Chapter Twenty-Five

Maureen

T here's something about spring that makes everything seem less tragic. The shadows shrink back a bit, revealing new growth and light. I can't help smiling as I walk across campus, drinking in the sight of new violets pushing up between the cracks in the walkways, basking in the scent of the bougainvillea winding around the iron spires as it creeps up the stone walls of Tenebrose.

I wish I could bottle it up and give it to Villette as a peace offering. Every time I look at Felix, I think of how much she hates me. It breaks my heart over and over again. I need her to forgive me. To be my friend again. With Libra still out galivanting somewhere and Bailey thousands of miles away, Villette is— was —my only friend here. And with all the shit that's coming our way, I need her more than ever.

My stomach knots as I enter the black church, taking away all the hope of spring and new beginnings I felt on the walk over. It's the last week of classes before the summer break, but I wish I could skip it all. Every single one of my classmates either hates me or fears me. Especially the redhead and her posse of pick-me girls. All anyone can talk about these days is how I manipulated a professor into fucking me and joining Nocturnus. Ugh .

I take my usual seat in the last pew where I don't have to feel their eyes burning holes in the back of my head. And I can be far enough away from Felix so that it's more difficult for people to see the fire between us.

I know he can feel me pulling away. And I hate it. But ever since the night of his initiation, I've been racked with guilt. I'm ruining his fucking life. He should have stayed in Ever Graves, far away from our depravity and violence. Then Villette and I would still be friends, and he would be an esteemed and respected professor somewhere else. Some place where ravens aren't trying to attack his students.

"Good morning, everyone. We're going to read something different today. It's a poem that I wrote." He hands a boy in the first pew a stack of papers. "Please take one and pass it back."

My heart races. Of course, he writes poetry . The man is obsessed with it. I should have asked him before. I'm suddenly overcome with a need to read his work. To climb inside his mind and sit for a while.

There's an echo of excitement, oohs, and aahs as the stack of papers gets thinner on its way back to me.

My fingers tremble slightly as I hold it. I don't look down yet. I want to hear the words from his lips.

Once the shuffling of papers stops, he takes a deep breath and wipes a bead of sweat off his brow. "I don't usually do this, but someone told me there's joy that can be found in impulsive gestures."

Butterflies swim in my stomach. He looks nervous. Felix Crane never looks nervous .

"Here goes…"

He puts on his glasses and clears his throat.

"There's nectar on my lips.

A fire in your eyes

The whisper of a wish

For our ship to sail nine tides

There's a beginning that tows the line.

And an ending that bears no fruit

But in these quiet spaces, you are mine

When the world sleeps, I belong to you.

You could bring me wildflowers.

Or a bucket of mustard seeds

I'll fight off all your demons, chop down every single weed.

You could steal a thousand hours.

Be the water when I forget how to flow.

I'll rhyme all your reasons…

Every single brutal blow.

But the raven flies straight

And the Melancholia fantasy seems so far away.

We could call it impossible, call it fate.

Or we could bottle it up like lightning and save it for another rainy day.

There's a pulse that beats when you find your way to me.

A ferocious growl that aches

When the wolf meets the beast, we're face-to-face.

When the need festers and you can't stay away.

Now the whiskey no longer numbs the pain.

We are damaged.

We are broken.

We are fauna.

We are ocean.

The madness inside each other's cold open

Two sparks caught in a circular motion.

A fire that burns under all the corrosion

We've nothing left to give except what is unspoken.

When the struggle of our own making has led us here

And the safety of starving keeps us bound to our fear.

Objects in rearview mirrors move closer when they appear.

Through the smoke and the rubble, we're the headlights and the deer.

Will we ever love this way again?

Across the room as we pretend

That our craving doesn't exist

That what we want isn't more than this.

That we aren't a thousand degrees away from being friends

That meant to be isn't us in the end.

It's a beginning that can't tell time.

An ending that we abuse.

But in the absence of nothing, you are mine

In the hysteria of everything, I belong to you."

His hand is shaking as he sets the paper down on the desk. A hushed awe falls over the room.

My heart is in my throat. He wrote that for me . We lock eyes, and I know it in my bones. I raise my hand halfway up, unsure if I want to speak but dying to say something that lets this man know that it wasn't in vain.

His lip quivers slightly. "Yes, Miss Blackwell?"

"That… that was beautiful," my voice cracks.

He flashes a grin. "It's the subject that's beautiful. The words are merely a catalyst. But… thank you."

For a brief moment, the air stills in my lungs. The room and all the people in it fall away except for me and him.

"All right, enough of me stroking my own ego. Everyone, please turn to page sixty-six. We'll be reading Lord Byron today." He pushes his glasses up as they slide down his nose, going right back into professor mode.

But I still can't catch my breath. I don't even hear much from the rest of the class. I steal looks at him voraciously when I think he's not looking. I don't care if anyone sees. Felix is mine. And I'm his. I'm tired of fighting it. I'm done with feeling guilty about wanting this man.

When the bell tolls, marking the end of the period, I stay in my seat. I ignore the snickers from the people who have probably figured out that the poem was for me.

I wait for every single one of them to file out before making my way down the aisle. The click of my heels against the tiled floors sounds monstrous in the silence of the church. He keeps his back to me while shuffling papers into his briefcase.

My heart hammers in my chest as I stand behind him, unsure of what to say.

"What can I help you with, Miss Blackwell?" He doesn't look up.

I place my hand on his back. "Felix… I'm sorry I've been distant. That was so beautiful. It means everything to me."

He sighs and turns around to face me. "You don't have to apologize for how you feel. I get it. You need me to make the coven stronger. But you don't have to like it."

Fuck. I'm such an asshole.

