20. Valerie

"Lovely, huh?" Val stepped out of the hospital bathroom and did a little turn in front of Raina to show off the cotton gown she'd just tied. "Blue herringbone is my color, don't you think?"

"Very flattering and comfy." Raina smiled, her gaze as warm and calming as it had been since they left the house to drive an hour south to the Mayo Clinic medical complex in Jacksonville.

From the moment they'd gotten up before sunrise, Raina exuded that air of a woman who seemed to have everything under control. She'd nursed the babies and handed them over to Chase with a minimum amount of instructions and worry. It had to be said: the man was as competent as any father.

Of course, there would be backup coming to the house throughout the day with a schedule of sisters and parents, but Val wasn't even sure Chase needed the help.

As she climbed back onto the hospital bed where she had been told to wait, Val couldn't help wondering if her own son—the real father—would be so cool, calm, and collected in the face of day-long babysitting duty. Jack would blow a gasket and pay professionals.

Raina peeked at her phone when it vibrated, laughing softly.

"He sent a video of Charlie smacking her lips. Look." She held her phone out, but Val was too preoccupied to fuss over infant antics.

"Don't be nervous," Raina said for the zillionth time.

"Really? They're sticking some untested nano-nano thing in my head, and I'm supposed to be all zen about it?" She choked a laugh. "Get real, Raina."

"First of all, nothing is going in your head. You're going to roll out of here with a team of experts who will run you through the usual things—blood pressure, vitals, etc. Then they'll give you something wonderful that will feel like you had two margaritas. After that, they'll inject you intravenously and no one will leave your side until it's over in less than an hour. Then—"

"Then I might be dead.'

"Val."

"You know it's true. I could die in the first five minutes. I could be allergic to this medication. I could go into ana…ballistic shock."

Raina chuckled. "Anaphylactic."

"Whatever. It could go awry. Don't give me that look, Raina. You know it and I know it and the lawyers who made me sign my life away also know it."

She shuddered out a breath. "But Jack and Eileen don't know it."

"Raina," Val said with no small amount of impatience in her voice. "I told you that I will call both of them when this is over."

"But they're your kids. They deserve to know you're here today."

"They don't deserve anything," Val shot back, hearing the vitriol in her voice and not caring. "Eileen wasn't interested in my sickness and Jack threw me out of the house."

"That's not quite what happened," Raina said, sitting forward. "You never mentioned you were sick to Eileen and Jack—"

"Jack told me I couldn't stay with him. You can't spin that any nicer than it is."

Raina huffed and fell back against the chair. "I followed your wishes, Val, and didn't contact either of them. But I don't like it at all. If something…" Her voice trailed off.

"So much for Margaritaville, eh, Raina? You're as worried as I am." Val narrowed her eyes and pointed to her. "If I live, I'll call my kids tonight. If I die, then—"

The door popped open and a woman entered the room, silencing Val. Oh, it was the knockout doctor herself. And on her heels, Justin Verona.

"Well, hello, Val," Dr. Z said. "How are we feeling?"

"Like a guinea pig going to the slaughter." She slid a look to Raina to finish the conversation. "Don't call them while I'm in there unless you have to, do you understand?"

Raina nodded as she stood to give Justin a hug.

"Dr. Z, this is Raina Wingate, Tori's sister."

While they did the introductions and made small talk, Val eyed the woman who held her life in her hands. She looked bright and sharp and not at all like she planned to kill Val that day.

"Are you ready, Val?" Dr. Z asked.

She nodded, realizing her throat was thick with emotion. "Are you?" she croaked.

"Very much so. The team is already in the infusion center and the nurses are on their way to take you there. Do you have any questions for me?"

"Will I live?" she asked without hesitation.

For a moment, no one said a word, then Justin stepped closer and took Val's hand. "The goal is to give you many more healthy and happy years, Val. The best doctors and researchers in the world are going to do everything in their power to make that happen."

Val sighed, knowing that no one could really say what would happen.

"I will be in the room every minute," he added. "You will be groggy, and you might not remember much, but you're in good hands."

He gave her hand a squeeze and said something to Raina as the other doctor came closer to her bed. She flipped out a penlight and looked in Val's eyes, then turned it off and patted her shoulder.

"I have a good feeling about this," Dr. Z said. "And you should, too. The nurses are here to give you a sedative. Raina, you can say goodbye now."

The way she said it was so…serious and formal. Raina's expression changed, too, as she stepped next to the bed.

"I'll see you in a little while, Val."

Would she? Would Val ever see this woman again? She opened her mouth to try and thank her for all she'd done, but a nurse was suddenly on the other side, and they were hustling about and hooking up an IV and Raina stepped back, her eyes filled with unexpected tears.

The tears of a daughter, Val thought. "Raina…" She reached out her hand.

"Good luck, Val!" She blew a kiss and slipped out of the room, leaving Val with strangers and needles and a lot of fear.

One nurse chattered on about the IV bag, but the other must have noticed Val's distress.

