Fullepub 
Epilogue
epilogue
June 5, 2020
Sorry we’re late,” Diane said, setting the two bottles of wine she was carrying on the counter. “Terri’s appointment ran over.”
Ryan was standing in front of the stove in the kitchen sautéing garlic and onions. Jazz played softly from Lexie’s old turntable in the living room. Candles glowed and flickered around the room.
Pig was curled up on one of the kitchen chairs, keeping his eye on us, on me in particular.
“How’d it go?” Ryan asked, stepping away from the stove to give his mother a hug and kiss on the cheek.
“Great,” Terri said. “He says to keep doing what I’m doing and not change a thing.”
“And he agrees that a month in Spain is a wonderful idea,” Diane added, stepping up behind Terri and wrapping her arms around her. “I think he was a little jealous that we didn’t invite him along.”
“I’m a little jealous you didn’t invite me along,” Ryan teased.
Diane and Terri looked so happy together. I was thrilled they were going to Spain and loved listening to them plan their itinerary and practice the Spanish they’d been learning. Viajo a españa con mi amada.
“Smells amazing,” Diane said, peering into the pot Ryan was stirring.
Friday dinners at Sparrow Crest had become a tradition over the last few months. Sometimes, when she was up to it, Shirley joined in. My father and Vanessa had come up from Florida to stay a couple of times and planned on a longer trip this fall. They’d gotten married, of all the crazy things, and adopted a one-eyed pug to go with their one-eyed cat.
Ryan got down glasses while Diane opened the wine. She poured everyone a glass, then settled in at the table, leaning in to whisper something that made Terri blush. I glanced out the window, through my own reflection, at the pool. It shimmered there in the darkness, beautiful and waiting.
Dinner, as usual, was perfect. Diane and Terri went upstairs to bed a little after eleven, and Ryan stayed until midnight, cleaning up.
Then I stood in the hallway, watching him pull out of the long driveway.
I always felt a stab of regret when I saw his taillights move down the street, toward town and his well-lit house, his alarm clock waiting to wake him at five to get to the bakery.
I went to my room in the dark, knowing the way by heart. Moonlight filtered in through the windows. I looked at the Lexie painting that hung on the wall above the dresser. The pool and Lexie. Each reflected in each other so perfectly. Together they went on into infinity. I laid down on top of the covers, listening to the house breathe and shift and settle around me.
My great-grandparents built this house to keep their little girl alive. They would have sacrificed anything, gone to any lengths, to keep her with them. They made a pact with the springs to keep her safe. Gram’s whole life revolved around Sparrow Crest and the pool. She was trapped, yes, but she must have been so grateful for all she had. And heartbroken by all that had been taken. Heartbroken enough to walk away knowing it would kill her.
Me, I was too heartbroken to walk away at all.
I tapped on the bedroom wall. You and me, Jax, we’re like twins. Yin and yang. One can’t exist without the other.
She tapped back. Once, twice, three times.
I heard her bedroom door creak open and footsteps in the hall.
I closed my eyes. Listened as my door opened and she walked into my room, stood above my bed. I could hear her breathing. Smell the tang of minerals, the dampness, that green primordial scent. She smelled like wishes. Like birth and death. Like possibility.
“Open your eyes,” Lexie said. “The dead have nothing to fear.”
But she was wrong. There was a lot I feared. Most of all, these moments, when she’d come to fetch me, to pull me out of the land of the living and back into the pool. I was just an imposter here. I could only come out of the water at night, in the dark. Sometimes they could see me—Shirley always did, though she wouldn’t speak to me in front of the others. Diane saw me occasionally, I was sure of it—but always pretended she didn’t.
Whether they saw me or not, I always, always pretended I was still one of them.
The night I drowned, I realized that Lexie was right—we both got our wishes.
She wished to have me back. I wished to have her back.
The X girls, always and forever.
I opened my eyes, took her hand.
And together we walked out of my room, down the steps, through the front hall, past the cross-stitch—To err is human, to forgive, divine—and out to the pool.
We slipped into the black water.
Two dead girls, side by side.
Alone, but together.
