Chapter Twenty

Maureen

"W e're worried about you," Villette says after taking a long sip of her peppermint mocha. Libra scrunches her nose over an egg nog latte and scoffs. I almost laugh because I know that showing concern for others is not one of her strengths.

I gaze out the window of the coffee shop and get lost for a moment in the view. The brown and gold autumn leaves are almost gone as winter slowly approaches. It makes the trees look naked and lonely. It invokes old memories. Good memories of Bailey and I getting ready for the holidays in Wickford Hollow. We'd go gift shopping together and then spike our coffee with rum for the walk home. Those days are gone now, and I can't ever get them back. We grew up too fast. Lived too hard .

I hover my nose over the steaming cup of pumpkin spice coffee, probably my last one for the season, and breathe in those nostalgic scents of cinnamon and nutmeg. And I think it's nice that two girls I barely know care enough to worry about me. "Thank you," I murmur.

Libra rolls her eyes. "Um, you're welcome? What the fuck, Blackwell? That shit in the dressing room last week was crazy. I know how they can get, but they are obsessed with you with a capital O."

Villette throws her a warning look. "What she means is, are you okay? Is this whole thing with them… consensual?"

How do I even answer that? "It's complicated…"

"So, that's a no then. Have they brainwashed you?" Libra snorts.

Villette shakes her head in protest. "Lib, we talked about you not blurting out every thought that enters your head, remember?"

"It's fine," I concede, but my shame threatens to drown me. I can't admit my darker tendencies to these girls. I'm still dealing with the guilt from what I did last Halloween. I don't know how to explain to them that Riot, Atlas, and Valentin's brutality brings me to life. I crave it so much that it makes me question my own sanity.

"I feel safe with them. I know that must sound strange, but there's a connection between us that grows every time we're together… I don't know why." I feel my hands start to shake around the cup as I try to explain our twisted relationship.

"They're dangerous," Libra says.

I nod. "So am I."

"They'll just keep hurting you," Villette groans.

"Then I'll hurt them back," I reply.

Libra chuckles into her drink. "You're just as psycho as they are."

"Lib!" Villette hisses.

"It's okay," I chime in. "I've done some really fucked up things in my life. It's not the first time someone has called me psycho. I'm not offended. I probably deserve that."

Libra sighs. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that… Are you going to the Solstice with them?"

As much as she annoyed me at first, Libra is growing on me. She's unapologetically herself—bitchy and bat-shit but she owns it.

"Yeah, they didn't give me a choice." There are things I can't tell them that happened that night after we went dress shopping. Things that neither of them would understand. Libra might, but she'd still scoff at it. That night in the altar room was terrifying and hot as fuck. Maybe that was my sexual trigger. I need to be scared out of my fucking mind to cum hard.

Villette leans back and crosses her arms. "Yeah, I don't get it. How can you be so calm about being forced to go to the ball with them? I didn't take you for a pushover, Maur."

"I'm not. It's just a game we play. I act like I don't want them, and they chase me down and… make me do things. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. The more I hate them, the more I want them. I've wanted them since the moment we met."

"I take back my apology. You are a fucking psycho," Libra quips.

Villette bites her lip. "Um, yeah you kind of are, Maur."

I feign a gasp and then burst out laughing. Within seconds, they both join in, and we are giggling like a bunch of teenagers. It's been so long since I had girlfriends, it reminds me of how much I miss it. We spend the rest of the afternoon chatting about the other boys at Tenebrose, mostly whom Libra is planning on seducing, and making plans for a girls' night before everyone goes home for the holiday break.

I agree to catch up with them later and head across campus for my Gothic Literature class. My good mood is instantly ruined when I walk in. Professor Erebus is huddled at his desk with none other than my freaking mother .

Fuck me.

My stomach knots and my palms dampen. What the fuck is she doing here?

Their conversation looks light and playful until she spots me. And that familiar look of disappointment washes over her face. She sticks a pointy pink nail out and curls it back, beckoning for me to come over.

Now would be a really good time for the guys to pull one of their let's kidnap Maureen games.

I groan as I shuffle over. "Why are you here?" I snap.

She purses her lips. "That's a very rude way to greet your mother, Maureen. Aren't you happy to see me?"

Professor Erebus snickers, clearly enjoying my discomfort. "I'm sure she's just tired from all her extra-curricular activities."

Oh my god. I want to scream. My cheeks burn so hot, I might pass out.

My mother arches her eyebrow. "Oh? Back home all she did was hang out with that Bishop girl in her weird mansion. I'm glad to hear she's being more active."

"That she is indeed," he drawls.

Fuck my life. This is the most awkward conversation I've ever had. I make a mental note to strangle Valentin later for talking about me with his dirty uncle.

I force a smile. "Well, I learned from the best." I motion to my mother. "How do you two know each other?"

