54. A Single Moment

54. A Single Moment

Skylenna

“What’s this about?” Warrose asks.

Niles and Marilynn sit down to the left of Ruth after finding Dessin and bringing him back to us. He’s standing in the entryway of the cage, leaning on one shoulder, looking like a shadow of death, a grim reaper. His hands are trembling at the sight of me, though he won’t raise his eyes to meet mine. In fact, he doesn’t stare any higher than my legs.

“The Fun House is tonight,” I announce. “Kaspias told me that the theme is called the Guzzle Ride.”

“Shit,” Warrose breathes, running his hands through his thick hair nervously.

“Well, that doesn’t sound good,” Niles says.

“They force the inmates to drink from an alcoholic hose. Then they must walk across a plank surrounded by a trench of fire. Many die from not being able to walk a straight line.”

The moment my gaze falls on Ruth, I realize what I’ve said.

“I’m going to burn,” she utters, her face turning a deadly shade of gray.

“No, you’re not.” Dessin takes a step into the cage. “And neither is Marilynn since she can’t even drink alcohol with the baby.”

My stomach drops. I didn’t even consider that.

“Warrose, I recall you being able to drink any Demechnef captain under the table since the age of thirteen. You’ll drink Ruth’s share of the hose and carry her across the plank.”

Warrose snorts. “I was already going to do that, but thanks for stealing my thunder.”

“Niles and I will drink from Marilynn’s share,” Dessin finishes.

My spine aches, feeling feeble and unsteady at the sound of his beautiful baritone voice.

“It may not come to that.” I find my voice buried under my splitting heart. “Kaspias told me he has a plan to make this right.”

“And you believe him?” Ruth asks, somewhat hopeful in her drooping eyes.

“Yes. When I had him in that dungeon, I did something to him in the void. Something I’ve never done before.”

“What was it?” Warrose asks.

“I took away the abuse and changed the trajectory his life would have taken if he had been raised by his mother. He’s not the same man we knew. And right now, all he wants is to make this right. All he feels is remorse.”

Five pairs of eyes blink at me. Their wheels turn as they process this information.

“You think he’s going to help us,” Niles muses skeptically.

“It’s another one of her tricks.”

Everyone turns to look at Dessin. And this time, he’s glaring directly into my soul, searing his hatred through my bones like a branding iron.

Warrose cracks his knuckles in frustration. “Give it a fucking rest.”

“It’s not a trick,” I mutter, losing my breath as I maintain eye contact with him.

“No? Only a demon should be able to rewire someone’s brain.”

“Or an angel.” Ruth reaches out to grab Dessin’s ankle. He looks down at her like he’s trying to understand why someone is touching him. “Dessin? Can you come down here?”

He blinks, widening his stance defensively. But lying on the floor, her head on Warrose’s lap, she looks so weak. Her hair has thinned, cheeks sunken in, and the beautiful brown eyes have lost their sparkle. Dessin sighs, bending a knee to be closer to her.

“Are you my friend?” she asks him.

“Yes.”

“And haven’t I already been through enough?”

Dessin nods solemnly.

“Then stop hurting me by speaking about my sister and the woman you love this way. I have been through enough. It breaks my heart to hear the poison of your words.”

The muscles in my back solidify. I hold my breath involuntarily. It kills me that I’m not suffering alone on this. What they’ve done to Dessin, to the other alters, it’s hurting all of us. His hatred, his distrust of me…

I understand how he felt when I was so angry at him about keeping Aurick’s identity from me. I lashed out, refusing to speak to him. But in truth, this is much, much worse. Every beautiful memory we’ve ever shared has been violated in his mind.

His grim, dark-mahogany eyes flick up to me, then back down to her pale face.

“Okay, Ruth.”

I let my eyes fall closed and sigh, feeling tender all over.

Ruth nods, squeezing his hand that rests on his thigh. “Thank you.”

~

Skylenna

The line going into thestadium is long, winding around the musty hallway.

“I feel sick,” Ruth mumbles against Warrose’s shoulder.

“Keep her legs elevated, and be extremely careful around her bandages,” Dessin instructs, looking a little worried at Ruth’s wincing face.

