13. Principals of Neutrality

Apprehension followed Aesylt through the morning. It began as she helped Rahn pack up their scrolls and charts, attempting to catch his eye but equally hoping to avoid it. The hand he'd held was still warm with the memory. She still felt the strength of his thigh pinned under hers and the way their breathing had matched, uneven and inadequate.

He'd nearly run into her when carrying a trunk back to the door, forcing them into an awkward dance of shifting and flattening against the nearest surface. He'd squeezed past, his hip brushing hers, and she stopped breathing until he was clear.

The farther she moved from him, the more she felt as though someone had taken a scooper to her chest.

Once back in their quarters, he seemed more relaxed, even glancing her way a couple of times. She turned, locking his gaze, and caught him smiling.

"What?" Aesylt feared the answer. The past week had felt like pressure gradually building under a geyser, but that morning was different.

Rahn shook his head and returned his gaze to the window, folding his hands around a mug of cider. "The others always worked hard at whatever we assigned them, but you... I see now, it was always personal to you. Your concern for the work is more than a question of ethics."

Aesylt's flesh burned hot. "You're only now coming to this realization?"

"I never doubted your commitment or your passion. But the way you spoke of marriage... I suppose I presumed, perhaps wrongly, that you would move on from this and start a family." He must have sensed the indignance rising in her because he quickly continued. "And yet, I feel all the more the fool for assuming the two lives must be exclusive of each other."

Aesylt sat back and breathed in air not yet warmed by the hearth. The burn was a constant reminder life was not guaranteed. "I don't want children, so a family looks different for me. What I want is a partner in this life, one who will stand beside me, not four steps ahead of me." She grinned to herself as that very future streamed through her mind, her eyes on her gloved hands. "Maybe I want both. I want it all. Who's to stop me?"

"I pity the person who tries," Rahn quipped. "And wish them a swift demise."

Aesylt laughed, tilting her head his way. "I only deal in absolutes, Scholar. Nothing worth doing is worth doing halfway."

"You're more like your brother than you think."

"Or he's more like me." Aesylt pulled her collar higher on her neck, woefully conscious of the heat rising to her cheeks. "I'm the one who stayed. Who held—" She abruptly halted. Even the edges of the thought were enough to spoil the light mood, and she regretted speaking at all.

Rahn's eyes found hers and held her gaze. "Drazhan's vengeance was mighty... and in the end, he was eviscerated by it. All those years he gave to training were nothing compared to what he gave up in doing so. What you did took an immense amount of courage. To stay and lead your people through their darkest days and face the darkness with them. I have a great deal of respect for your brother, but if the end came today, Aesylt, my coin would be wagered on you leading us into the unknown future."

Aesylt tried to speak but realized she was trembling. It was her hands, mainly, but the buzz spread quickly to her limbs, then to her ears, until it was all she could feel or hear. She finally understood what had drawn her to the duke from the start. It was the way he saw her, even when, in her frustration, she believed otherwise. She could try to blend into a room, but he would find her. Would know her, as she had always wanted to be known.

"We don't have to talk about it."

"I've tried to talk about it," Aesylt answered, hoarse, "but Drazhan cannot... He cannot. And there's no one else. Oma, Ota, Hraz, they're all gone. It's why Nik and Val sometimes feel like all I have."

"In my experience, family is a choice. Teleria, she took me in because she wanted to. Over the years, our relationship became many different things, but it was then, and always will be, one of family. A bond that transcends blood." He released her gaze. "But they're not all you have, Aesylt."

Aesylt moved her hands under her dressing coat, twisting them. The urge to cry was almost too much to fight, but no tears would fall. At most, her eyes would gloss over, a gentle pool under her lids. "If I could spend the rest of my life studying at your side, Scholar, I would need nothing else."

Rahn said nothing more until they approached the gates at Fanghelm. "You will always have a place at my side." He cleared his throat, readying to say more, but something caught his eyes, causing him to rise off the settee.

"What is it?" she asked, standing to follow where he looked out the window, at a throng of people. Hundreds. "Something's happened."

"If something had happened, Drazhan would have sent for us." Rahn didn't seem convinced.

"He will soon enough," Aesylt said before leaping up and charging toward the apartment door. Her heart comprehended the situation well ahead of her head, beating in urgent, wild thumps. She heard Rahn shouting behind her, the damning letter from the Barynovs burning more than just her pocket.

Valerian was awake.Aesylt seemed to have known it before Drazhan had delivered the official news, but it had been a shock to Rahn. His instincts told him the Barynovs had only kept him alive because they were in denial. No one had been talking about the boy with the future in mind, only the past. His fate had already been decided in the minds of the village.

