11. Tori

Atext from Raina pulled Tori's attention from her paperwork, and the words she read brought her right to the present moment. She looked around the loft where she'd set up an office, realizing that she'd been so lost in inventory, menu plans, and payroll that she'd forgotten the time. Justin had come up, talked for a while, and told her to get him when she was ready to go to Raina's.

That was…almost an hour ago?

Flipping her laptop closed, she pushed up and headed toward the stairs, cocking her ear to hear any conversation between Finn and Justin. Her son was supposed to be doing schoolwork at the kitchen table, so maybe that was why it was quiet.

But she did hear…something.

Frowning, she walked downstairs and turned into the kitchen, spying Finn's books and papers, but nothing—and no one—else. The entire living area was visible in the open concept layout, so it wasn't like they were watching TV or…

She heard muffled voices, a loud grunt, distant laughter…from the backyard?

She walked to the sliders that led to the screened-in pool area, but all was quiet out there, the small fountain bubbling, a pool noodle floating on the water's surface. She slid the door open, and the voices became louder, though still not an actual conversation.

She heard Justin's voice, though she couldn't make out the words, then nothing…but maybe another grunt.

Where were they, and what were they doing?

On the patio, she opened the screen door, following the sounds coming from the rarely used side yard, hidden by hibiscus shrubs. Rounding the tall bushes, she stood frozen in shock at the sight in front of her.

Both of them were shirtless, sweating in the sun. Justin was crouched down, one leg extended to the side in a half-split. His arms were stretched in opposite directions, his head high, his back as straight as if he had a yardstick against it.

Finn was in the same pose—more or less—struggling to hold himself up.

"Now jump," Justin said, popping to his feet in a smooth, fast move. Then he whipped his body in a 360-degree circle, leg in the air, and dropped back down to the same half-split on the other side.

Finn tried to do the same and failed miserably—kind of like Tori as she attempted to find her voice.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," she managed, taking a step forward.

Instantly, both of them turned to her, Justin still standing perfectly straight, perspiration glistening on his bare torso. Finnie, on the other hand, fell on his behind, and his eyes widened with a guilty look that only moms knew so well.

"What are you doing?" She directed the question to Justin because, really, that's who was at fault here.

"I was just showing Finn some moves."

"Some martial arts moves?" She lifted both brows in question. "The ones I said no to?"

"Mom, we're just—"

"Yes," Justin said. "No one is hitting anyone or anything, Tori. I'm teaching him the five most fundamental Shaolin stances. No different than if he were in a yoga class."

"Except yoga isn't violent."

"Neither is this, Mom. Justin, show her the horse drop. It's so cool to—"

"No." Tori held up her hand, a little surprised to see it trembling. "What part of that word don't either of you understand?"

They shared a look, suitably sheepish.

"We need to go to Raina's, Justin," she said softly, tamping down her disappointment that he'd directly contradict what she'd asked of him.

"I was giving you time to finish your paperwork." Turning to Finn, he held out his knuckles for a tap. "Good work, kid." Then he stepped back and bowed, muttering something that sounded like…Chinese?

Finn did an awkward half-bow back, fighting a smile.

Justin scooped up a T-shirt he'd dropped on the grass. "I'm going to grab a quick shower," he said to Tori. "Five minutes, tops. Then we can run over to Raina's."

As he walked by her, he smiled, an apology and ever so slight bit of amusement in his eyes.

She heard the patio screen door close, then turned to her son, who was pulling a T-shirt over his fairly scrawny chest.

"It's really cool, Mom—"

"Finn, why would you agree to that when you know I'm opposed to fighting?"

"Because Justin's right. It's not really fighting. It's…posing. It's strong. It made me feel cool."

She closed her eyes and bit back the fight. This whole situation had been unfair to him, and he didn't have to be in the middle of her disagreement with Justin.

"We're going over to my sister's to—"

"Can I come?" Finn asked. "I finished every stupid bit of school stuff, and I'm bored out of my mind. I'd love to hit the beach at Aunt Raina's house while you talk or whatever."

"You're suspended."

"From going anywhere with you and Justin?"

"From going to the beach." Even as she said the words, she knew they weren't rational. She knew he hadn't started the fight but had been unfairly targeted. The punishment was over the top, but she didn't want him to undermine the principal's authority and position, either.

