Chapter Twenty-One

Maureen

T here's an unkindness of ravens trailing me as I skirt across the grounds toward the black church with its iron spires. I'm accustomed to them now. It would be weird if they weren't following me. A calm falls over me now when they're near.

But it doesn't quell the nerves in my stomach today. Not when I know I have to walk into Felix Crane's class wearing no panties and cum still stuck to my thighs. Especially now that Riot has invited him into our coven.

I open the door gently today, careful not to repeat my grand entrance from last week. I'm relieved to find students already in their seats and thankful I'm not late again. There's already so much attention focused on me.

Felix Crane pores over a stack of papers at the head of the church. The flickering torchlight hitting the stained glass windows, casts a purple glow over his face, highlighting his dark features. He hasn't noticed me yet, so I continue to gaze. To really look at him.

He's tall and slender, but his shoulders are broad, his jaw strong. As he reaches across his desk, his sleeve pulls back, revealing a swirl of black ink. I can't make out the design from this distance, but I am curious to know what this man has tattooed on his body.

I imagine him having lines of poetry down his muscular back. My cheeks flush when he looks up and catches me gawking. He stares knowingly into my eyes. But there's no trace of his usual mischief or deviancy. I can't figure him out—and it annoys me.

After I sit down in one of the pews, I realize I left my book bag in the library. Fuck. I'm sure he'll love calling me out in front of everyone.

The bell tolls as the last of the students shuffle in. But Felix doesn't address us right away. He stares into nothingness, quiet and pensive. The tension builds as we wait for him to speak. For him to break the stillness. Waiting for him to unleash his poetic violence into the room. To fill our ears and mouths with the need for more.

The silence is unnerving.

I keep my legs crossed, afraid that when I do finally hear his voice, my body will betray me. Please, fuck, don't let me drip all over this pew.

I sneak another glance at him as he ambles down the center aisle, disheveled and unkempt. His necktie is missing, and the first two buttons of his shirt are undone. Usually, his black hair is slicked back in thick waves, but as he moves closer, I can see his strands starting to curl and go in different directions.

"I spent my morning in the graveyard," he calls out, his voice bouncing off the church walls.

So Riot brought him there too. How fucking poetic.

Some giggles mixed with gasps break out amongst the class.

Felix flashes a grin. "I was offered immortality. Well, something like it, I should say."

My heart beats fast as he slowly makes his way closer to my pew.

"I was given a choice between watching devils from afar or," he raises his finger in the air, "trading in my soul for horns."

A few more students laugh out loud.

My skin heats. So this is how he wants to go about it? A full-on spectacle. As the rage in my chest builds, my sigils flare. Especially the one on the back of my neck. Erebus.

"You know what I love about graveyards? They have no need for the living. None whatsoever." The smirk on his face is smug, cocky, as he keeps coming down the aisle. "Open up your books to page forty-seven. There you will find Edgar Allan Poe's Spirit of the Dead ."

I sit with my hands crossed in my lap, my cheeks red, amidst the ruffling of pages.

"Miss Blackwell." He gazes down at me in amusement, well aware that I have no bag and, therefore, no book. "I'd like you to read the first four lines of the poem."

My pulse ticks. The guy next to me snickers. The redhead glares at me. Fuck. I'm tempted to get up and run. "I-I don't have my book. Sorry."

Felix nods. "Last week, you were late, but at least you were prepared. Maybe I should allow you to be tardy from now on."

The class bursts out laughing, and I want to crawl under the pew and die. I also want to slap him for being such a dick. "It won't happen again," I manage to squeak out.

He leans over and places his copy in my lap. "Read from mine."

I nod and swallow down the lump in my throat. Sweat beads on the back of my neck as he lurks over my shoulder.

He smells like vetiver—earthy and smoky. It's intoxicating as fuck.

I clear my throat before reciting the poem.

Thy soul shall find itself alone,

‘Mid dark thoughts of the gray tombstone—

Not one, of all the crowd, to pry.

Into thine hour of secrecy ."

He stands upright but doesn't budge from the back of my pew. "What do you think Poe means by hour of secrecy ?"

The white-haired boy I sat next to last week reluctantly raises his hand. "The dead can't tell secrets."

Felix air high-fives him. "That's right. The dead can't speak our secrets."

I can't help but snicker.

"Did you have something to add, Miss Blackwell?" He leans back over me.

I have to turn to the side to look him in the eyes, our faces almost touching. "In my experience, I find that the dead don't shut up."

Felix smirks and snatches the book off my lap. He holds it up, using one of his fingers to bookmark the page. "Aha, yes. That brings us to the next stanza. Read it to yourselves."

I roll my eyes. He's so fucking dramatic. This man is literally driving me insane. He makes me want to have a cocktail at eight in the morning.

