51. Darkest Of Heartbreaks

51. Darkest Of Heartbreaks

Skylenna

Within a breath of amoment while my hands are pressed against his temples, years go by that play out the events of his entire life.

“She loved me,” Kaspias mutters in the safety of Ambrose Oasis. “Sophia loved me.”

The void flickers as my energy depletes. I don’t know how much longer I can last here. My head swims with delirium and fuzziness. Everything starts to sway.

“Skylenna?” Kaspias rises to tower over me in the buttery sunlight.

I shake my head.

“What’s happened?”

“We have to go back,” I slur.

Kaspias nods, wiping fresh tears from his eyes. His hands find mine, and it’s like being sucked into a funnel. A whirlpool. The void blasts us through its cold, windy airway, spitting us back out into the dungeon.

I’m a shivering puddle on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest, hissing out of my chattering teeth. This is going to kill me. I feel it. All heat is seeping out of my pores, leaving my body with every exhale. Even the beating of my heart drudges along, barely making an effort to pump anymore blood in my limbs.

“What can I do?” Kaspias kneels, tucking my hair behind my ears.

My vision clouds over. I can hardly keep my eyes open as ice hardens my spine, chilling my brain to its core.

“B-lankets.”

He leaves the room, footsteps heavy and loud as they thump against the cracked stone floors. Unsure how much time passes, my eyes flutter open as he returns with dirty cotton blankets. He wraps them around my shoulders, tucking their edges under my chin.

“What else?” He keeps his swollen eyes level with mine, waiting patiently for my next request.

“I n-eed you to take m-me back to my friends,” I say quietly. “And I’ll n-need you to find a way to g-get us all out of here.”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “Getting that many high-profile prisoners out is impossible.”

My hazy eyes shoot up to meet his. “A-and you’ll find a way. F-f-for your brother and everything you’ve just c-cost him. Now take me back to them. Please.”

In his strong arms being carried through the long, grim halls of this prison, I feel safe. The same way I’ve felt every time Kane carried me long distances. I press my cold face against the armor on his chest, trembling belligerently as I try to block out the breeze brushing past my arms through the small holes of the cotton blankets.

“I’ll do everything in my power to get you out of here,” Kaspias whispers as we get closer to my cage.

“Okay.”

“What the fuck have you done to her?!” Warrose’s unmistakable baritone voice slams into my ears and startles my eyes to blink open.

Kaspias pauses. “It’s what she’s done to me.”

I hear someone gasp. And my heart twists in my chest at the thought of Dessin looking at me right now. Tears bulge over my eyes as I realize that I can’t help him right now. I can’t make him remember me.

“Who should I leave her with?” Kaspias asks.

A violent sound of something slamming into metal rings through my ears, and I flinch in Kaspias’s strong arms.

“Throw her off the fucking tower for all I care.”

Dessin.

The fury behind his voice pierces my heart like a rusted dagger. A single puncture wound that leaves me infected and bleeding out.

“Dessin,” Warrose scolds.

I hear Dessin panting with wild energy racing off his standing frame. And right now, nothing is more heartbreaking than the fact that all I want is for Kaspias to leave me in his cage. Leave me in his arms. I just want that hug only Dessin and Kane can give me.

“I’ll take her,” Warrose says softly.

There’s clanking below me as Kaspias unlocks his cage, passing me gingerly to rest against Warrose’s bare chest.

There’s an awkward silence that stretches from Kaspias to the rest of us. All I can hear is the even breathing and heartbeat of Warrose’s warm skin against my left ear.

I open my eyes again, finding Kaspias staring down at Ruth. A deep crease forming between his eyebrows. “I’ll make this right.”

As he walks away. Dessin growls, banging his fists against the metal bars.

“Knock it off!” Warrose snarls.

“Skylenna,” Niles murmurs, kissing my forehead like he hasn’t seen me in years. “What happened?”