The amusement fades from both their faces as they get a taste of their own medicine. Yeah, I can play this game too, asshole.

My mother averts her eyes the way she does when she's trying to look bored. "We both grew up in Ever Graves. But we didn't really know each other that well, did we Julian?"

Right. Keep telling yourself that, liar.

He clenches his jaw through a fake smile. "Well enough… anyhow, I must get class started. Lovely to see you as always, Shana."

I wait for him to walk over to a bunch of students before I turn on her. "What in the actual fuck are you doing here? Haven't you embarrassed me enough in my life?"

She grabs my wrist hard. "Watch your tone, young lady. I'm still your mother. I could ask you the same question. Why did I get a call from my mother, asking me why you're using the Blackwell name? I haven't spoken to that bitch in twenty years."

Wow. She never ceases to amaze me. "Well, seems like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

Her eyes narrow, and she lowers her voice. "Come with me right now." She gives Professor Erebus a look and as soon as he nods back, I'm being dragged out of the class and into the empty hallway.

I yank my wrist away and step back. "What is wrong with you? I'm about to start class. You can't just come in here and fuck everything up like you always do."

The fury in her eyes is unmatched. Without my father here to act as a buffer, I get the full psycho Shana Gray in all her devious glory. She backs me up against the lockers. "Listen, you little brat, you had no right to use my family name. Those people didn't want us. I left Ever Graves and never looked back. But now you're stirring something up that will only bring us all trouble."

She really has managed to hit a new low. "Sounds like they didn't want you after you cheated on your fiancé, Julian Erebus . Maybe if you weren't such a whore—"

Her hand hits my face before I can get the rest out. I hold my head as the sting of it makes my ears ring.

"You ungrateful little bitch. I gave up everything for you. My life, my friends, my money . And I regret it every day. I never should've had you." Her eyes are wild, crazed.

I want to cry, but I won't let her see my tears, so I swallow them down. And in this moment a part of me does wish I'd never been born. "Well, I'm never going back to Wickford Hollow, so you get what you've always wanted."

She lunges for me again but stops as Valentin walks over. "Hit her again, and I'll break your fucking hand."

Where the fuck did he come from?

My mother lifts her chin to look up at him. "How dare you threaten me? Do you know who I am? I'm a Blackwell."

Valentin's eyes darken as he takes a calculated step toward her. His shoulders tense. "No. You're the cheating wife of an alcoholic who has nothing better to do than take out her sad pathetic life choices on her own daughter. She's a Blackwell, not you."

She looks like she's going to burst a blood vessel in her neck. "You're not going to tell me how to discipline my own daughter, young man. Now step aside before I call Professor Erebus out here to make you."

Oh, fuck here we go.

Valentin snickers. "My uncle has far better things to do than involve himself in a matter that is clearly over. Maureen is no longer yours. She belongs to Nocturnus now. You're lucky I'm letting you off with a warning."

I'm in shock as I stand behind Val, my cheek still throbbing. "Just go, mother. Go and never come back."

She glares at me. "Nocturnus… you've really done it this time, Maureen. No one can save you now. Enjoy your servitude."

I let out the breath I'd been holding as soon as she spins on her heel and stomps off. I can't help myself from slightly collapsing into Valentin. His body is warm and strong and just acted as a barrier between me and the devil herself.

He gently traces his fingers over my bruised cheek. "Are you all right?"

I nod. "Thanks for that. No one has ever stood up to her for me before."

The look in his eyes is tortured. He squeezes my hand in his. "Come on, let's get out of here."

I look back toward the door. "But what about class?"

"Don't worry about my uncle. I'll make sure you're excused," he quips.

We dash across the campus and hop into his car. I feel wild and free and alive with the windows down and my brown hair blowing all over the place. I stick my hand out to feel the cold wind against my sweaty palm and close my eyes. I can't believe how calm I feel after what just happened.

When I open my eyes, Valentin is staring at me. His face is more relaxed than I've ever seen. He smiles at me. Holy fuck. A real genuine smile that makes him look more boyish. "What are you looking at?" I ask playfully as I grin back.

He runs a hand through his black hair and his throat bobs. "You're fucking beautiful."

A flurry of nerves tingles my belly. His brown eyes are framed by long black lashes that almost touch his cheeks. I hadn't ever noticed because he's always so angry. I was afraid before to look too deep into them but now I want to fall into their abyss. "So are you," I murmur back.

The road we're on twists and turns up and away from town. The sky gets darker as mountains surround us the higher we climb. "Where are you taking me?" I ask.

The muscles in his arm flex as he shifts gears. I'm seeing his body with fresh eyes. The perfection of it takes my breath away.

"To my family's cabin," he replies. "No one uses it anymore. I come up here when I want to get away from everything."

