Chapter 19

Vanya

A HOT CUP OF TEA WASN’T the most appetizing breakfast, but it was all I could stomach. I excused myself from the family breakfast and went to sit in the library with my drink. There I was, curled up in a chair by the fire, when I heard someone come in.

“There you are, sweetheart,” said the queen.

I smiled at the woman who was the closest thing to a second mother I had. “Hey, Aunt Cass.”

She sat in the armchair opposite me and folded her hands in her lap, wasting no time in beating around the bush. “Well, this is a bit of pickle, isn’t it?” she asked.

I nodded and gulped as hot tears immediately sprang to my eyes. “Yep.” I couldn’t say anything more without bawling my fragile heart out, so I took a long sip of tea and stared into the dancing flames of the fireplace. I’d never felt more alone in all my life, and that was saying something. When I’d gone to bed last night, I’d been certain that my mate would return to me despite the upset over dinner. I’d imagined he couldn’t stay away from me.

That’s how fated mates work, isn’t it?

But he had, and I’d awoken to a cold bed and a pit in my stomach the size of my fist. This wasn’t how it was meant to be, and my soul ached at the distance that seemed to growing like a great divide between us in the aftermath of his denial of the crown.

Cass sighed heavily, as if the weight of the world were on her own shoulders. “You know, if I’d known he was meant for you, Vanya, I would have been nicer to him in the beginning.”

I chuckled out a laugh. “You weren’t mean to him, surely? That’s not like you.”

Cass’s lips quirked up at the corners. “I wasn’t terrible, of course... but I did suspect he was lying to usurp my sons of their birthright. And then there was the jealousy. He’s my husband’s son, but not mine.” She shook her head. “Oh, that’s a tough beast to master.” Her sad smile spoke of many things. Of stories of love and longing and fighting and life with all its many ups and downs.

Tears welled up in my eyes. “You’ve lived a really great life, haven’t you, Aunt Cass?” I asked, though it was an observation, and more rhetorical than an actual question.

Cass, my dad’s first cousin, turned to look at me. Like, really look at me. Her gaze ran over my face, and it felt like she was staring into my soul, looking for an answer to a question she wasn’t asking aloud.

When she finally spoke, she said what I secretly hoped, “He’ll come back, Vanya.”

I nodded slowly and focused on sipping my tea, cupping both hands around the warmth of the porecelain in case I dropped it. I was feeling strangely woozy, and it was probably because I hadn’t managed to eat properly. With Jaegar away, I just didn’t have the heart in me to eat.

“He will,” she reasserted, obviously seeing the flicker of uncertainty in my eyes.

“Maybe,” I said with a sigh. “But I have no idea how we’re going to make this work in the long run if we even make it that far. We’re so different that we might as well be from entirely different worlds.”

“But he’s your fated mate,” she said, blinking at me as though I’d just said the world was flat.

I couldn’t laugh, but her wide eyes made me smile. “I know you moved here for Uncle Damon, but you had a castle, and you were always at our place. I can’t move here to live in that... in that little hovel of his, Auntie Cass. I love him, but I just can’t. I don’t mean to sound vain, or selfish, but”

“You’re not,” she interrupted. “Damon saw Jaegar last night and he said that his house is one of the worst he’s seen in the whole town. And considering Jaegar has literally been restoring this kingdom from the ground up, it doesn’t make any sense why he’s left it like that.”

I pressed my lips together to stop myself from crying out, my heart lodging firmly in my throat.

Cass moved closer and put a hand out to me, “It’s okay, sweetie. Talk to me. This is a no judgement zone.”

“It’s all about his mom,” I said, “and his childhood. He’s so proud. So...”

Cass chuckled. “He’s a royal who is probably tougher than any king in our realm, living or dead. If he chose to lead the North, either as our king, or beside Theo, we would become the most formidable force around.”

I stared at my aunt, realizing that she’d more than wrapped her head around the idea that a bastard could usurp her son. “So, you really don’t care if Jaegar ends up becoming the king and Theo doesn’t?”

Cass glanced away a moment, her cheeks flushing with a telling rosy pink hue. “I can’t say I wasn’t upset at first when Theo brought it up to me. But his points were all valid. My children have been raised, much like you and your siblings. They have been pampered in many ways. Sure, they’ve helped the farmers, and have gotten their boots on the ground, so to speak, but...”

“But?” I asked, hope winging in my heart with a nervous flutter.

