Chapter 29

CHAPTER29

He was watching her tenderly as they stood in front of the house. Jane could not bring herself to open the door even though it was a door she had opened so many times before. She considered this place a home once. That seemed to be an entire lifetime ago.

“Are you certain you want to do this now?” she heard Leo ask.

He was by her side. She considered doing this alone. It was her battle. It was her situation to rectify, to demand explanations and if need be, to seek retribution. But he assured her that they were a husband and wife now. As such, there were no battles that belonged solely to one person. They were a team. They fought together. It was them against the world. That was why he was with her right now although she doubted that he wanted to be here. Being here meant that he would need to see her father and perhaps even speak to him.

“I don’t want to wait any longer,” she told him, glancing at the closed door.

It symbolized so many things. The fact that it was still closed meant that her past was still troublesome. She hadn’t walked through it yet. She had to do it today. There was no more waiting. No more time. This had to be done now. She had to face her father. She had to show him that he had no power over her any longer. She also had to face her mother but in a different way. She had to show her mother that it was her choice whether she would allow her husband to treat her in such a manner. She had all the power; she just wasn’t aware of that. Jane promised herself that she would do everything in her power to make her mother realize this.

“We are doing this,” Jane inhaled deeply, mustering all the courage she had. “Right now.”

“Right now,” Leo echoed her words, taking her by the hand. She squeezed him back.

She took one step. It felt like the most difficult step in the world, but she felt reassured by having Leo by her side. She never thought that this moment would come, that she would have the courage to tell her father everything that lay as a burden on her soul. This burden had been building up for so long, ever since she was a little girl. At first, this rage was aimed at her mother, and Jane felt her mother’s pain like every child did. Then, slowly, as time passed by, this rage moved on to her as well. Jane loved her father, but she did not love the man he had become. Perhaps, that was the man he had always been. However, that did not mean that he could not be shown the error of his ways. There was always the hope of change.

Jane opened the door. The butler appeared out of nowhere, greeting her cordially, informing her that he would tell her mother and father of her arrival immediately. Jane thanked him and headed straight for the drawing room where she decided she would have this difficult conversation.

“If you feel uneasy at any moment, I can take over,” Leo suggested, once again squeezing her hand for support.

“Thank you,” she smiled at him. “I love that you are here by my side, but I need to do this on my own. He needs to hear these words from me. My mother needs to hear them as well. Also… I need to say them for my own sake. I cannot hide behind you. That isn’t who I am.”

“I know,” he smiled back. “That isn’t the woman I married. The woman I married is bold and courageous. She knows what needs to be done, and she does it, regardless of how frightened she is.”

Jane was about to say something else when the door opened, and her mother fluttered inside.

“Jane!” she exclaimed. “Darling!”

She immediately embraced her daughter lovingly, making up for all these weeks of no hugs and no visitation. Jane buried her face into her mother’s neck, inhaling the sweet scent of her childhood. They remained like that for a long time, neither of them willing to let go. When they finally did, her mother greeted Leo as well.

“It is so lovely to see you both,” she exclaimed although Jane could immediately notice a hint of sorrow in her mother’s voice as if she were saddened about something or even worse, ashamed.

“We came to see both of you,” Jane acknowledged. “You haven’t visited us lately.”

“Well, yes…” her mother said apologetically although she offered no excuse. “Your father has been… terribly busy.”

Jane wondered what he had been busy with when the brewery wasn’t in his hands any longer, but she chose to remain silent on that matter. She did not wish to antagonize the situation any more than it already was.

“Where is Father?” Jane wondered, glancing at the door.

“He is in his study,” her mother informed her. “He should be down any moment. In the meantime, shall I fetch some tea?”

Jane looked over at Leo. He smiled. It was a smile that agreed with whatever choice she wanted to make.

“Tea would be lovely, Mother,” Jane nodded.

Silently, the three of them got comfortable on the armchair and the chaise lounge while Jane’s mother rang the bell that summoned one of their servants. She ordered some tea to be brought over, and just as the servant girl was leaving the drawing room, the master of the house appeared. His wife immediately stood up, and so did the rest of the guests.

“Jane,” he called out his daughter’s name. “What a pleasant surprise.” Then he turned to Leo. “Your Grace.”

Leo bowed cordially, but he remained silent. Jane could not blame him.

“To what do we owe the pleasure of this unexpected visit?” the Earl asked, as he walked over to his wife and sat down by his side.

In the time that she hadn’t seen him, Jane noticed how small her father had gotten as if he shrunk in size somehow. As a little girl, she remembered thinking him to be as tall as a mountain and as strong as an ox. But now, there was no trace of that mountainous man. The man who was left in his place was a poor substitute. Jane could not believe that this was the man her mother was afraid to speak up against. But then again, she too was guilty of this. She too did not have the courage to refuse his orders. Well… no more.

“I have come to speak to you about something that could not wait,” Jane spoke up slowly but confidently.

“What pray is it?” her father inquired, his brow furrowed with concern.

“Your behavior,” Jane told him.

