19. The Surprise

Aesylt answered Rustan's and Pieter's questions as best she could. She said nothing of the blending of past and present, the way the visions had usurped her sense of time and place until she could no longer be sure whether she was eight-year-old Aesylt or twenty-year-old Aesylt.

But she was telling the complete truth when she'd said she had no idea how she'd hunted so many animals nor how they'd come to be stacked so neatly before the dressing boys had arrived.

It was the same line of questioning she'd sat through ten years ago with Lord Dereham, giving her testimony of that horrible night. Back then, it had been Fezzan Castel at her side for gentle encouragement. This time, it was the scholar.

No, Lord Dereham, I don't recall killing so many of the king's soldiers. I can only remember two.

No, Lord Dereham, I don't recall hunting so many animals yesterday. I can only recall two.

Rustan exchanged frequent, troubled looks with his son, whom he seemed to be getting along with again. "Aesylt, I want you to understand that no one is accusing you of anything," he said after a long breath out.

"I should hope not." She straightened at even the hint she'd done something wrong. He wouldn't have felt the need to use those words if he wasn't at least thinking them. "Women are skilled hunters in the Cross, as good as men, even if the occasion to use the skill is less than we'd like. I was trained by three of the best, and even if... Even if those years are long behind me, when I picked up the bow, it was like no time had passed at all."

"And the spear?" Pieter leaned in, his eyes soft, like he was afraid she'd combust if he pushed too hard.

"What is the question?" Aesylt retorted.

"I think she's answered enough." Rahn settled her cloak over her and stood. "She needs more rest."

"She won the competition," Pieter said, looking at Rahn. "It's customary for her to accept the gold in front of all the hunters who participated."

"I won't be accepting any gold," Aesylt said. She pinned her cloak at her neck, offering Rahn a grateful smile. He'd been there when she'd woken from the terrible nightmare, and he was determined not to leave her side for any reason. She'd never needed a man to make her feel safe, but he did, just the same. "I understand Wulfsgate is one of the few cities who still has a healing monastery for the indigent to receive care."

"That's right," Rustan said slowly. "But they are already well-funded from my coffers. As well as any profitable infirmary."

Aesylt thought about it. "Then distribute it evenly amongst the rest of the hunting party, including the dressing boys, with my gratitude for bringing in enough game that the half you've offered my people will be life-changing."

She'd reached the courtyard before Rahn matched her pace, instead of walking behind her. "I need to think about something other than what happened yesterday." She paused at the garden and turned toward him. A bolt of sadness struck her at how much she wanted to kiss him, in the open where anyone could see, and how it could never, ever happen. "I know what you're thinking, and no, I don't want to starwalk today." Maybe not for a while, she thought, remembering how little control she'd had over her entrances and exits throughout the night.

Rahn's head tilted sideways—in disappointment or concern, it was hard to tell. "I wasn't thinking anything of the sort. My only concern is you at present."

Aesylt wanted to reassure him she wasn't insinuating what he seemed to think she was, but it was nice to feel wanted. To be someone's priority. Not since before the Nok Mora had anyone treated her with such warmth and concern as Rahn Tindahl. "Lord Dereham said the skies might clear tonight. I know I could clear them myself in the celestial realm, but I don't... have the heart to go there right now. Can we make it an astronomy night?"

He brightened. "I'll pull the charts out and get the ink ready."

"Looking forward to it." She grinned to mask the pain she was desperate to be rid of. "Actually, I do want something else. But without starwalking, we cannot... There are things we shouldn't do if we're not there." She twisted out an awkward chuckle. "I really don't know what I'm suggesting or asking. For you to come up with a way around the rule? To surprise me, I suppose?"

"Surprise?" The confusion in his face was adorable. "What sort of surprise?"

"Do you not know how surprises work?"

One of his hands traveled to his chin. "You want to experiment in our world but not in a way that compromises the work or the promise we made when we started?"

Aesylt nodded, exhaustion creeping in. "That makes more sense than the way I said it."

Rahn placed a hand on her back and guided her into the small garden. "I have been casually making a list of activities we might add to our list. Thinking, of course, that if we submit additional work, it would be well received and lead to other opportunities for us. The cohort, that is. Some of these ideas might fit what you're... proposing."

