Chapter Thirty-Nine

Darkness enveloped me, thick and impenetrable. Then a glow appeared somewhere ahead. Pink and soft. Just seeing it brought tears to my eyes. But I also felt it. It was tender, warm, gentle. Loving. It was love. Shale”s love.

“It is pure,” the God”s voice came from all around me. “As soon as Shaleros gave his love into my keeping, the mating bond with Erelis was broken. If you can win his love, Sebastian, it will not harm him. He will not feel the pain of losing his mate.”

“What must I do to win it?”

“Survive,” the God”s voice echoed into silence.

The light of Shale”s love drew back as if snatched away, leaving me in darkness again. Nearly. Like a beacon, a pinprick of pink in the distance lured me forward. I took a hesitant step, then another. When nothing bad happened, I began to run toward the pink glow. I ran and ran until my legs gave out, and I fell to the ground. As I hit, the solid surface went liquid, splashing around me as I was sucked under.

Luckily, I took a breath just seconds before I was submerged, but it wouldn”t last long. I fought to resurface. Something grabbed my legs. Held me just below. My fingertips broke through. Light shimmered on the top of the water. Pink light. It was right there. Shale”s love hung over me. Calling me. But the way to it wasn”t up.

I looked down.

Shale held my ankle.

No, it wasn”t him, couldn”t be him. But it represented him. I had to treat this lookalike as if he were Shale. So what would I do if Shale were there, drowning?

The not-Shale pulled. I let him drag me down. With life and love above me, I chose him instead. I went into his arms and pressed my lips to his. His love wasn”t him. It was the prize, but he was who I fought for. I”d give up the prize for him.

Shale opened his mouth and breathed air into me.

Gasping, I clutched him closer. In my mind, I heard his voice, “You promised you would never let go.”

And I wouldn”t.

I clutched the not-Shale as if he were my life. As if I needed nothing more. The pink glow above me grew larger. Was it taunting me? Trying to get me to release Shale? I didn”t know. Gods were tricky. Ranu had told me to survive. But there was all sorts of survival. I had been willing to leave Shale so I could move on. Survive. That had been mere hours ago. But now I knew that leaving him would have only been a slower death. I would rather have him as he was, the Indifferent King, than not at all. Even if it meant the pain of unrequited love.

“Very good, Sebastian,” Ranu”s voice came from all around me.

Shale and I shot out of the water. I held on, but I pulled my mouth away from his when we broke the surface. Air filled my lungs as water sluiced from me. I blinked rapidly and shook back my hair, all while holding onto Shale.

“You aren”t strong enough, human,” another voice said. It wasn”t the God”s. This voice was deeper. Rougher. Angry.

I looked over my shoulder to see a hulking form come prowling through thick mist. It was a man and a beast. Covered in glossy white scales, with a spiked tail, horns down its skull, and a pair of glowing teal eyes, it walked upright and carried a club. Why it carried a weapon, I didn”t know. Its claws were weapons on their own. And its teeth.

Then it swung.

I cried out from the impact on my calves. Bones cracked. I fell, but Shale held me up.

“Let go, little doll,” the beast said.

Then I knew. Recognized the nuances. It was Shale”s voice. Deeper, but his. And those eyes. This was Shale”s dragon. The beast inside him.

“No,” I shoved the word out past my clenched teeth. Past the pain. “Never.”

“You can”t promise that. You already tried to break your promise once.” Another strike, this one against my back. “Now, I will break you.”

My spine snapped. I shouldn”t have been able to hold on. But I did. I pushed away the blinding pain and dug my fingers into Shale”s muscles. Not-Shale kept me upright but did no more than that. When the dragon wrapped his clawed hand around my waist and pulled, I had to hold on without any help from Shale. My strength against the beast”s.

I should have failed. I didn”t.

Crack! The club hit my skull. Blood poured down my chest. I couldn”t see. I should have been dead. But I held on.

“Weak,” the beast said. “Pathetic. Mortal. You will age and die. You fight for nothing. You will only hurt him again in the end. Just let go now.”

“No!” I shouted.

The darkness was lit by a magnificent light. I could see again. The blood was gone. But the light blinded me. I squinted against it as the pain vanished. My feet found their footing on something soft. My eyes adjusted.

Shale and I stood in a clearing, grass under our feet and the sun shining down on us. A jungle ringed us, creatures cackling within it. Roaring. But Shale”s dragon was gone. I sighed and nestled in against Shale”s chest.

Something tickled my calf. I looked down. Vines were growing out of the ground, twining around me. I prepared myself for the next torture and clutched Shale tighter.

“I”m not letting go!” I shouted.

The vines tightened. Constricted. The jungle shivered.

“Never!” I cried.

My skin burst under the pressure. Blood coursed down my legs. I whimpered, closed my eyes, and held on.

“It”s not real,” I whispered to myself.

“Yes, it is,” Ranu said. “And you will die if you don”t let go of him.”

“Then I die. But I won”t leave him.”

The vines covered my pelvis. My stomach. They squeezed. I coughed up blood. Not-Shale stood resolute, staring at me without emotion. I grabbed my left wrist with my right hand and held on.

Something ruptured inside me. Another blast of pain. I was expecting it, and it still made me shout. But I knew it wasn”t real. Despite what Ranu said, this couldn”t be real. If it was, I would have passed out. I would have died. But I lived. And I held on.

The vines eased their pressure. Slid away. I shuddered with the sudden relief as the cracked bones and crushed organs inside me reformed. The jungle laughed, trees creaking and leaves rustling. Beasts ran the perimeter of the clearing, calling out to each other that a meal was near. I prepared to be torn apart.

A gentle hand pressed against my back.