I blink through the tears, through the pain of Dessin so close yet so far away. I exhale slowly, unraveling a shaky breath that sounds dangerously close to a sob.

“C-cold,” I say.

“She must have done some damage in the void,” Warrose explains. “Let’s get her warmed up.”

I let my eyes rest as Marilynn helps take off my uniform, pressing my damp skin to Warrose and Niles’s chests. They wrap the blankets around us, creating a cocoon of body heat. Through the fading in and out of consciousness, Ruth holds my hand, Niles whispers sweet words, Warrose massages my cold feet.

“How can you all treat her like she’s some sort of angel?” Dessin speaks, and it feels like a razor blade carving the skin and muscles off my bones.

“Because she is an angel,” Marilynn answers. “You both are.”

“Is this what you wanted?” Dessin’s question is directed at me. I sense the weight of it, like a rock too heavy to skip across the water.

“What?” I mutter with a dry mouth.

“To isolate me from my friends. To leave me with nothing and no one.”

With labored breaths, I force myself up, using my hand to push off Warrose’s shoulder and Niles’s thigh to grip the bars, facing Dessin in his cage. His blazing eyes shudder as they land on my naked body, my blue lips, my puffy, tear-streaked face.

Dessin looks away, taking long, staggered breaths.

“L-look at m-me,” I command in a wobbly voice. He continues glaring at the floor. “LOOK AT ME!”

Dessin drags his glower from the floor to me reluctantly.

It brings me back to the Red Oaks. To the time he lit a fire on the shore of the lagoon. I took my wet dress off, and I dared him to look at my body.

“You. Are. Not. Alone.” I wish I could still my body, stop it from shivering, stop the endless chill from freezing my veins.

He remains so still. Not even an ounce of compassion.

“If I w-wasn’t sick right now, I’d go into the v-void, and I wouldn’t come back until I found you. I would use my l-last breath to show you every memory I have of the two of us.” I grip the bars, sensing my friends turning away to give me privacy as I bear my soul to him.

“I have every memory of us. Do you know how many alters have had to split off because of those memories?” He shows his teeth, grimacing at my naked body. Disgusted. Hysterical wrath unfurling in his bloodstream.

“I don’t care about the fabricated memories that the Mind Phantoms gave you. I want you to s-see ME! I w-want you to remember when you watched Meridei whip me in the asylum. The rage you felt because all you wanted was to protect me. To—avenge me.”

Tears flood over my bottom lashes, gushing down my red cheeks. I force the stammering away from my voice so I can get this out clearly.

“I want you to remember the moment you found me in Albatross’s cage. How you maimed him for hurting me. For torturing me. I want you to remember the nights we slept under the stars, next to DaiSzek and a fire you built. The day you held back my hair as I vomited from the poison Meridei and Belinda gave me. Or the way you kiss me like you’ve been waiting your whole life just to touch me!”

I’m hiccuping now, choking on sobs as snot and tears coat my face.

“You died in my arms. My lap, my hands, my cheeks—I was covered in your blood! I told you I loved you for the first time on that beach. I burned down the asylum, exacted every threat you ever made to your tormentors, and lost my mind as I watched your body get lowered six feet under the ground.” Pressing my throbbing face between the bars, I force him to see me. “All because I love you. I love every alter. I love every fragment of your soul. And through every obstacle, every tragedy, you’ve gone to hell and back just to be with me. Why? Because. You. Loved. Me. Too.”

And for a small, minuscule fraction of a second, Dessin’s eyes shutter, and he leans back. Away from me. Like he saw something in my eyes, he felt something. Touched a memory that has been preserved by the deepest layers of his mind.

I bawl so hard, Warrose has to wrap me in my blankets and hold me close until I pass out from exhaustion. From being so close to my soulmate, yet so far away. From the darkest of heartbreaks.

~

Dessin

The food in my mouthhas no taste. But I make an effort to look busy with each spoonful because I can feel their eyes on me. Warrose and Niles sit across from me, pushing their food around as they continuously look up to steal glances.