Felix and I lock eyes over everyone's bowed heads. He stalks back over and shoves his book in my face again. " Be still ," he rasps.

The tension between us is excruciating, but I tear my eyes away from him and look down to read the second part.

Be silent in that solitude,

Which is not loneliness—for then

The spirits of the dead who stood

In life before thee are again

In death around thee—and their will

Shall overshadow thee: be still.

Does this man only speak through poetry? For fuck's sake. I glare up at him and shove the book against his chest. "Clever," I whisper.

He winks before stalking back up the aisle. "The dead can't tell secrets unless the dead rise again. But then they are undead , are they not? This brings us back to the original assessment of… all together now."

The class collectively shouts as he lifts his hands up, " The dead can't tell secrets ."

You know who else can't talk, asshole? Cocky professors with their tongues cut out.

My Erebus sigil stings. I rub my neck and try not to freak out that it's ice cold to the touch.

Felix's lips are moving, but I can't hear what he says. My ears are ringing. Swelling. As a sharp pain shoots up my spine, I grab the pew in front of me. Fuck . My head feels like it's going to explode.

I don't know how long I've been like this, but it feels eternal. Endless. The other students are too focused on how hot he is to notice me having a meltdown. My limbs feel heavy. Weak. I suck in a deep breath and try to will my other sigils awake.

Something's happening.

The students look toward the door.

I can't breathe.

Fuck.

Felix's eyes widen when they land on me.

The ringing gets louder. Fuck, are my ears bleeding?

He smiles and looks at his watch. I wish I could hear what he's saying.

I see everyone getting up and putting their books away. Are they leaving? There's no way we've been in class an hour already. I try to move, but I can't.

Felix rushes toward me and places his hand on my shoulder. My ears pop just in time to hear the room descend into chaos.

A cold draft hits my back as the church doors fly open. The silence gets sucked out like a vacuum as their shrieks fill the room. I spin around to see at least twenty ravens dive inside the church. They peck and squawk at my classmates, sending them running down the steps.

What in the actual fuck?

Felix traces his finger over the back of the pew, the one I'm holding onto for dear life. Panic washes over me. The wood is… cracked.

"Wh-what the fuck did I just do?" I stammer.

He looks back and forth between me and the church doors, shaking his head. He's going to leave. He's a fucking coward. My knees tremble as I struggle to stand, my adrenaline still racing through my veins.

But when he gets to the doors, he closes them, and turns back around to face me. So he's not a coward . I'm just a judgy bitch who jumps to assumptions.

"You're staying?" I hold onto the back of the pew to steady myself.

He moves like a predator, slow and calculated, inching toward me like I'm a timid deer who's about to run off. "Do you want me… in your coven?"

A tingling sensation swells in my belly. I don't know if it's from whatever the fuck just happened or from the way he's looking at me right now—like I'm some fragile flower that needs to be sheltered from the storm.

"He was right about your eyes… They glow. Riot says we'll be stronger if you join us—because you're a Crane."

Felix closes the gap between us and towers over me. "That's not what I asked, Little Raven. What do you want?"

I want this heat between us to either set me on fire or fizzle the fuck out. I can't breathe with him this close. "I'm losing control, and it scares me," I whisper.

His chest heaves with the same need. "What triggered you? Was it the poem?"

I shake my head and collapse back into my seat. "No. I think it was you. You said something that made me angry. But I'm really just angry with myself. I keep stifling what I feel… what I want."

Felix sits down next to me, our legs touching. "You haunt me. Just like Annabel Lee haunts Poe."

I take a deep breath and surrender to the power of his scent. That earthy musky fragrance that reminds me of a rainstorm. "It's about so much more than wanting you, Felix. I need you… It was you who pulled me out of that tailspin I was just in. It was your light."

He unbuttons his shirt and strips it off, revealing his white ribbed tank top underneath. I try not to gawk at his corded muscles. Try not to salivate over the tattoos covering every inch of his arms.

He leans back against the pew. "Can I hold your hand?"

I slip my sweaty palm into his. As our fingers lace, a flutter of nerves churns in my belly. "Do you want to be with us, Felix? I need your answer."

He turns to look at me, and I almost cry. There is peace in his brown eyes. "Yes, Maur. My answer has always been yes."

I let out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, the thought of not having him be a part of this feels like spiritual suicide.

There's only one thing that could ruin it all. Villette.

She hates Nocturnus. And after she finds out about all of this… she's going to hate me.

How the fuck am I going to manage this one?

Footsteps echo behind us.

"You two all right?"

I let go of Felix's hand and leap from the pew. I rush toward Val and fall into his arms. He rubs my back. "It's okay, love. Tell me what happened."

Felix stands to face us. "She lost control, and the ravens attacked my students."

Val sighs. "So, you in or out then?"

