CHAPTER 39

"GAbrIEL? I SAY, MAN , have you listened to a word I've uttered?" Colin said.

Gabriel shook his head and tried to focus. They were ensconced in his study, sharing a drink and having a chat. Or at least Colin was. His friend had come to visit unexpectedly, and as glad as he was for the company, his mind was not up to the task of upholding a conversation. Hannah was due to have the baby any day now, and that occupied his entire mind.

His restlessness had intensified since yesterday. Something was up. He could sense it. He almost got on a train and visited Stanhope Abbey but refrained. Surely, they would let him know when she went into labor? They may not welcome him dropping by unannounced. Hannah was anxious about the scandal, and the last thing he wanted was to cause her more concern at this delicate time.

"Forgive me, old boy. I'm not very good company today. Got a lot on my mind. You were saying?"

Colin made a dismissive gesture. "Forget about that. It's not important. What's troubling you?"

Did he dare tell him? Even though their lives had taken them in different directions for many years, and they had only just reconnected, their friendship had been forged in hardship during their time at Eton, and Gabriel knew Colin was a solid chap. Trustworthy.

Colin had proven he trusted Gabriel by coming to him for advice a few months ago, when his marriage was falling apart. He liked to think he had helped his friend back then. Now Colin and his wife were beaming with joy as they eagerly anticipated the arrival of their baby.

The similarities and differences in their situations struck him right in the heart all at once. They were both about to be fathers. But Colin was enjoying his wife's pregnancy. He was by her side. He would be able to see his child born, hold it in his arms, claim it as his. Whereas he...

"Do you remember when I told you the woman I love was expecting my child, but she's married and I can't claim it as mine?" Apparently, he had decided to confide in Colin, because the words burst out of him as if ripped from his aching chest.

His friend nodded, a slight frown of concern appearing between his brows.

"The baby is due to be born any day now. But I have received no news. I don't know how she is faring, how is the baby, even if it was born yet! I might be a father already, and I don't know. Not knowing is killing me."

"Are you able to inquire?" Colin shook his head. "Forgive me for prying, but I remember you attended a house party at the Duke of Stanhope's estate a few months ago, and I've heard some nasty rumors... Do you have anything to do with that?"

Fuck. Colin had pieced the story together. If he did, was there a chance some others might as well? He had promised Hannah he would protect her and the baby from scandal. For a moment, panic seized him. What if he failed? What if everyone found out... No. Unlikely. Colin could figure it out because he had said too much. That day, fueled by misery and alcohol, he had been indiscreet. But never again.

"I hope you realize that is strictly confidential," he replied, meeting his friend's gaze straight on. "You must not speak of this to anyone."

"I'm offended that you even think you need to tell me that."

Gabriel exhaled. "I'm sorry. It's just...It's not just me. There are more lives involved."

"I understand. Actually, no, I don't. How did you get involved in a relationship with the duchess? And how about the duke? Does he know?"

"He knows. This whole mess was his idea to begin with. He needs an heir."

Colin's frown deepened. It was obvious he was struggling to understand the context. Which was difficult to do when one didn't have all the details. Even then, it was outrageous enough to scandalize most people.

"Then maybe you could write to him? Would he allow you to meet your child once it's born?"

"I believe so. He bears no ill will against me. On the contrary..." God, this situation sounded crazier the more he tried to explain. With a heavy sigh, Gabriel decided he might as well tell Colin everything. His friend already knew more than half the story. He might as well know it all. "The duke is my natural father. That's why he asked this of me."

The full implications were there for Colin to draw conclusions. He was a bastard. The product of an illicit liaison. And now he had embroiled himself in another illicit liaison to beget a child who could not be called his. But he saw no judgment on Colin's face. Only compassion.

A few charged moments passed before Colin spoke.

"I'm sorry Gabriel. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. For everyone involved. It's inadequate, but the only advice I can think of is, try to be in your child's life somehow. As a friend of the family, an uncle..." Colin shook his head. "It's not enough. Fuck, I know it's not enough. But it's something."

Gabriel inclined his head, a sad half smile tugging the corner of his mouth. "I appreciate your advice. And your understanding. I know the situation would outrage most people. What you suggest is what I intend to do, but as you say; it's not enough."

Just then, the door to his study opened, and Thakur walked in, bearing an envelope. "Forgive the intrusion. This arrived for you just now. I figured you would want to be informed at once."

Gabriel jumped up and ripped the envelope from Thakur's hands. It was a telegram from the duke. It said only, Duchess in labor. Please visit.

He looked up, meeting Colin's gaze. "She's giving birth. I have to go."