“You’re not moving an inch the entire night, my little rebel.” Warrose carries a lightness to his tone, like he’s trying to keep her calm. “If I say anything inappropriate while I’m drunk, just ignore it and don’t remind me about it tomorrow. Oh, and if you happen to observe Dessin during all of this, be sure to let me know if he’s a sloppy drunk.”

“I’m not,” Dessin grunts.

I smirk before I’m brought back to reality, where my smile quickly fades.

“Not true. He thinks he’s greater than thou because he considers the drink to be a poison that he would not choose to enter his precious body.”

To our joy, Warrose’s little confession has elicited a laugh out of Ruth. The sound is quick and small, but it’s there like a pearl found in an oyster. Niles turns around to grin wide at Warrose.

“What’s your point?” Dessin glares.

“You are a lightweight.”

Niles snickers. “Let’s get him a sippy cup!”

Dessin slides his intolerable glare to Niles, unflinching as he communicates his lack of humor and annoyance silently.

“Mm-hmm, yep, I’m just going to check on this line.” Niles takes a step to the other side of Marilynn like a coward. She pats him on the back with a chuckle.

I focus on my breathing as I try tapping into the void. After what I did to Masten and Kaspias, it has felt distant, unreachable. I have to do everything in my power to reverse what they’ve done to Dessin.

Before he falls in step with the moving line, I hook my hand around his elbow, pulling him off to the side with a knot forming in my stomach.

“Get your goddamn hand off of me before I cut it off,” he growls with clenched teeth.

I know this isn’t you, but that still hurts.

Respecting his space, I remove my hand, placing it to my side. One breath in, one breath out. I count to four.

“I don’t know what Kaspias has planned,” I say under my breath.

Dessin stares down at me from his lofty height.

One breath in, one breath out.

“To the point,” he grits out.

I know this isn’t you.

“I mean, I—I don’t know what’s going to happen. And that scares me.”

“Nothing scares you,” he responds bitterly.

“There is something that terrifies me, actually.” I look up at him. “Being separated from you knowing how you feel about me. How you’re plagued with revulsion at the sight of me. That scares me.”

“I don’t believe you.”

But again, something behind his eyes shifts, a glimmer of doubt.

“Soon, when I’m strong enough, I’ll be able to give you every last moment they stole from your mind. But right now, all I can do is find something they might have missed. Something that will show you the truth of my words.” Insecurely, I clasp my hands together and twist.

“I won’t fall for your tricks.” He blinks slowly, like this conversation has already lost his interest. A lie I can spot immediately.

I use all of my strength to call upon the void, but it answers with a long rope that ties me to Dessin. A bridge I need to cross in order to access its vast range of space.

And thinking back on the conversation I had with Dessin recently, I know exactly what I need to do.

Dessin’s eyes widen in alarm as he sees me actively make the decision to do this, knowing it might end poorly for me. But it’s the only option I have. The only way out.

Like I once did in that abandoned Demechnef building, I throw my arms around Dessin’s neck, pulling my body flush to his in the fiercest hug I can muster. His large hands catch my waist up high, close to my ribcage, in an attempt to stop me or push me away. His form goes rigid, unyielding like a wooden board against my soft curves.

But I don’t let go.

I hug him like it’s the first time all over again.

And with the surge of emotions attached to the two of us, the void slams into me like a bolt of lightning, flooding my senses as I tumble into his subconscious. We float into a clear blue sky like a bird soaring over a magical village, the kind you would see in the pages of a mystical storybook.

The inner world.

But the void doesn’t allow me to explore. It doesn’t give me the chance to meet his alters, see their real faces. We travel over an ocean, through the clouds of a hurricane. It must be hundreds of miles as the rain drenches us in the sky. And this place isn’t like our initial impression of the inner world. It’s stormy and cold, waves crashing over each other in a gray ocean that moves violently like it’s in the middle of war. And among the fog and sea mist, there’s a tower.

It’s a tall fortress made of granite, onyx, and ashlar, with the sides covered by thick layers of algae. It’s a prison. I can feel the forbidden energy hanging in the air around it, shaming us for coming so close. But the void throws us at the foot of its entrance.

