be stopped.”

Frederick exhaled, his jaw clenched. “You went and saw your aunt?”

“I did.”

“You spoke to her even though I told you not to. After I explained?—”

“They would not stop,” she hurried to explain. “If we did nothing, the rumors were only going to get?—”

“Do not interrupt me!” he roared, and she flinched. “And do not try and justify what you have done.” Anger flared within him, fire seeming to spew from his very pores. “I told you that to seek out your aunt and beg her to desist was not an option. I told you that we do not beg .”

“But I did not beg,” she insisted, wringing her hands, trying to meet his eyes but unable to. “I told her to stop. That she could no longer?—”

“I do not care for the words you used,” he snarled. “I do not care if you think you bullied her. The fact is that you debased yourself by seeing her in the first place. You made us look weak!” His body was shaking. “And now, regardless of what happens, she will know that she… that she has this to hold over us.”

“I had no choice,” Hannah pleaded. “The rumors were only going to grow worse, and you insisted on hiding?—”

“I was not hiding!”

She winced, and the fear in her eyes had Frederick itching to comfort her.

Yes, he was angry. Furious! But he took no pleasure in shouting at his wife, and he certainly took no pleasure in making her afraid of him.

“I needed time to think,” he said in a calmer voice. His body was still shaking, his breathing was ragged and raw, but he composed himself. “To figure out what needs to be done. Anything would have been better than… that seeking out your aunt and asking her to stop.”

“I am sorry,” she said sincerely. “I… I just wanted it to stop. And now it will,” she assured him, begging him to see the positive. “She will make sure it does. I know this was not what you wanted, but surely you can see the good in it? Please, Frederick, tell me that you understand.”

He did understand. And on the face of it, this would likely turn out for the best. Those rumors, as horrible as they were, threatened to chip away at their marriage, at his name and title. Like a worm burrowing into an apple, they would rot it from the core if left unchecked. On the face of it… he could see the good in what his wife had done.

Sadly, now Frederick was forced to face another problem, one which he hadn’t considered until this very moment.

He could not trust his wife. She had lied to his face. She had gone against his word. She had undermined him fully. For how close they had become these last two weeks, he wondered if that was where he had erred, letting her think that she had full reign over him and could get away with anything she liked.

He was starting to fall in love with Hannah. Of that, he had no doubt. But was it worth it? To love someone who clearly held him in such little regard. He had been down that road once already…

“I understand well enough,” he sighed with regret, the anger gone as quickly as it had come. “And I understand why you thought you needed to do what you did.”

Hope flickered in her eyes. “You do?”

She went for him, but he took a step back, which made her hesitate.

“But you do not realize what this…” He bit his lip, unable to look at her. “I told you what must be done. I thought that would be enough. But you went against me without even… without considering why I asked such a thing. Because you did not care.”

“That is not true! Of course, I care! That is why?—”

“I trusted you,” he cut her off, his voice cracking. “And you broke that trust, Hannah. Perhaps you are right and this was needed. Perhaps one day, I will be glad that you did what you did today. But right now…” He looked right at her, pain in his eyes, enough that he could see it mirrored in her own. “I do not know if I will ever be able to trust you again. Not fully.”

It was as if he stabbed her in the heart. She stumbled back, wincing in pain. The look on her face was one of agony and disbelief, unable to fathom that he could say such a thing—that her actions could cause it.

“I am sorry,” he continued, his voice turning soft. “And perhaps I am to blame. These last two weeks have been…” He chuckled lightly and shook his head. “They have been better than I could have hoped for, and in that, perhaps we made a mistake. I made a mistake.”

“What… what do you mean?” Her voice broke.

“This marriage was always meant to be one of convenience, but I have been weak and succumbed to my base desires. I have…” A deep breath, for he could not believe he was about to say this. “I have let you think that this marriage might be more than what it should be. What it is. And for that, I am sorry.”

“What…”

Her body trembled, and oh how he wanted to go to her. But he held fast, needing to get through this because he felt that he must.

“What it is? And what is it?”

“As I said.” He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “A marriage of convenience and nothing more.”

He might as well have slapped her for her reaction. Pain at first, radiating through her body. To hurt someone you loved was its own sort of agony, and Frederick was living it right now.

