Chapter Eleven

Stephen did not know what it was that had forced him to interrupt Lord Stepstone’s questioning of Lady Violet but he had heard Lord Stepstone’s loud exclamation, had seen Lady Violet’s face flush and seen her drop her fork. Something had streaked through him and he had spoken directly to Lord Stepstone about the improvements to his house – even though he had heard everything the gentleman had said already, given the loudness of the gentleman’s voice – and had managed to pull his attention away from Lady Violet.

A sense of gladness had filled him, though now, however, he was stuck with Lord Stepstone continuing on and on about his particular improvements which was a little frustrating. He looked across the table, attempting to show a little bit of interest though finding it very difficult to look at Lord Stepstone for long – given the gentleman was now speaking so loudly so as to capture the attention of everyone. Without meaning to, without having any true desire to do so, Stephen found himself looking into the eyes of Lady Violet and, as she looked back into his face, the shock which ran through him was overwhelming.

Swallowing hard, Stephen found himself unable to take his gaze from hers. It was the first time this Season that he had looked back at her with the full awareness of who she was and as the moment drew on, a sense of uneasiness began to rifle through him. This was the young woman who had caused him so much pain and sorrow, the one who had injured him more severely than any other, so why, then was he fighting to pull his gaze away from hers? Why was it that looking into her face was bringing him a soft yearning which he was unable to take away from himself?

“Your Grace, I must thank you for asking such a question and for being willing to listen to me!” Lord Stepstone continued, and with those words, Stephen found himself slowly returning his attention to the gentleman rather than letting himself linger on the lady instead. “I do hope that some of what I have said will be of interest to you.”

Stephen cleared his throat and forced a smile though it did not linger long. “Indeed, Lord Stepstone. I have a great deal to consider now.”

Lord Stepstone beamed at him. “Wonderful. Mayhap we can talk more over port? I should be glad to hear about your estate. It is quite remarkable the way that you have been given a different title and a different situation! It is a story I should certainly like to hear about.”

“As would I,” said another lady, though Stephen’s stomach twisted hard at the thought of speaking about his estate, his title and all that had happened since the last time he had been in society. There came a few murmurs of agreement and a few gentlemen and ladies looked at him expectantly but Stephen did not do as they had asked, choosing instead to lift his shoulders in a half shrug and then look around the table.

“It is a story mayhap for another time,” he stated clearly, making a few of the guests frown and some sigh with obvious disappointment. Seeing the dark look that one gentleman sent to another, Stephen scowled but then quickly attempted to rearrange his features. He did not want his friend’s dinner party to be ruined by his own intolerance for questions. “It would not be right for me to take all of the attention onto myself,” he continued, hastily, making some of the guests smile quickly at his seemingly obvious consideration of them all. “I am sure that there must be many other things we can discuss other than my own situation.”

Much to his relief, this was accepted by all who sat around the table with him and though Stephen sat back in his chair and let the conversation flow around him, he could not help but glance at Lady Violet now and again. She did not look at him, however. She did not even lift her head, keeping her gaze to her plate and her attention solely upon eating. Stephen considered whether or not he would want to speak with her, whether after the dinner and the port had reached its conclusion, he would desire to share even a single word with her… but after only a few moments of consideration, he shook his head to himself. No, that was not what he wanted. There was nothing that he could say to her and nothing that she could say to him that would cause anything other than further pain. There could be no connection between them any longer. There could be no contentment there. His sole desire was to keep Lady Violet as far from him as possible and only in doing that would he find himself with the smallest bit of relief.

***

“Your Grace?”

Stephen turned around from where he had been standing at the corner of the room, away from the other guests and quietly finding relief and even a little enjoyment in staying back from conversation.

That enjoyment evaporated in a moment as he looked down into none other than Lady Violet’s face. She was pressing her lips together tightly, her eyes nowhere near his as her gaze darted away from his, flitting from one place to the other.

“Lady Violet.” His voice was hoarse, gritty and dark. His hands clasped tightly behind his back and he did not know where to look. His desire had been to avoid this. He had not wanted to speak with her, had wanted to stay back from her and yet, she was forcing her presence upon him… just as she had forced their separation.

“You do not wish to speak with me, I can see that.” Lady Violet’s voice was barely louder than a whisper though Stephen cleared his throat and chose not to say a word, neither in agreement or disagreement. “I only wanted to come to thank you for what you did at the dinner table. It was not required of you. You could very easily have left me to my mortification but you did not.”

“Lord Stepstone was also speaking of me, Lady Violet,” Stephen replied, tightly. “Did you ever consider that I did not want that? That the reason for my interruption was not solely to come to your aid?” It was a lie, of course, for he had seen her embarrassment and had found himself eager to spare her from further shame, but now that he was in her company, now that he was speaking with her directly, a lie came to his lips very easily indeed. He narrowed his eyes as he saw her shoulders slump while she dropped her head.

His heart ripped asunder but he settled his gaze on the wall behind her and did not say another word. His words had injured her but was that not just as she deserved? After everything that she had done to him, did she not deserve a little of the same back from him?