My jaw nearly drops. Now he's taking me to his special place? This is a whole side of Valentin I didn't even realize I'd been longing for. "It sounds perfect."

I watch him drive, unafraid. I like looking at him so much I never want to stop. He glances back and forth between me and the road every few minutes. We are silent for the rest of the trip. No music, no talking, just the sound of the engine and the wind.

It fills the ache in my chest, soothing my untethered emotions and grounding me in ways I've never felt. My mother was the storm that tried to drown me today, but Valentin was the anchor that kept me afloat. I chuckle as I think of the absurdity of it. This man hates me the most out of all three of them. But today he saved me.

He chuckles back as if he can read my thoughts. As if he knows that he and I are the most unlikely pair. And yet I feel in my soul that we are more alike than we realize.

As we reach the highest peak of the mountain, the trees narrow and create a path for us to drive through. The house at the end of the road is a French chateau with brown shutters, bougainvillea-draped arches and a stone walkway leading up to a beautiful oak door. We park in front, and I am awestruck. "Holy fuck, Val. This is massive. I think my idea of a cabin and yours is very different."

He shrugs. "That's just what we've always called it."

I nod and follow him inside. The house is bright and airy and looks nothing like what I pictured. Valentin is a gloomy guy. He's practically the poster child for dark and Gothic. But this place is pretty in a way that fancy delicate things are.

We enter the spacious kitchen, and he motions for me to sit at the table by an open window that overlooks the garden. I take a deep breath and inhale the scent of roses, jasmine, and honeysuckle. "No poison," I murmur.

"No, not out there. There is a small patch of hemlock on the other side of the house." He hands me a glass of white wine.

I arch an eyebrow as I gladly take it from him. "Day drinking, are we?"

"Well, you did just get smacked in the face. I think it calls for it, don't you?" he teases.

I snort mid-sip and a little spurt of wine comes out my nose. "And you're a comedian too. What other secrets are you hiding?"

He smiles but some of that pain starts to creep back into his eyes. He pours himself a glass of the tart white wine and sits across from me. "My father used to hit me too," he says softly.

My heart sinks. I reach across the table and squeeze his hand. "Fuck… I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault." He flashes me another grin. "It's an Erebus family tradition. My uncle Julian tried his best to shield me but even he was terrified of my father. So when he stopped spending the summers here, Atlas came instead."

I swallow a big gulp of wine down. "He wouldn't hit you in front of outsiders…"

Valentin rubs his jaw. "He was less violent in front of my friends, yeah. Atlas had his own family shit to deal with, so he couldn't wait to spend his summers here. But the abuse wasn't just physical. He said we couldn't trust women. That the only thing they were good for was fucking and servitude to us. That if you don't control them, they'll leave like my mother did. But I always knew why she left. He beat the shit out of her too. I just wish she would have taken me with her…"

This is why he's the way he is. I want to wrap my arms around him and hold him forever. He looks so broken, so fragile right now. "Maybe she didn't have a choice," I murmur.

He snickers and shoots back the rest of his wine. "There's always a choice, Maureen."

I nod, my heart breaking for him. "You're not your father, Val."

He lets out a deep sigh. "Aren't I? I don't know. Sometimes I think violence is ingrained in my blood. But I try not to be. I'm just so fucking angry all the time."

I grab his other hand from across the table. "Ditto. I stifle it and push it down so deep until I snap. Then I do some crazy shit I can't take back so that everyone will hate me. My mother blames me for her shitty life. She was engaged to your uncle, and she left him for my father. The Blackwells cut us off and banished us to Wickford Hollow. Now my grandmother is probably pissed that I'm here, using their name, and… well… hanging out with her sworn enemy."

Valentin pours us more wine and holds up his glass to toast. "Cheers to your mother not marrying my uncle because then we'd be cousins, and I'm really not into that sort of thing."

I burst out laughing as I clank my glass to his. "Same. I'm not really into kissing cousins either."

"Do you want to stay the night here with me?" he asks, his voice hoarse.

A shiver races up my spine. In the midst of all this new bonding and playful banter, I almost forget about the night we fucked each other like crazed animals. My cheeks flush as I think about the way he bent me over his bed and defiled me while I was on my period. The way he made me choke on his cock in the car…

Something in my eyes must have changed because his gaze darkens and that carnal hunger returns.

"You don't have to drink, or fuck me, or even stay… if you don't want to," he adds nervously.

I've never seen him look so shy before. So gentle. It's everything . "What if I want to? What would we do?"

A flicker of light swirls around his pupils. "We can drink, fuck, read poetry under the stars, fall in love… whatever you want, Firecracker. I'll give you anything you want."

I lick my lips and swallow hard. My heart races under his seductive gaze. "Yeah, I want to stay."

He smirks and leans back in his chair. "Good. Let's finish this wine, so we can open another bottle."