But then came the anger. Breaking through the pain so that she was snarling at him. In a way, Frederick had expected it. Why, he almost smiled to see it. Hannah, never one to go down without a fight, was surely not going to take his rebuke so easily.

And seeing that light in her eyes… the urges that Frederick had been suppressing surged. The fire simmered inside her. Her skin glowed. Her breathing was heavy. Her breasts were heaving. Her anger had his skin burning and his blood pumping, pulling him forward, as all he wanted to do was take her any way he wanted…

Self-control.

Frederick tried to keep himself in check. He had to.

“A marriage of convenience?” she snorted. “Is that what this is?”

“It’s all it has ever been.”

“A marriage at your own convenience,” she snarled. “Not mine.”

The corner of his mouth twitched. “You did not seem to mind it.”

“Ha!” Her laughter was bitter. “Oh, I am so grateful that you were finally able to touch me. So, so grateful. Why, you almost had me convinced that the sight of me didn’t disgust you.”

Frederick winced but straightened up. “And I told you, my feelings for you had nothing to do with… with that. My reasons for not touching you were my own. I simply regret that I wasn’t able to resist as I should have. And for that, I am sorry.”

“Don’t!” she spat. “Don’t you dare apologize.”

“It is the last apology you will get from me,” he shot back, loving the way she snarled at him in response. It made his blood pump through his veins “That, I promise you.”

“I don’t need your apology.”

Her body shook with anger; hands clenched by her sides, her teeth bared, her eyes ablaze. Was it wrong that Frederick found it all so darn tempting that he could hardly stand it?

“I just wish I could take it all back. Save myself the effort it took to be with you.”

His eyes flashed, and his jaw clenched. “Is that what it was? An effort?”

“A mistake,” she hissed. “It is funny in a way, that for a second I believed that—” She scoffed. “That I ignored your words and believed that this marriage could turn into more. That I might want such a thing.”

Frederick could feel it happening. For over a week now, their love making had been fueled by pure attraction and an acknowledgment of their desire to be together. No need to fight or argue to spark that passion. It was there, ready and waiting. And that was good. It was needed. But it had also been missing something.

As Hannah spat fire at him, she slowly stepped closer to him, her body shaking. Her eyes, wide and full of anger, were exactly what had made him want her so much in the beginning.

To leave now would be the smart thing. Frederick could turn around and walk away and be done with it—would likely be done with it for good. But dammit, he was a weak, weak man. And dammit, he did not care.

“You wanted it well enough this morning,” he said with a smirk that he knew she would hate. “And last night. And yesterday morning?—”

“I thought I did,” she cut him off, taking another step toward him. “But I wanted it about as much as you did. That is to say, I forced myself to believe it. Now…” She laughed. “You could not pay me to touch you.”

“You played your role well,” he said, still smirking, as if he was somehow winning this argument. “You almost had me believing.”

“Not me…” She hesitated. Considered. And then smiled to herself with grim satisfaction. “How could I believe that of a man who could not even bring himself to finish inside me?”

Frederick balked at that. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” she hissed triumphantly. “I knew the first time we were together that this—” She gestured between them. “That this was nothing. If it was, you wouldn’t have treated me like some… some whore.”

“Is that what you want?” he snarled. “For me to finish inside you? Would that have made you happy?”

“You could not do it, even if you tried.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“A statement of fact!”

They looked at one another. Glaring daggers so hot that Frederick could feel them piercing his skin. A moment passed between them, fueled by such intensity that he almost wondered if Hannah might strike him. He growled. She sneered. Their beating hearts raged as one. And then…

And then they lunged at one another.

Frederick cupped Hannah’s face in his hands, roughly pulling her in and kissing her on the lips. No, not a kiss. That was too gentle. Too loving. This was as if he was trying to devour her, consume her. He wrapped his lips around her own, and his tongue plunged into mouth, licking and sucking as if he hadn’t eaten in days and she was his last meal.

And Hannah, as he kissed her, grabbed his shirt and tore it open. Her hands then moved to his pants, ripping at them also, doing what she could to remove his clothes as if they had caught fire. She broke their kiss and trailed her lips down his chest, his nipples, his neck. She licked and bit and sucked on his flesh as his pants fell by his ankles.

