30. Brent

CHAPTER 30

brENT

I took a deep breath and said goodbye to my father. I'd always remember the good times we had before Matt got sick. If we ever decided to have children, I'd make it my mission to be the best father to ever father.

The chapel doors opened behind me, but I didn't turn around. John kissed my cheek, then stepped away.

My Uncle Pete came to stand beside me at the casket. We stood looking at my father.

"He called me after he got out of the hospital a couple of weeks ago, and asked me to come down to see him."

I furrowed my brows. "Why?"

"When he was in the hospital, they discovered he had pancreatic cancer. It was advanced and they gave him a few weeks. He wanted me to help him get his affairs in order, and the first thing on the list was you."

My heart began to pound. "Why didn't he tell anyone? Did mom know?"

Pete shook his head. "No. He didn't want her to know."

He let that sit a moment before he pulled out an envelope from the inside pocket of his jacket. As he held it in his hands, I grabbed onto the side of the casket to steady myself.

Before I could take another breath, John was beside me. "I'm here, baby. It's okay."

I nodded, getting myself together.

"He wrote you a letter, son. Your dad made me promise to get it to you before you left after the funeral. But the way my sister has behaved is appalling, and I wouldn't blame you if you never came back."

I swallowed a lump in my throat as I stared at my father's last words to me.

"Just know we love you, and he loved you. But I would wait to read this after the service. I just wanted to make sure you got it before you left."

Nodding again, I took the envelope with shaking hands. I looked down at my father's familiar handwriting on the front and brought it to my nose. It smelled like him, and I was terrified of what he had to say.

"Uncle Pete, is this going to make it worse than right now?"

He put his hand on my shoulder. "No son. If that were the case, you wouldn't have received it."

I nodded as tears fell down my face. An avalanche of pain and regret came pouring out as my uncle hugged me. I stood and cried like a little boy, but I didn't care. And when I could get myself together, John pulled some tissues from his pocket and handed them to me.

"Thank god it's not a handkerchief. Those things are gross."

We laughed at my unintended joke, but I knew it would be okay.

"You're a lucky man, Brent. It would make your father happy to know you had such a strong support system."

He pointed to the back of the chapel. I turned thinking he meant Austin and Greer. But when I saw them, tears welled in my eyes and I had to grab my knees to get a hold of myself.

John rubbed his hand over my back and my uncle patted my shoulder. "Your family's here, sweetheart. They've all come to make sure you're okay."

Along with Austin and Greer stood Phantom, in his dress whites, along with Adam Spencer. GQ also wore his uniform and stood by Dominick.

Patrick Griffin and Cole Bradley flanked them, as Aidan and Marcus stood by. The door opened again and in walked Jackson and Simon Kincaid.

John handed me more tissues as I turned to him. "How many do you have in there?"

He laughed and kissed my cheek. "Enough to last a lifetime."

And with him and our friends here, I knew I was going to be okay.

After the service, my father was interned in the cemetery next to my brother. As my mother sat in the front row with Uncle Pete, my brothers, and my husband stood shoulder to shoulder with me. Dare, GQ, and Phantom were to my left, and my Commander to the right. Four white uniforms of men who were bonded together through the good and the bad. And one white uniform meant to be by my side for the rest of our lives.

My heart was heavy with my father's words close to my heart. Immediately after my uncle had handed the letter to me, I'd stepped into the restroom and placed it in the inside pocket of my jacket. When I came out, I was momentarily at peace, like he'd bestowed a sense of calm over me. And every once in a while, when the emotions snuck up on me, I could smell him. I'd like to think he was with me.

We stayed behind after my mother had already left the cemetery. Uncle Pete had taken her home, but returned before we left.

When he got out of the car, I watched him walk across the cemetery lawn. By the look on his face, I knew it wasn't something bad. I'd had enough of that. And when we got back to Portland, I'd have to deal with the mess of Calvin Turner. Aidan assured me the police had enough evidence against Turner to put him away.

"Brent, I wanted to say goodbye before you left, and to bring you these."

He handed me the bag he'd been carrying. "What's this?"

"Winston's favorite chew toys."

My heart pounded as my fucking eyes started to fill again. "I don't understand."

He chuckled. "Your husband came to me about taking Winston home with you, but he didn't need to ask. Your dad wanted you to have him. It's all in the letter."

I grabbed my uncle and hugged him as more tears slipped down my face. He held me just like my father used to and I couldn't stop crying. Of course, John was ready with the tissues.

"Your aunt and I love you, Brent. If you ever need anything, I'm here for you. All you have to do is call."

I nodded and wiped away the tears. "I will. I promise."

He smiled and hugged John, emotion thick in this throat. "Take care of him, Commander. And keep in touch."

John nodded. "We will, sir. Thank you again."

I watched my uncle walk across the lawn and get in his car. John wrapped his arm around my back. "You're a doggie daddy now, sweetheart."

I chuckled. "I think you mean we're doggy daddies now. Winston has two parents. Not just one."

A big hand landed on my shoulder. "You're going to love the family vet. Callum's great," Jackson said.

"Family vet?" I asked.

"Yeah, Callum is our vet, and Simon is the family doctor," Aidan added. "And I'm everyone's attorney. Coop is the therapist, and Declan is the horse trainer. Christian is the go-to for all the school questions for the kids. Greer is the one to call when you need to get somewhere fast. Cole and Adam provide the music to this chaos we call life."

I was confused. "I'm just a bodyguard. I'm not part of the Pirate family."