I shake my head, taking his hands in mine. "I want you, Felix. Not because of your power or your last name. But because you're strange and beautiful and you make me feel special. I let my guilt get in the way."

He towers over me, his eyes alight with ache and desire. "You are special, Little Raven. And you have nothing to feel guilty about."

I look down, my eyes brimming with tears. "I hurt Villette, alienated you from your family, and turned you into a spectacle in front of your students and peers. All because I'm selfish and greedy."

Felix tilts my chin up. He brushes his thumb across my cheek, wiping a tear away. "Listen, love. I pushed my family away a long time ago. That has nothing to do with you. Villette will forgive you. Her heart is too full of love to leave room for grudges. And fuck the students and the other teachers. They're all just jealous. Every single one of them would trade places with us if they could."

This man is breaking me, piece by piece. Tearing my walls down with every word he utters. With every breath he takes. "Why me? What makes me so fucking special?"

He flashes that smirk I've grown to love. The one that makes my stomach flip and my core tingle. "You're wild and free and full of fire. You don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. You take what you want when you want it, and I pray for anyone who tries to get in your way. You're also hauntingly beautiful, sexy, smart…"

Fuck, he knows all the right things to say.

He leans down and whispers in my ear, " And your pussy tastes like cake and stardust ."

I shiver at the feel of his lips on my ear, his breath hot. "I love how you speak to me. Like every thought you have is an eloquent verse. Do you dream in poetry too, Professor?"

He squeezes my hips and pulls me toward him so our chests are flush against one another. "I dream about you, Miss Blackwell. Every night. And all the ways I want to touch you."

I'm a goner. Melting in a puddle of my own lust for this man. "So touch me. Right here, right now. In this church of the Goddess of Death. Defile me in this sacred place."

He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me to the wall, slamming me up against it. "It's only sacred because you're in it."

He teases my lips with his, brushing them ever so softly like a whisper. I whine, consumed with the need for him to kiss me, chasing his lips as he darts back, smirking as he toys with me.

"You're adorable when you pout, Little Raven… so impatient." He nibbles at my bottom lip before dipping his tongue into my mouth and back out.

" Felix ," I beg.

He rakes his teeth over my lips before thrusting his tongue back inside my mouth. Fucking hell it was worth the wait.

I moan into his kiss, gasping for air. For his air to fill my lungs. He tastes like paradise. Like sin and divinity at the same time. I kiss him back with an urgency unlike any I've ever felt. As if his kiss will save me from every dark thing that haunts me.

His lips are soft and firm while his tongue rolls over mine, crashing into every nerve like a tidal wave.

"Help me with my pants," he rasps in between kisses.

I fumble with his belt and practically rip the button right off before unzipping him. I reach in, pull out his cock, and stroke all the way down to the tip.

"Oh, fuck. This is new." I look down in between us to see he has a thick barbell pierced through the tip.

"I got it for you, Little Raven." He hikes up my skirt and rips my panties in half before sliding his finger down my pussy lips. "Fuck, I want to drown in your nectar."

"Yes." I grab his cock and guide him in. We both gasp as he works his long, slender cock inside, the cold barbell almost sending me over the edge as he inches all the way to the back of my core. I feel high as he fills me, leaving no space between us.

"Fuck, Felix…"

He rocks against my G-spot. "I don't want to be your ruin, Little Raven," he breathes in my ear. "I want to be your salvation. Your god. "

" Uhhh ," I cry out as he slams back into me on the word god , filling me so full I can feel the pressure in my belly.

He unleashes everything he has, rocking me against the wall of the church like a monster. I gaze up at the purple stained glass windows and think this is what heaven feels like. And for a moment I think I hear angels sing. But it's probably just the ravens.

He takes my lower lip between his and sucks. "Mmm, fuck. I'll write thousands of poems for you. One for every time I make you cum."

Fuck.

No one has ever kissed or fucked me like this before. It's like our very souls are clawing at each other. Our essences morph into one. He squeezes my ass as I clench around him. His cock barely fits, and yet, I want to swallow him inside me and keep him there forever.

"Teach me how to fly, Professor. Teach me everything you know…" I am falling fast and hard, drowning in the perfumed abyss of this man's poetry and passion.

He thrusts in and out, each time driving me harder into the stone wall at my back. "Ooh, Miss Blackwell, I think I like you calling me Professor when my cock is inside you."

The way he fucks me is biblical. Holy hell. "I'll call you whatever you want as long as you don't stop."

He pulls my ass cheeks apart as he grinds my pussy. The sides of his cock pulse against my walls. "Oh, shit. I'm fucking coming."

I whine and moan as his cum floods me. It feels like a baptism, triggering my release. I roll my hips, rubbing my clit against the base of him as he grinds his cock in quick circular bursts.

"Felix!" A singular spasm multiplies within seconds as the tingling in my core heightens and spreads throughout my entire body. I soak his cock with my juices as I buck and writhe between him and the cold church wall. "Fuck… Felix ," I cry.

He kisses my cheeks, then my forehead, and my lips. "You're the only temple I want to worship in," he whispers in my ear as he leaves another trail of kisses up my neck and jaw.

I could happily die right now.

He sets me back down on the floor but keeps an arm around my waist to steady me. I take deep breaths as I try to regain control over my pulse.

"My sigils didn't flare up this time…" They didn't burn or pulse like they normally do when I'm aroused.

Felix gently rests his hand at the base of my throat, protectively holding it there. "Because this wasn't about power or ravens or even Nocturnus… this was just for us, Maur."

I kiss each of his hands. " In the hysteria of everything, I belong to you ."

His eyes light up. "That's right, Little Raven. Now, let's get you home. We have a spring equinox to plan and a whole lot of avenging to do."