Chapter Sixteen

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

The Next Day, Hyde Park

G riffin stirred his mount alongside Meredith's as they galloped along the dusty path near the water's edge. Her cheeks were rosy, and she was laughing. God, she was beautiful when she laughed.

Today she was wearing a light-blue riding habit and a matching bonnet with black boots and white kid gloves. She was buttoned up to the neck and covered down to the ankle. But Griffin couldn't keep from remembering the last time he'd seen her. Her gorgeous body laid bare beneath him, taking her pleasure.

Saying his name .

When he'd arrived at her town house this morning, it had taken nearly everything in him not to fall to one knee and declare himself. To put an end to their pointless guessing game by admitting his feelings for her. But after what had happened at the club last night, how could he? Instead of admitting his identity last night as he'd intended, he'd touched her… More, he'd given her pleasure with his mouth. So intimate. Which made him not telling her worse. Much worse .

But there was something else. He'd got the distinct impression last night that she'd known it was him. Something about the way she kept insisting he not tell her who he was. Something in the way she looked at him, touched him. Their gazes had locked and, somehow, he'd just felt that she knew him. Only he'd been too uncertain to ask. And she'd obviously wanted it that way as well.

There could be only one reason she didn't want to admit it. Because she didn't want it to be true. She didn't want it to be him touching her. She wanted it to be a stranger. A man she had no connection with. If she returned his feelings, she would have admitted she knew him. And that thought devastated him.

But saying his name had to mean something. Didn't it? That she wanted him , that she was thinking of him when she'd found her release. But if that was the case, why hadn't she allowed him to tell her the truth? Why hadn't she admitted that she knew him? It made no sense.

Damn it. He should have revealed his identity immediately. She might have said she didn't want to hear it, but surely it would have been the right thing to rip off the mask and show his face after she'd said his bloody name . Only he'd made another mistake. He'd grabbed his things and run away like a fool. Blast. Blast. Blast. When had everything become so complicated?

Right about the time you decided to put on a mask and follow Meredith to a pleasure club.

He glanced over at her, laughing in the sunlight. In addition to asking her to go riding in the park today, he'd brought her flowers this morning. And not just any flowers. Lilies, her favorites. Didn't she realize he was attempting to court her ? If so, she gave no indication, acting the same as she always did when they were together. But she had to know. Which was more proof that she didn't want to admit it. Didn't want it to be true. Didn't want him. Not as a husband.

She only had three more guesses. Would she guess correctly, or would he finally be forced to tell her? At this point, Griffin wanted her to guess herself. It would be nothing but a relief. Damn it. Perhaps Ash was right. Perhaps Griffin should just say it, tell her, forget the plan and consequences be damned.

"When was the last time we went riding in the park?" Meredith asked, shaking Griffin from his torturous thoughts.

He watched her from the corner of his eye as she slowed her horse to a canter. If she was at all affected by what had happened last night at the club, she was doing an excellent job of hiding it. She hadn't acted a bit differently toward him today. Meanwhile, Griffin felt as if his world had been picked up and dumped upside down.

"It's been too long," he replied, slowing his horse as well. He had to remain as nonchalant as she was. That was the only way to get through this outing.

"Far too long," Meredith agreed. "We should do it more often."

She stopped and dismounted.

"Agreed." Griffin stopped and dismounted too.

He tied both horses to a nearby tree trunk before making his way to Meredith's side. They walked together through the soft green grass toward the water's edge. Meredith took a seat atop a large boulder nearby, and Griffin lowered himself to sit next to her.

He braced a palm on his knee. "How did it go last night? At the Onyx Club?" He had to know her thoughts. She couldn't possibly be as unaffected as she seemed. He also wanted to see if she gave anything away that proved she knew it was him .

Meredith tucked a stray bit of hair beneath her bonnet. "It, er… I'd rather not talk about it, actually." She gave him a shaky smile and didn't meet his gaze.

Hmm. So she was affected by it? Good. He wasn't the only one. But did she know it was him ? He still couldn't tell. She might simply be reticent to share such intimate details with him.

