Chapter Nine

The waltz had been very enjoyable indeed, Stephen considered, as he bowed towards the young lady with the brown curls and small smile. Having been encouraged to attend the masquerade ball, he had found himself not only promising his sister that he would attend but also that he would dance at least one dance – and something about that young lady had caught his attention. Perhaps it had been the way that the gentleman who had danced with her before had dropped her hand so quickly or the way that she had turned her head away, making to step back and perhaps a little embarrassed that she had been treated so, Stephen did not know. All the same, Stephen had not been able to catch himself before he had asked the young lady to step out to dance with him and even though she was clearly surprised – astonished, even, that she should be asked – Stephen had not been able to retract his request. Quite why she had been so astonished, Stephen did not know but all the same, he had found himself enjoying the waltz immensely. That had been something of a surprise.

“I thank you,” he murmured, offering her his arm as they made their way back to the side of the ballroom. “I have not danced the waltz for some time.”

“Nor I,” came the quiet reply. “I thank you.”

The last time I waltzed, Stephen thought to himself, a frown settling between his brows, it was with Violet. I remember how wonderful it was. We moved with such ease that…

He stopped, his heart suddenly trembling furiously as he turned to look down at the lady. Her eyes widened behind her mask and Stephen took a step back, making her hand fall from his arm.

No.

The way his chest tightened and his throat constricted told him that there was a chance that the very thing he feared, the greatest worry of his heart had, at this very moment, been fulfilled – and he had done it all unwittingly. He studied her again, taking her in, seeing her for the very first time and taking in the familiarity which now clung to him. Her hair was not brown, as he had first thought given his cursory glance, but rather a coppery red and he had no doubt that her eyes would be green rather than blue or brown. Her height, the way she had settled into his arms as they had danced… all of it spoke of a familiarity which he now understood.

Before him stood Lady Violet. Lady Violet, who had captured his heart and then broken his heart, shattering him completely. Lady Violet, who had ravaged his thoughts for years and years, who had broken into his dreams at night. Lady Violet who had caused him so much suffering… she had been the one he had chosen to dance with.

Stephen’s heart pounded furiously, his whole mind and body screaming and without thinking about it, without even hesitating, he turned around and walked away from her as fast as he could go. His legs took long strides across the floor until he could bury himself into the company of others, hiding himself from Lady Violet’s view.

The crowd swallowed him up but it was as though he could barely breathe, his mind overwhelmed with thoughts, his heart filled with a thousand feelings all coming to him at once. Dizzy, he rubbed one hand over his eyes and stumbled forward.

“Brother?”

Stephen looked up, his eyes fixing to another young lady in a mask though he recognized Caroline regardless. “We must go.”

“Go?” Caroline’s eyes flared and her hand caught his, digging into his arm. “I am not ready to take my leave.”

“But I am,” Stephen ground out, pulling his arm away from his sister. “I must go. At once. Now, Caroline. Please, do not protest. I –”

Caroline caught her breath, her hand going to her mouth. “You saw Lady Violet, did you not?”

Stephen closed his eyes. “Please, Caroline. If ever you had any affection for me –”

“You cannot run away just because she is here,” Caroline said, firmly. “And if you insist upon leaving, then I am going to tell you that I shall find my own way back to your townhouse.”

“Do not be ridiculous.” Stephen took a step closer, aware of the heat which now pushed up through his chest and ran behind his eyes. “You cannot do such a thing.”

“Yes, I can. Lord Hampton is here, as is Lord and Lady Rutherford.”

“Is there something the matter?”

Stephen turned his head and narrowed his eyes, taking in a gentleman he quickly recognized to be Lord Hampton, given that the gentleman had a very small mask on which did not hide a good deal of his face. “Hampton, please. This is not –”

“Would you be able to return me to my brother’s townhouse at the end of the evening?” Caroline asked, ignoring Stephen’s protests. “My brother is quite determined to leave and I am not at all prepared to do so.”

“Leave?” Lord Hampton turned to frown at Stephen. “The evening is only half done! There is still the unmasking and then the food and –”

“He has seen Lady Violet, though quite how he has recognized her, I do not know,” Caroline interjected, before Stephen could say anything. “But because of that, he is insistent and states that he must depart immediately which I think to be most unfair.”

