Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

“ Y ou need to be careful,” Edwina said firmly.

Lavinia raised her eyebrows. “There’s nothing to worry about,” she said. “And you didn’t have to wait up with me, Edwina.”

“I know you’re going to the library to meet him again tonight. Of course I was going to stay up to talk to you about it. Someone needs to talk to you about what you’re doing.”

“And what of that? I thought you thought it was a good idea.”

“I do think so,” Edwina said. “Don’t get the wrong idea. I want you to go, and I think you’ll be glad you did— if you’re careful. I just hope you’re being careful. That’s really all I’m saying.”

“Well, the duke isn’t going to do anything to harm me,” Lavinia said. “He and I have clashed over many things, but I do trust him not to have any ungentlemanly intentions. He isn’t that kind of man.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Edwina said. “I’m more worried that it will become widely known that you’ve been spending as much time as you have with him.”

“I don’t understand,” Lavinia admitted. “If you’re so concerned about this, why did you encourage me to approach him and ask him for help again?”

“Because I could see that it was what you wanted,” Edwina said. “And I do think it’s a good idea, as long as you aren’t caught. If you are caught, though, I can’t see things going very well for you. To begin with, Father would lose his mind to hear of you spending time with a gentleman in the dead of night.”

“He isn’t going to hear of it,” Lavinia said. “You’re not going to tell him, surely?”

“You shouldn’t even have to ask me that question. Of course I’m not going to tell him. But what if someone else finds out about this? I mean, anyone else. They won’t have any hesitations about letting Father know what’s going on, and you know what his response will be. He’ll say that he made a mistake in giving you the freedom to try to find your own match.

“He’ll say that this is what comes of allowing you too much control over what you do. He’ll force you into a marriage at once, just to make sure that nothing scandalous happens.” She sighed.

“To tell you the truth, Lavinia, I’m not sure I would even be able to disagree with that decision. If you’re caught meeting with the Duke of Loxburgh late at night like this, people are going to assume all sorts of unfavorable things about you, and you’ll be lucky to find anyone who is willing to marry you.”

“I don’t understand where this is coming from,” Lavinia said. “I thought I had your support in everything I was doing, Edwina. You’ve encouraged me more than anyone else.”

“I do support you,” Edwina said quickly. “That hasn’t changed. I still think you should go and meet with the duke this evening. All I’m saying is that I think you should be careful about it. Don’t take any extra risks. Don’t allow yourself to be seen. That seems more important to me than anything else.

“I know you’re trying to hurry out of the door so you don’t keep him waiting, but what I’m telling you is that it doesn’t matter so much if he has to wait on you. What matters most is that you aren’t seen.”

“I know you’re right,” Lavinia said. “This is complicated. I really want to do what he tells me to do. I believe it’s my best chance at finding love before this party is over, and I want that more than anything. But at the same time, I’m aware of what a risk I’m taking and how dangerous this is. I know I need to be careful. You’re right to remind me of it.”

“Do you want me to go with you? That way, if you’re caught, it won’t be so scandalous. If we’re discovered, we can simply say that the two of us chose to go to the library together in the middle of the night and happened to encounter the duke there, and that because we were together, we saw no reason to leave.

“It’s a bit of a strange story, but it would be believed, I think, and while we might be scolded for being unwise, our reputations wouldn’t be destroyed.”

“It’s kind of you to offer to go with me,” Lavinia said. “But you don’t need to. I’ll be fine. I know you’re worried about me, but truly, I can manage this.”

Edwina frowned. “I think you want to go on your own,” she said. “I think you want to be alone with him, even though you know it’s taking a risk. You don’t want me to come because this won’t be as exciting for you if you don’t have the chance to see him alone.”

“That’s not true,” Lavinia protested, but she was shaken. Edwina had, in fact, seen more of the truth than Lavinia had intended her to. The fact was that she was very excited—more excited than she should be—about the prospect of spending time with the duke again.

She didn’t understand her own feelings. It was certainly true that he annoyed her. He never had a polite word to say, and quite often he couldn’t even manage to be kind. He was arrogant and disrespectful and by rights she shouldn’t have enjoyed his company. Much of the time, she didn’t enjoy it.

So why was the prospect of spending time with him again so captivating—so compelling? Why did she want it so badly? She had no answer to those questions. She only knew that Edwina was right—if she had felt the need to bring her sister along, her enthusiasm for this encounter would have been much less potent. It didn’t seem like something she could come right out and admit, so she didn’t say anything.