“I’m not supposed to be here,” Dessin gasps, backing away from the sheltered doorway and into the pounding wall of rain and mist.

“What is this place?” I ask.

Dessin’s eyes dart over the exterior of the tower. “This is where the deeper alters stay. I can’t go near them. They’re never supposed to have any contact with any other alters.”

I remember the conversation he told me about them. It was one of our earlier nights in the prison, and he opened up about the inner world.

“The trauma they hold could bleed into other alters,” I state in exasperation.

“Yeah.”

I’d respect this boundary if the void wasn’t drawing me into this prison like a fishing hook reeling me out of the water.

“Dessin, I think there is an alter in here that can help.”

He shakes his head, sprinkling water across my face with the action.

“He doesn’t have to come in.”

Dessin and I turn our heads back to the entrance, refocusing our eyes on a woman I wouldn’t have guessed resided in his hopeless place.

Sophia takes a step into the windy atmosphere.

Dessin stumbles back across the rocky terrain, mouth gaping open as he watches her.

Sophia’s dress flaps in the hazy storm, rising and falling around her like a pink puff of smoke. She smiles at us sadly. “I had to keep something safe before they did their damage.”

Chills blossom over my back.

“What did you keep safe?” I ask so quietly, it sounds like an expelled breath.

“Memories.”

Dessin takes a step forward. “I can’t be close to you and the trauma you hold.”

“Trauma wasn’t the reason I split,” she murmurs. “I’m a memory holder. But my purpose is to protect the memories that have given us life. The small moments that have made the trauma worth the struggle.”

Sophia moves toward him, and although Dessin fears this place, he doesn’t shy away from her. Why? For the same reason I feel so nostalgic around her calming presence. For the same reason her energy reminds me of falling in love, picking flowers, or having a first kiss under a waterfall.

She reminds me of all the good things that have happened to us.

She reminds me of home.

“I think it’s time I give a moment back to you,” she adds, placing her left hand on his shoulder, and reaching her other hand out for me to take.

His breath hitches as my skin touches hers, shooting us both through the memory as if we’re living it all over again.

~

Dessin

“I watched you die!” Skylennascreams in anger at first, but the meaning behind her words causes her bottom lip to tremble. And she breaks into tiny little pieces.

We’re surrounded by dead Vexamen soldiers in the Hangman’s Valley. DaiSzek and I followed the sixth sense that she was in danger. We knew exactly what to do.

And this is the first time she’s seeing me since I died in her arms.

She coughs out a sob and tries to feebly pound her fists against my chest. I can’t watch her fall apart any longer. I grab her hands before they meet my chest, drawing her against my body and walking us back until I’m pressing her against a tree.

My heart is a flurried storm of endless anguish. That storm doesn’t calm until I rest my forehead to hers, silencing the noise of the forest, silencing the other alters in my mind.

Her golden face becomes blurry through the thin sheen of tears.

“I was so cold…” she whimpers, sending a thousand knives through my soul. “I wanted to die, too.”

How could I ever make up for this pain I’ve caused her? How will I ever live up to deserving a heart as pure as hers?

“Forgive me,” I grunt through the lump forming in my throat. “Forgive me. Because I’ll never forgive myself. We never wanted you to hurt like this.”

It was her plan when she was younger. Our Skylenna was actually willing to succumb herself to this custom form of hell just to be with us. Just to be able to protect us the way we’ve always protected her.

She cries harder than I’ve ever seen her cry, drooping in my arms as she bellows. I lock my hold around her, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair, feeling her heartbeat against my own.

I love you, baby. I love you so much.

“Please, don’t leave me,” she begs with a small voice, so desperate, so tortured, I nearly drop to my knees.

“I’m here. I’m here.” Every muscle in my arms and back tightens, fiercely wrapping around her limp frame, determined to always hold her up at her weakest.

Skylenna howls against me, unraveling against my chest. “You were dead!”

“I was. And it killed me more watching you watch me die.”

“I can’t get the memory out of my head. I see your blood on my hands everywhere I go.”

Fucking hell. Nothing in the world has ever cut me this deep.