“Stop looking at me,” I grumble.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Warrose asks.

“Not even a little bit.”

I can’t get her crying face out of my head. I’ve never seen her cry in all the years she’s made us suffer. Never a single tear. Never a sign of remorse. She’s only ever been capable of wicked amusement at my expense.

Why put this act on anyway? What does she gain from it?

“Did you feel anything after what she had to say to you?” Warrose probes, dropping his fork on the table.

I wish I could say no.

I felt…everything.

Every emotion known to man, and some unidentifiable ones. Saying I died in her arms? The devastation welling in her eyes? It made my chest grow tight. It sucked the air out of my lungs. What kind of manipulation tactic is that? And why did it cut my heart open?

“Anger,” I respond.

“Pfft.” Niles rolls his eyes. “It was more than that. We all saw your face.”

I keep my burning stare fixed on my food. Why do we have to talk about her at all? I should be focusing on our escape. But that demon’s face captivates my thoughts like a plague cast down to punish me.

Warrose clears his throat, raising his brows at something over my shoulder. I turn around to look and immediately regret it. My heart races as I follow the tall blonde with dazzling green eyes walking into the commissary.

I blow out an annoyed breath.

“Relax,” Warrose growls.

How can I? The bane of my fucking existence is locked away in close proximity to me. I can’t escape her destructive presence. I can’t get rid of this evil entity.

And to make matters worse, Kane’s brother walks up behind her, placing a hand on her back as he whispers in her ear. The demon listens intently, nodding her head as he speaks.

I narrow my eyes as I catch the way his breath brushes over her golden hair. Why is he that close? Why does he have his hand on her lower back?

An emotion I’ve never felt around the demon surfaces, blasting through my senses like radiation poisoning. I ball my hands into tight fists until my fingers go numb. My stomach burns, flips, and ties into a knot. What the fuck is wrong with me?

You’re jealous,Kane says in disbelief.

“No, I am not.”

Did I say that out loud?

Kaspias pulls away from her, pausing to look into her eyes. Rage weasels its way back into my nervous system, prickling my skin and setting my teeth on edge. I jump to my feet, knocking my tray over in the process, sending it clattering to the floor along with the rest of my food. The bang is loud enough to draw the attention of a few nearby tables, along with them.

The demon and Kaspias.

They stop looking at each other to tilt their heads toward me.

I move without thinking, blazing my way through the scattered inmates blocking my path to Kane’s brother. Bumping my shoulder past the last obstacle, I stand at eye level with Kaspias, glowering into his bark-colored eyes lined with black paint.

“Dessin,” he breathes. And his brows twitch upward like he’s surprised to see me. Or maybe it’s deeper, more convoluted than that. He’s…gazing at me like a puppy dog.

And the demon, well, she looks like she’s two seconds away from losing it.

I part my lips to explain why I’ve approached them, but the moment I stare into those cold, green eyes, I’m the one that loses it.

My fist flies into Kaspias’s cheekbone. A stabbing pain pings up my knuckles and into my wrist. Kaspias’s face jolts off to the side at the sudden blow. The demon gasps but does nothing to comfort her new friend or to stop me.

My vision turns spotty at the act of defiance, and I start to stumble from the spinning room. The woman who ruined my life grips my elbow to help me stand upright; her touch sends fire racing over my skin. An electrical sensation buzzing across my nerves.

“Get your fucking hands off me,” I growl, ripping my arm from her grasp.

The blonde demon holds her hand to her chest as if I sliced her with a blade. My laugh comes out harsh and cruel, the same way she laughed when Arthur died in front of me.

“What? Don’t act like you suddenly have feelings that I’ve hurt.”

The evil woman stares at me. A look that I can feel weighing down my shoulders, preventing me from taking even breaths.

“You could never hurt me, Dess. Because I know this isn’t you.”

“You’re a fool if you think that to be true. I can, and I will hurt you.”