“Unfair?” Stephen protested, throwing up his hands. “It has already been a good few hours here and –”

“Of course I will return you, Lady Caroline.” Lord Hampton smiled. “I am already to return my sister to her townhouse along with Lord Rutherford. You will be perfectly chaperoned and therefore, all will be well.” With a smile, he turned back towards Stephen, his eyebrow lifting in question. “I am sure that there is nothing for you to protest about now, Lancaster. It is not as though there is anything to protest about!”

Stephen opened his mouth and then closed it again, his gaze snapping away from his friend and his sister. He did not much want his sister to be in company with Lord Hampton for there appeared to be a good deal of closeness there, which was something Stephen did not appreciate.

“I must insist, Caroline.”

“Why must you?” Caroline asked, her lip curling as she looked up at him, refusing to move an inch. “You are intent on ruining my happiness, are you not? This is the first evening you have stepped out in society and even now you are determined to put yourself first, are you not?”

“It is really no trouble,” Lord Hampton added, his tone a little more gentle now. “Besides, as I have said, my sister is present this evening and is certain to be a more than suitable chaperone.”

Stephen let out a slow breath and then shrugged, seeing the worry in his sister’s expression and wishing that he was not the sort of brother who caused the lady so much pain. If he insisted upon taking her with him, then she would be right in her statement that he only thought of himself, that he only put himself first. But at the same time, if he left her here, then he was trusting her to Lord Hampton and for whatever reason, that caused him all the more concern.

“Then it is settled,” Lord Hampton stated, slapping Stephen on the shoulder even though he had said nothing. “I will return Caroline to you at the end of the evening. Though,” he continued, tilting his head and looking at Stephen steadily. “I do not think that you should run away from the ballroom just because you have seen Lady Violet. What is it about seeing her that causes you such distress? Surely it was always bound to happen.”

“Yes, it was,” Stephen replied, sharply, “but I cannot help my feelings, Hampton. They have ripped through me like a fire and the only way I can think to douse them, the only way I can think to get ahold of them, is to depart. So might I suggest that, even though you have managed to do as you please as regards my sister, that you permit me to take my leave without any further difficulty?”

Lord Hampton’s eyebrows lifted and he stepped back, a tightness to his jaw now. “Of course. Do not let me hold you back. I was simply attempting to be a friend to you and, in that, offering you a little of my advice.”

Stephen stopped dead, turning to look into Lord Hampton’s face and then turning to see Caroline sigh and shake her head, looking away from him as she did so. His heart sank and his shoulders dropped, though he said nothing more. With only a grunt, Stephen hurried forward and made his way out of the ballroom, beginning to despise himself as he walked out into the crisp night air.

He was doing what he ought not to do, he was all too aware of that. He was speaking sharply to Lord Hampton even though his friend was doing all he could to be of aid not only to him but also to Caroline. He was permitting his feelings to overwhelm him, to rush through him and bite down hard at him, to the point that he was now being practically chased from the ballroom by those emotions. These feelings were not something he desired, were not something that he wanted and yet they bound themselves to him, forcing him to feel every single part of each emotion.

Scowling, Stephen waited for his carriage to be brought around, aware that underneath it all, underneath the darkness and the anger and the fright and the astonishment, there lingered a sense of gladness and of relief that he had, once more, been in Violet’s company and, more than that, had enjoyed holding her in his arms all over again. That was the worst of it. There was a truth to it all, a happiness where he found himself joy-filled because of how near she had been to him. Closing eyes, the only thing he could see was the softness of her eyes as she had looked back into his face. Did she realize that it had been he that she had danced with? Had she recognized him from the very beginning or was there still a confusion there, an uncertainty as to why he had strode away?

“I stammered her name,” he reminded himself aloud, folding his arms over his chest. “She must know by now, surely?”

Closing his eyes, Stephen let out a long, slow breath as he fought to find a way to work through all that he felt. When his carriage came, it was a relief to sink back against the squabs and be driven away from the ballroom. He was leaving Lady Violet behind, though try as he might, he could not leave his tumultuous emotions with her.

And he despised himself for it.