She was facing the water, and he watched her profile. Was Meredith…blushing again? Was she remembering how she'd said his name last night? Jesus Christ. This ruse was untenable.

"Things didn't go badly, did they?" he prodded. Because if he hadn't been there himself, that was the next question he would ask.

"Not…exactly." She shrugged one shoulder in that familiar way of hers and the hint of a wicked smile touched her lips. "He…wanted to tell me his name. I did not want that."

Griffin sucked in his breath. His chin dipped. There was his answer. She couldn't be any more clear. She knew it was him, and she was telling him in no uncertain terms that they should continue to pretend their time at the club was disguised.

"I had…quite a lot of fun," she continued.

He lifted his head. "Fun? Is that what you call it?" God damn it. He was in love with her. Didn't she know it? Or didn't she care? She was obviously attracted to him at least. There was no way she was faking her reactions in bed with him. She'd enjoyed herself. She'd just admitted it. But what did that mean? She didn't want a future with him…only pleasure? Is that why she hadn't allowed him to tell her who he was last night?

Meredith expelled her breath, stood, and smoothed a gloved hand down the front of her riding habit. "I've been thinking a lot, Griffin, and I…" She glanced away, almost nervously.

What was this? Meredith was never shy. Had he mistaken things? Was she about to tell him? Was she about to recount what had happened last night? Admit she knew it was him? His breath caught. His heart hammered.

"I'm ready to make my next guess about the identity of your future bride," she finished.

Griffin expelled his breath and shook his head. That had been the last thing he'd expected her to say. "Intent upon changing the subject, I see." He couldn't help the frustration in his voice. Because he already knew she would never guess herself. She didn't want to know the truth.

She didn't respond. Fine. He'd prodded her enough. She had the right to change the subject. "Go ahead then. Guess." He reached down and grabbed a stone from the grass beside the boulder.

"Miss Caroline Bounty," came Meredith's voice, but she hardly sounded convinced.

Griffin drew back his arm and threw the stone. It skipped across the water. Jesus. This was more excruciating with each passing moment. He wanted to pick up the goddamn boulder and throw it into the lake. "I'm afraid not."

Meredith heaved a sigh. "Fine. And don't say it. I know. Only two guesses left. I'll have you know, I'm running out of ideas. I like Caroline very much. She would make a fine wife. And I could have sworn you were looking at her at the ball the other night."

Griffin frowned. "Was Caroline there?"

Meredith threw up her hands. "Oh, you're impossible." She took a seat on the boulder again.

"So I've heard," he replied with a halfhearted grin. Hefting another stone in his hand, Griffin glanced over at Meredith. "May I ask you a question? "

"Of course." She turned to face him and perched her folded hands atop her knee. "As long as it's not about what I did last night."

"It's not." He shook his head. God damn him to hell. He already knew what she did last night. No. Today he wanted to know why she was so intent on his marriage. Why she couldn't bloody well admit she had feelings for him. Feelings that he knew were far from friendly .

She nodded. "Very well. Ask then."

"Why is it you don't give your brother the same hell you give me?"

A wistful smile appeared on Meredith's lips. "About getting married, you mean?"

"That's precisely what I mean. He's an unmarried marquess. He needs an heir too. Why are you so set on pairing me off?" He tried to keep the irritation from his voice, but he hadn't been entirely successful.

Meredith smoothed her skirts over her knee and shrugged again. "You know Ash. He's hopeless. Trying to convince him of anything is like talking to a stone wall. He says he'll never marry. I suspect he will, but not a day sooner than when he's good and ready."

Griffin settled his shoulders and lobbed another stone across the water. "And I'm what? More…pliable?" So much for nonchalance.

She stood and stared off across the water. "Ha. You've never been pliable, Griff. But you are more reasonable. At least you admit you'd like to marry and that you should. You've given every indication that you intend to settle down. You simply need a bit of a push."

Griffin stood and smiled wryly. "I should count myself fortunate then to have such a dear friend to push me."