“And I’ve become a monster. You—”

I dive my head forward, capturing her mouth with my own, cutting off her question with the uncontrollable need to taste her kiss again. And it isn’t like any other time I’ve laid my lips on hers. It’s tortured. It’s traumatized. It’s deeply, madly, ferociously in love with her. Through the tears dripping down her face, the blood and sweat splattered across our skin. Her arms wrap around my neck, and I tighten my hold on her waist.

“I fucking missed you, baby.”

And I did. I missed the woman I love more than I missed having a beating heart. Because without her, I have no heart. Without her, I have no air in my lungs.

Skylenna Winter Ambrose is my whole world.

~

Skylenna

I open my eyes afterseeing into the special memory Sophia gave back.

She’s gone. Like smoke spiraling into the air from a small fire. Disappearing into the ocean’s breeze, back where she belongs to protect their system’s precious memories.

And it’s just us.

Dessin takes a step back with an open mouth and an agonized expression.

“That was…” he breathes.

“One of the best days of my life,” I tell him weakly.

“I—” He shakes his head in muted shock. “That was real.”

“Yes.”

Stop crying. Stop crying. Stop crying.

“I…felt it. I remember.” He looks me up and down as if seeing me through a new lens. His chocolate gaze rests over my lips, the curve of my neck, my hands, my long hair.

He remembers me.

Now I know why those words meant so much to them.

I remember.

“You were so emotional to see me,” he says without the usual hard edge to his voice. He moves in my direction, using his left thumb to trace through the trail of my tears. “Is it because you love me?”

My eyes burn as I stare up at him through the spray of sea water and rain.

“Yes. Because you’re my soulmate, and when I watched you die on that beach…there was no life without you. No sun. No warmth.” I run my fingertips over the hairs on his forearm, savoring the fact that he doesn’t pull away from my touch even though it’s hard for him.

“This is…hard for me to accept,” he grunts.

“Why?”

“I still remember how you tortured us our entire lives. I don’t know how to move past it.”

Dread turns my stomach sour. I wish I had the time and strength to help him right now. But this trip into the void has already cost me so much.

“We have to go back,” I mutter.

Dessin looks into my eyes for a few more seconds, as if he might just find all of his answers there. He nods once, pursing his lips as he glances away.

Standing back in the hall of the prison after being sucked out of the void, the line nearly disappears into the stadium. I untie my arms from around Dessin’s neck, lingering close to his face, sharing the same breath.

“We should get inside,” he says, eyes fixed on my mouth.

“Okay.”

But as he walks away, my heart crumbles. Everything from here feels uncertain. Life and death are a part of the same thread of fate.

“Dessin…”

He turns around, and for a moment, his gaze reminds me of the first time our eyes met in the asylum. The raw magnetism dragging us together.

“I won’t give up until I return all you’ve lost. I’ll love you until hell freezes over.”

His lips part like some muscle memory wants him to finish that statement. Say the words we’ve always said. But he doesn’t remember them.

I don’t give him the chance to linger on it. My feet sprint to him, closing the distance as I throw my arms over his shoulder, jumping in for a kiss before it’s too late. Dessin doesn’t move as I press my mouth to his. Doesn’t relax his stern muscles as I latch onto his shoulders, kneading my fingers into his back.

After the initial shock, he exhales into a brief pause, then grabs my face in his strong hands and deepens the kiss. It’s both reluctant and fueled with exploding passion. His heart warring with his mind. I memorize his taste, his cedar scent, the softness of his full lips, and the calluses of his palms grating against my cheeks.

And even then, Dessin.

He breaks the kiss off abruptly, storming into the stadium without looking back.

I slump in the spot he left me in, arms shaking in the place he once stood. Depression forms a collar around my throat, squeezing until I’m panting in Dessin’s absence.

“We don’t have long. You’re going to have to do everything I say and never deviate,” Kaspias says, making me flinch back as he unlocks the collar around my neck.

“What?” I ask, rubbing my hands along the raw skin.

Kaspias smiles genuinely, rubbing his hands together. “There’s an army at our border. And I’m here to execute your escape. You think you can lead them into battle to save your friends?”