Chapter 3

Jaegar

DESPITE ALL MY OBJECTIONS , Kayla had been right. The royal family were a whirlwind of power, and they wouldn’t be denied. Anselm and his small family left for their home, and I was told that I had to stay in the palace.

“I have my own home, Your Majesty,” I said as Queen Cass took me out of the main room and showed me to a guest room.

“I know you do,” the queen said, “and call me Cass or Cassandra, if you want. You’re my stepson, I suppose.”

Now that we were alone, I felt I needed to apologize to her. Regardless of how well off she was, I’d upset the apple cart by showing up unwanted and unannounced. “Queen Cassandra—”

“Cass.”

“Cass.”

Damn, that feels weird.

“I owe you an apology. I know out of everyone, you are the most upset by the news of my existence. Believe me, if I’d been able to hide myself for the rest of my days, I would have.”

The queen sighed and reached out a hand to touch my arm. “Jaegar, I never wanted to be a queen. I had plans to travel and see the world, much like Veronica, really.” A soft smile graced her lips as she spoke of her daughter. “I never imagined I’d fall in love with the King of the North, whose kingdom was in complete disarray and this weather...” She shivered dramatically, acknowledging the cold.

I couldn’t’ help but laugh. The queen was a lot more relatable than I’d given her credit for.

“So, what I mean to say is”—she reached out and softly touched my face—“we never know where the future may take us, but I’ve learned to embrace the journey. Please don’t think I am mad at you, or even your mother. I just... I was young and inexperienced when I met Damon, and I suppose I just ignored the fact that he was not. I always wanted another child. For some reason, I always saw us with four, but after losing several pregnancies after Veronica, we stopped trying.”

I shifted a little where I stood, trying not to show the queen how uncomfortable I was. She was sharing very deeply personal information, and I wasn’t quite sure how to respond, so newly welcomed into the royal fold.

She smiled. “I’m sorry, you didn’t need to know any of that. All I mean to say is that you were obviously meant to be, Jaegar. So, please don’t try to leave us now that you’ve finally found us. I’m not sure your father would allow you to get away, even if you wanted to.”

“You know I’m not here to fight your son for succession,” I said quickly when the thought occurred to me. “I don’t want the throne. I’m just fulfilling my mother’s dying wish, that’s all.”

Cass sighed. “I don’t know the precise rules regarding succession, Jaegar, but you have the tattoo, and you are the eldest son.”

“But—”

“Let’s not worry about it for now,” she said, pushing past me to open the doors to the largest, most opulently appointed room I’d ever seen. “I know it’s not the most masculine room,” she apologized, indicating the florals on the bedspread. “I’ll have everything changed over tomorrow. But for now, you should be comfortable at least.”

The fire in the grate was already burning, and the lights had all been lit. “You had this room prepared for me?” I asked, my heart twinging in my chest at the thought.

“Yes,” she said simply. “After you arrived, I made a phone call to my cousin, then had the servants arrange this for you. Despite my foolhardy jealousies, I could see that Damon would want you to stay close. And more than anything, I want him to be happy. He’s a good man and he deserves the chance to get to know you.”

I nodded once. I knew that. Everyone in the kingdom knew the story of how he’d saved us from the wolves and rebuilt the kingdom from the ashes of the past. But that didn’t mean I had to like him. Or forgive him for leaving my mother pregnant and alone. I wasn’t sure I wanted to get to know him. All I wanted to do was respect my mother’s memory and find my mate—the woman I’d be so feverishly dreaming of.

“Thank you, Cass,” I said, walking over to the fire to warm myself.

“I’ll have the royal tailor come by in the morning to measure you, and I’ll see you at breakfast.”

“You know you don’t need to take me to the royal birthday party. That seems like a big step at this point in time,” I tried again before she could leave.

Cass grinned at me from the doorway. “You’re coming with us, Jaegar. You need to find your mate, and Marienne can help you, I’m sure of it. Plus, you never know... your mate may very well live in Bravadok.”

“That would be handy. Then I wouldn’t need to come home again.” I regretted the barb when the queen’s face fell. “Queen Cass, I—”

“No apologies,” she said, holding her hand up in front of her. “I don’t blame you for feeling unwelcome or unwanted. Not that it compares, but I was orphaned at a young age and remember the pain well.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said, startled to hear such a thing.