"Uh-huh." Aesylt narrowed her eyes impishly. "So you've been looking for more ways for us to play, in the name of science?"

"To study." Rahn shook his head, but his lips hid a smile. "You seem better today."

I've gotten very good at convincing others of this very thing. "So, a distraction?"

"And you want to be surprised?"

"Yes."

"But how will that work? I'd never do anything without your consent."

"I'm giving it to you now." Aesylt shrugged. "Whatever you come up with, I'm fine with it. I trust you."

Rahn shook his head emphatically. "No. Your permission is not an open-ended arrangement, Aesylt, not now, not ever." He leaned his head back to look up at the tower, his eyes moving in thought. "I might have an idea of something that could be done here, in our world, and I could wait until the last minute to share the plan, to leave you in some sort of suspense..."

Aesylt brightened with hope. "Sounds promising."

"I'd dismissed it as outside the scope of our work, but it would fall within the rules—mostly. The important ones anyway."

A yawn bubbled up from her throat, but she swallowed it down. She was tired, but sleeping meant dreaming, and she couldn't trust her dreams anymore. Closing her eyes for a spell, however... "I'll take a brief nap while you figure this out. And then I still want that astronomy night, Scholar."

She could see the ideas churning behind his eyes. His deliberations came to a halt when he lifted his gaze to hers. "Aesylt, are you all right?"

"Sorry?"

"I know you left things out that, for whatever reason, you didn't want Lord Dereham and his son to know. If it were me, I'd keep my truths close as well."

Aesylt stiffened but made no denials. Weeks ago, she might have, but before her stood a man who knew her as she wanted to be known. Wounding the bond with a lie would have been unconscionable.

"I'm here is all I wanted to say." He traced his palms down her fur-covered shoulders. "Not just to ply you with distractions to steer your mind away from the dark places either."

Oh, the ache this sent to her chest. He was offering friendship, but her heart was stubbornly confusing it for the deeper companionship she'd craved her whole life. She forged a smile. "Thank you, Scholar. I know."

Rahn nodded, reading her with a light squint. "And this surprise, it's what will clear the clouds for you?"

Aesylt sucked in her bottom lip and nodded.

"Then you need a nap and I need to plan, so let's get climbing."

Rahnnever actually intended to tell Aesylt about his discovery. He'd found the idea on a dog-eared page of the erotic plant manifesto Pieter had left for them, and on a walk through the Wintergarden the prior week, Rahn had tested it.

On his hand first. He'd experienced the exact sensations described in the book: an intermittent but intense tingling to the applied area.

His conscience wouldn't allow him to test anything on Aesylt that he hadn't first tried on himself, so he'd smeared some of the concoction—mint leaves and nettle made up most of the paste, but there were three indigenous plants, with names he could barely pronounce, responsible for the effect—on the tip of his cock just before bed the night before the hunt. The suggested science behind the inconsistency of the effect had to do with the way their minds managed information and signals to the body. As the sensation was foreign, the body sought to identify and subdue it. The writer of the book seemed to believe the time between reactions was the time it took for the body to return to normal. Over time, the author believed, the reactions would come more frequently, until the mind eventually came to recognize them not as a foreign invader but as a welcome and pleasurable experience.

Apprehension rarely had a place in his research, but he'd been a bundle of nerves waiting for the balm to activate before his test. He hadn't waited long. Every minute, roughly, a delicious bolt of pleasure surged through him. It would pass just as quickly, but each subsequent wave, each arriving faster and faster, drove him further out of his skin, and before long, he'd come without even touching himself.

All this he explained to a blank-faced Aesylt as he sat on the edge of her bed, holding a bowl.

"So you want to watch me writhe in pleasure until I go mad," she said with a bland grin. Her eyes sparkled with mischief. "So you can listen from your bed and touch yourself without breaking any rules about what's allowed in this world?"

Rahn hung his head in mock shame. "Alas, my plan unravels."

She sat up straight, pulling the blankets around her waist. "I don't think that will work for me, Scholar. I'm sorry."