Rahn's questions were answered before he had a chance to ask. No, Drazhan was not agreeing to their extortionate wedding demand, not even for Val. No, no one from Fanghelm had actually seen Val, but the Barynovs had paraded him around the village square to make their point, and plenty of villagers had seen him. He was convalescing under intense guard.

All of that was not surprising.

Drazhan's solution was.

"Lord Dereham has sent a response to my plea."

"Lord..." Aesylt cocked her head. "You never mentioned any plea."

"He will play host to you until it's safe to return." Drazhan's stoic delivery was jarring compared to the chorus of objections that rose after.

"Who is you?" Aesylt demanded. Her hands were splayed atop the table, but Rahn, beside her, could see how she'd lifted out of her seat... how she was barely sitting at all.

"You, cub," Drazhan said, gritting, "and your scholar."

"And the others?" Aesylt's fingers twitched on the wood.

"Teleria will go to Eastport to wait, in case Tasmin returns early. We can't send a raven that might be intercepted."

"But Tasmin isn't expected back for months."

Imryll cradled Aleksy with an avoidant glare at the table. Rahn caught her eyes briefly, but she wasn't sharing her feelings this time.

"And your wife, wulf?" Aesylt gaped between the two. "Are you banishing her as well?"

Drazhan didn't answer.

"Imryll, you know this isn't right," Aesylt pleaded. "You don't have to leave your own home."

"We're already not in our own home, Aes." Imryll sounded exhausted. "And I have to think of more than my wishes."

"Wynters don't run. We didn't run when the king's men came for us, and we will not run when one of our own is the trouble."

Drazhan slammed his hands onto the table, shooting to his feet. "And look how that ended, Aesylt. Ota, Hraz, dead. Our friends' allies, way too fucking many of them, bleeding in the streets, on pikes, discarded like trash. Is that what you want to see? Is that what staying means to you?"

Aesylt's face darkened several shades. Her eyes narrowed, glossing in fury. "And what would you know about it, wulf? You weren't even here." Wood shrieked on stone as she shoved back from the table and stormed from the room.

Drazhan retreated to his chair slowly, breathing out as he lowered himself, clearly rattled by her words. "I hope I do not have to explain to the rest of you why this is necessary."

Rahn was still watching the archway Aesylt had fled through. Her anger had incited his, but he had no choice but to temper it to stay and hear the rest of Drazhan's proclamation. "If you feel it is, then it is. But she'll need?—"

"Aesylt will have anything she needs. You can..." Drazhan flapped his hand. "Continue your research in Wulfsgate. I only care that she's safe."

Rahn turned toward Imryll, whose silence seemed intentional. "And you? Where will you go?"

"We discussed the options available," she said quietly, "and Wulfsgate offers both the best protection for Aleksy and me.. and the best resources for an expecting mother. So I'll be coming with you."

"Imryll." Rahn tried to smile, but it turned out half-formed from the weight of the revelations. "Blessings to you both."

Imryll mouthed a halfhearted thank-you.

Drazhan's lips twitched. "I'll celebrate when she's safe. When they all are."

"Their son is alive. Awake. Why would they still be pushing for war?" Rahn asked.

"My husband likes his secrets, but I do not." Imryll transferred Aleksy to her other shoulder. "They were on Draz's father about a union long before the Nok Mora. They say Ezra Wynter promised Aesylt to Valerian, but there's nothing in writing and no witness to any of it. But they believe they're entitled to her, and the situation with Val seems to have accelerated their urgency."

"Why do they want her so badly that they're willing to risk war?"

"They want my seat," Drazhan said, answering for Imryll. "They want Fanghelm. They think a union between the two oldest families will win support to their cause, and their effort is already gaining support."

"And then how does it end? Not with Aesylt married." Rahn scoffed.

One of Imryll's eyes squinted. "Aesylt will wed no one she hasn't chosen for herself."

"She'll never wed a Barynov," Drazhan muttered. His eyes closed as he inhaled. "Even if she chooses one." He rapped the table with his knuckles and whipped his gaze Rahn's way, his eyes hard and narrow. "You want to know how this ends? They either renounce their false claim on my sister, both on her hand and their smear against her reputation, and turn Marek over for justice, or they see firsthand how much less merciful I am than the king. I don't fear war, and neither do they. My sister is your charge now, Rahn. You do anything it takes to keep her from putting herself in danger. Whatever it takes. And when this is over—and it will end—I'll be indebted to you. Anything you want from me is yours. I couldn't refuse."

They departedWitchwood Cross at nightfall. Aesylt kept to her side of the plush carriage, opting for silence. She was practically swimming in the layered teal gown Imryll had given her for the journey, chosen for presentation to the lord of the Northerlands, who Rahn doubted would care at all about what they were wearing when they showed up in the middle of the night as refugees.