Instead, she changed the subject. “You know, I haven’t seen much of you at this party,” she said. “Is it possible I’m not the only one who’s been having a few clandestine meetings?”

She expected her sister to laugh, or to point out that the subject had been changed. She was surprised when Edwina did neither. Instead, she blushed. “All right,” she said. “I can admit it. I’ve had some things of my own going on since we’ve been here.”

“Are you going to tell me what they are?”

“Let us just say that you’re not the only one who can make unexpected friends,” Edwina said. “At least I have the benefit of not being watched as closely as you are by Father. I don’t think he’s noticed how I’ve been spending my time.”

“But who is this unexpected friend?” Lavinia asked eagerly, her concerns about meeting with the duke momentarily forgotten. “Is it a gentleman?”

“It is,” Edwina conceded.

“Who is he?”

Edwina shook her head. “I’m not ready to tell anyone that just yet,” she said. “I haven’t quite made up my mind how I feel about this gentleman—for the moment, I’m just enjoying the pleasure of his company.”

“But this explains so much,” Lavinia said. “This explains why you were so firm in your opinion about preferring to find your own match rather than allowing Father to choose for you—you already have someone in mind.” She could hardly believe it.

“Does it upset you?” Edwina asked anxiously.

“Why would it upset me?”

“It’s just that I know how you dream of finding love,” Edwina explained. “And even though I wouldn’t say that what I’ve found is love —at least, I wouldn’t say it yet—I can imagine how you might feel troubled by the thought that it’s happening for me while you’re having so much trouble.”

“You’re my sister,” Lavinia said. “I only ever want good things for you, Edwina. I never want you to worry that I’m going to be angry with you, or jealous, or anything like that. All I want is what’s best for you, what’s going to make you happy.

“If this new friendship , as you call it, is making you happy, and if the gentleman in question is treating you well, I couldn’t possibly wish for anything else. Just make sure that you’re following your own advice to me. Make sure that whatever you’re doing, you’re being careful. I don’t want you to have your reputation ruined either.”

“Don’t worry,” Edwina said. “I haven’t done anything that would ruin me like that—though my actions might anger Father, if he were to learn about them.”

“Well, it doesn’t take much to anger Father—though I admit I’ve never seen him angry with you ,” Lavinia laughed. “I suppose we can count on that happening more once my marriage is squared away—one way or another. Once that day comes, he’ll only have you to worry about, so his attention is bound to turn in that direction. I hope you’re prepared.”

“I’ve learned by watching you how I’m going to handle it,” Edwina assured her. “You’ve taught me a great deal, Lavinia, whether you realize it or not. You’ve taught me how to think about what I want out of my life and how to reach for those things even when they seem like they might be impossible. You’ve taught me never to give up and never to settle for a path that’s easier but will make me less happy.”

“It warms my heart to hear it,” Lavinia said. “I wouldn’t have expected that you’d have learned such things from me, Edwina.”

“Of course I have!” Edwina exclaimed. “You have a boldness and a strength that I greatly admire.”

“Do I?” Lavinia was startled. It was the last thing she had expected her sister to say—and it was remarkably similar to what the duke had told her about herself. Apparently they had both noticed a strength in her character, something Lavinia herself would never have been aware of if it hadn’t been pointed out to her.

The fact that both the duke and Edwina had seen it, more than anything else, made her believe what they were telling her. If they had each come independently to the same conclusion, what else could she think but that it must be true?

She looked at the clock. “Oh, dear,” she sighed. “I’m late again. He isn’t going to like that.”

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault for keeping you here talking when I knew you needed to go.”

“No, don’t be sorry. I’m glad we talked,” Lavinia said. “I hope the duke can manage to be understanding about it, but if he can’t, we’ll just have to find a way to move past it. He’s much too strict, much too harsh. He needs to know that while I appreciate his help, I don’t consider him to have any real authority over me. And if he can’t accept that, I don’t suppose this arrangement is going to work out.”

“It’s very brave of you to confront him with that,” Edwina told her. “Still, you’d better go. Be careful tonight. I don’t want you to get caught.”

“I won’t get caught,” Edwina promised.

She left her sister’s bedroom and hurried along the hall, moving a little more quickly than she had on previous nights. She wasn’t worried about getting caught, and she certainly wasn’t allowing herself to worry about her tardiness. But when she got to the library, she would be with the duke, and she was eager for that moment to arrive.

Perhaps they would quarrel—she supposed she’d have to accept it if they did. But even if that were to happen, being with him would be the most exciting thing that had happened all day, and she couldn’t wait.