I looked over my shoulder. “King Vaxarion?” I gaped at him. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“You could be mine, Sebastian. I haven”t found my mate yet. Come with me.” He opened his arms, and he was suddenly naked. Gloriously so. A god of a man. His shimmering hair hung down to his hips, framing that divine beauty in silken waves. “I will give you immortality, share my soul with you. This man has nothing to offer but a broken heart. But I can make you happy. Truly happy.”

“No, thanks, Your Majesty.” I held onto Shale. “I”m happiest here. Even when he makes me sad.”

“Foolish,” Vaxarion said sadly. “So foolish. What if you are denying us both true happiness?”

“I don”t fucking care,” I growled. “I love Shale. Forever. I don”t care if my forever isn”t that long. It”s done. My heart is his. I will hold on to him until death takes me.”

“Is that so?” Suddenly, King Vaxarion was someone else. Taller. More muscular. Paler. Midnight hair hung in a straight line to his shoulders. His eyes were just as black, two voids that threatened to suck me in. But his face was lovely, beyond the beauty of a normal man. He smiled at me, revealing a pair of sharp fangs. “Come to me, Sebastian.”

“With all due respect, Ranu, not a chance,” I said.

He smiled, and it soothed me. “This is the last test, Sebastian Dahl.” He opened his arms. “To hold him, you must hold me.”

And then he vanished.

“What the fuck?” I whispered. Then I turned my head back to Shale and found Ranu instead. “Son of a bitch!” I almost let go, but instinct told me that would mean failure. “Where is Shale?”

“Shale was never here, Sebastian. You know that. It has been me all along.”

“I love him. Do what you have to do, but I won”t leave here without his love.”

“I like you.” Ranu smoothed my hair back from my face. “You are so surprising, Sebastian. I”ve never seen such courage and resilience in a human. And you are no warrior.”

Warrior. That”s what Shale”s mother had called me. Now, I knew why.

“Is this a warrior”s test?” I asked.

“In a way. You think I”m testing your endurance. But what I”m testing is your love for my child. I saved Shaleros from his gods. He is special. I could not give his love into the keeping of anyone less special.”

“I”m not special,” I said. “But I”m determined to make him happy.”

“For how long?”

I closed my eyes, feeling suddenly defeated. “You”ve already decided that I”m not worthy of him.”

“Answer me. How long can you make him happy, Sebastian?”

I lifted my chin. How many times had I faced someone who saw me as worthless because of my race? Less smart, less strong, just less. I fought to prove myself constantly. This was just more of the same. But it wasn”t a bunch of students or courtiers I sought to sway this time. It was a god. And he was resolute. Ranu had put me through horrible torment for nothing. It angered me, but not for myself. Fuck, I was used to this shit. No, it angered me because Shale would suffer. I saw him in my mind once more, reaching for me, tears in his eyes. Despite Ranu purifying Shale”s love, the return of it would hurt him. Shale would trade one heartache for another. One dead mate in exchange for a dead lover. It wouldn”t kill him, but it would still hurt.

“It will be less painful for him to lose you now, then after he”s loved you and lived with you for years,” Ranu said.

“You can hear my thoughts?”

“You are only thoughts here.”

“Then you know that it doesn”t matter. I promised to hold on, and I will. Love can be selfless and selfish at the same time.”

“How much of each?”

“What?”

Ranu tightened his hold on me. “How much of your love is selfish and how much selfless, Sebastian? Is it selfless enough to give up everything for him?”

“You”re asking me to die for him?”

“I”m offering you a choice. I like giving choices.”

“What”s the choice?”

“I can send you back now, without his love but alive, and you can live with him until you die.”

“Or?”

“You can give yourself to me, a true sacrifice, and I will send his love back to him.”

“You were going to do that anyway. And it will still hurt Shale.”

“You don”t understand. If you give yourself to me here—not just die here, but give yourself to me—you will cease to exist out there. I will consume your essence, and he will forget all about you. But Shaleros will be able to love again. He will be happier than you could ever make him.”

I couldn”t speak. Couldn”t breathe. Give up my essence? Not just my life, but also my soul? But how many years did I have anyway? And how many did Shale have? I had found love. I had felt true happiness. Maybe it was enough.

“You”ll consume my soul?” I asked.

“Yes. You will not go on to an afterlife. If there is one for humans.”

“You don”t know?”

“There is none for immortals.”

“Holy shit. Then why do they bother worshiping you?”

“Because I am their father, and I can help them here, while they live. I am their god, their creator. But I am not yours, Sebastian. So I will gladly take your essence and savor it. It will strengthen me as food gives you strength. Or you may leave now.” He started to let go of me.

“Do it!” I clutched at his shoulders. “Consume me and give Shale back his love.”

Ranu”s eyes flashed, his lips parted with a sigh, and he looked to his left. An orb of soft pink light appeared. Shale”s love. It was so beautiful. So perfect. Untouched by sadness. Purified by a god. It shone without blinding. I could feel it inside me. Pouring through me. For a few moments, it was mine.

“Thank you,” I whispered, my stare locked on love.

“Thank you for your sacrifice, Sebastian.” Then Ranu struck.

His bite wasn”t the bliss that Shale”s was. But it didn”t hurt either. Nothing hurt when I looked upon Shale”s love. I felt the pull. The draw of the God. I was being diminished. Every moment took more of me. Ranu growled and worried at my throat. I poured into him. Then his hand shot out toward the pink orb, and Shale”s love went flying back to him.

I smiled to see it go. Because far off, down a dark corridor, Shale waited. I saw him standing there, still reaching for me. Love lit the corridor, coloring the stones pink, then slammed into the Dragon King. As the last of me went into the God, Shale was freed. In so many ways.

His roar was the last thing I heard.