Frederick made to do the same for her dress, only for Hannah to slap his hands away. He tried again, but she grabbed his hands and held them. Her flashed with a warning, and she bared her teeth, snarling at him to leave her be. Then she pushed his hands away again, flattened a hand on his chest, and held him there before dropping to her knees.

Her lips wrapped around the tip of his member, and his body stiffened. Her tongue ran up his shaft, her hands cupped his testicles, her lips sucked and sucked and sucked, and his knees shook. Nearly stumbling, he had no choice but to fist a hand in her hair and hold himself steady as she bobbed her head up and down on his shaft, sucking and licking the whole while.

“Hannah…” he groaned. “That is… God… that… yes!”

Her tongue flicked over the tip, licking gently, before she swallowed him whole again. Then she took the base of his shaft in her hand and began to twist as she continued to swallow him.

It was unlike anything she had done before. Hannah, taking full control, being in charge like this… She had a point to make, and whatever it was, she was making it well. And Frederick, realizing that he had once again lost control, did not care.

A few more moments and Frederick had no choice but to taste her. Using his strength, he lifted her off the floor. She protested and slapped at him, but he carried her across the room and tossed her on the sofa. Like a petulant puppy, she snarled at him, but he bore down on her, his hand around her neck as the other ripped her dress off her. Next, he wedged his knees between her legs, still holding her down, looking into her eyes and warning her not to fight him on this. It was his turn.

He dove between her thighs next. The taste of her was as sweet as he remembered, and the way she grabbed his head and held him there, pressing his face against her sex until he could hardly breathe, made his length stiffen further. But he licked and sucked on her nether lips, then wrapped his lips around her bud so that she began to shake and cry out.

“There!” she commanded him. “Right—don’t stop!”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he growled into her folds.

“Oh, shut up for once!” Her legs wrapped around his head, and he continued to eat her.

As he devoured his wife, Frederick could feel his member pulsating. It throbbed so hard that it hurt. Already, he knew that within seconds of thrusting into her, he would orgasm, and for once he simply did not care.

He pulled away, and she gasped. “What did I?—”

He was on her, kissing her just to shut her up. She accepted it, falling back onto the sofa and pushing her hips up. Her hand found his member, and he very nearly orgasmed right then and there, but he held on as she guided him toward her entrance.

“Urgh…” They moaned together.

“This is what you want, isn’t it?” Frederick growled as he thrust deep and hard into her. Faces inches apart, they were like rabid dogs daring the other to attack.

“You know what I want,” she panted as she ground her hips against him. “If you can.”

“Do not tempt me, woman.”

“Do not tell me what to do!”

He thrust again and again. Her wetness was indescribable. The feel of her wrapped around his member was heavenly. Each thrust sent a pulse from his legs to his soul, and within minutes he could feel himself about to erupt.

Harder thrusts. Faster. He bit her shoulder, and she grabbed his head to hold him there. Deeper thrusts. Faster. His body began to shake as the pleasure built.

“You better not,” she moaned.

“I will do as I… as I… as I…” And then it hit him.

Buried deep inside his wife, for the first time Frederick finished inside her. And Hannah, feeling it, wrapped her legs around his waist so that he could not pull away, forcing him to stay inside her until every last drop was spent.

And when they were finished, Frederick knew that one of two things might happen.

They could come to their senses, realize that the words they spoke were true and this right here was the last time either would dare touch the other. One would storm away. The other would stay. Both would feel great shame and sadness and regret while knowing it was the only way…

Or they could understand that sometimes things happened in the heat of anger and words spoken could be taken back. Yes, they had said some hurtful things to each other, but they knew what this marriage was and what it could be, and one fight should not change that. Surely not?

Silence fell between them as Frederick slowly pulled out of her. Awkward. Tense. Unsure. Frederick, unable to look his wife in the eyes, tried to sense what she might be feeling. For all that was said, he realized right then that he did not want this to be the end, not for a moment, and he prayed she was of the same mind.

Slowly, he looked up and met her eyes. A hardened glare. The sense that she hated him… And then a smile.

Hannah snorted, and he burst into laughter. He fell back onto the sofa, and she was immediately on him. She climbed into his arms, he kissed the top of her head, and together they laughed at the stupid things they said, knowing now that this marriage was exactly what they both wanted.

Words were meaningless, but actions mattered, and the action that had just occurred… there was little chance this marriage would be ending anytime soon.

Surely not.