"The fuck you aren't," GQ added. "You and Dare are the real protectors. Phantom is the brains and me and Patrick are the beauty. Commander is part of this too. Doubly so since you two got married. There's no getting out of it. Simon has already treated you. So it's like an unbreakable connection to everyone."

Everyone went quiet.

"Wait. They're married?" Simon asked Jesse.

"Oh hell," Dominick added. "You guys didn't know?"

Marcus laughed. "Well, I did. Perks of sleeping with the boss. But we're gonna need that story, Dreamy."

"Oh my," Greer said, a blush creeping up his face.

"You always need the story, don't you?" Aidan asked his husband.

Marcus kissed his cheek. "I'm a romantic like that."

"We've got another Cooper and Greg on our hands," Jackson grinned. "How long's it been? They kept it from us for a year."

Simon chuckled. "They thought they kept it from us."

"Well, I knew," Adam added wrapping his arm around Phantom as we all walked toward the cars. "My He-Man will tell me anything if I…"

Phantom put his hand over Adam's mouth. "Oh no, Darlin'. We're not sharing what we do at home with anyone."

Cole laughed. "I think we rank up there in terms of epic love stories."

"And definitely length of time," Patrick added, kissing Cole on the cheek.

Dare snorted. "I have three words," he said, pointing at me. "Turkish Oil Wrestling."

I laughed. "I thought you were gonna say unicorn dildo."

"And now we're gonna need both of those stories too, man. I heard Santa Claus is involved? Kinky. I like it." Marcus wiggled his eyebrows, making Aidan groan.

John pulled me closer. "I think we've found our people, sweetheart."

I looked at all these men who had come to support me of all people. "I think we've had them all along."

When we got back to the cabin, I took off my uniform and hung it up. Redressing in jeans and a t-shirt, I put the rest of my things in my bag.

Pulling out the letter, I sat down on the bed and looked at it. I could hear my friends in the family room and for once, I wasn't the center of attention.

Tears were beginning to rise to the surface and I needed a place to read it where I could break down. So I headed out onto the deck and down the stairs. I took a seat at the fire pit and sat back. I looked up at the trees and felt the whispering winds brush across my face. I closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of the evergreen trees.

Lifting the envelope to my nose, I could smell my dad's cologne. I carefully unsealed it and removed the letter. Leaning forward, I unfolded it and looked at my father's familiar handwriting. Tears filled my eyes as I felt the loss of him even more now.

Dear Brent,

If you're reading this, I've passed. Your uncle was kind enough to grant my dying wish to deliver this to you. I hope that I've been good enough of a man to join your brother, but I'm not so sure I deserve it.

My brush with death last week gave me a new perspective on life. When the doctors told me I had a month at best, I knew what I needed to do. I'm too late to make things up to you, but I want you to know how proud I am of you. Your mother and I didn't make it easy on you, but there are some things I want you to know.

I am so proud of the man you've become, Brent. You have picked yourself up and moved on when we couldn't. I know I haven't been a good father to you since your brother died, and wasting that time with you is the biggest regret of my life.

Every time someplace in the world was in chaos, I prayed you weren't involved.

I don't blame you for Matt's death. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it. You were the best big brother he could have ever have. And he loved you dearly. Your mother needs someone to blame, and she chose you. I should have put her in her place. She needs help, and I hope she'll get it. She's not your responsibility.

I'm sorry for putting my own pain ahead of yours.It's the worst feeling in the world to bury your child, and I hope you never know what it feels like. But that's no excuse for how we treated you.

I'm sorry I haven't been there for you, and I'm sorry I emotionally abandoned my fifteen-year-old son. You are twice the man I am, and I hope you share all that love in your heart with someone. I wish I could have seen your children, but know I'll be watching over you and your family.

I want you to take Winston. He was always meant to be yours. I got him for you when you got out of the service, but selfishly held on to him because he was a connection to you. I know you'll give him a better home than we ever could.

I'm sure I've forgotten something, but the most important thing is for you to know is how much I love you. You're a good man, son. Share that love and watch it grow.

Love,

Dad

Tears streamed down my face, making the ability to see the paper very difficult. The last time I'd cried like this was when my brother died. He might not think he deserved to be with Matt wherever he might be, but I did. And maybe they'd find Nate too.

As I folded it back up, Winston ran up and put his head in my lap.He looked up at me with sad brown eyes until I put my hands on him.

"Hey, buddy," I said, rubbing his head."Ready to live in Portland? You're gonna love it. We run every day."

As I dried my eyes on my sleeve, John made his way to me. I looked up into his eyes as he approached.

"Are you okay, sweetheart? Can I get you anything?" He squatted down in front of me and wiped away the remaining tears I'd missed.

"No. I've got everything I need right here."

He pulled me up and wrapped me in his arms. And I knew without a doubt I was where I was meant to be.

When we boarded the plane back to Portland, John took Winston up the stairs to get him settled. I was the last to board. Turning, I took one last look over the mountains and the place I'd grown up. I'd loved it here as a kid, exploring with my brother.

As difficult as it had been, I was finally getting the unexpected closure I needed. I never imagined that I would leave here with more than I came with.

I could leave behind the pain and hurt.

And I was moving on with the man I loved and more friends than I ever thought I'd have.

I smiled and looked up, hoping my dad and brother were together. At least there was comfort in knowing Matt wasn't alone any longer.

"Ready to go, sweetheart?" John called.

I nodded, wiping my eyes.

"Yeah, let's go."

I couldn't be happier about what was to come with John by my side.