Chapter Eight

The Eye was not pleased. She pestered me throughout the hours leading up to my date with Aras. My hands began to shake. It's difficult to tone out someone speaking to you, but when they're in your head, it's impossible. I couldn't escape her. She just kept going on and on about the danger I was in and how much we needed each other. She wasn't happy with Aras's sexual proclivities either. She said it weakened my hold over him. I thought the opposite, but she wouldn't listen to me. And the Eye, unlike me with her, could ignore it when I spoke.

As my carriage stopped before the gangplank of the Tiger's Claw, I growled, “If you do not shut up during my date, I will stop seeking you.”

You need me, the Eye said. They are coming for you, Lyrandir. I believe they will attack you soon. They—

“I do not care!” I snarled, still speaking aloud. I had to vent my fury somehow. Angry thoughts didn't offer the same release. “I will have this night with him, and you will let me enjoy it, or I will stop the hunt.”

Silence. Then, As you wish.

More silence. At least in my head. As my mind went clear, other sounds came to me. The people on the docks. The sailors on the ships. And then the certain footsteps of my mate approaching. The carriage door swung out, and there he was—dressed in the finest garments he owned.

“You look wonderful,” I said as Aras climbed in.

“Thank you.” Aras sat across from me, his tail curling over his lap from within his wool coat. Polished boots gleamed on his feet but the leather of his gloves with a soft dull black. Aras was all contrast—from his clothing to his personality. And I found it enthralling.

The carriage moved away from the dock and back into traffic. We turned toward the Renris Theater.

“You look good too,” Aras said. “I like the all-black thing. It makes your hair even brighter. Like spun rubies.”

“Are you trying to be romantic?” I smirked at him.

Aras grimaced and looked out the window.

I snatched his hand and yanked him forward, meeting him halfway to whisper, “I like it.” Then I kissed him.

Aras slid to his knees and moved between my legs, deepening our kiss. With passion riding me, I considered allowing him to do the same. But I didn't want a rushed fuck in a carriage. I wanted more from my mate. At least in the beginning. I had marked my territory in his cabin, spreading my scent over that of his old lover. That was enough to bank my beast for the time being.

My control made me proud, but I knew it had something to do with the Eye and the relief of her silence. All that internal yammering had been weighing on my dragon as much as me. Now, with her withdrawn, it could breathe. Stretch. Relax for a while. And just being with our mate made it happy. No need for more.

Yet.

So, I stopped the kiss and helped Aras up onto the bench beside me. When he leaned in to start again, I said, “Not here. We don't have enough time.”

Aras laughed and shook his head at me.

Scowling, I asked, “What's so funny?”

“Do you think every kiss needs to lead to sex?”

I lost my frown to confusion, then a horrifying enlightenment came. “I suppose I do. That's awful, isn't it?”

He started laughing again.

“Don't laugh at me,” I said and pushed at him. Then I joined in. But when our laughter subsided, I realized that it was terrible in other ways. I whispered, “I don't think I've ever loved anyone.”

“What?” Aras went still.

“Kissing has always led to sex for me because it's all I ever wanted from a lover,” I admitted. “I've never loved anyone romantically. Never even wanted to.”

“Ah.” He smoothed his hair and then his jacket.

I watched him for a few moments, his stiff movements bringing a smile back to my face because I could feel what they were hiding—his disappointment. I took his hand. “Aras.”

His jaw hardened as he looked at me.

I snorted.

“Now, you're laughing at me?” Aras growled and shoved my hand away. “Is it funny to you that I want more? All that talk earlier. You were just placating me, weren't you?”

“No, I was not placating you,” I said as my heart soared. “I meant every word, Aras. Every. Word.”

Sweet Goddess, was I falling in love already? Is that what I was feeling—this buoyant effervescence that was akin to flying? This shivering in my chest? Was that love? Was love the reason I could control my lust? Holy shit. It shouldn't have surprised me. Love was supposed to be inevitable in a mating. I knew it was coming. I expected and hoped for it. But I had never felt it before, not for a lover. So, I couldn't be sure. Couldn't recognize it. Funny, the word “lover” implied that the emotion was involved. And yet that was often not the case. I couldn't be the only man on all of Serai who had never been in love. And the more I thought about it, the more grateful I was that Aras was the one to introduce me to the emotion.

Shoulders dropping, he asked, “You did?”

I reclaimed his hand to say, “How can you ask that after this afternoon? For fuck's sake, do you think I would have invited you to the theater tonight if all I wanted was sex? I wouldn't have bothered. The only reason I told you about my past and the lack of love in it was because it's different with you. I wanted you to know just how different it is. I have never been in love, Aras. But for the first time in my life, I want to be.”

“You want to fall in love?” Wincing, he turned to face me. “I may have overreacted a bit.”

I burst out laughing.

Aras grimaced. “It felt as if you were rejecting me. And then you said that you had never loved anyone, and all you wanted was sex.”

I shook my head at our follies. “I did not say that. I said that was all I wanted in the past. From other men. If all I wanted was sex from you, why would I have stopped you just now?”

“You said there wasn't enough time for sex.”

I replayed what had happened in my mind. “Ah. Yes, all right.” I sighed. “We've rushed things a bit. I don't regret it, but it means that we don't know each other as we should. And frankly, I've never attempted to get to know a man intimately. I don't know what I'm doing, Aras.”

“Fuck,” Aras whispered.

“I've disappointed you,” I concluded. “You've craved an alpha lover for so long, and you finally get one only to discover that he doesn't know how to have a relationship. But you can help me through this without being in control. We can—”

“Lyrandir!” He squeezed and shook my hand.

I paused. “Yes?”

“I'm not disappointed. Quite the opposite.”

“What? It pleases you that I don't know how to be with someone?”

“Yes. Yes, it really fucking does.”

“Why?” I gaped at him.

“Because it means that I'm the first.” Aras grinned. “I'm the first man you've ever found worthy of more. Of making an effort. I've never been asked on a date before, but you've never been on one, have you?”

I cleared my throat. “I, uh, I've had lovers escort me to events and attend me at meals many times.”

“I don't think that's the same thing.” His grin broadened.

“No, it's not,” I agreed and sighed. “This is all very new to me.”

“It's new to me too,” he said. He chuckled and added, “Certain aspects.”

“Such as the domination?”

“Domination,” Aras repeated. “That's a strong word. I don't know if I'm ready to label what we do together as that.”

“All right. We'll find our way through our relationship together—both in and out of the bedroom—without labels.” Like, mate .

“Agreed.”

Before I could say anything more, the carriage came to a stop. Aras pressed a quick kiss to my lips, then opened the door and jumped out. I followed more slowly, giving myself time for a bright grin before I had to compose myself.

A new relationship. For both of us. We would be firsts for each other. Firsts and lasts.