“But the North is the toughest kingdom we have. Damon survived his father’s downfall and managed to rebuild everything here, mostly due to his pure grit and determination. Like you said, I often flew down to your father’s kingdom and hid there, away from the hard work and the pain of watching my husband claw back what had been so tragically lost. I wasn’t as strong as I should have been, Vanya, but none of us are perfect creatures.”

It was my turn to reach out and grip her hand. “Uncle Damon is lucky to have you, and it’s clear he adores you. Even though you came from different walks of life, it doesn’t mean you didn’t make it work. After all, just look at Anselm and Kayla.”

Cass laughed. “They’re from literal different worlds, all right, but I’d say Sarah and Katerina have had it harder. They moved to our realm to live in the North. They’ve had to put up with a lot more than anyone. The adjustment period can be difficult without support. Without someone to talk to about your fears and feelings.”

I nodded slowly, mulling her words over. “Maybe I need to speak to them.”

Cass smiled. “You can, anytime, of course. But what they’ll tell you is that they just... adapted. They got warm clothes, pushed out babies, and simply loved their men.”

“And how are their houses?” I asked as nerves jangled through me.

Cass’ sparkling laughter made me smile. “They’re lovely, actually. Dymitri and Lucian stayed here, in the castle, for years while they bonded with Damon and built themselves new homes in town. Remember, they grew up in the woods.”

I shuddered. “I can’t imagine how they survived that, but at least they had each other.”

She sighed. “Neither can I, honestly. They’re the toughest of us all.”

I set my now empty teacup down and pulled my legs up so I could rest my head on my knees. “I can’t see a way through all this, Aunt Cass. I mean... you should have seen his face when I told him I thought he’d make a good king. You’d think I told him he’d hurt children or something. He was mortified and filled with rage. I’ve never seen him like that.” I couldn’t even come up with a comparison that would make him look so angry.

Cass sighed and stood up. “It’s a lot to deal with at once. Within a single week, Jaegar went from being anonymous and alone in this world, to being a prince and a fated mate to foreign royalty. That would be too much for almost anyone. Maybe just try and be extra patient with him, hmm? Baby steps. Just take it a day at a time.”

I lifted my head and nodded with a sigh of my own. There was an undeniable wisdom in her words. There was no point catastrophizing. “Okay, Aunt Cass.”

During the night, I’d planned to fly home after lunch today, but maybe that wasn’t the best choice. My mate flying away from me last night had cut me deeply. If I did the same thing to Jaegar, leaving him when he needed me the most, what sort of fated mate did that make me? What did it say of our bond if I flew back to the comforts of what I’d always known, unwilling to adapt like the other strong women that called the North their home...

AFTER LUNCH I RETIRED to my bedroom and just cried. The smell of Jaegar’s body still lingered in the sheets, and I missed him so much, it physically hurt. When a knock sounded at the door, I called out, “Just a minute!” taking the time to blow my nose and wash my face with cool water.

I probably look like hell.

My eyes were still red and my cheeks were puffy, but I opened the door anyway, assuming it was most likely one of my cousins coming to check up on me. “Jaegar,” I whispered, staring up at him as if he’d disappear like mist in the morning. “Are you really here?” He’d washed his long hair, and it glistened with good health. Even with the pain in my chest upon seeing him, I wanted to reach out and tangle my fingers in his dark locks. “What are you doing here?”

His smile was sheepish and reserved. “Can I come in?” he asked.

I stepped back and waved him in, shutting the door behind him. I wasn’t dressed nicely, and surely, I looked like an utter mess. But what did it matter if he was coming to tell me that we needed to break up?

Is that even a thing with fated mates? Can we break up?

He walked over to the fireplace, probably to warm up. He’d been outside all day most likely, knowing him.

I made my way over to the bed and sat down on the same mattress we’d made love on only a day ago. Part of me wished I could sit somewhere else, but my heart clung to the small and desperate hope that he’d come back to me. That he’d deny his stubborn nature and decide we were worth fighting for—that I was worth being a little uncomfortable for.

He was silent for too long.

My poor, fried nerves fizzled, and tears pricked at my eyes again. “Well? Please say something.”

He walked over to where I sat, then kneeled on one knee.

My jaw dropped, and I stared up at him. “What are you doing?” I breathed.

He took my hand in his and stared back at me with those amazing blue eyes of his. “Please forgive me for the other night, Vanya. My anger was not toward you, but you copped it, and for that I’m sorry.”

I nodded, gulping at the emotions lodged in my throat. “It’s okay. I understand.” And I had. I knew that all of this had been a lot for him to digest, but that hadn’t stopped me from being quite a teary mess after. “Do you realize that I don’t know you?” I asked. If I were honest, that’s what had hurt the most. I could handle his anger and anxiety. I hadn’t liked it, of course, but his words about not knowing my fated mate had been what had cut me to my core.