"Wait," his friend called, and Gabriel looked back at him impatiently. "Do you know who the doctor attending her is?"

Gabriel shook his head. "I believe it's the duke's doctor. Why? What does it matter?"

"It matters. An older doctor may not be up to date with the latest advances in medicine. Many of them have been practicing for decades and are set in the old ways. We know a doctor specialized in obstetrics—that's the specialty that deals with pregnancy and childbirth. He practices sanitation and uses anesthesia to make childbearing easier. I've read some papers he has published, and I'm convinced he's a good doctor. He's the doctor Abigail plans to use. You should bring him with you... just in case."

Gabriel knew his friend was not giving empty advice. Colin was a doctor himself, and if he endorsed this fellow, he knew what he was talking about. But time was of the essence now. He wished he had known this before.

"I appreciate the information. But I don't know if this doctor would be willing or able to travel—"

"I'm sure, for a duchess, and with the right inducement, he could be persuaded to attend."

"But I need to leave immediately. I don't have time to search for this doctor."

"If you'll allow me, I'll talk to him and convince him to go to Stanhope Abbey at once."

The level of gratitude he felt towards his friend at this moment... "If you do that for me, for her, I would be eternally in your debt."

Colin shook his head, smiling. "There's no debt between friends. I'll persuade Dr. Finlay. Now go to your duchess. And godspeed."

"Thank you."

With that, Gabriel ran out of the study. His valet was waiting for him with two valises already prepared for the trip.

"How did you know...?"

"Please, my lord, let us not waste time pretending I don't know what's going on. We are going to Stanhope Abbey, yes?"

"Yes," Gabriel replied, marching towards the door. "The sooner the better."

SHE WAS SO TIRED. IT had been impossible to get much sleep last night, as the pains in her belly constantly awoke her. They had continued in the same fashion throughout the day. By late afternoon, her eyes would close of their own accord, and she would slip in and out of consciousness to the rhythm of the labor pains.

Sometimes she didn't know if she was asleep or awake. Now, as another pain ripped her from blessed unconsciousness, she thought she was still in the grip of a dream. Or perhaps hallucinating. Because when she opened her eyes, she saw Gabriel sliding into her room from the door that connected it with Harold's suite. The sight produced a jolt of joy, followed by profound sadness, because, of course, it wasn't real. He couldn't possibly be here.

She closed her eyes again and whimpered through the pain. Not for the first time since the labor ordeal began, her eyes flooded and tears escaped from her closed eyelids. As she withstood the ravages of the cramp that seized her belly every few minutes, she almost welcomed the pain. At least it gave her an excuse for crying, as she couldn't very well reveal the true reason; that she needed Gabriel by her side.

Strong arms enfolded her, and she inhaled his familiar scent. The rush of relief had her hiccupping and sobbing harder. She had not imagined it, he was real! Against all odds, he was here with her. Now all would be well.

"I'm sorry, my love, so sorry you have to go through this. I would give anything to spare you this suffering."

As the pain eased, she pulled back in his arms to look at him, and a tremulous smile stretched her lips. He looked rumpled and weary from traveling. But she had never beheld a more welcome sight.

"You are here," she said at last, touching his face. "I've needed you here... so much."

"I would have been here sooner if I had known. I haven't stopped thinking about you for even a moment." His eyes roamed her face, her body. Anxiously looking for reassurance that she was well.

"How are you feeling? Has it been awful?"

"It's not pleasant, but so far bearable. Just... exhausting. I want it to be over. I want to have the baby already. Why can't I give birth? I've seen sheep do it. It doesn't seem that complicated. Why can't I be as efficient as a sheep?" she finished in a small voice. She sounded like a child, but at this point she was past caring.

"Because you are not a sheep," he said, giving her a twisted smile and smoothing her hair from her forehead.

She had discarded the neat cap they had placed on her yesterday, and her hair was now a wild mass strewn haphazardly across the pillow. She must look a fright. But Gabriel was looking at her with infinite tenderness, his caress of her forehead a balm that eased her discomfort.

"I'm afraid." She had not admitted this even to herself, but with Gabriel, it rushed out of her tight chest. Another pain seized her, and she gripped his hand as she endured it. He provided a solid strength to hold on to in a sea of pain.

"Don't be afraid, my darling. You will be fine, I promise. A London doctor is due to arrive at any moment. He will give you something for the pain and will make you comfortable. You'll see. Soon you'll be holding your baby in your arms."

He made everything seem possible. Her eyes closed on that lovely image, still holding on to Gabriel's hand.