She had no idea where she would start. She had this conversation so many times in her mind, but now that the moment had finally come, she felt tongue tied. She didn’t know which words to use so that they would have the most profound effect on him. She decided that she would follow her heart. That was all she could do at a time like this.

“What about it?” he demanded. Jane recognized the signs immediately. When he didn’t like the sound of something, his voice changed. It became deeper, warning the other person that he or she was treading on dangerous ground.

“Everything about it,” Jane managed to find her words finally.

“Jane!” her mother exclaimed, but Jane turned to her softly.

“It’s all right, Mother. Someone needs to tell him this. I understand that you cannot, and it’s all right. But I have to tell him this for myself.” Then, she turned her attention back to her father. “You cannot possibly tell us that you don’t know what sort of an effect your rage has on us, your family. You cannot possibly not know how much you’ve hurt us all over the course of the previous years—how much you’ve hurt Mother while she stood by your side through everything.”

She expected her father to say something, but instead, she seemed to have stunned him into silence. He was shocked that she was telling him all this. His face was bulgy and pale unlike what she always remembered him to be. His silence urged her to continue.

“That is not how a true gentleman behaves,” she continued, telling him everything that was lying in her heart. “A true gentleman would never treat the fairer sex in such a manner.” She purposely refused to use the term weaker sex because she did not believe herself to be weaker than any man. Perhaps physically she was, but in mind and character, she was their equal whether they wanted to admit it or not.

“Jane,” her father finally spoke, getting up. He was obviously feeling restless, unable to remain seated in one place. “That is no way to speak to your father.” He was becoming more and more agitated. She could tell.

Usually, she would back down. She would never confront him so openly. She knew better than to do that. But this time was different. This time, she would not be backing down, no matter what.

“That is also no way to speak to your family,” she retorted, much to his shock and the shock of her mother as well, who pressed her hand to her lips. Jane turned to her. She could not stand to see her mother so frightened of someone who was supposed to be her protector. “Do not be afraid, Mother,” she urged. “We need to show him that we don’t deserve to be treated that way. No one does. Until I met Leo, I believed that we somehow deserved that rage that he exposed us to, that we somehow contributed to it or caused it with our behavior. Now I know better. Now I know that we did nothing to provoke him. It is simply who he is, and if he wants to keep us in his life, he needs to change. I am speaking for myself, but you have to do it, too. You deserve so much more than this fear, Mother. So much more.”

Jane felt breathless after all these words that came pouring out of the very depths of her heart. She felt liberated. She felt as if an enormous weight had just been lifted off of her back, and she was finally allowed to breathe freely again.

“Jane, I…” her mother spoke, shocked with the truth.

Jane was certain that her mother had felt those words burning inside of her as well, only she could not find the means to say them. She had been made to fear speaking out. She had been made into this obedient wife that Jane was now seeing before her, and it was breaking her apart. Jane knew that there was more to life than that. There was more to love, more to marriage. But it took two people. Both sides needed to meet in the middle and adjust each other accordingly to the situation. Her father always demanded of her mother to be the one to do all of the adjusting. That was not equal partnership.

“That is what I have come to tell you, Father.” Jane knew that she had said it all.

She could allow another avalanche of words to pour out of her, but she would merely be repeating herself, remembering all the times that her father had hurt her with his words with the tone of his voice, even physically when he grabbed her or pushed her harder than he intended to. She didn’t want to remember any of that. She wanted to leave all of that behind.

“If you do not change your ways, you will lose me,” she told him. It was as simple as that. “I know now that not all men are like you. I know what it is like to be treated with love and respect. This man has shown me that.”

“This man forced you to marry him!” her father reminded her, pointing his finger at Leo.

“No one is blameless in this,” Jane acknowledged. “We’ve all made mistakes. You, Leo, me… all of us. But Leo has apologized. Leo has proven to me that he is not the same man who forced me into this marriage. Now, I choose to remain married to him out of my own volition. It is my own choice because I love him, and he loves me. You, as my father, should also love me. You should love your wife as well, but you have an odd way of showing it. I do not care for it. Not any longer. If that is the only way you can show your love, then I do not want any of it.”

Once again, she stunned her father into silence. His eyes were wide with disbelief. She was certain that he hadn’t seen this coming. He never even suspected this moment would ever take place. But it did, and she was proud of herself.

“I know I have left you speechless, both of you.” She turned to her mother to add, “And I know that you may not know what to say now, so I won’t urge you to reply. If I see you in my home again, I will assume that you understood what I meant, Father. I will assume that I am welcoming a changed man into my life, one who will love me as the daughter I deserve to be—loved.”

Still holding Leo by the hand, she pulled him towards the door. He immediately understood the hint. They were leaving before the tea was even served. She walked proudly, more confident of herself than ever. She regretted not speaking to her mother in private about this before, but perhaps this was for the better. Hopefully, her father will understand that she meant all this out of love. She wanted to have him in her life but not like this.

As soon as they left the house, Jane closed the door firmly. Finally, she felt like the past was behind her, and she could start her new life.

“Take me home, darling,” she told Leo.

He smiled back, kissing her forehead. “Yes, my love.”