I gaze up at Val. "He said yes to my crazy."

Felix rests his hand on my shoulder. The same way he did to break me out of my trance. " In absentia lucis, tenebrae vincunt . You're not crazy, Little Raven. You've just been swallowed up by too much darkness."

Val side-eyes him. "That's what Nocturnus is."

Felix shakes his head. "No. It's what you do. But dark cannot exist without light. Even Edgar Allan Poe knew that when he lost his Annabel Lee."

I walk between them as we make our way back to Nocturnus House. As we pass the Nest, I stop and look up at the ominous building.

"I need to talk to your sister first. She's been nothing but kind to me, and I refuse to keep this from her." My heart literally hurts at the thought of what she's going to think of me. How she's going to feel when she learns her big brother is becoming everything she stands against.

Felix grabs my hand. "We'll tell her together."

Val glares down at our clasped hands. "I'll wait in the car. I left it in the lot this morning. Don't take too long. Riot and Atlas are waiting."

We take the elevator up to Villette's floor, our nerves wrecked. When she opens the door, her gaze falls to our clasped hands, her smile fading instantly. Confusion turns to fear and then to anger. " No ," she pleads.

"Villette, let me explain," I beg.

She shakes her head and backs away from us. "Felix, no. Not you too. Papa will not allow it."

Felix gently grabs her shoulders. "I'm a grown man, Lettie. I don't need our father's permission. This is what I want."

"And you ." She charges toward me. "You're supposed to be my friend. Ever since you got here, people have turned up either dead or missing. But I stuck by you. And this is how you repay me? By going after my brother? Isn't three guys enough for you?"

Fuck. It's worse than I thought. So much worse. "Villette, please. I didn't mean to hurt you. We're drawn to each other. Felix, and me…We're connected."

"She's why I came here, Lettie. I've been haunted by her ever since you sent me that picture of the two of you at the ball. When I learned who she was, who Nocturnus was, I couldn't stay away any longer. Papa pulled some strings to get me a position here at Tenebrose."

"But you lied to him about it," she yells. "You took advantage of him so you could drink poison and stab people and fuck my best friend." She chokes back a sob.

Tears stream down my cheeks. I'm breaking her heart. I'm ruining everything. Fuck.

Felix cups her face. "You know how I've struggled," he admits. "I've been in a dark place for a long time. Something evil had a hold on me. That's gone now. Every second I spend here… with her… I feel freer."

She looks down at the floor. "I thought you came here to be closer to me. I was so happy to have my brother back. But now… they're going to take you away. You'll always choose them first."

"NO," I shout. I shake my head. "I won't let that happen. You're his sister. I won't let him choose us over you. I promise."

There aren't many things I have control over right now. But I'll be damned if I let anyone else break her spirit. She's a good person. The best person I know. The guys will not fight me on this. There are some things that are too sacred to break.

"Mirame, Lettie. Look at me . I will always protect you. I love you more than anything. Please give me your blessing." Within moments, he goes from looking like a cocky professor to a scared schoolboy. His vulnerability is his strength. There are so many layers to this man that I've only barely scratched the surface on.

She wipes her eyes on his shirt. "Because I love you, I will try… But you ," she glares daggers at me. "You're canceled. I don't want to be your friend anymore."

I bite my lip to stifle the sob that's been building in my chest. Damn .

"Lettie," Felix pleads.

"No, it's okay. She has every right to hate me. I'm gonna go wait in the car with Val. You two take your time." I force a smile and walk out the door.

I walk as fast as I can toward the car. The ravens cry with me as the tears stream down my face. Are we doing the right thing? Villette is right. Everything we touch turns to shit. Riot, Atlas, and Valentin ruined me. I ruined them. And now we are going to ruin her brother.

I get in the car and slam the door.

Val arches an eyebrow. "I'm guessing that didn't go well."

I glare at him. "I don't want to talk about it."

He rests his hand on my knee. "I'm sorry you lost your friend. But I don't care who we have to hurt if it keeps you safe and all of us together."

I cross my arms and gaze out the window. "But at what cost, Val? Maybe it's too high a price to pay."

"We're all making sacrifices, Maur. Seeing you hold his hand…" Val looks down at his lap.

I choke back another sob. "Then let's figure out another way."

He holds my hand to his cheek. "No. We need him. I'm just being a selfish prick because I secretly want you all to myself. Even from Riot and Atlas."

Our greed for each other knows no bounds it seems.

My heart breaks all over again when I see Felix skulking toward the car. "People really think we are the devils of Raven's Gate, don't they?"

Val snickers. "Yeah, and we'll see all of them in hell."

Felix slides into the back seat, and it's all I can do not to tell him I changed my mind. That I made a mistake, and he should stay away from me. From all of us.

But I don't.

Because I'm a selfish prick too.