He shook his head slowly. “No, you aren’t the problem here, Vanya. I am, and know that. I’m not good enough for you or this family. I’m common trash.”

Horror struck my heart, and I fell onto my knees before him, taking his beloved face in my hands. “No, you’re not, and you never have been.” I wanted to wring his mother’s neck at this point, but didn’t dare voice anything disparaging against her memory. Jaegar should never have grown up believing anything other than what I was about to say next.

“Jaegar, you are my mate. You are loved. You are worthy. And you can be whoever you want to be. And if that is someone who stays relatively anonymous and lives in the village, then so be it.”

His head, which had been bowed, came up to stare at me. “Do you mean that? You’d come here? Live with me?”

My lips quirked up at the edges. “I would.” There was no other choice. I couldn’t live without him. I knew it in my bones. I’d known for some time, despite my own discomfort and shock upon coming to the North more than a little unprepared. “But I’m sorry, we need a new house. Somewhere with no ghosts and no memories, and maybe even a few creature comforts.”

His eyes glistened with unshed tears and his lower lip trembled ever so slightly.

And with that, I knew I’d hit the nail on the head.

He swallowed hard, his throat working overtime. “You deserve a palace.”

I shrugged. “We have two of those, but it doesn’t mean we have to live in them all the time. I just need you, Jaegar... and a really warm, well-insulated house.”

“Two castles...” He shook his head and chuckled softly. “I can build you another house. One like Dymitri’s, warm and big enough for a princess.”

And a prince...

“I know you can,” I said, gripping his hands. “And if you choose to step up within Damon’s family, I’ll stand by your side and live wherever you want us to.”

He frowned at me then spoke slowly. “And if I don’t want to do that?” It was clear this subject was at the heart of the conflict raging within him.

“Let’s sit on the bed,” I said, standing up and pulling him to his feet.

When he finally sat down on the mattress, he was stiff and wasn’t touching me.

I sighed and tamped down my impatience, just as I had promised Aunt Cass I would. I had to try...

But why is he still worried about me loving him?

Instead of sitting down beside him, I stayed standing in front of him. “If you don’t want to be a prince and accept those responsibilities, I’d like to spend some time at the other kingdoms throughout the year. My sister mostly lives in the Black Mountains, and my brother is home in Bravadok. Iain floats everywhere. So, I’d like to travel as much as we can to see them.”

“But we could still live here, in the North, in a home of our own in town?” he asked, his voice sounding hopeful for the first time since his return.

I nodded, resolute in my decision. “Yes, of course, Jaegar.”

He grabbed me around the waist and hauled me against him.

I hopped onto his lap, straddling his waist, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I love you and I’ll do whatever I can to keep us together, and to make sure you’re happy.”

His hands pressed into my back, his breath caressing my lips. “But I want you to be happy too, Vanya.”

I laughed, feeling truly happy for the first time in days. “As long as I’m with you, and I’m warm enough...” Something we’d have to work on. “I’ll be happy.”

He kissed me then, stealing the breath from me.

The passion of his touch made me moan with longing, and his kisses caused all rational thought to fly from my mind.

We’re together now. That’s all that matters.

I thrust my pelvis against his, wanting a deeper, more intimate connection.

He stood up then, turned around and laid me down on the mattress, his heavy body pressing into mine. When he lifted his head, I tried to pull him down to me again.

But he stopped me, holding firm in his position. “So, you really don’t care if I’m a bastard?”

I shrugged, still in disbelief that he’d think that would matter. “So is Uncle Erik and he’s the King of the Black Mountains.”

“Or that I might never want to be a prince or do any of the royal things?”

I laughed and shook my head. “As long as you love this princess, nothing else matters to me. We’ll figure it all out along the way, one day at a time.”

He stared at me for too long, lost in my eyes.

I wriggled in his grip, wanting more. Truthfully, I wanted to get naked and feel his beautiful, hot, ripped body against mine.

“Will you marry me?” he whispered.

I stopped wriggling and ran my fingers through his hair, my happiness now impossibly complete. “Of course, I will,” I answered. “When?”

He laughed. “Ah... tomorrow? Next week? How long does it take to set up a party for that sort of thing?” he asked.

“Kiss me,” I whispered up at him, arching my back to feel him against me. “We can sort all that out later. For now, I just need you.”

He grinned and came down on me once more, sweeping me up and away into a world of mind-blowing bliss and physical rapture that lasted so many hours, I lost count.