Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

“ A ll right,” Allan said, pouring out two glasses of port. “It’s just the two of us now, Seth. Tell me what’s really going on.”

The two men were in Allan’s study. It was late in the evening, and the majority of the party guests had gone to bed.

The house was quiet and all but empty—it had been that way when Allan had asked Seth to come up here. Seth thought he might be one of the only ones still awake. That made it the perfect time for a conversation between friends. And after the way Allan had cooperated with what Seth had asked for earlier today, Seth knew that he owed his friend that conversation.

And he wanted to talk to Allan. Out of everyone here at the party, Allan was the one person he truly felt he could be himself with. It had always been that way, ever since their days in school together. Allan had always been his best friend and his closest confidante.

And yet, he wasn’t sure he wanted to confide in Allan today. It was a new feeling, one he could never have anticipated, but today he wanted to keep his affairs entirely to himself.

How could he tell his friend about the things he had felt today, standing across from Lady Lavinia in the dressmaker’s shop? There was no justification for the way he had reached out and touched her neck, especially after the fuss he’d made that night about her potentially trying to involve him in a scandal. There was no way to account for the way he had felt so utterly unable to resist her.

Really, what had he been thinking in that moment? They hadn’t even been somewhere private. Anyone could have opened the door and walked into that shop. Anyone could have gotten a look at the two of them together, and then what? What would that have looked like if they had been seen?

And why didn’t it bother him at all to think of anyone seeing him touching her? It had plagued him desperately to think of being caught with Lady Genevieve. It had troubled him to the point that he was still trying to repay Lady Lavinia for saving him from that fate. Yet now, here he was, risking bringing a scandal upon himself for the sake of the briefest touch of her skin against his. What had he been thinking?

Sitting here in Allan’s study, so far away from that moment, it felt downright insane to him that he had ever considered doing such a thing. But in that moment, nothing would have stopped him. Had he taken leave of his senses?

Allan was giving him a very shrewd look. “You must think I don’t know where you spent your day,” he said. “Or rather, with whom .”

That came as a shock. In spite of his concern at the risk of having been caught, Seth hadn’t truly believed he had been seen. “Do you?”

“You were with Lady Lavinia,” Allan said. “I saw you walking with her, and I saw the two of you enter a dress shop together.”

Seth let out a silent sigh of relief. This wasn’t so bad, then. Allan might have seen the two of them together, but it didn’t sound as if he had seen that moment in the shop—the moment that Seth knew could easily get him into trouble if anyone found out about it. His secret was, for the moment, safe.

Of course, if he were to be found out, Allan was probably the best person in the world to do it. But that didn’t mean he was eager for his friend to know how he had conducted himself.

“What was that about?” Allan asked. “You spending time with Lady Lavinia, I mean. I didn’t know you two even knew one another. What were you doing with her?”

“We didn’t know each other. Not before this party. We only just met the other night. But that’s not so surprising, is it?” Seth asked. “That’s what a party is for—for people to meet each other, get to know one another—it’s what’s to be expected.”

“I suppose so,” Allan said. “Though I wouldn’t have expected you to spend so much time in her company.”

“Do you know her, then?”

“Not well. I know of her by reputation. They say she’s rather awkward, that she doesn’t know much of the proper way to conduct herself in society.”

“Well, that seems true enough,” Seth said. “She doesn’t seem to know what she’s doing much of the time.”

“So why did you choose to spend your day with her?” Allan asked. “It can’t be that she charmed you into it, because she’s simply not that charming—or is she? Is there something about her that I’m failing to understand?”

“No, you have the measure of her. I was helping her choose some gowns,” Seth admitted.

“Choose some gowns?” Allan repeated.

“She needed the help.”

“I didn’t realize you were such an expert when it came to ladies’ fashion. Surely she would be better equipped to make her own selections without your help?”

“No, it doesn’t seem so,” Seth told his friend. “As you mentioned, she’s a bit awkward. A bit unsure of herself. And that lack of confidence seems to extend to her ability to decide what to wear. Not that she’s been making those decisions for herself—apparently her father has been selecting her wardrobe for her, and he doesn’t have any idea what he’s doing.

I may not have any expertise in ladies’ fashions, but I know better than some people, to be sure. I know how to determine what colors will look good on a person, for instance, and I wanted to assist her.”

“Do you think you were of assistance to her?”

“If you saw us together then you must have seen what she was wearing today,” Seth said. “A truly hideous yellow gown. It would have been difficult not to find something more suitable.”