Rahn was more relieved than anything. It was an absurd idea, and there was simply no way of knowing what the long-term effects might be, nor whether she might be allergic to any of the ingredients, a fact which would be unpleasant to discover after the fact, though he would have tested it first on her hand?—

"Scholar? You still with me?"

He snapped his gaze to hers. "I have other ideas for suitable distractions, not to worry." He withdrew the bowl, but she snaked her hand out and pulled it back.

"You misunderstand me." She dipped one finger in the mix, regarded it with a squint, and then spread it over the top of her hand. He watched her in perplexed, breathless anticipation. "Ahh!" she squealed, her eyes widening in delighted surprise as she turned them his way. "I knew something was coming, but it was still so unexpected. Every minute, you say?"

"From what I gathered from reading, one's physiology affects how the body responds, and how frequently. For some, the stimulations have only seconds between. For others, minutes. For me, it was between fifty-four and sixty-nine seconds."

Aesylt grinned. "You timed your self-pleasure?"

Rahn balked. "Are we not scientists, Aesylt?"

She laughed and yelped again. "I should have been timing it."

"Forty-seven."

"You were counting? Of course you were counting." She rolled her eyes, tilting the bowl in her hands. "How many nights have we listened to each other pleasure ourselves?"

Heat flooded his cheeks. "Plenty."

"There's a suggestion in the ballroom section of the curricula that proposes—in the addendum, where they go into more detail on the hypotheses and expected outcomes for each test—that scenarios in which the researchers engage, in public fornication, may produce such a unique series of stimuli that it cannot be replaced or replicated with any other activity. The thrill of being caught in the act engages a part of our brain akin to committing a heinous crime or attempting to escape mortal danger."

Rahn had read that part as well, but he wasn't following her point. "Fornicating in front of the Derehams is out of the question."

"I wasn't suggesting we rut like wild animals on the table, though that would be something," Aesylt replied. She twisted her mouth back and forth, staring at the bowl. "We have just enough time to get dressed and make our way to the keep before supper is served."

He began to see where she was taking him. "No... no. The effects could last an hour or more. We cannot know how you'll respond."

Aesylt dipped a finger into the bowl and lifted her skirt with the other hand. Rahn's breath faltered as he watched her work the paste between her legs, her eyes turning upward before she extracted her hand. "There we are. This should solve two problems for me."

Rahn tried to swallow before speaking, but his mouth and his throat were dry as a desert. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. She actually intended to sit at a table full of Derehams—not to mention a hawk-eyed Imryll—while... overstimulated.

In none of his considerations had he accounted for that.

A cloudy look passed over her eyes. "I don't want to talk about it again, beyond what I'm about to say. Yesterday I lost control, in a way that has not happened to me in many years. I'd like to prove to myself it was a chance slip and not a sign of a bigger problem. If I can will myself into compliance while my body is actively working against me, then I'll know I'm not..." He heard the start of the word broken, but she cut herself off and smiled instead. "Oh, I really need to get used to this before I ask someone to pass the bread."

Rahn cleared his throat. She was serious. She was actually going to do it, because she felt she had something to prove to herself, and even if it wasn't too late, even if she hadn't already spread the paste, he could see the single-minded determination burning in her eyes. "I think it may be best to have our meal sent up tonight," he said, one last attempt.

She grinned. "Have some faith in me, Scholar. You know I've never met a challenge I wasn't ready to destroy."

They werelate for supper on account of Aesylt's struggles. Several times she'd stopped along the way, but by the time they reached the keep, she was feeling considerably better about her ability to normalize her body's reactions.

Everyone else was already seated when they took their places at the table. Aesylt missed a step when a tingle hit her, but only Nyssa seemed to notice, with a slight narrowing of her eyes.

"We were discussing my invocation," Nyssa said testily, a saccharine smile plastered across her face. "You remember, Aesylt, my coming-out ball?"

"Your soiree, you mean?" Pieter asked, mocking her between slurps of his soup.

"I said what I meant, brother."

"And unless Mother has radically expanded the guest list, you're still wrong."

"Not my fault we had to change all our plans at the last minute."

"Or maybe no one cares like you do?"