“I shall thank you regardless,” she said eventually, the silence between them growing thick, tension rippling between them. “Whether you did so for your own self or not, I will thank you for what you have done for it helped me a great deal.”

Stephen sniffed but said nothing.

“I will take my leave of you now,” she continued, softly, her head lower than ever before. “Do excuse me for interrupting you.”

The urge to say something more, to say even a single word that would keep her in his company a little longer grew strong indeed, to the point that Stephen found himself blurting out her name. “Violet.”

She turned, her eyes finally alighting on his, a gentle hope flickering there.

Stephen cursed himself silently for saying her name and instead, turned his head away directly. “You… you are very welcome.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her blink and then, after a moment, move away from him directly. Stephen found himself frowning, torn between anger and frustration as he tried to sort through all that he felt and all that he desired in that one moment but instead, he felt as though he was being sucked into a whirlwind. This one evening had rattled him completely, had thrown him about when he wanted nothing more than to remain steady and firm and it had all been because of her.

“Was that Lady Violet I saw you speaking with?”

Stephen scowled as Lord Hampton came to stand beside him, all too aware of the interested look on his friend’s face. “I have no desire to speak of Lady Violet.”

“But you did speak with her, yes?”

Letting out a sigh, Stephen nodded and then shrugged. “It does not matter.”

“Yes, it does,” Lord Hampton stated, firmly. “Of course it does. That is the first time you have said anything to her, yes?”

Stephen nodded reluctantly. Even though it had been years since he had been in company with Lord Hampton, even though it had been a long time since they had been in company together, it felt, to Stephen’s mind, at least, that there had been no loss of time at all. At the same time, it made Stephen frown as he recalled his own behavior towards Lord Hampton of late. He had not exactly behaved in a manner which one might expect from a friend, had he?

“You do not want to talk to me about Lady Violet, I understand,” Lord Hampton said, with a slight shrug. “But I must ask you something.”

“Must you?” Stephen replied, a weary sigh on his lips. “Are you quite certain you must?”

Lord Hampton chuckled and nodded. “I am afraid I must do so, my friend, for it is something that I have been considering ever since your wedding day.”

At the mention of this, Stephen scowled heavily and looked away.

“I must ask you whether or not you have ever considered what it was that forced Lady Violet to end your engagement,” Lord Hampton continued, his voice dropping a little. “Have you ever wondered why she was forced to send you that note?”

“Forced?” Stephen let out a mocking laugh. “You sound like my sister.”

Lord Hampton merely lifted an eyebrow at that and Stephen quickly realized that the reason Lord Hampton was asking such a thing was precisely because he had been listening to Caroline.

“Whatever makes you think that my sister is correct in her assumptions?” he continued, when Lord Hampton said nothing. “To my mind, it was always a pretense, always a mockery of me.”

“By that, you mean that you do not believe that Lady Violet did, in fact, care for you in the way that she said.”

Stephen nodded, silently questioning why it was that he was speaking of such things. He had always kept his feelings to himself, aside from when he had been pressed by Caroline, and in that, he was not at all inclined to speak of his own feelings.

“What if it is as Caroline – and as Lady Violet herself has said,” Lord Hampton asked, still keeping his voice low. “What if she had no desire to end the engagement? What if her hand was forced?”

“There was no reason for her hand to be forced,” Stephen stated, a little angrily. “Her father had given us his consent – and had given it with great enthusiasm, I must say. Her mother too seemed more than agreeable. There could be no reason for her to end the engagement aside from her own realization that she could not lie to me any longer. Or,” he finished, his tone dark, “because she realized she had fallen in love with someone else and wished to pursue him. Though obviously, that did not succeed.” He let out a hard laugh but saw Lord Hampton shake his head.

“I think you are mistaken. Lady Violet herself said – ”

“Lady Violet could be lying,” Stephen hissed, unwilling to let his friend convince him of anything even though there was a part of himself which wanted to believe it. “I do not think that I can give her even a modicum of my trust.”

Lord Hampton let out a breath and then shook his head before turning away. “There is very little point in attempting to speak with you,” he said, a hint of sorrow in his voice. “I am sure that Lady Violet has a great deal of pain and sadness, akin to your own, but you are so wrapped up in your own feelings, you will never be able to see it.” Turning back, he looked straight into Stephen’s face. “And if you did, then mayhap you might be given a second chance at the happiness which you once hoped for but have never managed to find again. Let yourself think of that, my friend. You have become so dark, angry and filled with shadow that you push everyone away from you – even your own sister. As your friend, I have done my best to understand and to come alongside you despite all your animosity and yet I begin to question how often I should attempt to continue. It is little wonder that Caroline was so desperate to remove herself from your company, my friend. If you continue on in such a way, I am sure that you will find very few people will be eager for your presence… myself included.”

Stephen could say nothing as his friend walked away. Every single thing that Lord Hampton had said was quite true and yet despite that, Stephen wanted to do nothing other than protest, complain and state that it was all quite wrong, that it was all nothing more than a lie. Instead, he hung his head as the final words of Lord Hampton continued to ring around his mind. He was pushing everyone away, Caroline included, but was that really what he wanted? Was that truly what he desired? Or was it simply that it was the only way he knew of protecting his heart?