"It's fine, Mom," he said after a beat. "Am I suspended from video games, too? 'Cause I'll read or something—"

"No, no," she said on a sigh. "Come with us. See the babies. Say hit to Aunt Raina. And if you want to take a run on the beach or something, I'll consider that exercise and it'll count as your PE class."

"You want exercise? Try the Gong Bu. I'm butchering that, but it makes you feel…stretched."

She felt plenty stretched right then. "Finn, listen to me. I consider any kind of martial arts a form of violence, so—"

"It's not violent, Mom! It's self-control and—"

"Finn."

He held up a hand. "Got it. Lemme go clean up and I'll go with you guys."

Tori followed him inside and went upstairs to the main suite, sitting on the bed while Justin finished his shower. Listening to the water, she closed her eyes and tried to remember if they'd ever had a real fight.

Not once. They disagreed, they didn't see everything eye-to-eye, but in the time they'd been together—not quite a year—they hadn't argued. That was so different from her only other serious relationship, with Trey Hathaway. During their marriage, they fought often and hard.

But not Tori and Justin. And that was remarkable, because they'd been through a lot. They'd met when her father was clinging to life and her whole family was rocked by the fear of losing him. Their second encounter was on the wharf when a café employee nearly assaulted her, and he saved her.

With his martial arts, a little voice in her head reminded her.

Since then, they'd faced down Trey to get Finn out of a hellacious season of non-stop baseball, they'd enjoyed a divine summer romance, and they'd been separated for months while she wrapped up her life in Boston and fought for a new custody arrangement.

Now, he was living on his sailboat—by choice and out of respect—while she and the kids lived in the beautiful home that he'd bought.

Plenty of stress. Plenty of tension. Plenty of opportunities for fighting, but they didn't take them. Until this.

What was really at the root of her feelings about this?

Justin stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in khaki shorts and a T-shirt, his hair wet, a question in his eyes. She imagined that question echoed the one she'd just asked herself.

"You good, Tori?" he asked.

She nodded and swallowed, swamped by how much she didn't want to fight with him.

"I'm sorry," he said, coming closer to sit next to her. "I can give you a list of reasons, but I should have asked you first."

All she could do was close her eyes, because an apology like that? It softened her. Turned her into actual mush and made her putty in his hands. She never got apologies from Trey, only counterpunches and excuses, blame laid on others, and nasty words.

Not from Justin, not ever. So why was she sabotaging things over something like this?

"Here's the thing," she said in a surprisingly raspy voice. "Trey had a temper. A hot, fast, insanely short fuse and it frequently ended with his fist moving through the air. Not always into someone's face, thank God, or a wall. But he couldn't control that response to life. I don't know when that started for him, but my guess is that it first showed up during puberty. I don't want that for Finn."

"I understand that," Justin said. "And while I believe a tendency to violence is more likely learned behavior than anything one inherits, there are certainly chemicals and hormones in the brain, especially an undeveloped pre-frontal cortex, that could be baked into his DNA and make him respond like his father."

"Ah, there's the neurologist I know and love."

He leaned in. "If that's the case," he continued, "it's best if he has tools to manage that. Like the control of a Shaolin monk."

"I thought monks took vows of silence and wrote out the Bible."

He laughed. "There's the smart-aleck I know and love. Those were Benedictine monks. Shaolin's core tenet is kindness and compassion."

"And kicking the other guy in the face."

"And letting the other guy know you could kick him in the face," he corrected. "Big difference. It's also about discipline, which got me through eons of medical school, brutal residencies, and all my training."

She nodded. "And you were twice Finn's age, or more."

He regarded her for a moment. "I don't think what's really bothering you is Finn controlling himself as much as you—and not me—controlling Finn."

"What do you mean?"

"You're his parent, Tori. I'm…not anything."

She laughed softly. "I wouldn't go that far. You're something." She touched his cheek. "Something special, even when I'm really mad at you like I am right now."

He angled his head, kissing the palm of her hand. "I understand that you're mad. I didn't mean to go behind your back. We started talking about it and I thought I would teach him a few…" He let his voice fade out. "Anyway, I'm not his mentor or teacher or father or stepfather."

"That's the problem."

He inched back, searching her expression, clearly uncertain how to respond.

"The thing is, Justin, you and I are…getting somewhere. We aren't exactly sure where, yet, but we are all in for the ride. However, I'm bringing passengers. And I don't want them to get hurt."

"Do you think I'm going to hurt you, Tori?"

"I don't know, and that's fine. But it isn't fine for them."