Nyssa stuck out her tongue, glaring.

"Oh, yes, the coming out," Aesylt muttered as she carefully settled between Imryll and Rahn. Her sister-in-law's gaze lingered upon her for an extra moment. "Soon, isn't it?"

She squeezed her legs tight when a fresh tingle lit her up. Rahn cleared his throat and made a show of folding his napkin.

And so it begins.

"Not to worry, cub. Everyone in attendance will be searched thoroughly before entering the keep," Rustan said and slurped from his bowl. "We've cut the list down considerably, just to those closest to us."

"You haven't forgotten our fitting is tomorrow." Nyssa's spoon hovered midair, matching the offense in her expression.

Aesylt had absolutely forgotten. "I'll be there." She winced in delicious agony.

"Is something the matter, dear?" Lady Dereham asked without looking up. "You seem restless. Is it the nasty hunting business my husband won't stop talking about?"

"Felice." Rustan grumbled. He glanced at Aesylt. "Were you able to rest?"

"Yes, I am much more rested now, my lord. I appreciate everyone's patience with me as I—" She bowled forward from the latest bolt of pleasure. Imryll touched her leg, and Aesylt jumped in her seat.

"Aes?" Imryll's tone was all concern.

Rahn made a small but guttural sound and plastered on a polite smile. "We see no point in lingering on what happened now that she's better." He seemed to be doing his best not to look her way. "What is this, boar?" He waved his fork. "It's quite good."

"The very one your disciple took down." Rustan was looking directly at Aesylt, but so was everyone else. All except Rahn.

She squeezed her legs tighter, but the result had her nearly scaling out of her chair from the force of the building pleasure. But she could not—not—let it go that far at the table. The whole reason she'd done it was to prove she hadn't lost her self-control.

"Your face is as red as an apple, Aesylt," Nyssa declared. "Are you coming down with something?"

Aesylt shook her head, biting down so hard on her tongue, she drew blood. In their weeks of experimentation, she still hadn't learned to temper her fulfillment, to draw it out. Even when Rahn had insisted on a delayed gratification exercise, her body had had other ideas. "Fine," she squeaked.

"You are not fine," Imryll whispered from the side of her mouth. She passed a hand over Aesylt's leg, transferring calm to her.

Aesylt breathed deep in relief. It wouldn't last. "I just woke from a deep rest. Forgive my rudeness, my lord, my lady."

"Think nothing of it," Felice said. "We're only worried about you. The tales of yesterday have already grown quite tall, enough that it's hard to know what the truth is."

Aesylt caught Pieter wearing an oversized, knowing grin, which unsettled her. She quickly looked away, catching Nyssa's suspicious stare as she returned her attention to Lord and Lady Dereham.

"Mother, I don't just want loads of lace; I need loads of lace. At least twice as much as any other woman in attendance," Nyssa said with a pointed glance at Aesylt. "Please tell me you invited the laceworker and not just the velveteer?"

"You'll outshine every woman in the Great Hall, regardless of whether you're wearing lace or a flour sack." Felice sipped her wine, watching Aesylt battle another wave. "It would not hurt, Aesylt dear, for you to see our healer. Just to be certain."

"I appreciate the offer, my lady, but Imryll already helped. I promise I'm fine."

The next jolt sent her straight out of her chair, with an awkward gulp full of regret and shame. How had she not seen how terrible an idea it had been? No amount of control could outsmart her own biology.

Rahn focused his fractured breaths through his nose. Everyone else watched in bewilderment.

"You do not seem fine, dear," Felice remarked. "At all."

"She seems perfectly fine to me, Mother," Pieter said, with the same smarmy grin.

Rahn's hand subtly brushed the outside edge of Aesylt's leg through her dress, grounding her momentarily.

"I might need more sleep after all," Aesylt said, praying her explanation covered both past and future behavior.

"Perhaps you should come stay with me again this evening," Imryll said, her tone suspicious.

Even the idea of storing her pent-up release until morning rattled her. "I..." She swallowed hard, fighting a wince as the pressure continued to build. "Sincerely appreciate your concern." She made herself glance around the table while she was still coherent, to show them what her words were insisting. "All of you. But I swear, I'm fine."

