Chapter 12

Chapter

Twelve

Kathryn

" K athryn, dear, you are not concentrating." The Duchess of Lestenmeer waved the book in front of Kathryn's face.

"Oops, sorry." Kathryn shifted her focus to the duchess, who sat back in her seat with a humored smile on her face.

"And what is it that has captivated your thoughts so much?"

"No one."

"No one?" The duchess sat forward once more.

"I mean, nothing." Kathryn lied. She rearranged the books on the table in front of her, glancing around Lady Georgiana's library and remembering the last time she had been in this room.

Doctor Beille had been here then, and they'd had their little playful game between them. She thought so much of the way he'd looked with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows that it cast her thoughts back to the night before.

He was barely dressed!

Her palms were clammy just at the memory of how Doctor Beille had looked, with his hair quite wild, the neckline of his shirt open and the skin flashing on show. No wonder she had been so tempted to stay with him longer the night before. It was an indulgence, to see him so undone and unbidden, compared to how he usually was with Lady Georgiana.

"Ahem." The duchess cleared her throat and waved her hand in front of Kathryn's face another time. "I feel strange pushing such books on you to read, when I am beginning to think you may know some of their contents already." She turned over the nearest book beside her, Sense and Sensibility, by Miss Austen. "Do you know something of love, Kathryn?"

"No. Not at all." Kathryn shook her head firmly. "I have never courted, your Grace."

"That does not have to necessarily prerequisite falling in love. Yet if you insist nothing is amiss in your mind, that no one, " she paused after these words, clearly showing she had picked up on what Kathryn had said, "is on your mind, then I presume we can continue with our lesson?"

"By all means." Kathryn sat forward and straightened her spine, determined to concentrate at last.

Lady Georgiana had been most insistent over breakfast that morning on how a lady should be well read. She had even confessed to Kathryn that when she was younger, she had enjoyed reading widely, before her husband had made some comments and she'd retreated from such enjoyments. In later years, she had taken up reading widely again. She read philosophy, as much as she did novels and encouraged any woman to turn her head to political books on occasion.

"Now, these are some of the books that may be of interest to you." The Duchess of Lestenmeer pointed to a stack at the back of the table.

It reminded Kathryn of the way the books had been piled high in Doctor's Beille's rooms. They'd seemed dangerously close to toppling over, but he hadn't held himself back from adding more to those stacks. Some piled on the floor were now as tall as his chest.

"There's Plato's and Socrates' works. Have you ever read philosophy before?" The Duchess of Lestenmeer placed the books down in front of her.

"No, I have not." Kathryn opened the book by Plato and flicked through the pages. "To be honest, your Grace. This sort of thing seems rather lofty to my eyes. I am not sure I have the right mind to study the works of the philosophers."

"You would not be the first to admit it was the case." The duchess smiled softly. "Yet you seem nervous to admit it. Why is that?"

"Lady Georgiana made it clear what she expects a young lady to be, and my mother sent me here to learn such things." She closed the book and slowly lowered it back down to the table in front of her. Chewing her lip, she thought of her mother.

"What your mother thinks matters to you greatly, does it not?" the duchess asked, her voice softening.

"It does," Kathryn whispered. Feeling quite nervous, she couldn't raise her gaze to meet the duchess', and kept it down on the closed book instead. "She has always been elegant, in every way. I can only imagine sometimes what she thinks of me, when I stumble into rooms behind her and grip to chairs to stop myself from falling over."

"I see." The duchess' smile grew. "Have I told you yet about my brother, Kathryn?"

Kathryn looked up, slowly shaking his head.

"You could not find a clumsier man in your life." The duchess leaned toward Kathryn, a humored glint in her eye. "I believe he'd call you quite the amateur in your clumsiness. Chloe has become quite an expert in picking up after him after the last few years of their marriage. She's able to avoid some of his worst accidents, which believe me, can be bad at times." She laughed warmly. "Never has my brother been disparaged for such a thing though. He's an earl, has had a very successful career as a lawyer, and is highly respected. If you fear that someone will look down on you just because you trip on the corners of rugs, trust me, that is not the case."

The duchess leaned forward and tapped Kathryn's chin, urging her to raise it a little more. "Hold your head high and be proud of who you are, clumsiness and all, for there is no other like you. I am sure your mother would agree you are the perfect version of yourself."

"Am I?" Kathryn was not so convinced.

She sent me here as she wants me to be a little different.

"What are all these lessons then?" Kathryn asked with a knowing smile. "They are to change me."