Exhaling, he shook his head. "I'm not sure what to say to that. If you don't trust me—"

"I do, but anything could happen. You could meet someone—"

He gave her a "get real" look.

"Or you could get offered a dream job in another state, and I'm not moving them again."

He tipped his head. "I've fended off a few offers—I got another call last week from my friend Dr. Zakarian, looking to fill a research slot in Minnesota—and one of the big reasons I say no is…" He lifted her hand and kissed it. "You. And them."

"Minnesota?" She wrinkled her nose at the thought of him being that far away.

"I know, right? It's not for me. But…you are."

Once again, her insides went gooey. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "They're my kids and I can't help wanting to protect them. From any harm—to their bodies in martial arts or their hearts if they lose another father figure."

A few heartbeats passed, then he stood up, and nodded. "I understand. I don't know how to convince you otherwise, but you have every right to feel that way. Come on, let's go to Raina's."

Standing, she nodded. "Where you can go back to being a neurologist. She texted me that her former mother-in-law has admitted to having a brain tumor."

He froze, brows furrowed. "Excuse me?"

"Inoperable."

"Jeez." He shook his head. "Talk about burying the lede, Tori. Let's get over there."

When they turnedin at Raina's house, Tori wasn't completely surprised that her sister met them in the driveway. She had a baby in her arms, but looked as though she'd been waiting to brief them before they even walked in. She also looked like she'd put some makeup on, brushed her long hair into a pretty ponytail, and finally abandoned the yoga pants and baggy T-shirt for cute capris and a button-down cotton top.

She greeted them all with a hug and a hello, then angled the infant for them all to appreciate Lily's total cuteness. She only teased Finn a little bit about being home in the middle of a school day, and he gave a chastised hang to his head.

"Is this Thing One or Thing Two, Aunt Raina?" he asked, peeking at the baby.

"This is Lily, and we've dropped the old nicknames. Mostly." She pressed a kiss on the baby's cue-ball bald head. "She came first, so I guess that makes her Thing One. But I'll tell you, it's a good thing they aren't identical, because they've switched personalities and now Lily has discovered her demanding little lungs and Charlie is the perfect baby."

"Where is Charlie?" Tori asked.

"Sleeping, as perfect babies do. And being watched by Grandma Val." She glanced at Finn, and Tori instantly read the situation.

"Hey, Finnie," she said, elbowing her son. "You can hit the beach for a while, but don't post any selfies or I'll be back in Principal Addler's office before you can say sus-pen-sion."

He laughed and took off around the house, jogging toward the beach.

"Thank you for coming, Justin," Raina said, her expression turning serious. "I suppose Tori told you that Val's admitted the truth to me."

He nodded. "Two very unwelcome words in the neurology world—‘inoperable tumor.' I'm sure she's wrecked."

"Not really as much as you'd think," Raina said, glancing over her shoulder. "She seems to have accepted her fate, but refuses to do anything about it. I originally wanted you to come over so you could draw it out of her. She realized I'd put a few clues together already and told me. She agreed to talk to you, but it doesn't sound like there's much you can do."

"Has she mentioned the name of her doctor?" Justin asked.

"No, but I saw she got a call from Dr. Phillip Nystrom."

"Ah." He lifted his brows. "Neurosurgeon. I've read some of his papers and know how good he is."

Raina made a face. "So, a second opinion probably isn't going to change things."

"Certainly not from me, without any tests or documentation," he said. "I'm not a surgeon, but I'll talk to her. It can't hurt, and I know what she's facing. Also, I'd never rule out anything."

"Oh." Raina put a hand on his arm. "That's what I love to hear. Come on, I'll introduce you."

They went inside and found Val at the kitchen table, watching over a sleeping Charlie in her carrier.

After introductions, baby-related small talk, and some coffee and waters poured, Justin suggested he and Val take a few moments in the living room to chat privately. No mention of why, which was classy and kind. After they left, Raina turned to Tori with her eyes bright.

"Did you hear him? He doesn't rule out anything."

"He's not a miracle worker, Rain," Tori said, already sensing that was what her sister was looking for. "But maybe he can make her feel better. Although…" She winced. "I don't know how."

Raina's eyes closed on a sigh. "I know. It's brutal. And Jack, the world's worst son and ex-husband, still hasn't called me back. Val doesn't even want her kids to know. Can you imagine?" Raina leaned over Charlie, who was currently gazing in wonder at a soft light on a chandelier. "I will tell you everything, my little baby doll! Even the bad news. Although, I hope it's not this bad," she added sadly.