"We'll add more guards to the courtyard, at the very least," Rustan said before stuffing his mouth full of meat.

"Why?" Aesylt asked, looking around. "We have more than enough."

Imryll sighed with a hard look at Rustan, who had, apparently, said more than he should have. "A scout came today while you were resting. One of Lord Dereham's. Marek has potentially been spotted in the forests just north of Wulfsgate. I say potentially because there's no way to verify the veracity of the claim, and when there's a significant bounty on a man's head, he's liable to be seen just about everywhere."

Rahn leaned forward until he could see Imryll. "Please tell me there are men in these forests searching for him."

"There are always men in the forests. It's how we received word of the sighting," Rustan said evenly. "But it's easier to get lost in them than it is to be found."

Rahn bristled, straightening, just as Aesylt twisted again. "You don't seem concerned."

"Forests... roads... doesn't matter." Rustan downed his ale. "He'll never breach our walls."

"Your confidence is inspiring, my lord," Rahn said drily. He flicked a sidelong glance at Aesylt. The veins in his neck looked ready to snap. "But what if you're wrong?"

Aesylt had to get out of there. Between the absolute agony between her legs and the terrible revelation about Marek, she'd lost any hope of control.

"Aes, how I wish I could read your thoughts," Nyssa mused.

"I did say she was acting oddly," Felice replied. To Aesylt, she said, "Dear, you've gone from flushed to peaked."

"I promise, I'm fine." Aesylt gripped the chair with both hands, but it was no good. The end was coming, and there'd be no hiding it if it happened at the table. She was going to be rude or become a scandal, and while she didn't much care what people said or thought of her, they'd tie it all back to the scholar, and he'd be ruined.

"I'm not," Rustan answered with a belch. He regarded his empty plate with an almost-forlorn look.

"Not what dear?" Felice asked, exasperated.

"Wrong." Rustan wiped his face on his sleeve and stood. "The traitor in our forest is only a minor problem on my list. We have a border skirmish down near Salthill, and my men are awaiting direction. I bid you all a good evening," he said and marched out.

Felice sighed and shook her head, returning to her meal.

"Aesylt, I was hoping we might speak after... this?" Pieter's bemused words trailed Aesylt as she shoved back from the table and fled.

Rahn thoughthe'd lost her until he spotted her entering the Wintergarden between two bowing oaks. He checked to make sure no one had followed, and he followed her inside.

She was on her knees in front of a cherry tree. Rahn approached slowly, but she whipped her head up and leaped to her feet. "Help me end this." She moaned.

Rahn bowed down and lifted her face with his hands. He kissed her until she'd calmed some. "It only lasts about an hour, so it's almost over." He wanted to feel bad; he should have felt bad. But gods, if the sight of her becoming a puddle of desire for him was wrong, he'd forsake the righteous path forever. "Say the words, Squish."

Aesylt, scrunching her face in agony, did as he asked.

Rahn lifted and pinned her to the tree before the world had even settled. One hand cupped her ass to hold her aloft while the other ripped her dress up and around her waist. Her legs folded around him, squeezing as she electrified him with feverish kisses.

His buckle snapped and cracked the back of his hand in his rush to free himself. He flinched but didn't slow until his trousers were pooled at his ankles and his cock was buried inside her.

"Ahh," Aesylt cried, her head lolling sideways against the smooth bark as he thrusted. She slipped her hand between her legs, but he pushed it away, replacing it with his.

Rahn squeezed her ass as he plunged deeper, tracing the faintest passes along her very swollen bud.

"Please," she moaned, bucking her hips. "Don't tease me. I can't..."

"I'm not teasing you, Aesylt," he said, low and warm against her ear. "I just need you to feel my release deep within you as yours rips through you."

"Rahn." She panted, and his knees buckled at the sound of his name on her tongue, clouded with the torturous delirium he'd caused. Her fingers dug into his ass, coaxing him to go faster, harder, but faster and harder were the only commands his body would abide.