"Are you a praying woman?" the nurse asked gently, her doe-like brown eyes full of kindness.

"Who wouldn't be at a time like this?"

The nurses both chuckled.

"Well, I am," Doe Eyes said. "Can I pray with you while we walk down the hall?"

"Yes, please."

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name."

She listened to the whispered words as they rolled along, thinking about that Father who art in heaven. Was she about to meet him? And what would he say? Welcome aboard or… head south, my friend?

By the time she reached the part about delivery from evil, Val started feeling a little woozy. When a set of double doors opened, she was vaguely aware that she'd been taken to a room that was like an OR, but wasn't one at all. There was a window and she stared out at a blue, blue sky with one big puffy cloud.

Our Father, who art…right up there where I might be going…will You take me if I show up in the next couple of minutes?

"Val, you can just relax now and…"

The voice faded out and she slipped into a twilight sleep that was blue and gentle and floaty and very, very sweet. It was like water and air and sunshine all over her.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done…

Oh, she wished she knew if it was His will for her to die now, in five months, or…someday a long time from now. She didn't want to die. Oh, God, she didn't want to—

The voices were soft,hushed, and feminine. A little whisper, a soft laugh.

Laughter was good. They wouldn't laugh if she had died, right? Maybe they would. Maybe she'd gone to heaven and all they did was laugh.

"Val?"

Raina. That was Raina. Dear, darling Raina, who was as much a daughter as Eileen and even more—

"You can open your eyes now, Val."

A man. That was the one they called… "Hottypants," she murmured.

That got a big laugh, enough for her to open her eyes and look right into the dark ones of the beautiful doctor with those fascinating features.

"Not sure anyone's ever called me that," Dr. Z joked softly.

"It's a very good sign," Justin said, leaning over her. "It shows her memory is sharp." He grinned. "And she still has that edge we all know and love."

Did she? Was she alive? In one piece? Thinking straight and fighting for life?

As her vision cleared, she shifted her gaze to see Raina standing behind the others, a huge smile on her face.

"Come here," Val managed to say, lifting her hand.

She did, stepping next to Justin and reaching for Val. "Hey, there, gorgeous," Raina said softly. "You made it."

"I made it," she agreed on a sigh.

"How do you feel?"

Val blinked, considering the question. "Alive and…hopeful."

There were smiles all around the bed and once again, Val lost her opportunity to tell Raina exactly what she meant to her. After that, there were a few more tests, more X-rays and CT scans. She was wheeled here, scanned there, peered at and poked and asked everything from her birthplace to the name of the President of the United States.

Over and over, they said everything looked good, even her "high-quality" tumor. Now all the nanos had to do was…work.

Finally, after what felt like hours, Raina pulled her fancy sedan to the front of the building and Val practically crawled in, so tired she could barely keep her eyes open.

Raina chatted happily as she drove, finishing one call and stabbing her steering wheel to tell her dashboard to make another, talking to everyone on speaker phone. Chase, first, of course, because he was practically her husband.

Then Tori, then Rose, her mother and dad, her assistant, another sister or three, then she let out a big sigh and threw a look to Val.

"Is there anyone you want to call?" she asked with plenty of purpose in her voice.

"Now? I'm going to tell my kids I have an inoperable brain tumor now?" She grunted. "I promise you they're too busy. Eileen is driving those kids somewhere, back and forth, from one thing to the next. I don't want one of them to hear it in the car if she uses one of these." She flicked her finger at the radio, which is where she assumed speakers were. "Jack is probably showing a mansion or closing a deal or…or boinking that bimbo."

Raina snorted.

"Sorry. I know you were married to him."

"Hey, he's your son, but Val, you have to tell your kids what's going on. If not now—I can tell you're wiped out—then tonight, after dinner."

She shifted in her seat and touched her arm, still sore from the many needles it had met today. "Maybe tomorrow."

"Maybe tonight. Tomorrow, you have to go to Justin's office, remember? He needs to run a few tests before the twenty-four—"

Val held up her hand to quiet Raina. "Okay. Tonight. But, Raina, I have to say something to you."

Raina shot her a look, no doubt hearing the rare soft and serious side of Val when she was so used to the snarky and sarcastic side.

"Are you okay?" she asked, nothing but genuine concern in her voice.

"That," Val whispered. "That right there is what I want to talk to you about."

"What? What did I do? Am I asking if you're okay too much? 'Cause that can get annoying. I remember when I was preg—"

"Raina!"

She shut up, stealing one more look away from the highway, silent.

"You asking me if I'm okay is…" She rooted for the right word. Kind? Authentic? Touching? Revealing? It was all those things, but mostly it was… "Beautiful," she whispered after a beat.

"Oh." Raina's brows lifted. "Really?"

Val took a moment to center herself. "You are a very…good woman," she started. "And I am…not." She said the last word on a laugh, holding up a hand to stop Raina's argument. "I mean that I have not been good to you. I resented that Jack loved you so much when you met. I wasn't ready for him to love another woman. I know that sounds weird, but ask any mother of a son."