"Come on, let's go sit on the deck," Tori said, glancing toward the kitchen. "I want to talk to you. I need a miracle of my own."

Raina gestured toward the carriers. "Grab a kid and let's go."

They settled at the patio table, but before she sat down, Tori frowned at what she saw on the table. "Reading the Good Book, Rain?"

"Val is," she said. "I guess an inoperable tumor will do that to you."

"Poor lady. She seems nicer than I remember." Tori pointed to the Bible. "That book must really work."

"She is nicer than you remember," Raina confirmed. "She's mellowed a lot and isn't so negative and judgmental. My heart aches for her and I wish we could do something to give her hope."

Tori nodded, imagining knowing death was not far off, and she shivered. "It gives you perspective, doesn't it?" She scanned the sand and spotted Finn—doing those moves again. "Why is he…" She grunted and caught herself. "Perspective. Right."

"What's going on with you?" Raina asked as she adjusted the sun umbrella to shade the babies, then she looked up and followed Tori's gaze. "Oh, I see the martial arts thing hasn't been put to bed."

"No, and we had more…words."

"Another fight?"

"We don't fight," Tori insisted. "And that's the thing. The man is so reasonable it hurts."

"Speaking of things that hurt…" Raina pointed at Finn, who spun on hard sand and awkwardly tumbled to his knees. "It doesn't look too violent, unless you're worried he'll sprain his ankle or die of embarrassment."

"I'm worried that this is deeper. Forget my little kung fu panda. This is about taking risks in love and who gets hurt."

"Whoa." Raina dropped into the other chair and looked hard at Tori. "How'd we go there?"

"You know. You and I talked about it last night. We're not…committing. That's mutual, I'd say. Maybe more on my side than his."

"You don't want to be Mrs. Hottypants?"

Tori smiled. "I don't know if I want to be Mrs. Anybody ever again but while I'm deciding, my kids are falling for him."

"Better than if they hated him."

"Oh, yes," Tori said without hesitation. "How could you? He's rock-solid and smart and fun and caring and perfect and I cannot believe I found him in the hospital hallway."

Raina gave her the cocked eyebrow she had perfected when she was little, right around the time she realized how smart she was. "And the problem is…"

"I guess I'm scared," Tori said. "I blew my last marriage, Rain. Blew it to smithereens. What if I do that again?"

"Um, Tori, your husband cheated on you. So did mine. That's not blowing anything. The fault rests on him, not you." She leaned forward. "You can trust this man."

"I know, I know." She sighed again, watching Finn run a little, then plop down on the sand and start scrolling through his phone.

"So much for Shaolin," Raina said, seeing the same thing. "The phone is stronger than the Force, I guess."

"It's so complicated for me," Tori said, not really hearing Raina's joke. "I mean, Madeline is getting married. She barely knows the guy—and I know they dated or whatever back in the Dark Ages, but let's be real. They've basically known each other for a little more than a month. Grace and Isaiah only started seeing each other around the same time I met Justin. Chloe and Travis seem pretty serious, too. And I just know Sadie's falling for the cookie guy."

"I think she is, too," Raina agreed. "Love is in the air."

Tori turned to her. "Here, too? Chase?"

The slightest flush deepened Raina's cheeks. "It's too early and our circumstances are weird," she said. "If I'm being a hundred percent honest? I could love him. I kind of already do, but with the babies and all, and now Val…" She shrugged. "We're in no rush."

"And I didn't think we were, either," Tori said. "But what are we doing, just…dating? What example is that setting for Kenzie?"

"That it takes time to nurture true love?"

Tori considered that, but it was deeper. "She's scared—terrified, actually—that we're going to break up. She needs reassurance that she isn't going to go through it all again."

"Let him help you be a family, Tori," Raina said softly. "I honestly think that's what he wants. And so do they. And so do you."

She turned to look at her sister—always wise and always solving problems. "You might be right."

The French doors opened, ending the conversation as they turned to see Justin walk out to join them on the deck.

"Where's Val?" Raina asked.

"She's calling her doctor to get her files transferred to my office."

Raina gasped. "You think you can help her, Justin?"

"I don't know," he said with his signature deliberate calm. "But I'd like to look at her test results and images, and she agreed that I could share them with a colleague who's actually on the hunt for patients in her situation."

"Really? Anyone I know?" Tori asked, mentally thinking of his partners.