"Do you see me fucking you on the table while they all watch?" Rahn asserted, despite the cold sweat rolling down his cheeks. No matter how hard he pushed, it wasn't enough. It wouldn't be enough until he'd consumed her entirely. "Me filling you as they all stare, horrified?"

"As they watch me come for you." She sucked in her lower lip.

"Until there's nothing left of you." His eyes rolled back. "Until they all know who you belong to. Who you answer to." He slammed her against the tree. "Though it might be hard for you to tell them anything with my cock stuffed down your throat."

"And if I disobey?" Her mouth parted with every thrust.

"You know what will happen." He angled her hips to drive himself deeper. "But you like being disobedient. You like to be punished."

"Almost as much as you like to punish me," she cried. "Make it hurt."

When he was close, he increased the firmness of his hand between her legs. She lifted, contracting, her mouth peeled open in a silent cry. She was all tremors, head to toe, clenching around his cock, her whimpers buried in his neck as she rode out her well-earned release, freeing him from his own torment as his body joined hers.

Rahn froze when a terrible revelation came over him. He verified it with a glance at the sky and another all around him, finding the muted colors of their own world.

Aesylt slid down the tree with a shaky exhale and gently twisted out of his grasp. Her flushed face peered back at him over her shoulder as she smoothed her dress, but the look on his had her asking, "What?"

"How..." His pulse rocketed as he quickly shimmied his trousers back into place. He and Aesylt were so close to the entrance to the garden—close enough anyone walking by could have seen. He was afraid to turn toward the arch of oaks. "How are we in our world, Aesylt? How long have we been back?"

"What do you mean?" Her mouth remained open, her eyes widening as she came to the same understanding. "I... I don't know how. You heard me say the words to get us there, but I never commanded our return, I didn't—" Her hands flew to her mouth. Her attention was on the entrance.

Rahn spun around in time to see the edge of a cloak disappear. His heart plummeted toward the cold ground. He didn't know how or when he and Aesylt had slipped back into their own world, but it didn't matter. They'd grown careless, ignoring their own rules. "Who, Aesylt? Who was it?"

When Aesylt finally responded, her voice trembled. "Pieter."

True to his word,Lord Dereham added more security. Aesylt worried it would draw more suspicion to the half-forgotten tower, but there were more at the gates as well, as well as spread throughout the keep and village.

Aesylt and Rahn hadn't spoken about the incident with Pieter, but that didn't mean it had left her mind. His haunted look suggested it hadn't left his either.

They worked on their notes that night together in silence, him at his desk, she at hers. Her thoughts drifted to several nights earlier, when they'd done their notes in the celestial realm, her in his lap, him buried deep inside of her. If you move, I'll punish you, he'd warned, and so of course she'd moved as much as possible. The way he'd tackled her to the floor, pinning her hands above her head, commands burning his tongue...

But he hadn't so much as kissed her since the Wintergarden. The dark thoughts in her head threatened to take over, but he was worried, same as her. That was all.

I've never felt more exposed. More alive. More afraid, she wrote. She tapped her quill, considering the answer to her unformed question. Would I do it again? Yes, in a heartbeat. But I fear—Aesylt stopped short of writing anything about Pieter. They were supposed to be Elara and Niklaus. I fear being caught, and the resulting fallout. Though what I feel most of all is that it wasn't enough. What if nothing is?

That was all she had the heart for, so she unlocked her drawer, slid the vellum inside, and locked it again. She stood with a long stretch and murmured a good night to Rahn, who was lost to his own journaling.

After she'd changed into her nightgown, she climbed into bed. Pieter discovering their secret was an enormous problem that couldn't wait, but all she'd been able to think about was Marek's thick hands at her neck, throttling her life away. If he was in the forest north of Wulfsgate, it was because he knew she was there. No matter why he'd come, if he succeeded, only death awaited her.

Between the Marek and Pieter situations, her sanity was being torn down the center.

A shadow appeared behind her curtain, and Rahn stepped around it. He sat on the side of her bed and nudged her over.

"What are you doing?" she asked as he climbed in beside her.

"I know you're thinking about the man in the forest," Rahn said. "So am I." He brushed stray hair out of her eyes. "Sleep, Squish. Or try to. I'll be right here."