"No, far from it." The duchess shook her head. "They're to give you the option to learn more, to be the woman you wish to be. You do realize at any point you could say there were things you did not wish to learn, and Lady Georgiana would take such a response into account. For instance, take these." She gestured down at the philosophical books. "What do you wish to do with these? Do you wish to read them or return them to the shelves?"

"I'd rather read something on botany," Kathryn confessed, wrinkling her nose.

"In which case, you shall." The duchess stood with the philosophy books and returned them to their shelves. She retrieved other books and returned a few minutes later, dropping down a fresh stack in front of Kathryn.

She turned the first leaf of the book, quickly reading the words on the title page. The Scientific Principles of Botany.

Kathryn smiled, both stunned and gladdened by the Duchess of Lestenmeer's words.

"All I would say is make sure you read widely," the duchess said as she sat down beside Kathryn again. "It informs your knowledge and your understanding of language, as well as the subject matter. Even if philosophy is not your thing, there are other books you can turn to. For instance, these." She pushed forward a second stack. Within were a few of her own books, and a couple by Miss Austen too, as well as the darker gothic tales by Miss Ann Radcliffe.

"Thank you." Kathryn retrieved the top book by Miss Austen and turned the cover, reading the short description of Pride and Prejudice. "I am curious…"

"What about?" the duchess asked, reaching for a teapot they had nearly forgotten about left nearby on a silver tray. She poured out two teacups, pushing one toward Kathryn and encouraging her to drink.

"The notion of love in these books," Kathryn whispered with interest. "Are they accurate, do you think?"

Her mind was elsewhere even as she asked the question. As she finished reading the description of Pride and Prejudice, Doctor Beille returned to her thoughts. The scent of tobacco and bourbon had clung close to him and the room. It was a heady scent; one she had been strangely intoxicated by. It had made her move toward him repeatedly across the room, even when she knew she should not.

"Some books, no, it is not accurate in my opinion." The duchess shook her head and lifted her teacup to her lips. "What's important to note is that love can be many different things for different people. Some are so fortunate to feel a rush of love when they first meet, that momentary excitement that blossoms into deep attachment. In my experience, love of that ilk does not occur as often as you think."

"How do you mean?" Kathryn pushed the books away, concentrating on the duchess' words.

"I mean that in my opinion, that is attraction. I have seen a lot more couples fall in love through time, shared interests, shared understandings, and above all, shared values." She smiled softly. "When two people grow to understand what one another values in this world, it offers a better compatibility than any partnership formed on momentary attraction. Some of these books understand such growing attachments, others do not."

She picked up some of her own books and placed them to Kathryn's right. With them, she added Miss Austen's Pride and Prejudice, and Sense and Sensibility too. She put together a second pile with names that were not so familiar to Kathryn.

"One side covers the matter of love very well, and the other does not." The duchess sat back and urged Kathryn to look at the books again. "You'll find in these books that friendship exists as much as being drawn to another party. When you are fortunate enough to have both in a partnership, one is lucky indeed." She smiled happily and trailed a hand across the necklace at her throat.

Distracted by that dreamy look, Kathryn stared at the duchess.

"Are you thinking of your own husband?"

"Perhaps a little," she whispered softly. "He knew me and what I desired more than anything in this world before anyone else could even begin to understand that longing. He is a part of my happiness in many ways. Why else do you think I can write such good romance books? I know what a good heart looks like."

She trailed her fingers across one of her books, making Kathryn wonder if it was her favorite of her own works.

"Now, I have told you much of my own thoughts on this matter. In return, you should share something more with me." She tapped her teacup as she raised it to her lips, offering a rather mischievous smile. "Who was it you were thinking of so intently at the beginning of this conversation?"

"Nothing. No one." Kathryn fumbled over the correct answer, bringing an even greater smile from the duchess.

"Someone has turned your head. That much I can tell." She motioned to Kathryn with the teacup.

"No one has." Kathryn looked down at the books, fearing the blush that would overtake her cheeks.

Part of her wished to dislike Doctor Beille. He had been rude to her at times, even disparaging, yet she found it made her crave his good opinion even more. That morning, she had read much of the book he had gifted to her the night before, trying to take in as much as she could from the contents so that she could soon return the book to him. Yet as she read, her distraction had only grown greater, and she thought of Doctor Beille again the night before when he'd stepped toward her in that doorway of his apartments, panicked she might be seen.

"I shall find out who it is on your mind soon enough, Kathryn. I am certain of it!" the duchess declared eagerly.

"There is no one." Kathryn's insistence clearly didn't persuade the duchess who continued to smile. Instead of saying anymore, Kathryn returned her focus to the books, deciding it was best if she no longer talked to the duchess about the notion of love at all.