“King Stavrok raised me as his younger sister, in a way, so I was very lucky. The royal families are all I’ve ever known, and for that, I am grateful.”

I nodded my head, unsure of what else to say.

I’m such an ass sometimes.

“There’s a private bathroom through that door,” Cass said, pointing to a door I’d assumed was the closet. “So please, take a long shower, and get a good night’s sleep. If I know Damon, he’ll have a million questions for you over the coming days. He is very good at holding his armor in place and protecting his heart, but I have a feeling, Jaegar, that you are going to go crashing through those walls in record time.”

“I...” I began to say, though I had no idea how to respond to such a thing. But I didn’t get the chance to say anything more.

“Goodnight, Jaegar, sleep well.” Then she left me in a room bigger than my whole house.

“Goddamn, this is crazy.” I walked over to the door that she said was a bathroom and threw it open. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” The bathroom was half the size of the bedroom and the biggest one I’d ever seen. “And this is just for guests?” I asked the emptiness, though as expected, it failed to provide me with an answer. I glanced at the bed, then back at the shower. I didn’t want to use their fancy royal facilities, but I also didn’t feel clean enough to sleep in their beds.

“Fuck it.”

Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I tore off my old, warm clothes, then piled them in the corner of the bathroom. The whole room was tiled with soft sandstone tiles and the floor beneath my feet was warm as I walked over the huge shower. The smell of my own body odor made me grimace.

I definitely need a shower.

I turned the knobs and adjusted the temperature until the water was just hot enough that I could step beneath the heavy spray without burning myself. The heat was heavenly, and the smell of sweet acid—ketosis—met my nostrils. I’d burned too many calories today. I’d barely eaten before arriving, then found dinner hard to swallow as the family had stared at me the whole time.

I’d sweated standing so close to the fire, but had found comfort in the move. Hearths were always safe spaces. I reached for the soap and started scrubbing away the sweat and grime of my day, even washing my long hair.

Once clean, I stood beneath the hot spray and just let the heat wash away everything, not just the suds, but also the despair and hope, fear and stress. And I remained there, just soaking, until there was nothing left but my tired body.

A vision of my woman came into my mind, and I groaned as my cock hardened in response. I’d dreamed of a dark-haired beauty for too many years to count. She had fair skin, eyes as blue as sapphires and long, dark hair that fell to her waist. She was the epitome of a gothic beauty.

I soaped up my hands and wrapped my fist around my cock. I’d searched for my mate for so long and had never found her. The loneliness was beginning to eat away at me. Anselm hadn’t been wrong there. My age was advancing, as was the need for my mate. In my dreams she had lips painted red like berries, full and lush. Her body was slender but strong, and her nipples were a perfect treat for my mouth. I stroked my cock with long pulls, the pleasure tingling along my skin and making my balls tighten between my thighs.

I needed to find her—the woman who was destined to be my mate. And when I did, I would tangle my fingers in her hair and kiss her until neither of us could draw breath. Then I would lay her down and slide into her hot, wet, and welcoming body, fucking her until we both screamed out in ecstasy.

“Oh, God... fuck!” I gripped my shaft tight and pumped once more as my orgasm stole over me. Groaning softly, I watched as my seed pulsed out of me before the hot water washed everything away. I collapsed back against the tiled wall, letting the pleasure of my release eat away at every last remaining ounce of strength.

When I could finally open my eyes, I turned off the water and grabbed a towel. The material was the softest I’d ever felt, which for some reason, made me angrier than I could rationalize. Quickly drying myself, I turned off all the lights, then went into the bedroom. The bed was massive , far too big for one person, but there was no random woman to fill the space with tonight.

I threw back the heavy blankets and climbed underneath. The luxury of this room was overwhelming, and I rolled into my usual sleeping position so that I didn’t think about the what ifs that had claimed my childhood. I’d always wondered how different my life might have been if my father had known of my existence. If my mother had just told him she was pregnant. Would I have grown up in the castle, surrounded by luxury and wealth? Would my parents have married and had more children, or would I still be the bastard I was today?

There were still so many questions, and as of yet, no answers in sight.

Perhaps there never would be.

And even if my sire managed to tell me the truth, would anything ever fill the gaping hole left inside my chest after all these years?