The demon places her hands on the center of her chest. “You could cut my heart out, and I’d still love you.”

I step away. My throat involuntarily bobs. Why can’t she just stick with her wicked fiend routine? The soulless hellhound that giggled every time we would cry as children. The devil that made so many of us split.

“Stop,” I grit out.

“I’d love you if you snapped my neck right here in front of everyone.” She takes another step.

“I’ll do it,” I warn.

“I’d wait for you in heaven.”

“Stop.”

Her steps close the distance until my panting breaths graze the top of her head. And as I let myself, only for a heartbeat, scan the details of her face, an intrusive thought bursts like an exploding star in my mind. A thought that makes me hate myself, utterly and eternally.

She’s beautiful.

“You’re my soulmate no matter what they do to us,” she whispers.

My heart caves in on itself at that familiar word. Soulmate.

“STOP!” I roar in her face.

The entire commissary goes mute, stopping their conversations abruptly.

And for no reason at all, this has made my entire body shake with emotion. My muscles vibrate against my bones, my lungs pulse in and out as if the oxygen in the air refuses to go down my airways. I’m suffocating. My heart gallops and stumbles, churning and tearing. I lose my bearings as she holds her hands in the air, like she wants to touch me but is scared to anger me further.

The logic of it all sends a blast of more revulsion, more loathing down my spine.

She is a demon.

What trick is this?

Why do her words move my heart like a ship drifting without sails?

Sweat forms over my entire body, and everyone is watching me. Everyone is silent. I might start rapid cycling again if I don’t get this under control.

Get away from her,Sophia warns.

Do you want Kalidus to take over?Cricket asks.

“No!” I snap.

I do as Sophia orders, storming out of the commissary. Faces rush past me as I search the prison halls for a private spot. Why don’t I just kill the demon? I am an avenging alter. I should be able to do what I must to protect and avenge our system. What the fuck is stopping me?

Throwing myself into an empty cage, I scoot to a dark corner, putting my head between my knees and focusing on calming my breathing. But it isn’t working. Nothing is working. I’m dying. I’m suffocating.

“Take my hands.”

My head snaps up to see the demon’s horribly beautiful face watching me with tears in her eyes. Why is she crying? How does she keep faking these emotions around me?

“Do it. Now.”

I must have fully lost my mind. My hands reach for hers without a single thought of retaliation. Her hands are soft, small, swallowed up by my own.

“Squeeze until it goes away,” she whispers, nostalgia swimming in her gaze.

I squeeze her hands hard enough to seriously injure. Enough to make her wince. Enough to make her gasp.

“Harder. I deserve it.”

She does. She’s ruined our lives.

“I should have found you sooner. I should have saved you,” she sobs as I nearly break her bones, pinching her knuckles in my hands.

My jaw goes rigid. And as tears cloud over my eyes, my stomach sinks. Don’t show weakness in front of her! But I can’t stop them from distorting my vision. Something in me, deep and in the most foreign depths of my mind, recognizes the genuine emotions weakening her voice, breaking her heart.

What is wrong with me?!

“You are safe with me,” she says wetly, sniffling through her sobs.

I shake my head, forcing my eyes to go dry.

“Say it. Please.”

Don’t fall for it, Kalidus’s voice is distant as he tries to knock some sense into me.

I swallow. “I’m…safe with you.”

The words glow in my mind like shining beacons. They tug on a memory that feels invisible, thin, and delicate. A moment from another life entirely.

“Yes,” she says softly, “you are safe with me.”

My breathing evens out, slowing and regulating in rhythm. And with that, I pull my hands from her grasp, wiping my face as quickly as possible. Erasing the evidence of that breakdown.

I stand up, my shadow stretching over her crouched stance on the floor. Sad, pathetic, in a desperate puddle at my feet.

“Stay away from me.”

Leaving her behind in that empty cage, I try to ignore the sounds of her muffled cries as they echo down the brimstone walls of the hallway.