Meredith leaned down and plucked a daffodil from the ground near the boulder. "You know you need to marry, Griffin." Her voice took on a serious tone. "You may not have wanted it, but you're the duke now. Your mother?—"

"I'm well aware of my mother's feelings on the subject," Griffin ground out. "Don't you think your mother would want Ash to marry too?" Why was he bringing this up? Because it kept the focus off himself.

Meredith bit her lip and frowned. "I suppose if Mama was still alive, she would push Ash to marry. I think he's convinced he'll end up like Father."

Griffin arched one brow. "A horse's ass, you mean?"

Meredith shook her head. "No. Alone." A frown line appeared on her forehead. "Father did the best he could."

Griffin's jaw clenched. He'd heard this argument time and again from Meredith. It always angered him. "Your father went to London and left the two of you to fend for yourselves before returning only when you were ready to make your debut and forcing you into the first match that came along. An awful match at that."

Meredith's jaw was tight. She shook her head determinedly. "No. He picked Maxwell. He chose a duke for me . Mama wanted that." Her voice was low and heated.

"A duke at any cost?" Griffin shot back, his hands on his hips.

"What do you mean by that?" Her voice trembled with anger.

"You know what I mean, Meredith. The cost of your happiness."

She folded her arms over her chest and drew up her shoulders. "I had to marry someone."

Griffin expelled his breath. He glared down at the grass beneath his boots and lowered his head. "I've always thought you could do better. Find love."

She slashed an arm through the air. "Perhaps. But if I'd married for love, you and I might not be as close as we are. Have you ever thought of that?"

"Every damn day ." Griffin clenched his jaw. They'd had this discussion time and time again. It never ended in a satisfying way. The fact was that he'd begged Meredith not to marry Maxwell all those years ago. His pleas had fallen on deaf ears. Then and now.

He lifted his head and shook it.

"No good can come from us rehashing the past this way," she said quietly. "What's done is done."

Oh, yes, time to change the subject as it always was when things got too intense.

Griffin grabbed up another stone and tossed it in the air. Pretending to be nonchalant was going to bloody well kill him. "Are you worried that Ash will marry someone you don't like?" he asked, doing his best to infuse the conversation with their normal lighthearted tone once more.

"Not at all." Meredith's answer had been too quick. She was clearly still shaken too.

"Why?"

The hint of a smile touched her lips. "Because by the time Ash marries, I shall be far too old to care." Ah, there she was. The Meredith she wanted everyone to see. The one who was never hurt, never angry. Quick with a jest. The eternal friend .

The woman who refused to see what she clearly didn't want to see.

Griffin forced a half-hearted smile to his lips. He was playing with fire now, but perhaps fire was needed. "Ash told me if I tell the woman I fancy that I fancy her, he will choose a bride next Season."

Meredith's jaw dropped open. Her eyes went wide. "Are you jesting?"

"No." He shook his head. "Can you believe it?"

Meredith stepped toward him and put a hand on his shoulder. He wanted to turn his head and graze her hand with his cheek. He wanted to close his eyes and feel her soft skin against his. Instead, he kept his gaze locked on hers.

"I wouldn't pay much mind to what Ash says about marriage," Meredith replied with a breezy little laugh, patting Griffin's shoulder.

She was doing her utmost to feign nonchalance because her skin had gone clammy. Her heart thundered in her chest. The deeper they'd got into this conversation, the more uncomfortable she'd felt. Because it wasn't just him following her to the club. It wasn't just him not telling her who he was before he'd made love to her. Now she realized that she was the woman Griffin had been talking about when he'd said he already knew who he would marry. He was talking about her . He wanted to marry her .

She'd swallowed a sob that had risen in her throat.

She couldn't let him say it. She couldn't. Because that would make it real, and she would have to refuse him. And then their friendship would never be the same. And her heart would shatter.

Griffin couldn't marry her. He had to marry someone who could give him an heir.

"If I tell her how I feel," Griffin continued, "I would deprive you of your final guesses."