"No, it's someone from my neurology residency—the woman who sent that offer I told you I turned down. Honestly, it's too soon to say, and even in a situation like this, I have to honor patient confidentiality, Raina, and can't say more. You understand, right?"

"Of course."

As Raina peppered him with a few questions that didn't fall under that banner, Tori took a minute to carefully regard her man and…consider.

It wasn't him that had her doubting the future of this relationship, she realized. This was all on her—her fears, her insecurities, her trust issues, her kids.

Like that kid down there, who was no longer looking at his phone but staring into the horizon, oddly still.

"Hey, I'm going to go get Finnie." She kicked off her shoes and walked down the stairs toward the beach. Her bare feet touched the cool, soft sand and gave her that familiar jolt of…home.

She could never leave again. But…Justin was fending off offers? The list of things to worry about just got longer.

"Hey," she said, so she didn't surprise Finn from behind.

"Hey, Mom." He didn't turn, but lifted his hand to bring her closer. "It's a good beach day."

"Is there such a thing as a bad beach day?" she asked, plopping down on the sand next to him.

"True. And made even better by the fact that everyone is in school and I'm not."

"Do you hate school that much, Finnie?" she asked, her heart hurting for him.

"No, actually. I only hate some of the people there. The school is fine. But I can handle it, Mom. You don't have to pull me out and try and find another school. There are jerks everywhere."

"Well, aren't you philosophical and wise."

"Not really," he said. "Justin told me that when we were practicing before. It's one of the tenets of Shaolin." He elbowed her. "Tenet. How's that for an SAT word? Let's throw it at Kenzie and see if she has a clue."

She lifted her brows, happy he had his sense of humor back, but stuck on what he'd said. "One of their tenets is that there are jerks at every school?"

"That you can't control others, only yourself," he replied without hesitation. "And I tried the other day with Ryan, but…" He grimaced. "That kid got to me. I didn't start the fight, but he riled me."

"I know. I probably should have fought the principal more, but—"

He waved a hand to cut her off. "It's fine. You want to know more of the Shaolin tenets?"

"Sure."

He pulled out his phone and tapped the screen. "They say discipline and motivation drives success."

"Ah, yes. The Rex Wingate philosophy I was raised on."

He laughed softly. "Grandpa Rex would love this stuff, actually. Oh, and this one." He angled the screen from the sun to read, "You have to believe in yourself and trust your judgment to…" He squinted. "Dissolve inner chaos."

"Whoa." She inched back. "Maybe I could use a little Shaolin. Inner chaos reigns these days."

"You should take it with me," he said, turning to her. "We could do classes together."

She laughed, but then saw the serious look on his face. He would want that? "I couldn't—"

"Why not? It's great exercise, Mom, and you love that. Justin said he knows there's a school near here, because he taught as a guest of the master."

She vaguely recalled Justin telling her he'd taught a class when she was up in Boston, but she thought it was a karate lesson, or something simple.

"Mom, I need this," Finn said, his ever-changing voice cracking a little. "I need to not feel like some skinny newbie who was dumb enough to think Emma Barrington actually liked me, when it was just Ryan Wilder's clown squad trying to get to me. I want to walk into that school with a sense of…control. Don't you understand?"

"Completely," she admitted on a sigh.

"So take the classes with me." He put his hand on her arm. "Maybe Kenzie would want to go, too. We could do it as a family with Justin."

She stared at him, Raina's words echoing.

Let him help you be a family.

"Is that what you want, Finnie?"

"It's what I need," he said. "Maybe we all do."

On a deep breath, she slipped into a smile and put an arm around him. "Okay, I like that idea."

"Seriously?" He jumped up and reached for her. "We can all do it? Together? That's so cool!"

"Yeah, I think we should." She let him pull her up, surprised by the strength in those skinny arms.

"Thanks, Mom." He wrapped her in a hug and suddenly felt…not like a little boy anymore. He felt bigger and more mature and…in control. After one training session in the yard?

"This is amazing, Mom." Finn said. "I really thought you were so dug in."

She laughed. "Well, I dug out."

"That's a sign of a Shaolin master, you know." He gave her a squeeze. "The ability to admit when you're wrong."

"Was I… Yeah, maybe. Come on. Let's tell Justin, but don't let him know I caved so easily, okay?"

Finn laughed and ran to the steps, and if that wasn't the best sound and sight of the day, she didn't know what was.