“I can’t honestly say I noticed what she was wearing,” Allan said. “But apparently you did.”

“We befriended one another the other night,” Seth said. “I didn’t notice her because of her clothes this morning. I would have noticed her anyway, because we already knew each other.”

Allan raised his eyebrows. “Befriended?”

“Why don’t you say what you mean to say?” Seth asked. “Or rather, ask me what you want to ask. You want to know if there’s anything romantic between the two of us. And the answer is no, there isn’t. I’m trying to help her, that’s all.

Her father has given her an ultimatum—she’s to find someone to marry by the time your party comes to an end, or he’ll choose for her. As awkward as she is, I can see that she’ll have trouble finding anyone for herself, so I’m trying to lend a hand. It’s as simple as that.”

“It can’t be that simple, if you’re spending money on the project,” Allan argued. “You bought gowns for her today, isn’t that what you’re telling me?”

“And what if I did? You know I can afford it. It’s a drop in the bucket for me.”

“The fact that you’re not bringing financial hardship upon yourself doesn’t mean that the actions you’re taking are without significance. Are you sure you don’t have feelings for her?”

The question made Seth feel as if he had been struck with a hammer. It was as if Allan was looking right in to the heart of him. But why should he feel that way? Allan hadn’t discovered anything that was true. He wasn’t feeling affectionate toward Lady Lavinia. Or if he was, it was because she was so helpless.

He wanted to care for her. He wasn’t admiring her. He had never felt like that for any lady, and he wasn’t about to start now. “Feelings of gratitude, nothing more. She separated me from Lady Genevieve the other night. That’s how she and I met.”

“I see,” Allan said. “And you’re quite certain that’s all it is?”

“Of course I’m certain.”

“Well, I’ll say this only one time, then.”

“You’re going to warn me away from her? You’re going to tell me that I’m going to give her the wrong idea? Or, perhaps, that I’m going to give other people the wrong idea?”

“Not at all. I was going to say that if you really wanted to help the lady find a suitable marriage, you might consider the idea of marrying her yourself.”

Seth stared at his friend. “That’s quite a leap,” he said. “I took her shopping and now you think I should marry her?”

“I don’t say you should marry her. I only said that you might consider the idea of it,” Allan said. “You do seem to like her.”

“I do like her,” Seth agreed. “But that doesn’t mean I ought to marry her, for heaven’s sake. For one thing, I like a lot of people. I like you . And for another thing, you know perfectly well what my feelings are when it comes to marriage—I want nothing to do with it.

You know how unhappy my parents were all their lives. Why would I ever choose such a thing, having seen that? Why would I allow myself to get involved in any sort of romantic entanglement, knowing how bad the outcome can be?”

“You think every marriage is like the one your parents had,” Allan said. “That isn’t true. There are plenty of happy marriages. Marriages based upon love. You could have a marriage like that, if only you opened yourself up to the idea of it. And you could have it with her. From what you say, it sounds like that’s the sort of thing she’s looking for. Why not think about the idea, at least? What would be the harm in it?”

“Have you been speaking with my mother? Are the two of you conspiring together? Why are you suddenly so eager to see me on a path to marriage?” Seth demanded. “Why is it that you see me spend one afternoon with a young lady and come to the conclusion that I ought to marry her? What an idea! Of course I’m not going to marry her. I can’t believe you would even make the suggestion—and based on such scant evidence of our getting along!”

“All right, all right,” Allan said, raising his hands defensively. “I didn’t mean her, necessarily. I worry for you, Seth. I do want to see you find happiness. I admit that. And no, I didn’t get the idea by speaking to your mother. I’ve wanted to see you find happiness for a long time.”

“I don’t know,” Seth objected. “You never spoke of my getting married before. I think this is something you’ve come to desire in recent years.”

“Well, I don’t deny that getting a little older has awakened me to the potential joys of married life,” Allan said. “And I won’t deny that I want those things for my closest friend.”

“You’ll just have to accept that I’ve given this plenty of thought,” Seth said. “I don’t wish to marry, Allan. I don’t wish to put myself in the same unhappy situation my parents lived in.”

“And what of the fact that I tell you I believe marriage doesn’t have to be unhappy?”

“It’s just too big a gamble,” Seth said. “If I could be assured of having a happy marriage—I don’t know. Perhaps I would be saying something different. But the fact of the matter is that no one can ever know. You can never be sure of the marriage you’ll get. It’s just too big a risk to take.”