Raina nodded, driving, watching the road, but Val saw her swallow and knew her words were finding their mark.

"And I was not a nice mother-in-law," she confessed. "I made an artform out of pointing out your flaws to Jack, and moaned constantly about how much you worked, and yes, oh, God, yes. I blamed those miscarriages on you."

Her voice cracked with the threat of tears, so she shifted in her seat and took a steadying breath.

"Really, Val, I know—"

"Please, Raina. Let me do what God told me to do from the minute I opened His book. Well, the second half. It's what He says we have to do—repent. I never knew what that word meant. I thought it was just something loud preachers demanded as they smacked the pulpit at church."

"It does sound like that," Raina agreed softly.

"But it means not only to be sorry, I've learned, but to change. To quit what you did and do something entirely different."

Raina nodded. "I like that," she said. "Sometimes it isn't enough to say you're sorry."

"But sometimes, it's all you've got," Val said gruffly. "So, Raina, I am very, very sorry for the times I cut you with words or judgment or dirty looks or rolled eyes."

Raina smiled and reached for Val's arm. "It's okay."

"It's not okay," Val insisted. "It was wrong and mean and…and…I'm ashamed I acted like that…" The tears won and a sob tore from her throat.

"Oh, Val—"

"No, Raina. You're so good! I missed the best part of Jack's life—being married to you—while I was so busy sniping at you. And I don't deserve this kindness." The words were strangled. "I can never thank you for what you've done."

"You don't have to, Val," Raina whispered, turning onto the beach highway and surprising Val when she realized they were almost home. "And if it helps? I completely forgive you."

She shuddered with the next round of tears. "It helps," she managed to say. "And it humbles me."

"Val. Don't cry. This was one of the best days of your life."

"But there might be a better one," she said.

"Yes!" Raina agreed. "When we get the report that your little blueberry is now a pea? It's like reverse pregnancy! We'll get to nothing!"

"From your lips to God's ears, honey," Val said, letting a laugh replace the hurting heart. "And yes, I will tell Jack and Eileen. But not now, Raina. I'm done and need nothing but rest and maybe to hold a baby or two."

"Perfect timing," Raina said, pulling into the beach house driveway. "Because we are home where that and more awaits."

Val turned to Raina, the echo of that one important word still in the car. "Home?"

"Here. At The Sanctuary," Raina said. "Did you know that this house has a name? Have you ever seen it on the street? Whoever owned it before Chase called it that. Good name, don't you think? It's been a sanctuary."

"Oh, yes," Val sighed as they parked. "But I can't stay here forever, Raina. And what if I do live? I didn't plan on that!"

Raina laughed as she pulled into the garage. "And that, my friend, is what they call a high-quality problem. Stay there. I'll come around and get you."

Val closed her eyes for a moment, so grateful to be home, except…she couldn't stay here forever. If she got well, and this worked, she literally had nowhere to go. She had money and maybe could get something small, but—

Raina opened the door, eyeing her. "Stop worrying," she said, reaching for her hand. "We'll figure it out."

"God bless you, Raina," she whispered, and never meant it more.

The door to the kitchen opened and Chase came out to walk her into a house that smelled like a fine Italian restaurant.

"Pasta is comfort food," he said. "The babies are upstairs asleep, and I turned on the fireplace so you can rest in the living room, unless you want to go to bed."

"Oh, good. I like that silly fake fireplace," she said, letting him lead her to the L-shaped sectional in the middle of the room.

Raina was right behind them, finding a blanket, encouraging Val to take off her shoes, fluffing pillows, and offering tea.

"I feel like a princess," Val said, waving off the attention.

But before they answered, the soft cry of one baby was followed by the more boisterous one of another coming from the baby monitor in the kitchen.

"I'll get them," Raina said. "I'm sure they missed me and, whoa, I need to nurse them."

"Let me get them," Chase said. "You get comfortable and settle in here with Val."

"Okay." She turned to Chase and reached for his hand, and for a moment, Val thought they were going to kiss.

But they didn't, only shared a warm look, then Chase disappeared upstairs, and they could hear him use his "baby voice" through the monitor.

"You know what?" Val asked.

"What's that?" Raina kicked off her shoes and dropped her purse on the sofa, digging through it to find her phone.

"You should marry him."

She looked up. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. A blind woman could see you belong with him and—"

Her voice was cut off by the sound of a car screaming into the driveway and coming to a screeching halt.

"Hold that thought," Raina said, pointing at her. "Someone's here and they're anxious to see you."

A loud footfall hit the patio, followed by a noisy fist pounding on the door.

"Raina! Raina, let me in!"

Both women gasped in horror.

"Is that…Jack?" Raina whispered, frozen in place.

"What?" Chills danced up Val's spine. "Jack? My Jack?"

"Well, Val," Raina said softly, looking confused and worried. "I guess you're telling him tonight. Right now, as a matter of fact."

Val groaned and dropped her head back, dreading this more than anything she'd endured at the hospital today.