He'd been working up to the words all afternoon. Once said, they could not be taken back, and though he didn't expect to regret them, the way in which they were said—the precise nature of the message—mattered. What he said would set the tone for their entire partnership going forward. It would be the difference between sealing their bond and sundering it.

Rahn pulled the thin curtain back and peered into the night. There was nothing to see but dark, tall trees and snow. So much snow. The South Compass Road was serviceable, even in the winter seasons, but there were no other safe paths. It would take them several more hours to reach Wulfsgate than it would in springtide, when the hunter's trails were clear.

Behind them was a carriage carrying Imryll and Aleksy, and beyond, a caravan of Drazhan's men. A few would stay behind with them, the rest returning as soon as the group was settled. There were more than they needed on a good day, less than required on a bad one, and a road ambush had crossed Rahn's mind more than once. But if their litter was too large, it would draw the very eyes they needed to avoid while traveling under night's cover.

"I have something to say," Rahn ventured aloud. His choice of words, the same ones she'd used to issue her apology, were intentional. He saw from the sharp slant of her curious eyes, subtly turned his way, that she knew it. "About our research."

"They don't have an observatory. Even the Wintergarden is... The village is too busy. Wulfsgate is not the best place to watch the stars. We'd need to travel up Torrin's Pass, and there's no chance of it being approved," she said, turning her face back to the plush cushion.

"I wasn't talking about astronomy."

Aesylt sat up straight. Her chin tucked down in soft alarm.

"Coitus." He nearly spat the word trying to avoid it. But if he could not even say it around her, he had no business making the proposal. In the end, the word would be the easiest part of it all. "You and I. Partners."

"You..." Aesylt's red lips turned to a confused pout. "You want us..."

"It's a matter of practicality, not want." Perhaps if he repeated the lie enough, he'd believe it and be set free of his torture. "The war with the Barynovs has set us back, and we either move forward with a plan or accept that we never will."

She bristled. "This is our work, and I will not let the Reliquary take it from us."

"Nor will I." Rahn dug his hands to the pleats of the bench. "And I see no other way forward than for us to proceed with your idea of the two of us handling the curricula ourselves. But only if you are still fully, and I mean fully, prepared for what that means."

Aesylt's eyes flitted around as a series of emotions played out across her tired, peaked face. "You're serious? You're no longer concerned for my chastity or honor or whatever it was holding you back?"

"I didn't say I wasn't concerned," Rahn stated firmly. "But you made a point I can't refute. If this is your way of challenging yourself, of embracing not just a passion but a life in science, then standing in your way would be to betray my own principles of neutrality in research. And... If I believe I have more authority to choose for you than you do for yourself, then it betrays my values as a man."

Her mouth parted in a slow grin. "I see. And you're prepared to go through everything on the list? With me?"

Rahn swallowed. "Yes," he croaked.

"This time without your voice breaking."

"Yes, Aesylt. I'm prepared to go through everything on the list with you." He wasn't, not even a little, but it was his challenge to overcome, not hers.

"And it will change nothing between us?"

It would change everything, and she knew it. They both did. "We will have rules, of course. To protect us both and the research. The most important being we perform these acts only in the celestial realm, where our actions have less consequence." He almost said no consequence,but that would have been untrue. Their memories followed them across worlds. He would know her, feel her, in both. "I won't rely on your vedhma's grimizhna tea to keep us out of trouble."

Aesylt's face flushed deep red. "Ahh. Yes, fair... fair point. And how will we... How will we take credit for the work? Drazhan can never find out." Her laugh was dark. "But neither can Imryll. I won't put her in that position."

"I've thought about that," Rahn said. He wanted to peel back the curtain once more, take another glimpse outside to cut the tension in the small carriage. "Elara and Niklaus have not officially been removed from the cohort, not in the Reliquary's records. We can put their names on the work when we submit it. I'll... offer to submit the work to the Reliquary myself, and if it comes down to it, I'll find a way to explain things to Imryll."

Aesylt nodded to herself. "The Reliquary won't be the problem. Imryll is going to want to know exactly who conducted these experiments."

"We'll figure it out."

"And us?"

Rahn cocked his head.

"Can we agree that... no matter how, ah, intense our studies get, we'll still be friends when it's done?"

Rahn's heart fluttered. "Aesylt, it would break my heart if this resulted in the end of our friendship. It's the very thing I hope to avoid."

"I want us to shake on it." She sat forward, the ruffles of her dress sliding along the bench in a soft chorus. "I want us to swear on it."

He leaned forward, stretching his hand toward her. "I promise."

She slipped hers into his with a firm shake. "As do I. If things ever get too difficult..."

"We stop."

Aesylt nodded. "We stop."

Rahn released her with a hidden sigh of relief. It was done. It was said. It was over. The only thing left to do was begin. "We'll start as soon as we're settled."