Chapter Twenty-Nine

I was so stunned that I just gaped at Shale.

“Sebastian?!” Shale stomped down the colonnade and loomed over me, his teal eyes flashing.

“What the fuck?” I whispered as I stared up at him.

Shale blinked. Shook himself like a dog shaking off water. “Great Gods,” he said. “I”m so sorry. I don”t know why I got so angry.”

“Holy fuck!” I shot to my feet. “You”re jealous!”

“No, I”m not.”

“Yes, you are!” I pointed at him. “You”re jealous. And if you can feel jealousy, maybe—”

“No,” he didn”t shout, but he said it in a way that expected no further discussion.

“Shale, this could mean—”

“It doesn”t mean anything.”

“Can you stop cutting me off?” I growled.

“Can you stop speaking nonsense?”

“It”s not nonsense if there”s proof.”

“That is proof that I still feel other emotions, Sebastian,” Shale said wearily. “Not that I can . . .”

“Love me?” I finished.

The King”s expression filled with pity—the last thing I wanted to see in his eyes when he looked at me.

“Don”t do that,” I said. “I know what this is.”

“I think you did know, but now you”re getting more attached.”

“Me? You just yelled at me for speaking to another man. Another man who”s a kingdom away, Shale.”

His face twitched. “Sebastian, it”s not that I don”t want to love you or that I feel nothing for you. I am incapable of that emotion. It”s gone. There is no growing it back like a lost limb.”

I blinked. “You can grow back limbs?”

“We”re getting off the subject.”

“Look, I know you can”t suddenly feel love again. And I know that even if you could, it wouldn”t mean you”d fall in love with me. I know this is temporary. But maybe I”m hoping for a miracle. Not for me, Shale. For you. I want you to feel love again. If not with me, then with someone else. In fact, it would be better for you to feel it for someone else. Someone immortal.”

Shale sighed and sat down on the steps.

I sat down with him, with the far-speaker between us. It felt as if there was more between us.

“I”ve had a lot of miracles in my life,” he said. “And I”ve paid dearly for them. The greatest things come at a cost.”

“My mom always says the greatest things are free.”

He looked at me with eyes that had seen too much tragedy. I wanted to erase that trauma, just take it out of him and give him a fresh start. But there was no do-over for the Dragon King. He had sacrificed his love to live, and now he had to, well, live with that.

I shrugged and pasted on a grin. “Hey, what”s so great about love anyway, right? It can make you happy, sure, but it can also be fucking depressing.”

Shale”s lips twitched.

“And lust is so much better.” I leaned across the far-speaker to nuzzle his cheek. “We have desire. And even if we don”t love each other, we can like each other. A lot.”

He finally smiled. “I do like you a lot, my doll.”

Shale cupped my face and pulled me in for a kiss. It was so tender and slow, that if I hadn”t known Shale was incapable of love, I”d swear he felt it for me. I”d swear I could feel it rising in him, reaching for me. It felt light and heavy all at once. Bubbling and still. Steady and wild. And I never wanted to stop feeling it.

Maybe I was feeling my emotions, not his. Well, no shit. You can”t feel someone else”s emotions like that. What was it the Mind Scholars called it? Projecting. Yup. I was projecting my feelings onto Shale. I loved him so much that I thought I could feel his love for me. Feel it. What a moron I was.

When the kiss ended, Shale leaned his forehead against mine. But then he pulled away, and I knew something terrible was going to come out of his mouth. I could see it in his eyes.

“I am all thorns, Sebastian. No blooms here. If you reach too deeply searching for buds, I will only make you bleed.”

I stared at him for a second, my chest aching with the truth in his words. Then I said, “Damn it. That was pretty, Shale. Way better than my poem about your ass.”

Shale let out a surprised bark of laughter. As his humor faded, he shook his head and smiled at me. “I know you want more for me, and that”s kind of you. But you must know that you have already changed my life for the better. I”m as happy as I can be. I laugh again.” He grimaced. “I shout. I rage. I feel.” He took my hand. “You gave me that. There is your miracle.”

The constriction in my chest melted. I was in love, and Shale would never feel the same. But he wouldn”t feel more than this with anyone else either. I had the best of him. And even lacking love, his best was pretty damn incredible.

I just hoped he was wrong about the cost of miracles.

“You see?” I grinned at him. “You”re not all thorns, Shale. And even if you were, I can handle a few pricks.”

Shale chuckled. “I”ll bet you can.” Then he looked down at the far-speaker. “Now, who were you talking to, and what is this device? I”ve only seen mirrors used for long-distance communication.”

“Have I ever told you about my friend Galin? He”s the mate of the Dragon King of Sken.”

“You”ve mentioned him.”

“Well, he”s an inventor.” I went on to tell Shale all about Galin, the wonderful things he made, and his romance with King Rianvar. I also told him about the beetle infestation I helped them with, and how Galin was the one who actually ended the infestation with an invention I was sure would become the standard farmers used to deal with rasalt beetles in the future.

By the time I was done telling my story, the day was falling into night, and it was getting too dark to work. I could have brought out some lanterns, but then I”d work too long. It was a good practice to finish at dusk, and I didn”t want to break it just because I”d been talking to the Dragon King. My lover who couldn”t love. But whom I loved. I still refused to tell him about my feelings. It would sadden him and make him feel guilty. Maybe even sour our relationship. So, I would keep it to myself, along with the hope that Shale would get one more miracle.