Meredith pulled her hand away, turned, and closed her eyes. This was excruciating. "Yes, you wouldn't want to do that."

"I also admit I worry she may not return my feelings." His voice was filled with emotion. It made Meredith's heart ache.

She forced a cheerful smile to her lips and turned back to face him. "If she doesn't, there are plenty of other ladies?— "

"No," Griffin breathed. "There is no other lady for me."

Meredith held her breath. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. This was too much. They needed to leave. Go back home. Pretend none of these words had ever been said.

"Do you remember what you told me that Clare said to you during your last visit?" Griffin asked, tossing a small stone in the air and catching it.

Of course she did. She'd told him that Clare thought they would end up together. Meredith had said it as if it were the most ludicrous notion in the world—she'd even used the word "ludicrous"—but she'd said it.

Meredith frowned. She had to play dumb. There was no other way out of this. "What Clare said?" She tapped her jaw with her gloved finger. "Wait a moment. Do you mean—?" Her eyes went wide.

"Yes?" he prompted, searching her face.

She cupped a hand over her mouth and did her best to feign surprise. "I can't believe I didn't see it. The answer has been right under my nose this entire time. Could it be?"

He wiped the back of his hand across his brow. "Say it," he murmured.

"Clare!" Meredith said it in the most unassuming manner she could. Of course she didn't believe for one moment it was Clare, but she had to say something to keep him from naming her. Because she couldn't allow him to say it aloud and change everything. She just couldn't.

Griffin closed his eyes briefly. "Clare?" He shook his head. "No. Not Clare."

Meredith let her face fall as if disappointed in her incorrect guess.

"No more guesses today," Griffin snapped .

Meredith was obviously pretending, but he wasn't about to force her to name herself. It had all happened too fast, been too soon. He wouldn't push any more today.

"Very well." Meredith smoothed her skirts, obviously happy to change the subject again. She expelled a long, deep breath. "Let's discuss Gemma's prospects then, shall we?"

Griffin's shoulders relaxed. An excellent idea. Gemma was a much less frustrating subject. "I saw Gemma dancing with Lord Driscoll the other night. She seemed to be enjoying herself."

Meredith shrugged. "I thought so too, but according to Gemma, he was far too loud."

Griffin furrowed his brow. "Loud?"

Meredith nodded. "Afraid so."

"I don't blame her then. Loud doesn't sound pleasant at all."

"I agree." Meredith sighed. "And spending her time chasing the debutantes out of the corners at parties is not helping Gemma make her own match. So, with your mother's blessing, I've decided to host a dinner party for her. I intend to invite the most eligible bachelors. Though it's too bad Grovemont can't attend."

"What's the matter with Grovemont?" Griffin asked, frowning.

"Apparently, he's left town to tend to his mother. She's taken quite ill, from what I understand."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Grovemont was a good man and a good friend. He was Griffin's age, so perhaps a bit old for Gemma, but she could certainly do far worse.

"Perhaps it's for the best," Meredith replied. "Besides you, Grovemont is the most eligible bachelor of the Season, and according to Gemma, Lady Mary Costner has staked her claim on him. "

Griffin winced. He didn't envy Grovemont at the moment. "Does Grovemont return Lady Mary's affections?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "For his sake, I hope not. She sounds like a monster."

"Well, with or without Grovemont, a dinner party for Gemma is an excellent idea. Thank you."

"Good. I'm glad you agree. I shall plan it for early next week. Now, we should probably be going."

Meredith looked relieved when Griffin took her elbow and led her back to where the horses were tied.

After helping her up, he boosted himself back into his saddle. "Tell me. Do you plan to return to the Onyx Club?"

This was it. An unspoken challenge. Last time they'd been at the club, they hadn't discussed whether they would see each other again. He was asking her if she wanted more. He was daring her.

And she knew it.

Meredith didn't meet his gaze. She shook out the reins and lightly kicked at her horse to begin the ride back home. But her answer was forceful. "Yes. I plan to be there next Thursday evening."